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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29358348">Too Good To Be True</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/cupoftae18/pseuds/cupoftae18'>cupoftae18</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adorable Kim Taehyung | V, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Big Hit Entertainment, Depression, Dom Kim Taehyung | V, Eventual Smut, F/M, Flirting, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Kim Taehyung | V is Bad at Feelings, Kim Taehyung | V is a Tease, Kim Taehyung | V-centric, Kissing, Mutual Pining, Romance, Sex, Slow Burn, Smut, Sweet Kim Taehyung | V</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 04:01:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>100,133</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29358348</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/cupoftae18/pseuds/cupoftae18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kim Taehyung is a world famous idol in the hit K-pop group, BTS, and you are his personal stylist. Per your contract with Big Hit, he is absolutely, 100% off-limits, and yet, you are completely and hopelessly in love with him. You’ve spent years trying to shove your feelings down, but it’s getting harder and harder to ignore and hide them, especially considering the way Tae always treats you. He’s affectionate and protective and sometimes outright flirtatious, but that’s how he is with everyone, right? Confused, frustrated, and lovesick, you find yourself wondering if it might finally be worth risking your career and your heart to find out.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kim Taehyung | V/Reader, Kim Taehyung | V/You</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>577</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>482</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Intro</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Most of this takes place in a 2020 alternate universe with the biggest change being I nixed COVID...because fuck COVID.</p><p>The majority of this will be from Y/N's perspective, however, towards the end it will become a mixture of Y/N and Tae's perspectives. There will also eventually be bonus chapters giving Tae's perspective during events from earlier in the story.</p><p>It's a slow burn, so bear with me. The early chapters are very plot/fluff-heavy, but I thought it was important to fully characterize the nature of their relationship. I promise you, though, things WILL get angsty and smutty :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The rumors that you had to be married to work at Big Hit were just that, rumors. However, rules banning workplace relationships were very real and very strict. Under absolutely no circumstances was a member of the staff to engage in any romantic or sexual activities with an idol or trainee. Failure to abide by this rule would result in immediate termination of employment.</p><p>You knew of this rule when you took the job three years ago as a single, 23 year old woman and were not the least bit concerned about potentially violating it. Having worked in fashion and modeling for several years, you were used to being around physically attractive, tempting people. People with beautiful smiles, beautiful eyes, beautiful skin, beautiful hair, beautiful bodies.</p><p>As a BTS stylist, you were fully prepared to spend your days in the company of some of the world's most beautiful, desirable men. </p><p>What you hadn’t been even the slightest bit prepared for, however, was a certain member’s stunningly beautiful soul.</p><p>Kim Taehyung was like the sun. He radiated energy and warmth and simply being in his presence made you feel brighter and more alive. His smile was infectious, as was his laugh, and he offered both of them freely to anyone and everyone he met. He felt deeply and wore his heart on his sleeve; he was unashamedly honest and unapologetically himself. He was kind and thoughtful and loyal, creative and hardworking and passionate. He was, quite frankly, the most wonderful human being you’d ever met.</p><p>He was a world famous idol and you were his stylist. </p><p>He was absolutely, 100% off-limits.</p><p>And you were completely and hopelessly in love with him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Special Lady Friend</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was the night of the Mnet Asian Music Awards and you were running late. You shoved opened the door to the dressing room and strode over to your station to find Tae already seated, casually scrolling on his phone. He looked up when you set your bag down and flashed you his famous, boxy smile.</p><p>“Thank goodness you’re here, Noona,” he said exaggeratedly. “I need you to make me beautiful for the show tonight!”</p><p>You couldn’t help but laugh as you looked over the man in front of you. He was, without a doubt, the most naturally beautiful person you had ever seen. “Tae. You and I both know that isn’t true. You roll out of bed every day looking perfect. I actually don’t even know why I have a job, come to think of it.”</p><p>He blushed slightly and his smile turned shy.</p><p>“I, on the other hand, need copious amounts of makeup to look even remotely presentable,” you said with another laugh as you started unpacking your bag.</p><p>A small frown quickly spread across his face. “That’s not true, Noona. You’re not wearing makeup now and you look fine,” he said matter-of-factly.</p><p>“Fine,” you repeated, giving him a playful smile. “Geez, Tae. You really know how to flatter a girl.”</p><p>He opened his mouth to respond, but was suddenly cut off by the voice of Namjoon who was sitting in the adjacent chair.</p><p>“Please forgive my dongsaeng, Noona. He’s clearly a little confused. I believe what he meant to say is that you look very pretty today,” the older man said warmly.</p><p>“You are too kind, Oppa,” you said with a small smile, hoping you weren’t blushing too much. Namjoon may not have been the one you were madly in love with, but he was still an incredibly attractive man whose compliments flustered you. </p><p>He was also, however, a married man.</p><p>Having finished with his hair and makeup, Namjoon was about to get up from his chair when you suddenly reached out and lightly grabbed his arm. “Ring,” was all you said as you nodded your head towards his left hand. </p><p>“Oh right,” he said following your gaze. “Thanks for the reminder.” He then slipped the slim, silver band from his left ring finger and placed it in his breast pocket.</p><p>“Anytime,” you said with an easy smile. “Mrs. Choi has put us all on ‘ring patrol’.”</p><p>He laughed at that, saying he and his wife, Aera, appreciated your vigilance, before excusing himself and heading out of the room. Once he was gone, you turned back to Tae and got started on his makeup . </p><p>“He’s going to get caught one of these days,” you mused. “Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s adorable that he tries to wear it as often as he can, but one slip up and the secret is out. ARMY sees everything.”</p><p>“They do,” Tae agreed thoughtfully. He was quiet for a couple moments before adding. “But, would it really be such a bad thing if ARMY found out? They are going to find out eventually. Why not just announce it now and get it over with?”</p><p>“I guess not”, you replied. “At least then they could stop with all the secrecy and hiding and just be together.” </p><p>“Exactly,” Tae said pointedly.</p><p>“But,” you said after a few moments of thought, “it wouldn’t be easy. A lot of people would be really upset. Angry even, as crazy as that sounds. And it could be dangerous, especially for Aera.”</p><p>He let out a long sigh and was quiet for a minute. “It would be tough. I know some ARMY would be really sad at first,” he said solemnly before adding more hopefully. “But, eventually they would be happy for us, right?”</p><p>“I hope so,” you offered with a small smile.</p><p>“Me too,” he said wistfully.</p><p>He was quiet again after that, no doubt pondering the complicated situation he and the rest of the band currently found themselves in. They were loved fiercely by their fans, truly cherished and adored, but it came with a price. The guys did so much for ARMY, gave so much of themselves to ARMY, that many fans grew strangely and unfairly possessive. Suddenly there was this expectation, this desire that everything they do, every romantic lyric, every sweet gesture be for them and only them. The guys being in open, committed relationships would shatter that fantasy and could threaten the powerful bond they’d long had with their fandom.</p><p>On top of that was the far more serious issue of their significant others being in legitimate danger. It was bad enough that the guys and their families were constantly being followed and threatened, but things would get exponentially worse with a significant other in the picture. Media outlets and crazed sasaeng fans would undoubtedly stalk, harass, and possibly even physically harm them to gain information about the guys and the relationship. </p><p>Sadly, you’d already seen it happen firsthand. Namjoon and Aera’s relationship, engagement, and eventually marriage had yet to become public knowledge, but there still had been several incidents over the years. She had been followed numerous times, her apartment had been broken into, and her photo had even briefly circulated on some sketchy websites. Namjoon and Big Hit had stepped in and taken care of things before they escalated, but everyone, including the other guys, had been extremely unsettled by it nonetheless.</p><p>It was an incredibly unfortunate, but seemingly unavoidable reality for all of them which honestly just broke your heart. Though you were <em>in</em> <em>love with </em>Tae, you loved all the other members like family. They deserved to be happy and to openly and safely share their lives with loving partners, but sometimes it just didn’t seem like that would ever be possible.</p><p>~~~</p><p>As you were doing his hair a bit later, Tae began absentmindedly playing with the ring that was hanging from a chain around his neck. It was a beautiful piece featuring a large, purple diamond surrounded by smaller white ones. He wore it almost constantly, often switching it to a longer chain so it would stay hidden beneath the neckline of a more open shirt. In the few instances where he wasn’t able to wear it as a necklace, he would put it in his pocket for safekeeping. Though it was a ring, you’d never once seen him wear it on his finger.</p><p>Although you were his stylist, and therefore the one who created and approved all of his outfits, including his jewelry, you never said anything about the ring. You knew it was a nonnegotiable. He always kept it out of sight anyway so it didn’t really matter. </p><p>You didn’t know why he wore it, but you knew it was of great personal value to him. That much was clear from how delicately he handled it and the fact that he never let it out of his sight. You sometimes wondered if it was a promise ring, but you were fairly certain he wasn’t dating anyone. At least you hoped he wasn’t.</p><p>You often found yourself mindlessly staring at it, marveling at how beautiful it was and wondering what exactly it meant to him. You must have been doing it again now because suddenly Tae was looking at you through the mirror with a small smirk.</p><p>“All these years and you’ve never asked about it,” he said, clearly referring to the ring.</p><p>Feeling flustered for having been caught staring, you quickly dropped your gaze as you casually replied, “I didn’t think it was my place to ask. It seems very important and very personal to you. I figured if you wanted to talk about it you would.”</p><p>A beat of silence passed.</p><p>“It’s not a promise ring,” he finally said, eyeing you curiously, “in case you were wondering.”</p><p>“Oh, I definitely didn’t think it was that,” you replied quickly as if trying to convince yourself that you hadn’t spent an absurd amount of time worrying about that very possibility.</p><p>“Ouch, Noona,” he said, feigning hurt. “Is it that hard to imagine someone wanting to date me?”</p><p>You laughed at the ridiculousness of his question. <em> Who wouldn’t want to date him? </em> You knew you did.</p><p>“Come on, Tae. I think I’d know if you were seeing someone. You gush about the new friends you make at the dog park. You would never be able to keep quiet about a <em> special lady friend </em>,” you said teasingly.</p><p>“Ok, I can not believe you just called my non-existent girlfriend a ‘special lady friend’,” he said, looking mortified.</p><p>At that you burst out laughing; the term ‘special lady friend’ sounded so much more ridiculous when he said it. His face was also just priceless.</p><p>He eventually started laughing too, as usual being unable to contain himself after taking one look at you. When you first started your job, the two of you discovered your shared sense of humor almost immediately and it had been an endless string of giggles ever since. Both of you were all but physically incapable of <em> not </em> laughing when the other was laughing. </p><p>This phenomenon only <em> occasionally </em> interfered with your work, Tae having learned the hard way that it was both difficult and dangerous for you to apply his eyeliner while your body was literally racking with laughter. Out of the seven member/stylist pairs, you two had been unanimously dubbed ‘the rowdy ones'. It was a title you two wore proudly, except when the stylists’ manager, Mrs. Choi, was around. </p><p>She was not a fan of <em> your </em> antics, however, like almost everyone else on the planet, she had a soft spot for Tae. You sensed she merely put up with you out of affection for the young man. But, at the end of the day, your continued employment at Big Hit and position as Tae’s stylist wasn’t up to her. It was up to Tae and Bang Si-Hyuk.</p><p>Knowing that made you feel rather secure with your position. You were certain Tae was never going to ask you to be replaced, the terrified look on his face whenever you jokingly threatened to quit serving as proof of that. And, Bang Si-Hyuk had taken a strong liking to you after you saved him from a rather embarrassing wardrobe malfunction at an award show shortly after you started at Big Hit. </p><p>Yes, your job was perfectly safe...as long as no one knew you were in love with Tae.</p><p>~~~</p><p>You were reliving some of your favorite chaotic memories with Tae when his sudden change of tone pulled you back to the present. </p><p>“The ring was my grandmother’s,” he said in a quiet, solemn voice. “It was her wedding ring.”</p><p>Sensing the sadness in his voice, you immediately stopped fussing with his hair and looked up at him through the mirror. He was looking down at the ring in his hand, his expression stoic. </p><p>“She left it to me when she died,” he continued. “She told me to keep it safe until I was ready to give it to the person I wanted to spend my life with.”</p><p>Of all the possibilities you’d considered over the years, this one had never crossed your mind, but it made complete sense once he said it. Growing up, Tae had been incredibly close with his grandparents, his grandmother in particular. He talked about her often, always recounting funny stories and fond memories. She passed before you started working at Big Hit and honestly you were grateful for that. Tae had been absolutely devastated when it happened and you knew it would have crushed you to not only see him like that but to be unable to comfort him the way you truly wanted to.</p><p>“Tae, that’s incredibly sweet,” you said softly. “She’d be proud to know you’ve been taking such good care of it. I mean, I didn’t know what it was, but I could just tell that it meant the world to you.”</p><p>“Thanks, Y/N,” he said, giving you a small, somewhat sad smile. “I really appreciate you saying that.”</p><p>“But anyway,” he continued, brightening up as he spoke, “now you know.”</p><p>“Now I know,” you repeated slowly.</p><p>“Are you surprised?” he tentatively asked a minute later.</p><p>“Maybe a little,” you admitted.</p><p>His face fell a bit when you said that, and it suddenly struck you that he might be self-conscious of why he wore it, so you quickly clarified.</p><p>“It's just, I didn't realize you were such a romantic,” you said with a laugh.</p><p>“A hopeless romantic,” he responded dryly. </p><p>“Aww, don’t say that,” you said, giving him a serious look.</p><p>“You’ll find someone special...who is a lady...and also maybe a friend,” you then said as you tried and ultimately failed to keep a straight face. </p><p>“I hate you,” he said with a laugh.</p><p>“I’m sorry, I just couldn’t help myself,” you said, your own laughter spilling out.</p><p>“But, I did mean it,” you continued more seriously. “You’ll find someone to give that ring to.”</p><p>As you said that, you turned around to rummage through your bag for something. The thought of him presenting that beautiful, purple ring to someone else made your heart ache and you knew the anguish you felt would be written all over your face.</p><p>‘’I hope so,” he said wistfully, taking a quick glance at you through the mirror before tucking the ring into his shirt. “It’s too beautiful to stay hidden forever.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Stupid Blue Lipstick</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was a few weeks later and you were at yet another show, this time the Golden Disc Awards. You sat backstage watching the broadcast on the monitors in the dressing room. The performances from the other artists were entertaining enough, but really you were just waiting for the camera to show the guys in the audience. The adorable look on their faces when they realized they were on the big screen just never got old.</p><p>Sure enough, within a few minutes seven familiar, beautiful faces were gracing the screen. However, your stomach lurched when you saw that a certain scantily clad woman had somehow weaseled her way into the chair next to Tae.</p><p>
  <em> Jisoo. </em>
</p><p>You honestly weren’t usually the jealous type. Hell, you shared your love of Tae with literally millions of other people. But you could not deny that you absolutely <em> hated </em> seeing her with him.</p><p>She was another idol who had joined Big Hit a little over a year ago. A solo artist with the requisite narcissistic tendencies and inflated ego, she was best known for her suggestive lyrics, provocative dance moves, and electric blue lipstick. You often wondered how a company as conservative as Big Hit allowed her to get away with half the things she did and said. </p><p>You might have forgiven her for playing the ‘sex sells’ card and doing whatever she could to stay relevant in the ever changing K-pop industry were it not for the fact that she had spent the last year not-so-subtlety lusting after Tae.</p><p>Her advances on him were so blatant it was almost shameful. She was constantly coming around to the studio batting her eyelashes and flipping her hair and she was always touching him somehow when they talked. She also called him TaeTae which absolutely set your teeth on edge. He humored her, he was far too nice a guy to publicly rebuff and embarrass her, but he never seemed to encourage her or initiate interactions which provided you some solace. </p><p>You were pulled from your hate-filled thoughts when the cameraman suddenly panned to a closeup of the two of them.  Jisoo had her phone out in front them, clearly about to take a selfie. They both initially threw up Tae’s signature ‘V over the eye' pose, but at the last second Jisoo dropped her hand, turned her head, and planted a kiss on Tae’s cheek. Bile rose in your throat.</p><p>
  <em> God I hate her. </em>
</p><p>Instinctively, you opened up Twitter, knowing that she purposefully pulled stunts like this because she knew it would get people talking. Sure enough, she had already posted the photo with the caption “Quality time with TaeTae”. Within minutes the photo had gone viral and #TaeSoo was trending. </p><p>You were still scowling down at your phone a while later when the guys came in to get ready for their performance at the end of the show. Tae sat down in front of you and your spirits were momentarily lifted when you looked up and saw his beautiful, boxy smile, but then you saw the blue smudge on his cheek.</p><p>“I see Jisoo is wearing her signature blue lipstick today,” you said trying to sound casual as you started fussing with his hair.</p><p>“What?” he asked, looking genuinely confused for a second before reaching up and touching his cheek. “Oh that? Yea she wanted to take a selfie.”</p><p>“That’s not all she wants,” you muttered under your breath.</p><p>“What was that?” he asked, raising his eyebrow at you curiously. </p><p>“Oh, uhh, I just said I saw the selfie on Twitter,” you quickly replied.</p><p>“It’s gone viral,” you added, “and your ship name is also trending again.”</p><p>You had tried to hide the disdain in your voice, you really did, but you must have done an awful job because when you looked up Tae was looking at you with a knowing smirk. </p><p>“You don’t like her,” he said simply.</p><p>“I never said that,” you replied defensively.</p><p>“You didn’t have to,” he said, his smirk now unbearably smug. </p><p>You glared at him and he glared right back, the two of you locked in an intense staring contest for an absurd amount of time before you eventually blinked.</p><p>“Ok fine,” you finally admitted. “I don’t like her.”</p><p>He let out a huge laugh.</p><p>“I mean, just look, she makes my job so difficult,” you said in mock-exasperation as you pointed to his cheek. “I have to scrub that crap off and redo your foundation.”</p><p>His laughter grew, his eyes growing adorably squinty in the process, as you continued.</p><p>“Also, she doesn’t write her own songs, I’m pretty sure she lip syncs, and,” you said, choosing your next words carefully, “I personally, as a stylist, think she might wear clothes that are just a bit too...scandalous.”</p><p>He was keeled over at this point, rendered momentarily speechless by your hysterical, woefully out of character, but completely adorable tirade.</p><p>“But mostly,” you said, adding a note of finality to your voice, “I don’t like that she uses you for clout.”</p><p>He softened ever so slightly at that, genuinely appreciative that such a thing mattered to you, before laughter overtook him once more. Even after a few minutes he was still laughing and staring at you in disbelief.</p><p>“I know, I know,” you said, feigning remorse. “I’m a terrible person for thinking and saying such things.”</p><p>“But, if it makes you feel any better,” you continued more seriously, “the feeling is definitely mutual.”</p><p>“What?! No way,” Tae said, genuinely surprised. “No one could possibly dislike you.”</p><p>Your heart fluttered a bit at his sweet words. “It’s true. She stares daggers at me every time she sees me at the studio. Also, I’m like 99% sure she reported me to Mrs. Choi for being too loud and ‘unprofessional’ at last year’s Big Hit family photoshoot.”</p><p>“Wait, what? You got in trouble for that?” he asked, his eyes wide in shock.</p><p>“Yes! I absolutely did!” you exclaimed. “Which, by the way, was totally unfair because that was entirely your fault.”</p><p>“Hey, that was an accident. How was I supposed to know that was superglue? It looked like a tube of hair gel!” he all but shouted back.  </p><p>At that, both of you lost it, ironically probably causing yet another scene.</p><p>It was a solid five minutes before either of you had calmed down enough to form coherent sentences. </p><p>“Well, it’s settled then,” Tae finally said, still catching his breath.</p><p>“What’s settled?” you questioned back.</p><p>“If she’s mean to you and makes your job difficult then I don’t like her either,” he stated sincerely.</p><p>Your heart swelled at his simple yet powerful statement of loyalty, only to nearly burst at his next words.</p><p>“Nobody messes with <em> my </em> stylist Noona and gets away with it. If she’s mean to you again, let me know,” he said sounding almost serious.</p><p>“What will you do about it?” you asked, genuinely curious.</p><p>He thought for a few moments before saying with a completely straight face, “I’ll have Tannie attack her.”</p><p>You doubled over again in laughter as you pictured the tiny teacup Pomeranian attempting to maul the grown woman. </p><p>“He may seem sweet, Noona, but he can be vicious when he wants to be. He’s very protective of the people he loves,” Tae said matter-of-factly.</p><p>Your heart fluttered again at the potential insinuation of his words, that Tannie’s love was somehow an extension of Tae’s, but you quickly shoved the thought aside. Of course he didn’t mean it like that. You internally scolded yourself; it did you absolutely no good to entertain such notions.</p><p>“Ok so the next time she gives me a dirty look I’ll call you and you’ll release the furball?” you asked.</p><p>“Absolutely, Noona,” Tae replied, earnestly. “Just say the word and he’ll be there to protect you.”</p><p>Satisfied that you had won this round of the war you were secretly waging against Jisoo, you let yourself relax and enjoy the rest of the evening. Their performance was fantastic, honestly one of the best they’ve ever done. And, by the time they had returned backstage and an adorably disheveled Tae had come bounding up to you, positively beaming as he asked you what you thought of the show, you had entirely forgotten about Jisoo and her stupid blue lipstick.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. In Perfect Harmony</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You woke suddenly to the sound of three gentle knocks on your door. Instinctively you reached for your phone on the nightstand and squinted at the time – 4:05.</p><p>
  <em> FUCK. </em>
</p><p>Of all days, your traitorous subconscious chose today, the day of the ON Kinetic Manifesto MV Shoot, to disregard your alarm. This was not good. MV shoots were always a big deal, but today’s was especially important and stressful for a number of reasons. First, it was taking place in America just outside of Los Angeles. At the start of the year, you and the rest of the BTS team had made your way across the globe to commence a two-month trip that would include a plethora of shoots, performances, and award shows. But secondly, and more importantly, for this shoot you’d be giving Tae temporary tattoos on his neck and chest, tattoos that you were scheduled to begin applying approximately five minutes ago.</p><p>You had planned to get up at 3:30 which would have given you enough time to get rid of your puffy morning face and make yourself look halfway presentable before he met you at 4:00. But alas, the universe clearly had other plans for you.</p><p>At the sound of another two knocks you threw the covers off and jumped out the bed. “Coming”, you whisper-yelled as you hurried over to the door. After taking two seconds to compose yourself, you undid the deadbolt and slowly opened the door halfway. There before you stood Tae, looking unfairly handsome considering it was 4:00 in the morning. His hair was cutely mussed from sleep and he was sporting his thick-rimmed, sexy librarian glasses. He was wearing a black tee-shirt and gray sweatpants, but had what appeared to be his hotel room robe slung over his left shoulder.</p><p>He had been smiling brightly when you first opened the door, but after seeing the ‘I just woke up five seconds ago’ look on your face, his eyebrows shot up in surprise and his mouth formed a little ‘O’. His eyes then went wide as saucers when he saw that all you were wearing was an oversized tee-shirt. Realizing he was gaping at your bare legs, you quickly hid your lower half behind the door as a deep blush settled on your cheeks.</p><p>“Shoot, Tae. I am so sorry. I…uh…slept through my alarm. Just give me five minutes, OK? I promise I’ll be ready and we can get started. Again, I am so sorry,” you mumbled out. </p><p>At the sound of your voice his eyes snapped up to meet yours, but he quickly looked away again as he spoke. “Oh, it’s no problem. Really. I’ll…uh…just wait out here.”</p><p>He was clearly flustered, embarrassed for you, no doubt. At that moment you wanted nothing more than for a giant hole in the ground to appear and swallow you up. But unfortunately for you, disappearing wasn’t an option. The shoot began in two hours and you had a job to do. Giving him a tight smile, you quietly closed the door before burying your face in your hands.</p><p><em> Come on Y/N, get it together </em>.</p><p>You threw on tights and a sweatshirt and gathered your hair up in a loose bun atop your head. You splashed a bit of cold water on your face and put on a touch of eyeliner. You scrambled around the room like a madwoman, stuffing things in drawers and throwing away empty coffee cups and takeout bags. Tae already now likely thought you were irresponsible for not getting up in time to do your job; you didn’t want him to also think you were a slob. </p><p>When you opened the door again a few minutes later you found him leaning against the opposite wall completely engrossed in whatever he was looking at on his phone.</p><p>“Hey,” you said softly as you opened the door and gestured for him to come in. “I’m finally ready. I’m sorry again for making you wait.”</p><p>“Oh, it’s no problem,” he said as he slipped his phone into his pocket, pushed off the wall, and walked past you into the room. “I sleep through my alarm almost every other day. Jimin is constantly having to wake me up so I’m not late for practice,” he said with a chuckle. “I probably would have slept through it this morning if I wasn’t so excited to see you.”</p><p>Before you had a chance to reply, or even process what he said, he quickly clarified, “Excited for the tattoo, that is. For you to give me the tattoo.”</p><p>“Right. Of course,” you said absentmindedly as you closed the door. You turned to face him and realized for the first time that he was holding a coffee cup and a paper bag. As if sensing your confusion over the presence of the cup – it was common knowledge that Tae hated coffee – he cleared his throat and held the cup and bag out to you.</p><p>“I got you breakfast,” he said a bit sheepishly. “As a thank you for getting up so early to do my tattoo.”</p><p>“I got you a caramel macchiato and a blueberry scone,” he continued. “I hope that’s OK. I thought I remembered you ordering that once when we bought the staff breakfast.”</p><p>You stood there for a moment totally stunned. He had remembered correctly as this was indeed your go-to breakfast. But the last time the boys bought the staff breakfast was months ago. And on top of that, they had bought breakfast for the full staff of almost 25 people. How on Earth did he remember your specific order?</p><p>Seeing the surprised look on your face, he spoke again.</p><p>“It’s fine if you don’t want it. I probably should have asked,” he said as his voice trailed off.</p><p>“No, no, Tae. This is perfect. That was really sweet of you. Thank you,” you said as you took the two items from his hands, your fingers brushing his ever so slightly as you did so.</p><p>He flashed you his famous boxy smile.</p><p>“I’ll eat this and start setting up while you get changed, OK?” you asked, gesturing towards the bathroom. </p><p>“Ok, sounds good,” he replied.</p><p>~~~</p><p>As you sipped the delicious coffee and munched on the delicious scone, you tried so very hard not to think about the delicious man who was currently in some state of undress in your hotel room bathroom. He would be emerging any second now wearing nothing but a loose robe up top and you were not at all prepared for it. You had asked yourself so many times over the last couple weeks why you had agreed to this concept for the ON music video and performances. </p><p>When Tae first shared his idea for a temporary tree tattoo you were so excited. It would be a really edgy, unique look and you’d get the chance to show off some of your legitimate artistic skills. But when he suggested the tattoo go on his neck and chest? You almost had a heart attack. You’d tried to talk him out of it, tried to convince him that an arm tattoo would be so much cooler, but when he gave you his puppy dog eyes and said ‘Pleeeeeease’ you caved, like always.</p><p>So now here you were, about to spend the next two hours with your hands on the very sturdy chest and very thick neck of the man of your literal dreams, all while needing to maintain complete composure.</p><p>
  <em> It’s fine. Everything is fine. </em>
</p><p>Just then, the door to the bathroom opened and Tae stepped out. The robe was covering him completely and even though you knew he was still wearing pants, or at least you prayed he’d had the good sense to keep them on, the sight was still incredibly alluring. You thought for sure you would combust right then and there until you noticed that he actually looked a bit nervous himself. Remembering that Tae had always been a little self-conscious of his body, and was likely far more worried about this than you were, you instantly forgot about your own apprehension and focused on doing whatever you could to make sure he felt as comfortable as possible.</p><p>“It’s not Gucci, but I dare say you look quite fashionable,” you joked.</p><p>Immediately you saw his body relax as a big smile broke out across his face.</p><p>“Please be seated on the tattooing throne, Sir,” you continued in a mockingly formal voice as you gestured to the chair you had positioned in front of the mirror.</p><p>At that, he laughed, and you knew at once that everything would be OK.</p><p>He took a seat and the two of you chatted easily about random stuff while you organized all of your supplies. Eventually, once everything was laid out, you asked him if he was ready and when he said ‘Yes’ and gave you a reassuring smile, you went to get started.</p><p>You reached out to peel back the side of his robe, but suddenly he grabbed your hand and pulled back your sleeve.</p><p>“Whoa” he said excitedly, “What are these?!”</p><p>There are on your forearm were a handful of differently styled branch tattoos, each starting down by your wrist and snaking upwards to your elbow.</p><p>“Oh, uh, I kind of stayed up all night practicing and trying out different designs,” you said with a nervous laugh.</p><p>“Y/N, you shouldn’t have done that,” he said scoldingly, looking at you with genuine concern. “No wonder you slept through your alarm this morning.”</p><p>“I know,” you admitted sheepishly. “It's just, you’re so excited about this tattoo. I want it to be perfect for you.”</p><p>The look he gave you when you said that almost stopped your heart. It was a strange mixture of guilt, bewilderment, and what your clearly overtired brain thought was adoration. Suddenly, you felt so exposed beneath his gaze, like he could tell that your admission was not at all about tattoos, that you had stayed up all night for <em> him </em>. </p><p>“Anyway, just let me know which one you like best and we’ll get started,” you continued before he could respond.</p><p>“Ok,” he said, giving you a curious smile before looking back down at your arm.</p><p>He spent the next five minutes studying the different designs you had come up with, lightly tracing his fingers over them one by one. You knew he was doing it subconsciously, his brow was furrowed in concentration as he carefully weighed the options, but it was making you flustered nonetheless. He also kept mentioning how beautiful the designs were, and how talented of an artist you were, which also only served to frazzle you more. You were supremely grateful when he finally made a decision and let go of your arm.</p><p>“Alright,” you said, your heartbeat starting to return to normal. “Ready to get started?”</p><p>“Let’s do it,” he replied with a smile.</p><p>~~~</p><p>It was a half hour later and the shock of having your hands on Tae’s bare chest had mostly worn off. You were extremely proud of yourself for completely internalizing your panic during those first few minutes. The jokes and laughs had done a lot to relax Tae, and you were pretty sure he felt safe and comfortable when you got started, so the last thing you wanted was for your own weirdness to ruin things.</p><p>You had finished the base of the tree and were just getting started on the lower branches when suddenly Tae grew really quiet.</p><p>“Noona, I have to tell you something,” he said in a solemn voice. </p><p>Your mind began to race immediately. Was something wrong? Is he uncomfortable right now? He sounded so serious. Whatever he was about to say it could not be good.</p><p>“O-Ok,” you said nervously as you mentally prepared yourself for the worst.</p><p>A beat of silence passed.</p><p>“I don’t mean to sound snobby, but this robe is surprisingly scratchy given how expensive this hotel is,” he deadpanned. “It is exfoliating me in places that are not meant to be exfoliated.”</p><p>At that, you lost it. Completely and utterly lost it. As your entire body shook with laughter you came dangerously close to painting a giant smear over all of your hard work.</p><p>“Taeee,” you whined. “You can’t make me laugh when I’m doing this!”</p><p>“But I love making you laugh,” he said earnestly.</p><p>“I know and I appreciate that 99.9% of the time, but right now is that other 0.1%,” you said trying to sound stern despite the fact that you were still laughing.</p><p>“OK, fine,” he said with a sigh. “I’ll be a <em> good boy </em>.”</p><p>You tensed for just the tiniest second, because it just <em> did </em> things to you whenever he uttered that sinfully ironic phrase, and then got back to work.</p><p>He proceeded to sit there in silence for the next ten minutes wearing the cutest little pout you had ever seen. At that moment, you had no greater desire in the world than to squish his bread cheeks and pepper his face with a million tiny kisses. </p><p>“Tae,” you said softly, “I didn’t mean you couldn’t talk at all.”</p><p>“I know, but I don’t want to bother you and make you mess up,” he said glumly.</p><p>“Why don’t you play some TaeTaeFM?” you suggested after a moment. “That seems like a fun, tattoo-friendly activity.”</p><p>“TaeTaeFM?” he questioned slowly before asking teasingly. “Does Noona watch my Vlives?”</p><p>You internally panicked again; it was definitely weird that you watched them.</p><p>“Don’t flatter yourself <em> TaeTae </em>,” you teased back. “I hardly have time to watch regular TV.”</p><p>“Well you should,” he said proudly. “I’m told I am quite entertaining.”</p><p>You laughed as you looked up to see him giving you his ridiculous double eyebrow wiggle. </p><p>“Alright then Mr. DJ, let’s see what you’ve got.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>The playlist sounded exactly like a playlist curated by Kim Taehyung would sound: soothing, eclectic, wistful. He played a lot of indie stuff, some jazz, and even a couple BTS songs. Eventually, you became so immersed in your work that you began softly singing along to the music. You hadn’t even realized you were doing it until a song ended and you looked up to see Tae grinning at you.</p><p>“I didn’t know you could sing, Noona.”</p><p>Instantly, you froze.</p><p>“Oh god. No, I can’t. I…just. That’s one of my favorite songs and I wasn’t thinking. God, how embarrassing. I’m sorry,” you blurted out.</p><p>“Embarrassing? Why is it embarrassing?” he asked, looking genuinely confused. </p><p>“Because you’re you and I'm me!”, you said exasperatedly.</p><p>He opened his mouth to say something, but then shut it and just stared at you. He furrowed his brows a bit and jutted out his lower lip into another pout you would have thought adorable if you weren’t so mortified.</p><p>You felt yourself growing hotter under the intensity of his gaze, but for some reason you could not bring yourself to look away. Finally, after what felt like ages, his face broke out into a little smile.</p><p>“You’re funny, Noona”, he said with a small laugh.</p><p>“And,” he continued seriously, “you have a very pretty voice.”</p><p>You sat there for a moment absolutely stunned. Kim Taehyung, The Kim Taehyung, member of the world’s most popular band and owner of the most beautiful voice known to mankind, thought you had a pretty voice. You almost laughed when he first said it and brushed off the compliment, but something in the sincerity of his voice and the serious look on his face made you stop. If you had learned anything about Kim Taehyung over the last three years it was that he was extremely honest. He always spoke his mind and shared his true thoughts.</p><p>“Thanks, Tae,” you said softly as you looked down at your hands. “That means so much, especially coming from you.”</p><p>“You’re welcome,” he said, giving you a bright smile.</p><p>A comfortable silence fell between the two of you. Not wanting to say the wrong thing and ruin whatever moment you seemed to be having, you simply picked up your brush and resumed your work. Tae’s phone once again filled the room with soft music and, though you consciously refrained from openly singing again, you let yourself happily hum along to the melody. He eventually began humming along with you in perfect harmony like it was the most natural thing in the world for him to do.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>One more fluffy chapter before things get interesting!</p><p>Kudos and comments are always appreciated! I especially love to hear what you think is going on inside Tae's beautiful head :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. I Really Am Lucky</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You woke up the next morning feeling infinitely more relaxed than you had the day before. After getting a full, restful night of sleep, you slept in and awoke naturally, no knocking or alarm needed.</p><p>You had been utterly exhausted, but quite content when you finally stumbled back into your room at almost 8:00 PM last night. It had been a really good day on set. Despite getting a late start, you had managed to finish Tae’s tattoo on time. The shoot had then gone incredibly well. The weather had been perfect, the marching band they brought in was excellent, and the guys knocked it out of the park with their performances.</p><p>There was one moment from that day that you couldn’t stop thinking about. While the guys were waiting on the set to shoot the first scene, Hobi had walked up to Tae to admire his tattoo.</p><p>“Wow this came out really great,” the older man said as he pulled back Tae’s shirt slightly to see the full design. “I might have to ask Y/N to give me one for our next music video!”</p><p>“Sorry, Hyung,” Tae replied with a shy smile, “but Y/N is <em> my </em> stylist noona. You can’t have her.”</p><p>He had been joking, of course, both boys immediately started laughing, but you felt a tiny flutter at his words nonetheless.</p><p>He had called you <em> his </em>.</p><p>If only he knew how true that statement actually was.</p><p>You laid in bed relishing the memory for an embarrassing amount of time before you finally got up to get changed and ready for the day. Reaching for your suitcase, you noticed something shiny laying on the desk and knew instantly what it was: Tae’s ring necklace. He had taken it off yesterday morning before you started his tattoo and must have forgotten to put it in his pocket.</p><p>For just the briefest of moments, you entertained the idea of trying it on. Ever since he had told you why he wore it, the beautiful, purple ring had occupied an absurd portion of your thoughts. You found yourself absolutely dreading the day he came in no longer wearing it, but then also sometimes fantasizing that the reason for its absence around his neck was that he’d given it to you. It was ridiculous to think about that, though, and it was even more ridiculous that you had considered putting it on your finger a moment ago. Not only would that have been completely inappropriate, and a total betrayal of Tae’s trust, it also would have been a potentially lethal form of self-torture. The ring was not yours and it was never going to be yours; you needed to get that through your head. </p><p>Knowing exactly why it was so important to him, you wanted to get it back to him before he realized it was missing and panicked, assuming he hadn’t already. You got dressed, stepped out into the hallway, and padded down the hall to his room. It was almost 10:00 AM, so you assumed he was awake, but you knocked softly just in case. You heard shuffling inside the room and a minute or so later he opened up the door.  </p><p>“Hi, Noona,” he said with a sleepy smile.</p><p>“Hi, Tae,” you said, smiling back at him. “I hope I didn’t wake you up.”</p><p>“You didn’t, but even if you did that would be OK. I owe you for yesterday,” he assured you with a laugh.</p><p>“I’m still so sorry about that,” you replied guiltily.</p><p>“Don’t be,” he said earnestly. “Yesterday was perfect. The tattoo was perfect. You were perfect.”</p><p>At his praise, you felt yourself blush and for a moment you forgot why you had come to his room in the first place.</p><p>“Thanks, Tae,” you said shyly.</p><p>“But, anyway the reason I came here is that I...I have your ring,” you continued, suddenly feeling nervous.</p><p>“You left it in my room yesterday and I just noticed it on the desk this morning,” you hurriedly explained. As you spoke, you reached down into your pocket and pulled out the jewel. You held it out to him, but he made no movement to take it from you. </p><p>For a couple seconds he didn’t say anything, he just looked at you and then down at the ring and then back up at you with a bewildered expression on his face. You grew infinitely more flustered under his gaze; he obviously didn’t like the idea of anyone else touching this precious item.</p><p>“I’m sorry for not getting it back to you sooner,” you said quietly. “I know how important it is to you.”</p><p>“No, no, it’s OK,” he said, finally snapping out of his daze and reaching out to take the ring from you. “Thank you so much for getting this back to me.” As he spoke, he unclasped the necklace and began fitting it around his neck. “I-I honestly didn’t even realize it was gone,” he admitted sheepishly. “My subconscious must have known it was in good hands, though, or else I would have freaked out,” he said with a nervous laugh.</p><p>Your heartbeat quickened ever so slightly at his words. He might not have wanted you to <em> have </em> the ring, but the fact that he trusted you with it was still something.</p><p>“No problem,” you said, giving him a small smile and hoping he couldn’t see how flustered you were.</p><p>“But anyway, I’ll let you go,” you continued. “I’m sure you’ve got fun plans for our day off.”</p><p>“Oh, yea. Jimin has some crazy adventure cooked up for us,” he said with a laugh. “What about you?”</p><p>“LA bus tour,” you stated simply.</p><p>“Oh you’ll love it,” he exclaimed. “The city is incredible. You’ll have to tell me what you think of it when you get back.”</p><p>“Alright, will do,” you said, giving him one last smile before turning and heading back down the hall.</p><p>As you walked away you couldn’t help but wonder if that had been the one and only time you’d ever get to hold that beautiful ring. </p><p>~~~</p><p>You were waiting in the hotel lobby thirty minutes later when someone gave you a friendly shoulder bump. You looked over to see Hyun, one of the members of the production crew. He was tall, handsome, funny, a few years older than you, and a notorious flirt. He had asked you out to coffee no less than a dozen times, a couple of which were right in front of Tae, but you had politely declined each time. It’s not that he wasn’t boyfriend material, he absolutely was, but the idea of dating someone always made you feel incredibly guilty. Thanks to a certain <em> someone </em> you were, and would likely always be, very much emotionally unavailable.</p><p>“Hey, Y/N,” Hyun said with a warm smile. </p><p>“Oh, hey Hyun. Are you going on the tour?” you asked</p><p>“Yea, I thought it would be a fun way to spend the day,” he replied. “You?”</p><p>“Same,” you responded, returning his smile.</p><p>As you were chatting with him, you saw a bunch of the guys, including Tae, come and settle down in some chairs at the far end of the lobby. They were all laughing and gesturing wildly, clearly excited for whatever Jimin had planned. A couple minutes later you couldn’t help but glance back over at them only to find Tae scowling in your direction. It seemed odd since he looked so happy when he walked in, but before you could think too much about it you heard one of the managers say it was time to board the bus. </p><p>You and Hyun kept talking as you got on and ended up sitting together in a row towards the back. He was telling you about which places on the tour he was most excited to see when you looked up and saw Tae walking down the aisle. There were a bunch of open seats scattered throughout the bus, but he decided to take the one directly across from you. </p><p>“Hi, Y/N,” he said brightly as he sat down.</p><p>“Hi, Tae,” you replied with a confused smile. “I didn’t realize you’d be coming on the tour.”</p><p>“Yea, I made a last minute decision to come,” he said casually. “Jimin’s plans for the day sounded like they might get us arrested so this was preferable.”</p><p>At that you couldn’t help but laugh; Jimin <em> was </em> a troublemaker, especially when you were on trips.</p><p>“Hey, Taehyung. Glad you could join us,” Hyun said with a wave.</p><p>“Oh, hey Hyun,” Tae replied coolly as he glanced over at the older man sitting next to you. “I didn’t see you there.”</p><p>It was quiet then for a couple minutes while the three of you got settled in and comfortable. Tae didn't have anyone sitting next to him so he went ahead and sprawled out across both seats. He also took the liberty of removing his shoes which made you smile to yourself; Tae <em> hated </em> shoes and was constantly taking them off and losing them or stepping on the heel and ruining them. As his stylist, you told him this drove you absolutely crazy, but it was secretly one of his strange Kim Taehyung idiosyncrasies that you loved.</p><p>“You know, Taehyung. It’s good you’re here,” Hyun said casually a few minutes later. “I’d like to talk to you about Y/N’s work schedule. It’s apparently so demanding that she cannot spare me a coffee date. Perhaps you can free up some of her time for me?” he said teasingly. </p><p>“Hyun,” you scolded, giving his arm a playful swat. That was an incredibly bold thing to say, especially to one of the guys. You looked over at Tae to see that he apparently did not find the older man the least bit amusing, no doubt taking issue with the insinuation that the staff was overworked, but he played along nonetheless.</p><p>“Sorry to disappoint you, but she’s booked solid until our next contract negotiation in 2026,” Tae said smoothly. “Maybe try again then.”</p><p>It was classic Tae sarcasm, but you couldn’t help but note the bite in his tone. Hyun, however, seemed not to notice.</p><p>“Ah, well, I’m jealous then that you’ll get to spend so much time with her,” Hyun continued lightly. “You’re quite a lucky man.”</p><p>“I certainly am,” Tae muttered to himself as the bus roared to life.</p><p>Just then, a manager came on over the loudspeaker to explain a bit about the tour and how everything would work. As she finished up and the bus began moving, you looked over at Tae and gave him an excited smile which he instantly returned.</p><p>~~~</p><p>The tour ended up being very enjoyable and also quite interesting, thanks in part to your two extremely informative companions. Hyun had clearly done a lot of research about the places you were visiting, but Tae had been to all of them before and therefore also had a lot of great insights. You were honestly a bit overwhelmed by all of the information, and felt at times like you were in the middle of some sort of fact-giving competition, but overall it was a really fun day. </p><p>When you got to the last stop on the tour the manager came on the loudspeaker once more.</p><p>“Ok we’ve got a surprise for everyone,” she said excitedly. “You all are actually allowed to get off here and explore for the next hour. Feel free to grab some dinner too.”</p><p>As you got up and began shuffling into the aisle, you realized Tae hadn’t moved since the announcement.</p><p>“Hey, aren’t you coming?” you asked, giving him a puzzled look.</p><p>“I shouldn’t,” he replied glumly. “Too many people.”</p><p>You glanced out the windows at the busy street and realized he was right; he could easily be recognized with so many people around, especially with how conspicuous your tour group would be.</p><p>“Shoot, I’m sorry. I didn’t even think of that,” you said regretfully.</p><p>“It’s OK,” he said back with a sad smile. “I’m used to it.”</p><p>“You guys have fun, though,” he continued. “I’ll see you when you get back.”</p><p>You made your way off the bus with Hyun and were about to start walking towards the shops with him when suddenly you stopped, a familiar tug tethering you in place.</p><p>“Hey, I actually think I’m going to grab some dinner for Tae,” you said casually. “I feel bad that he’s stuck on the bus by himself.”</p><p>“Always working, I see,” he said ruefully. </p><p>“Always,” you repeated with a regretful smile.</p><p>After bidding him goodbye, you headed off in the opposite direction in search of food. You got back on the bus fifteen minutes later to find Tae slumped in his seat looking out the window longingly. When he looked up and saw you walking down the aisle, surprise and confusion instantly colored his face.</p><p>“It’s American-Korean so it might be awful,” you said as you brought the takeout bags out from behind your back, “but it’s better than starving.”</p><p>The smile he gave you just then was perhaps his most radiant ever. It was as if you had come back offering him the sun in the palm of your hand rather than some cheap fast food in plastic containers. </p><p>“Have I ever told you that you’re the best?” he asked as he scooted over and motioned for you to sit down beside him, a wide grin still plastered on his face. </p><p>“You know, I don’t think you have,” you replied with a laugh. </p><p>“Well you are,” he said earnestly. </p><p>“You stayed up practicing for my tattoo, you kept my ring safe, you brought me food,” he continued, more to himself than to you.</p><p>“I’m just doing my job,” you replied bashfully, knowing full well that you did none of those things because it was your job.</p><p>“Hyun was right. I really am lucky,” he said sincerely as he turned to look at you. </p><p>Flustered by his sweet words and no doubt blushing wildly, you brought your attention to the food in front of you.</p><p>“Let’s eat this cheap takeout first and then you can decide how lucky you are, deal?” you asked playfully.</p><p>“Deal.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Ok this was the last fluffy chapter for a while. Shit is about to get real. !</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. A Sticky Situation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Forty five seconds. That’s roughly how long the guys spent on stage during their performance at The Grammys. It wasn’t long, and they weren’t up there alone, but they were there, on stage at <em>The Grammys</em>. You had never been so proud in your entire life. When the guys came backstage afterwards you didn’t even bother to hide your happy tears. Tonight was meant to be the highlight of your entire two month trip to America and it did not disappoint.</p><p>After the show, you and a couple other staff members had grabbed drinks at the hotel bar to celebrate. You had just gotten back to your room and were about to get changed for bed when you received a very curious string of texts. </p><p>[Taehyung 12:36 AM]<br/>NOONA</p><p>[Taehyung 12:36 AM]<br/>I need yur help</p><p>[Taehyung 12:37 AM]<br/>Its an emrgency</p><p>You sat there just staring at your phone for a few minutes wondering what he could possibly need you for at this hour. You had no idea how you should reply, if you even should at all. He had never texted you this late before and never asked for something so urgently. There were a million reasons why you should have ignored his messages until the morning, but for one reason, the same reason you did anything these days, you chose to reply. </p><p>[12:45 AM]<br/>Ok. Be right there.</p><p>He replied back instantly with a bunch of seemingly random emojis which only plunged you further into confusion. </p><p>A few minutes later you were standing in front of his door. Every bone in your body was telling you that this was a terrible idea and that you should leave immediately. But alas, your heart was not a bone.</p><p>You knocked ever so quietly, hoping maybe he wouldn’t actually even hear you and you could return to your room and pretend this never happened, but the door opened right away.</p><p>“Noona!” he practically shouted, a massive smile plastered on his face.</p><p>“Shhhhhhhh!” you whispered back, bringing your finger to your lips to give him the shush sign.</p><p>“Sorry,” he whispered with a giggle. </p><p>Not wanting to drag this on any longer than absolutely necessary, you got straight to the point. “What’s the emergency, Tae?” you said, giving him an expectant look.</p><p>“You have to come in,” he whispered, giggling again as he opened the door wider.</p><p>Panic flooded your system. You were definitely not supposed to be in a member’s hotel room at 1:00 in the morning.</p><p>“No, no, no. I can’t come in,” you said in alarm and took a step backwards. </p><p>“But, I need your help,” he pleaded, his smile dropping instantly.</p><p>“Tae,” you protested.</p><p>“Pleaseeee,” he replied, giving you a pout and his puppy dog eyes.</p><p>
  <em>He is going to be the death of me.</em>
</p><p>Against your better judgement, you took a quick glance around the hall to make sure no one was around. </p><p>“Fine,” you sighed. “But this better be quick.”</p><p>“Yay! Thank you, thank you, thank you,” he said gleefully as he grabbed your hand and literally pulled you inside. He closed the door as you walked in and you instantly noted how different his room looked compared to yours. After a minute of marveling at how fancy and expensive everything appeared, you turned to find Tae staring at you, mouth slightly agape.</p><p>“Noona, you’re all dressed up,” he said in amazement as he took in your appearance.</p><p>You were wearing a silver sequin tank top and dark skinny jeans with a pair of heeled boots. You had also done your hair and put on makeup for the first time in ages. By no means were you ‘all dressed up’, but you were significantly more put together than you usually appeared in the studio and on set.</p><p>“Oh, I...uhh...went for drinks with some of the staff after the show,” you replied, growing flustered by the way he was looking at you.</p><p>“You’re shiny,” he said with another giggle. “Shiny and pretty.” As he said this you saw him sway on his feet ever so slightly.</p><p>And that’s when it finally hit you.</p><p>“Tae, are you drunk?” you asked incredulously.</p><p>The silly smile that crept onto his face all but answered that question for him.</p><p>“No, I am Kim Taehyung,” he said seriously, his smile disappearing for two seconds before he burst out laughing. </p><p>
  <em>Yep, he’s drunk.</em>
</p><p>“How much did you have to drink?” you questioned, now slightly concerned. Tae was not a drinker. He hated the taste of alcohol and usually opted for soda whenever people went out. You’d never even seen him tipsy before, let alone drunk. </p><p>“I had this much champagne,” he said excitedly, holding his arms out wide to indicate how much ‘this much’ meant because apparently to him liquid was measured in distance. “We had it to celebrate our performance.”</p><p>“I usually don’t like champagne, but they brought strawberry champagne just for me!” he exclaimed, pointing to himself when he said ‘me’.</p><p>This was so dangerous and so against the rules and so not good, but God, he was cute when he was drunk. You brought your hand to your face to hide your smile. </p><p>“Speaking of strawberries,” he then said, suddenly very serious. “Noona, I need your help.”</p><p>“You need my help because of strawberries?” you questioned slowly.</p><p>“I got strawberry jam on my shirt,” he said in the saddest voice you had ever heard. He pointed to the bottom of his black and white short sleeve jungle print shirt and, sure enough, there was a massive red stain on the front of it. “I came back from celebrating and I was so hungry I just had to have a strawberry jam sandwich.”</p><p>“We’re supposed to be auctioning off our Grammy outfits for charity, but no one is going to want a jammy shirt,” he continued dejectedly. </p><p>It wasn’t funny. His ridiculously expensive shirt being ruined wasn’t funny. Him being this drunk wasn’t funny. You being alone with him in his room after midnight wasn’t funny. Nothing about this situation was funny. But, he called it a freaking ‘jammy’ shirt, and you just couldn’t help but laugh. </p><p>Knowing that laughter was your weakness, and sensing an opening, he pounced.</p><p>“Please, Noona. You have to save him. He’s just an innocent shirt. Do it for me,” he begged, taking your hands and staring deep into your eyes. “And, if not for me, do it for the kids.”</p><p>You laughed again, having absolutely no idea who ‘the kids’ were. </p><p>“Ok, Ok. I’ll help,” you conceded, now openly smiling at him. “But, only if you promise to drink three big glasses of water for me. Ok?”</p><p>“Yes, yes. I will drink all the water, Noona. Thank you!” he exclaimed. </p><p>You relaxed momentarily, at least now you knew what this was all about, but were immediately back on high alert when he started unbuttoning his shirt right then and there.</p><p>“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” you cautioned as you reached out and stopped his hands from continuing their dangerous work. “Why don’t you go change in the bathroom?” </p><p>“Oh, right,” he said as a deep blush settled on his cheeks. “Sorry.”</p><p>He turned around, grabbed a change of clothes, and headed for the bathroom, leaving you standing there in his room, at 1:00 AM, trying to remember how to breathe.</p><p>~~~</p><p>A half hour later you had removed all traces of the fruity mishap. Between the hotel cleaning supplies you found stowed away in the closet and the small beauty salon’s worth of products Tae brought with him, you had managed to create a suitable solution to soak the soiled shirt in. After a bit of gentle scrubbing, the stain had come right out. </p><p>You hung the shirt up in the shower to dry and walked out of the bathroom to find Tae lounging on the bed, staring up at the ceiling dreamily. He had changed into a simple pair of sweatpants and his favorite Celine tee-shirt, but he somehow looked more handsome than he had when he graced the Grammy stage a few hours ago. Looking at him there all cozy and relaxed, the urge to go over and snuggle beside him was suddenly so strong you physically took a step back.</p><p>“Your shirt is all clean,” you said quietly, not wanting to disrupt his peaceful state.</p><p>“You are a lifesaver,” he said genuinely, still looking upwards. “The saver of <em>my</em> life, to be exact.”</p><p>“I’m just handy with cleaning products,” you said with a nervous laugh.</p><p>A beat of silence passed.</p><p>“What would I do without you, Y/N?” he questioned thoughtfully.<br/> <br/>“I’m sure you would be just fine,” you replied reassuringly. </p><p>And then another.</p><p>“No, I don’t think so,” he said softly. “I would be sad. And jammy.”</p><p>You laughed again at his apparent new favorite word, ‘jammy’, but started walking towards the door. It was always dangerous whenever he started saying things like this, but the fact that he was drunk made it even worse. Every word out of his mouth now that he didn’t really mean or didn’t even remember tomorrow would be another dagger in your heart.</p><p>“Hey, Tae. I really should get going now,” you said</p><p>“Do you have to?” he asked, giving you a pout as he finally sat up.</p><p>“I do,” you replied regretfully. </p><p>“Ok,” he sighed.</p><p>A moment later he got up and walked over with you to the door. You grabbed the handle and were about to pull open the door when he suddenly reached out and stopped you. </p><p>“We should check first,” he said quietly, motioning to the peephole. “Just in case.”</p><p>As he leaned over you and peered through the tiny window, his entire body stiffened.  </p><p>“Fuck,” he breathed out. </p><p>“What?” you questioned nervously.  </p><p>“Unbelievable,” he murmured to himself. “Every single fucking time.”</p><p>“Tae, what is it?” you asked, panic now rising in your chest.</p><p>“There’s a guy with a camera in the hallway,” he said bitterly.</p><p>“What?!” you whisper-yelled. “No, you’re joking.” He moved aside to let you look and, sure enough, standing just a few feet away from Tae’s door was a shady-looking guy with a camera tucked under his arm.</p><p>“How is that possible? No one saw me come in. I didn’t tell anyone I was coming here, I promise!” you said shakily as you stepped back from the door.</p><p>“It’s not your fault. They always pull this shit after shows when they think we might have been out partying,” he said seriously before suddenly growing extremely flustered. “He’s...uhh...trying to catch one of us bringing someone back to our hotel room.”</p><p>It was quiet for a moment.</p><p>“Is that something that actually happens?” you asked slowly, looking at him with wide eyes. </p><p>Another silence.</p><p>“Uhh...sometimes,” he said quietly.</p><p>Your mouth dropped open.</p><p>“B-but not me,” he quickly clarified. “<em>I’ve</em> never had a woman in my hotel room, I swear.”</p><p>“Except...right now, I guess,” he continued a moment later as his face turned scarlet.</p><p>You stared at him blankly, not knowing whether you should laugh or cry at the ridiculousness of the situation.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, Y/N. I should have waited until the morning to ask you about my shirt. I don’t know what I was thinking,” he said sheepishly. “I don’t know what <em>drunk me</em> was thinking.”</p><p>“This is bad, really bad. I’m going to be in a tabloid. I’m going to get fired. No one will hire me after this,” you rambled as you started pacing back and forth. “And you, your reputation will be ruined and BTS’s reputation will be ruined and it will be all my fault.”</p><p>“Hey, hey,” he said, coming over and taking your hands to stop your frantic pacing. “It’s going to be OK.”</p><p>“I’ll call Bang Si-Hyuk and our team will kick this guy out and clear the building of any other paparazzi, Ok?” he said in a soothing voice.</p><p>“Ok,” you said, your breathing starting to return to normal. “That sounds OK.” </p><p>“Only...,” he then started saying, concern evident in his voice.</p><p>“Only what?” you questioned.</p><p>He put his head in his hands. “After they do that our security guards will probably patrol the hallway all night,” he replied, wincing as he spoke.  </p><p>It was officially time to start freaking out.</p><p>“What am I going to do?” you asked, your voice starting to break. “Tae, I can’t be seen leaving your room at 1:30 in the morning. People will think-”</p><p>“I know, I know,” he said hurriedly, cutting you off as alarm began to rise in his own voice. The blush that had returned to his cheeks told you he knew <em>exactly</em> what people would think.</p><p>He was pacing back and forth now, silently cursing himself as he went. He did that for a solid five minutes while you just stood there in a daze before he finally stopped in front of you.</p><p>“Do you trust me?” he asked sincerely, looking at you with a serious, but soft expression.</p><p>“Yes,” you replied honestly. Even though he was currently the drunken idiot who had gotten you into this mess you still trusted him unequivocally.</p><p>“Stay here tonight,” he said calmly, looking you in the eye as he spoke. “Everyone will be gone in the morning and we’ll smuggle you out then, OK?”</p><p>In all of your fantasies about spending the night with Tae, of which there had been plenty over the years, you could say with absolute certainty that this scenario had never played out. Your mind was running a mile a minute as you thought through exactly what he was suggesting and the infinite number of ways it could go horribly wrong. You were quiet for so long that Tae grew visibly anxious, a worried look forming on his face as he no doubt began questioning his bold proposal, but eventually you broke the silence. </p><p>“Ok,” you breathed out. “I’ll stay.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>Fifteen minutes later you were sitting on the couch wearing a pair of Tae’s pajamas; you had tried and failed to convince him that you would be perfectly comfortable sleeping in a sequin tank top and skinny jeans. He was currently in the bathroom doing his nightly skin routine that apparently involved no less than ten moisturizers and creams. </p><p>You were waiting for him to come out so you could have the extremely awkward conversation about where you would be sleeping because this was, in fact, actually happening. As he had suspected, the security team had gotten rid of the camera guy and then immediately placed a two guard watch in the hallway outside the guys’ doors.  </p><p>The moment you sat down the urge to sleep had become overwhelming and you were now desperately trying to stay awake. It had been an incredibly long and tiring day preparing for The Grammys and the stress of the last hour had only doubled your level of exhaustion. Despite trying to stay alert, your eyes kept closing and your head kept bobbing forward.</p><p>Unable to stay upright any longer, you leaned over and laid your head against the arm of the couch. You told yourself you would close your eyes and rest for just a few moments until he came back out. As you laid there, drifting in and out of consciousness, you could hear him in the bathroom softly singing a song you didn’t recognize but thought sounded really nice, some sad, sweet lullaby about ships.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Comments are always appreciated! </p><p>(except if you're pointing out major plot holes)</p><p>Just kidding. You can point them out. Just please do it nicely or I'll cry lol</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Like It Never Happened</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You woke up the next morning on a cloud. Everything was soft and fluffy and smelled faintly like vanilla. Groggy and still half-asleep, it took you a couple minutes to realize that you were not, in fact, on a cloud, but rather in a bed. The most comfortable bed you’ve ever been in, come to think of it. </p><p>
  <em> Tae’s fancy, expensive hotel room bed </em>
</p><p>You frantically searched your brain for a memory of getting into this bed, but found nothing. You looked instead for a recollection of leaving the couch, but again came up empty handed. Around and around you went, exploring every crevice of your mind for a vision of the ten foot journey from there to here, but there was nothing, just a black hole where that experience should have existed.</p><p>The realization then hit you like a tidal wave; Tae must have carried you from the couch to the bed after you’d fallen asleep. From how securely you were snuggled underneath the covers, he must have taken the time to actually tuck you in, too. Your entire body immediately flushed with heat, mostly because you were embarrassed, but also because, fuck, he had <em> carried you in his arms to his bed </em>. The thought was entirely too erotic for you to handle this early in the morning.</p><p>Immediately sitting up and glancing to your right, you noticed that the other side of the bed was still perfectly made. You then quickly looked across the room and saw Tae huddled on the tiny couch, his mouth hanging open slightly and a pillow clutched tightly to his chest. </p><p>For a few minutes you just sat there in awe trying to process everything. Him giving you the bed, and actually putting you in it, was an unbelievably sweet and thoughtful and generous gesture. Part of you wished that you had secretly been awake for it, that you could have felt his arms wrap around you and gently lay you down, but the other part of you knew better. Merely imagining it was almost unbearable; experiencing it would have surely been lethal.</p><p>For a moment, you felt nothing but pure and unadulterated bliss as an overwhelming warmth spread through your chest, but as quickly as it came, it vanished, leaving your heart cold and brittle as you suddenly felt your throat tightening and a sting settling in behind your eyes.</p><p>Any minute now he would wake up and give you that adorable sleepy smile of his and your heart would shatter. That smile, the one you wished you could wake to every morning, was not meant for you to witness. You were not meant to be what he saw first thing in the morning. This was all just an accident, a mistake. You were not supposed to be <em> here </em> with <em> him </em> like <em> this </em>. </p><p>Waking up in his room, in his bed, and in his clothes, but knowing he did not actually want you in his room, in his bed, and in his clothes, was the cruelest form of torture imaginable. </p><p>You had let yourself get caught up in his sweet words and affectionate gestures before, only to be left hurting afterwards when you inevitably remembered they weren’t real, but this was different. This wasn’t just some fleeting moment. This was a legitimate taste of the life that would never be yours.</p><p>
  <em> How could you have let this happen? </em>
</p><p>All at once the need was urgent: you had to get out of here. <em> Now </em>. Before you started sobbing. Before he woke up. Before this whole situation could become any more humiliating and heartbreaking. </p><p>Without making a sound, you got up from the bed, grabbed your clothes, and changed in the bathroom. When you were finished, you folded up Tae’s pajamas and remade the bed. You then went to the door and checked the peephole and thankfully saw no one on the other side. After listening with your ear to the door for a few seconds and hearing no voices in the hall, you opened it as quietly as humanly possible. You peeked your head out just the tiniest bit to peer up and down the hall and again saw no one. Having determined that the coast was finally clear, you stepped out, gently closed the door, and ran as fast as possible down the hall. </p><p>Moments later, safely back in your cold, lonely room, you slumped down against the wall, released the breath you didn’t realize you had been holding, and sobbed. </p><p>~~~</p><p>After crying on the floor for an hour, you got up, took a shower, and then sat on your bed trying to decide what to do. The whole team had the day off, which normally would have meant sightseeing or shopping or hanging with friends, but you honestly could not bring yourself to do any of those things. Right now you just wanted to be alone. </p><p>It had been a long time since you last cried over Tae. The first year at Big Hit had been hard, you broke down almost weekly as you grappled with your ever deepening feelings, but it had gotten easier since then. You had long ago resigned yourself to the fact that you could not and would not ever be together. Being his stylist and his friend and loving him in secret would have to be enough.</p><p>An hour or so later you were fully immersed in some House Hunters knock-off show on HGTV. The plight of those on the screen was proving to be a good distraction as you found yourself agonizing right along with them over their decisions: colonial or ranch; basement or garage; overpriced, has all the must-haves dream home or something realistic that they could actually afford. You were almost starting to feel better, had almost forgotten about the sad state of your own existence, but then you got the texts.</p><p>[Taehyung 11:35 AM]<br/>Can we talk?</p><p>[Taehyung 11:38 AM]<br/>Just for a few minutes</p><p>[Taehyung 11:40 AM]<br/>Please</p><p>You didn’t want to respond. You didn’t want to see him or talk to him right now, but you knew you couldn’t ignore him forever. Tomorrow morning there would be rehearsal for the upcoming performance on The Tonight Show and you would have to see him then. It would be better to get this over with now.</p><p>[11:45 AM]<br/>OK.</p><p>[Taehyung 11:46 AM]<br/>Meet me in the lounge on the 3rd floor at 12:00?</p><p>[11:47 AM]<br/>OK.</p><p>You went to the bathroom and did your best to make it look like you hadn’t spent all morning crying before heading downstairs. He wasn’t there yet when you got to the lounge so you sat down on a chair in the corner by a big window overlooking the city. Filled with absolute dread over the conversation you were about to have, you brought your knees up to your chest, curled yourself up into a ball, and waited. </p><p>He arrived right at 12:00 and sat down in a chair beside you, but he didn’t say anything. In fact, for ten whole minutes he didn’t say a word. He just sat there staring out at the street below.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, Y/N,” he finally said, though, he did not turn to look at you. “For everything.”</p><p>“I’m so embarrassed,” he continued a minute later, his voice weary. “I don’t even know what to say.”</p><p>A few seconds passed as his words set in. You had been so focused on your own embarrassment that you hadn’t really stopped to consider how he must be feeling. He was, after all, the one who had been drunk and caused all of this to happen in the first place.</p><p>“I guess I’d just like to know what you remember,” you asked tentatively. </p><p>At that he grew quiet again, he was no doubt trying to recall all of the strange events that took place last night, but he also now seemed incredibly nervous. His hands were fidgeting and his knee was bouncing; he seemed so on edge. It honestly looked like he would rather be anywhere in the world right now except here having this conversation with you.</p><p>“I-I don’t remember texting you,” he finally admitted as he put his head in his hands and looked down at the floor.</p><p>“And, I don’t remember you getting to my room,” he added a moment later.</p><p>“Oh my god,” was all you managed to breathe out as you felt your stomach drop.</p><p>His words were a massive blow that only amplified the embarrassment you already felt. You hadn’t thought he was so drunk that he wouldn’t remember such major details of what had happened. The fact that he hadn’t consciously asked you to come to his room made you physically cringe and want to disappear off the face of the Earth.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he said again, his voice strained.</p><p>No one said anything for the next few minutes. You just stared back out the window watching the people go by wondering if it was possible that anyone out there felt as broken as you did at that very moment.</p><p>“Honestly, the first thing I really remember is laying on the bed while you were in the bathroom,” he said quietly. “But even that is still hazy.”</p><p>Panic rose in your chest as it became clear just how little he actually remembered. This was so much worse than you thought. It was going to kill you to ask this next question, but you knew you needed to do it.</p><p>“Do you...do you remember asking me to stay?” you asked so quietly it was almost a whisper.</p><p>“Yes,” he replied immediately, finally turning to look at you. “Of course I remember that.”</p><p>“Everything after seeing that guy in the hallway is crystal clear,” he continued. “The stress of that sobered me up fucking instantly.”</p><p>You exhaled the breath you had been holding. If you had stayed over in his room without his actual consent you honestly would have died of embarrassment right then and there. </p><p>“I’m so sorry I put you in that situation,” he went on, his voice now thick with emotion. “I’m sorry I made you come into my room in the first place. That alone could have gotten you fired. But, I’m even more sorry you then got stuck and were forced to stay there where you didn’t feel comfortable or safe.” He was looking out at the city again, but you could see the shame clearly etched onto his beautiful profile. It honestly looked like he was on the verge of tears which made your own eyes well up.</p><p>“Tae,” you said gently, trying to keep your voice steady. “I wasn’t uncomfortable. The situation was stressful and unexpected and, yes, very strange, but being with <em> you </em> did not make me uncomfortable.”</p><p>“You asked me if I trusted you and I said yes,” you continued. “I meant it. I felt safe with you.”</p><p>He visibly relaxed at your words, breathing an audible sigh of relief. His head dropped back into his hands, though, and he remained like that for a while. When he finally brought his head back up a few minutes later he seemed to have regained his composure.</p><p>“Did I say or do anything weird?” he asked hesitantly. “When you first got there?”</p><p>You thought back through everything that had happened. He honestly hadn’t acted all that differently than he usually did. Him being playful and saying silly, sweet things that he didn’t really mean wasn’t anything new.</p><p>“Not really,” you replied honestly. “You were just really giggly and really worried about your shirt.”</p><p>“You called it a ‘jammy’ and talked about it like it was alive which was rather entertaining,” you said lightly, cracking a tiny smile for the first time all day.</p><p>“I’m going to kill that fucking shirt,” he muttered to himself.</p><p>“Oh and you said I was ‘shiny’ because of my sequin tank top,” you added with a small laugh, purposefully not mentioning that he’d also then called you pretty.</p><p>“Yea I <em> definitely </em> don’t remember saying that,” he said nervously.</p><p>It got quiet again after that. You wondered if he was going to mention putting you to bed or you wearing his clothes or any of the other things that he was supposed to have remembered. Part of you was mortified to talk about those things, but another part of you needed some sort of closure from it all. However, Tae soon made it clear that he had no intention of talking about them now or ever again.</p><p>“Can we just pretend like it never happened?” he asked softly. “Please?” He had turned back to look at you and the pained expression he wore broke your heart all over again. </p><p>If you had any doubts about it before, they were all gone now; it was all just a huge mistake, every part of it. The entire night was one he wholeheartedly regretted and wanted to forget.</p><p>“Yea”, you agreed, turning to the window as you blinked back tears. “I think that would be best for both of us.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Comments are always appreciated! I especially love to hear what you think is going on inside Tae's beautiful head :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Just. So. Tired.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Just wanted to give a quick heads up that this chapter, as well as the next few, deal with topics related to depression. There's nothing too heavy or explicit, but signs and symptoms are discussed. </p><p>Also, while everyone reading this obviously knows this is a fictional story, there are parallels to real life scattered throughout. Tae struggling with his mental health is something that did actually happen last year; that much is clear from the lyrics in Blue &amp; Grey and his solo Weverse interview. As a Tae-biased member of ARMY, I just thought it was important to both acknowledge his real-life experience and reiterate that creative liberties have been taken in the telling of this story. In all honesty, this storyline is as much a reflection of my own experience with depression as it is a projection of Tae's, if not more, so please know that I mean no disrespect to him by sharing it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The last few months had been a blur. Preparing for a comeback in the middle of award show season right after finishing a world tour had been an ambitious undertaking. In all honesty, it had probably been too much. There had been busy stretches before over the last three years, but never anything like this. </p><p>LOVE YOURSELF World Tour. MMA. MAMA. First album photoshoot. KBS Music Festival. New Year’s Rockin Eve. Second album photoshoot. Golden Disc Awards. Black Swan MV shoot. ON Kinetic MV shoot. The Grammys. iHeartRadio Live. The Map of the Soul: 7 album launch. The Tonight Show with the Grand Central Station performance. The Late Late Show. </p><p>The early mornings and late nights, the erratic schedule, the endless traveling, living out of a suitcase in a random, cold hotel room. So many different costumes to fit and order and tailor and clean and press. Practices, dress rehearsals, performances. And people, so many people, always asking something, shouting something, <em> wanting </em> something. </p><p>On top of that all that was the crushing weight of what had happened after The Grammys. True to your word, you had not spoken of it since that day in the lounge, but what you weren’t outwardly expressing was slowly eating away at you inside. That tiny little glimpse into what life with Tae could be like had turned out to be far more potent a poison than you thought possible. Over and over the movie replayed in your head: the momentary bliss after waking up in his bed followed by the utter devastation when you remembered he didn’t want you there.</p><p>It was all just so much that by the time you got home from America at the end of February, you and the rest of the team - staff, management, and members alike - were all utterly exhausted.</p><p>Thankfully, March was much quieter. With no more award shows or promotional performances, there was finally time to relax and recharge. Slowly but surely, everyone was starting to bounce back. </p><p>Everyone except Tae.</p><p>It wasn’t just that he was exhausted. No, it was much more than that. His whole essence seemed to be muted and dimmed, like he was underwater or behind a veil. He hardly smiled and when he did, it never touched his eyes. He didn’t laugh or joke with you or anyone else for that matter. He was quiet almost all of the time when you were working on him. </p><p>You were growing more and more worried about him each day, as was everyone else in the group and on the staff. ARMY had also begun to notice that something was wrong which of course then led to tons of speculation. People were making all kinds of assumptions and prying into his personal life even more than usual. There were rumors of a breakup, a fallout with his family, substance abuse, and a litany of other preposterous scenarios.</p><p>ARMY was also beginning to comment on how he looked in photos, interviews and Vlives, which is what brought him into the studio late one afternoon after filming an episode of Run BTS!</p><p>You had already been there for hours cataloging the guys’ numerous performance outfits from the last few months, cursing Mrs. Choi the entire time for once again assigning you this tedious task. It had to be done after every comeback and somehow, despite there being seven stylists, you had done it four times in three years. When you heard the door to the studio open, you thought perhaps one of the other stylists had come to help or at least keep you company, but when you looked up you were surprised to see Tae. You were happy at first to see him, but he looked sad, as usual these days, which instantly made you sad too.</p><p>“Hi, Noona,” he said flatly as he slumped down into his chair and looked down at the ground.</p><p>You put down the three-piece suit you’d been recording and walked over to him. You leaned against the mirror to face him, but he didn’t look up. </p><p>“Hi, Tae,” you said, trying to hide the worry in your voice. “What’s up?”</p><p>For a while he didn’t say anything. He just sat there pulling at a loose thread on the sleeve of his sweater. It was slowly growing longer as the stitches of the seam unraveled one by one. </p><p>“ARMY says I look bad,” he finally said, sounding so dejected it made your heart hurt.</p><p>He lifted his head up as he said that, but didn’t look at you. Instead, his gaze was forward towards his reflection in the mirror. </p><p>“They don’t like these,” he continued as he pointed to the small bags under his eyes.</p><p>At that, your heart nearly burst. You wanted to wrap him in a giant hug and tell him whoever said that was stupid and that he looked perfect, always. And, you wanted to tell him that you weren’t just saying that because you were his stylist, but because his face was your favorite face in the whole world, bags and all.</p><p>However, you also wanted to punch whoever had said this about him in the first place. It truly sickened you sometimes how cruel some people on the internet could be. They said things sometimes that were so just incredibly hurtful. It was as if they had forgotten that the people they were talking about were actual human beings with actual feelings that could be hurt just like everyone else’s. </p><p>Anyone with eyes could see that Tae was sad and exhausted and going through something. Why did people have to comment on it and drag him down further? It infuriated you and also made you feel extremely helpless; there was nothing you could do to protect him from these people.</p><p>“Can you hide them?” you heard him ask, his small voice pulling you from your thoughts.</p><p>Hearing him ask that, hearing him ask you to hide the evidence that he was not OK, just about broke you.</p><p>“Sure, Tae,” you replied quietly, your voice catching ever so slightly when you said his name. </p><p>He said nothing in reply so you turned away to search for a couple products in your bag. You located them right away, but took a few extra minutes to compose yourself before turning back around.</p><p>“Are you having trouble sleeping again?” you questioned hesitantly while you got started. </p><p>“I don’t know. I guess,” he mumbled in reply.</p><p>It was no secret that Tae periodically suffered from insomnia. The guys were always talking about how hard it was to get him up in the morning and there was a running joke in the fandom about him posting and commenting on Weverse at all hours of the night. He usually played it off and laughed along with everyone, but you knew it was anything but funny. </p><p>You could always tell right away when he’d had a sleepless night. It wasn’t just that there would be bags under his eyes or that he would be yawning constantly or legitimately falling asleep in his chair. He would just be <em> off</em>. He wouldn’t smile. He wouldn’t make jokes or laugh. He wouldn’t engage much in conversation and would really only speak when spoken to. When he did speak, his words would be short and also sometimes sharp.</p><p>You didn’t push him on those days, didn’t try to force small talk or ask him what was wrong. You just let him be.</p><p>One of the things you most loved and appreciated about Tae was how openly he shared his feelings. When he was happy, it showed. When he was sad, it showed. Whatever he was feeling at any particular moment, it showed. You knew it was something he was self-conscious of, people were forever criticizing him for it, but you also knew it wasn’t something he could control. Some people just felt things so deeply that they couldn’t hide them, that it wasn’t healthy to hide them and bottle them up. They needed to feel their feelings. Tae was one of those people.</p><p>As you stood there dabbing under his eyes, covering up the proof that something was so very wrong, you felt like an accomplice in a crime. The bags were a symptom of the sleepless nights which were a symptom of something else entirely. Hiding the bags was a bandaid on a bullet wound.</p><p>“Tae,” you began hesitantly. “Are you <em> OK </em>?”</p><p>“I’m just. so. <em> tired</em>,” he said defeatedly as he dropped his head into his hands.</p><p>When he said that you knew he wasn’t talking about sleep anymore. He was talking about the kind of tired that creeps into your mind and lingers there for days and weeks and months on end. The kind that tugs on the corners of your smile and reminds you not to laugh too loud. The kind that makes you say ‘I’m Fine’ over and over again until the words begin to sound strange on your tongue. It’s the kind of tired that keeps you up at night, gets infinitely worse when you don’t sleep, but then somehow never seems to get better even when you do sleep. </p><p>You knew all this, knew all about the different manifestations of this particular kind of tired, because you had also once been just. so. <em> tired.</em></p><p>“Tae,” you said gently. “You know you can come talk to me anytime, right?” As you said this, you reached down and took his hand. It was so much bigger than your own, but somehow it looked so small right now. <em> He </em> looked so small right now. </p><p>“I know,” he replied, eyes still trained on the ground.</p><p>“But, you can also come to me and not talk,” you said softly.</p><p>He finally looked up when you said this so you continued.</p><p>“We can just sit here together if you’d like. Maybe listen to music. I can do my work and you can do something else that’s quiet and relaxing. Write. Paint. Edit photos. Whatever you want. But we don’t have to talk about <em> it </em> or anything else if you don’t want to,” you said reassuringly.</p><p>He was looking at you now, really looking at you.</p><p>“Sometimes it’s good to be alone with your thoughts without being physically alone,” you said, looking back at him. “You can think and try to work through things and if it gets to be too much inside you have help outside.”</p><p>He stared at you for a long time, his dark eyes searching yours. He sat there wordlessly for so long that you thought perhaps he hadn’t heard you or, if he did, that he just didn’t understand what you had tried to say. You were just about to speak up to clarify what you meant or maybe even take it back altogether when he finally responded.</p><p>“OK,” he said. “We can try that.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. You're Not Broken</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Over the next several weeks, you two developed a routine of sorts. At the end of his shorter days, before heading home for the evening, he would come by the studio and just exist in the same space as you for a little while. Hanging around the studio after the other stylists left was something you already did rather often due to the endless number of menial but time consuming tasks Mrs. Choi always assigned you; some of your ‘favorites’ including re-tailoring outfits the guys had already worn and would almost certainly never wear again or researching the latest fashion trends and writing memos on them that you were positive she never even read.    </p><p>The first time Tae came by, he entered the room so slowly and so hesitantly it was as if he thought he was walking into some kind of trap. Having seen the way everyone had treated him lately, always asking him ‘What’s wrong’ and telling him to smile, and having yourself unknowingly walked into several ‘interventions’ arranged by friends and family members, you understood why. Even though you had said he didn’t have to talk about <em> it</em>, he was probably still worried that you would immediately begin peppering him with questions. To assure him you meant what you said, you looked up at him, gave him a small smile and a wave, and then quickly returned to what you were working on. He sat down on the couch in the corner and didn’t say a word the rest of the afternoon and neither did you.  </p><p>Usually he brought his laptop, sometimes he just brought a notebook, and a couple times he brought a sketchbook. Most times he opted to sit on the couch and every once in a while he sat at the table with you. The one thing he always did as soon as he arrived was take off his shoes which always made you smile; that silly, quirky habit was a reminder that the Kim Taehyung you knew and loved was still in there somewhere. </p><p>You two occasionally made small talk when he first arrived, but oftentimes you didn’t speak at all while he was there. He did, however, always give you a smile when he walked in and said goodbye before he left. The few times you happened to leave at the same time, you walked out to the parking garage together, a comfortable silence hanging between you until you parted ways towards your cars.  </p><p>While he was there you would watch him sometimes out of the corner of your eye, wishing desperately that you could know what was going on inside his head. He was usually very stoic, his expressionless face giving nothing away, but every once in a while you would see the facade falter. A confused, hurt, or frustrated look would color his features for a couple moments as whatever he was thinking about began bubbling to the surface. There were several instances where you thought he might be ready to talk, might finally be ready to let you in, but he always ended up pushing whatever he was feeling back down. </p><p>That was fine, though. You didn’t want to force things. He would talk when he was ready.</p><p>~~~ </p><p>One night a couple weeks in, you were hemming some pants at the table while Tae was on the couch doing something on his laptop. He’d come in about an hour ago, and had been furiously typing away ever since, but he suddenly stopped. Having grown strangely accustomed to the sound of clicking keys during that time, you looked up at him once it was no longer filling the room. </p><p>“I’m the reason we almost disbanded in 2018,” he said flatly. He was staring at the screen, fingers still resting on the keyboard, but he was completely still.</p><p>“Jin-Hyung’s speech at MAMAs,” he continued after a moment. “He was talking about me.”</p><p>Instantly, your mind flashed with images of a bright red haired Tae crying on stage into Jungkook’s shoulder. It was one of the most heart wrenching sights you have ever seen. Their entire acceptance speech had been one blow after another, starting with Hobi’s rare show of emotion and ending with Jin’s devastating admission. You and the rest of the staff had cried right along with the guys as you stood backstage. Just thinking about it again now made your throat tighten and your eyes sting.</p><p>“I wanted to be done. I didn’t want to write. I didn’t want to record. I didn’t want to practice. I didn’t want to do interviews or shows or performances. I didn’t want to be an idol anymore,” he said, his voice now wavering a bit.</p><p>“I wasn’t going to renew my contract. I told the guys they should resign without me, but they refused and said they would rather just disband. They said BTS wouldn’t be BTS with six, BTS wouldn’t be BTS without <em> me </em>.” His voice caught as he said that last part and it took him a couple seconds to regain his composure.</p><p>“We didn’t, obviously, which I am so grateful for,” he continued shakily. “But, the way I felt then, I feel that same way now.”</p><p>“I just feel sad and I don’t know why. Everyone keeps asking what’s wrong and I don’t know what to say. There isn’t one specific thing that’s wrong. <em>Everything is just</em> <em>wrong</em>,” he said in frustration, his voice breaking. His hands were starting to shake and you could see tears welling up in his eyes.</p><p>“Nothing makes me happy anymore. Seeing ARMY doesn’t make me happy. Joking with guys doesn't make me happy. Playing with Tannie doesn’t make me happy. Visiting my family doesn’t make me happy. Being with you doesn’t even make me happy anymore,” he cried as a truly heart wrenching sob finally left him.</p><p>At the sound of him sobbing, your brain just shut down. You honestly didn’t even process any of what he just said. You had seen him cry several times before over the years, but never like <em> this</em>.</p><p>Before you could even think about what you were doing, you got out of your chair, strode across the room, sat down next to him, and wrapped him in your arms. He molded into you instantly, his face buried in your neck and his arms snaked around your waist. You pulled him in as close as possible and just held him as he cried. </p><p>“It’s OK. It’s OK. You’re OK,” you said soothingly as you rubbed his back. “I’ve got you, Tae. I’ve got you.”</p><p>He cried for a long time, so long that your arms started to hurt from holding him so tightly, but you didn’t care. You weren’t going to let go. Not when he was hurting like this. Not when he needed someone who loved him to take care of him. You would be that person for him right now, even if he didn’t know it. You just wanted him to be OK, wanted him to be happy again. You would do anything to see him happy and smiling and laughing again.</p><p>Eventually his sobs quieted down to sporadic hiccups and after a while you heard him mumbling something into your neck.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” you finally realized he was saying.</p><p>“Tae, don’t say that. You have nothing to be sorry for,” you said softly as you stroked his hair. </p><p>“But I do. Last time, I hurt everyone and almost ruined everything because of how I felt. This time, I thought maybe if I just don’t talk about it things won’t get so bad, but honestly they’ve just gotten worse,” he said sadly.</p><p>Your heart broke when he said those words. It was difficult and harmful for anyone to hold in feelings like that for so long, but knowing how expressive Tae usually was, you knew it must have been absolutely tearing him up inside to keep all that to himself.</p><p>“I just feel stupid for feeling this way,” he continued. “What is wrong with me? Why can’t I get it together like everyone else? We all went through the same schedule, but no one else is broken.”</p><p>“Tae, there’s nothing <em> wrong </em> with you. You’re not <em> broken </em>,” you said gently, but firmly. “You’re struggling mentally right now and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone does at some point.”</p><p>You could sense him about to challenge you on this, so you decided it was time to share with him something you had only shared with a handful of people before.</p><p>“I struggled with depression for a long time,” you admitted slowly. “For a whole year, actually.”</p><p>“When was this?” he asked, pulling back to look at you with a worried expression.</p><p>“It was before I started here, back while I was in college,” you explained, touched that his first reaction wasn’t judgement but instead concern.</p><p>He leaned his head back down on your shoulder.</p><p>“A year is a long time,” he said quietly.</p><p>“It was the longest and worst year of my life,” you said softly.</p><p>He was quiet then for a couple minutes as his hands fidgeted by your side. You weren’t sure what you were supposed to say next so you just sat there, absentmindedly rubbing little circles on his back with your thumb, waiting for him to respond. </p><p>“Do you want to talk about it?” he eventually asked in a low and tentative voice.</p><p>“I can...but it’s a really long story,” you said hesitantly. “And, I know it’s late and you’re probably tired and hungry.”</p><p>He looked down at his watch. “Shoot, I didn’t realize how late it was.” </p><p>Him shifting his arm suddenly made you acutely aware of the fact that you two were still holding onto each other. You panicked internally as you tried to think of the least awkward way to extricate yourself from him. In the moment it had felt right to embrace him, but you suddenly felt very insecure about that decision.</p><p>“You know I am pretty hungry,” he then said a moment later as he pulled away from you to bring out his phone. You felt a pang in your chest at the abrupt loss of contact, at how quickly and easily he let go, but you immediately scolded yourself for it. The crisis was over. He didn’t need you anymore. It was late and he was tired and hungry. Of course he would want to leave. </p><p>As you sat there berating yourself for once again getting attached, this time both literally and figuratively, you became so lost in your thoughts that you didn’t even realize he was talking to you. </p><p>“What?” you asked as you turned to face him.</p><p>“What do you want?” he repeated as he continued scrolling through something on his phone.</p><p>“What do I want for what?” you questioned.</p><p>“To eat,” he said with a laugh. “What do you want to eat for dinner?”</p><p>You were now thoroughly confused. When you didn’t respond he finally turned to look at you only to find you staring at him with an absolutely bewildered expression on your face.</p><p>“If it’s a long story we’re going to need food,” he said slowly, giving you a serious look. </p><p>Having finally realized what he was talking about, how he was suggesting he’d like to spend his evening, you found you had absolutely no words.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Sad, But Beautiful</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He ordered <em> so </em> much food. The takeout bags were so heavy that he said he had to stop and take a break as he walked back to the studio after meeting the delivery guy at the Big Hit entrance. You had only asked for one item off of your favorite takeout restaurant’s menu, but he scoffed at that and said ‘comfort food knows no bounds’. He then proceeded to order every item he remembered you ever ordering from this restaurant over the years which ended up being literally half the menu.</p>
<p>With the food finally there and all laid out before you guys, you began telling him your long story. You told him about your mom getting sick your sophomore year of college and how she only made it six months after that. How hard it was to watch her slowly fade away. You told him about the funeral and the sheer devastation you felt seeing your dad and sisters cry, but knowing there was nothing you could do to help. </p>
<p>You told him about your subsequent downward spiral. How you stopped eating and got scarily thin. How you stopped going to class and had to drop out for a semester. How you stopped talking to your friends and leaving your apartment. How you stopped really living.</p>
<p>You cried <em> a lot</em>. At first you were horrified and tried to hold it back, but after he held your hand and told you it was OK to cry you stopped fighting. It felt good to let it out. It felt good to talk about your mom, even if it made you sad. You never really got to talk about her anymore which only made you miss her more. </p>
<p>No one at Big Hit knew what had happened to her or what then happened to you. It was just too long and painful and difficult a story to tell. On the few occasions where someone asked about her, you had always just said that she wasn’t around anymore and left it at that. That’s what you had told Tae when he asked about your family the first week you started at Big Hit. </p>
<p>He said he understood why you hadn’t felt comfortable sharing the truth then, but admitted that it hurt to know how long you’d kept this secret. He wasn’t mad; he just felt guilty, felt like he should have known something this important about someone he spent almost every day with. He said he’d wanted to ask you about her so many times over the years, but never knew how. He got emotional too when he told you how sorry he was that he never asked. </p>
<p>Eventually your voice grew hoarse from talking and crying so he took over as the sharer. He talked more about how he was feeling now and also how he felt a couple years ago. How he felt it was becoming harder and harder to be himself on camera now that he was older and quieter and more reserved. How he worried that people really only loved ‘V’ and not Kim Taehyung. He had a lot of insecurities that you wouldn’t have thought someone who was one of the most popular and desired people in the world would have, but, contrary to his ethereal looks, he was indeed very human.</p>
<p>There were a lot of things that contributed to him feeling the way he did right now and, although he didn’t outright say it, you got the feeling that what happened after The Grammys was one of them. He talked a lot about how him being an idol affected his family and friends, how he was constantly worrying about them being safe and comfortable when they were with him. Thinking back to your conversation in the lounge, out of everything that happened that fateful night, it was the idea that you might have felt unsafe or uncomfortable with him that clearly made him most upset. It made your heart absolutely ache to think that he might still worry or feel guilty about that now.</p>
<p>~~~</p>
<p>At some point, after you’d eaten your fill and talked about everything there was to talk about, you started listening to music. Back and forth you went playing your favorite songs and explaining why they were meaningful to you. Around that time you’d also abandoned the couch, instead opting to lay on the floor. It wasn’t comfortable, per say, but the smooth, cool surface was oddly soothing after such an intense release of raw emotion.</p>
<p>This is how you eventually found yourself in your current state, eyes closed, sprawled out like a starfish, listening to Debussy’s most famous composition, ‘Clare de Lune’.</p>
<p>“I used to listen to this song on repeat for hours upon hours back when it all happened,” you confessed. “When I was studying or trying to fall asleep or just felt overwhelmed in general. It relaxed me, always helped calm me down.”</p>
<p>A brief moment of silence passed before you quietly added, “It was my mom’s favorite song to play on the piano.”</p>
<p>“It’s a beautiful song,” Tae said gently. “Sad too, but in a beautiful sort of way.”</p>
<p>“Yes, sad, but beautiful,” you repeated softly.</p>
<p>A few minutes of heavy, but not uncomfortable silence passed before he spoke again. “Do you play too?”</p>
<p>“Huh?” you asked, eyebrow arched.</p>
<p>“The piano. Do you also play?” he clarified.</p>
<p>“Oh, no. Absolutely not,” you said with a laugh. “I can play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and that’s about it.”</p>
<p>“I could teach you,” he said simply as he turned to look at you.</p>
<p>Your mind instantly flashed with images of what that might look like. You two sitting side by side on a piano bench, thighs touching. His long, beautiful fingers brushing yours as he showed you which keys to press. It would be an intimate affair, one far too dangerous for you to handle without losing your sanity. You practically shuddered at the thought.</p>
<p>“That is quite generous of you,” you said looking back at him, “but I’m pretty sure you should be removing things from your plate right now, not adding them. You work way too much as it is.”</p>
<p>“I guess I do,” he admitted with a tight smile. “But, I’m supposed to be practicing anyway. Who says I have to practice alone?” He then looked away before adding, “Besides, it wouldn’t be work if you were there.”</p>
<p>“What <em> would </em> it be then?” you heard yourself ask. Your own eyes went wide the moment the words left your lips. You had not meant to ask that question. It was late and you were tired and in a food coma and drunk off of all this time with him and it had just slipped out. You wanted to take it back instantly, wanted to pretend like you hadn’t just implied it would <em> be </em> anything. And yet, as you waited for him to respond, you found yourself nervously staring upwards, eyes trailing a crack in a broken ceiling tile, hoping and wishing and praying for him to say that it would be a date.</p>
<p>He wasn’t saying anything, though, and the suspense was killing you, so you turned your head to find him already looking back at you with a curious smile. He opened his mouth to respond, but before any words had the chance to pass through his perfect, pink lips, the door to the studio opened.</p>
<p>“What in the world?” you heard an old man say. “Why are you kids still here? And why are you on the floor?”</p>
<p>You both shot upwards into the sitting position and looked over to the door to find one of the janitors giving you the strangest look you’d ever seen.</p>
<p>“It’s after midnight you know,” he continued grumpily.</p>
<p>You two turned to look at each other and the moment your eyes met the absurdity of the situation seemed to dawn on you both. Here you were in the middle of the night, laying on the dirty floor, surrounded by enough food to feed a small army. This janitor had every reason to think you were both insane.</p>
<p>Tae was the first one to crack a smile and you quickly brought your hand to your face to cover your own. He was giving you that look, the one that meant he was about to lose it, and you shook your head at him, willing him to keep it together, but it was too late.</p>
<p>The laugh that he let out a moment later could only be described as an absolute eruption of sound. It literally echoed off the walls and startled the janitor so much that he dropped his broom. It was loud and deep and completely unbridled. It was, without a doubt, the most beautiful sound you had ever heard.</p>
<p>Before you knew it you were laughing too. You were laughing so hard that you couldn’t breathe, so hard that you started crying and your stomach began to ache. Every time you thought you were done and had pulled yourself together, you would make the mistake of looking back at him only to lose it all over again. You kept trying to talk, kept trying to say something to the janitor to explain, but you could not form words, let alone complete sentences.</p>
<p>You two laid there writhing on the floor for so long that eventually the janitor threw his hands up, declared didn’t get paid enough to deal with this crap, and then left. </p>
<p>Finally, after who knows how long, you both had stopped shaking and crying and had quieted down.</p>
<p>“Are you good?” he asked, still slightly breathless.</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” you answered, eyes trained on the floor. “I’m afraid to look at you.”</p>
<p>At that he let out a little snicker.</p>
<p>“Stop,” you whined. “I can’t laugh anymore. It hurts.”</p>
<p>He let out another chuckle before thankfully growing silent.</p>
<p>“I haven’t laughed like that in a long time,” he said after a few minutes. “<em>We </em> haven’t laughed like that.”</p>
<p>“I know,” you replied, a tinge of sadness in your voice. “I missed it.”</p>
<p>“Me too,” he agreed.</p>
<p>It was quiet again for a little while and, though you could have easily laid their basking in the afterglow of your laughing fit all night, you realized the two of you actually should head home soon.</p>
<p>“Ok. I’m going to get up now. Can you please behave and keep it together so we can get out of here in one piece?” you questioned in as serious a tone as you could muster.</p>
<p>“Yes Mrs. Choi,” he said mockingly.</p>
<p>You <em> almost </em> lost it again when he said that, but miraculously you stayed strong. You got up and then he got up and you two began cleaning up wordlessly and without making eye contact.</p>
<p>~~~</p>
<p>Ten minutes later you were standing in the parking garage about to part ways and head towards your respective cars. You suddenly felt a strong urge to give him a hug, and almost gave in to that temptation, but at the last second you came to your senses. This wasn’t a date where you gave goodbye hugs. Besides, you had gotten to hug him earlier, <em> hold him</em>, even. That was enough. That needed to be enough.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” he said as he turned to look at you. “For making me feel better and making me laugh. For everything.”</p>
<p>“You’re welcome,” you said in reply, giving him a smile. “Thanks for listening to my long story.”</p>
<p>“I’m glad you told me,” he said sincerely. </p>
<p>He was quiet then for a couple moments as he gazed intently at you, studying your face.</p>
<p>“Promise me you’ll tell me if you ever feel sad like that again, OK?” he asked in a serious, but kind voice.</p>
<p>“OK. I will,” you replied softly. “I promise.”</p>
<p>You were about to say goodbye and turn to leave when he suddenly reached out and wrapped you in a hug. It surprised you so much that for a second you just awkwardly stood there with your arms at your sides, but you snapped out of it and hesitantly hugged him back. It was a friendly hug, there was still plenty of space between the two of you, but it lasted long enough to make your heart start racing.</p>
<p>“Goodnight, Y/N,” he said as he pulled away and started walking towards his car.</p>
<p>“Goodnight, Tae,” you called back. </p>
<p>You then got in your car and drove home, a tiny smile and a massive blush on your face the entire time. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Good Girl</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ya girl is thirsty AF.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Over the last two months, Tae had continued coming to the studio in the late afternoons when he had time. He had been doing much better lately which you were extremely grateful for. After breaking down with you in the studio that night, he’d opened up to the other members about how he was feeling and started seeing a therapist shortly after. The change didn’t happen overnight, there were still days where he struggled and seemed off, but he was clearly making progress which was all that mattered. </p><p>Things between you and him had also been really good, the best they’d ever been, actually. You two were back to joking and laughing and getting yelled at by Mrs. Choi regularly. He was also back saying sweet things and being affectionate, even more so than before. It was dangerous, you knew, to let yourself get caught up, but after months of him being so reserved and awkward around you, you couldn’t help but desperately crave that attention.  </p><p>Even though you hadn’t talked about it specifically, it felt like you’d both finally moved past what happened after The Grammys. The experience you’d shared that night in the studio seemed to break down whatever wall had formed between the two of you and brought you even closer together. On the drive home that night you’d come to the realization that, in addition to being the unrequited love of your life, Tae was also your best friend. </p><p>The guys were gearing up for yet another comeback; the tradeoff to not touring this year being that they would release twice as much music. They were also preparing to release their first all-English single, ‘Dynamite’, which is why Tae spent most of his extra time in the studio studying the foreign language. He wanted to improve his pronunciation for the song and also be able to communicate more easily during interviews and with I-ARMY on Weverse.</p><p>Listening to him talk to himself and repeat the phrases he was hearing in his headphones was incredibly entertaining and highly distracting. Every now and then you would stop what you were doing and just watch him quietly mumbling to himself, an adorably determined look on his face. He would sometimes say things to you in English, just a word or short phrase. You would ask him what he said and usually he would tell you, but sometimes he would just give you a cheeky smile and put his headphones back on.</p><p>You tried your best not to overanalyze the situation. You were just two colleagues at the office doing work. The two of you never stayed nearly as late as you did that one time, though, he did occasionally order food if you both worked until dinnertime. Half the time you weren’t even alone since he’d started sometimes bringing Jimin and Jungkook along with him. Honestly, you were grateful when they were there too; it was far less likely that someone would get the wrong idea about things if he was there with the other members and not just you. </p><p>Nonetheless, you couldn’t stop your heart from fluttering when you let yourself think about it more deeply. He was purposefully choosing to spend more time in the same place as you. You tried to remind yourself that he probably only did that because the studio was a convenient and comfortable location for him to work, but every once in a while you let yourself wonder if the reason he came was simply because he wanted to be with you.</p><p>~~~</p><p>One Friday afternoon in early May the two of you were alone in the studio together. Tae was over on the couch writing what appeared to be song lyrics while you were at the table on your laptop trying to place an online order for studio supplies. It was supposed to be Mrs. Choi’s job to do this, so you were already annoyed that she had asked you to do it, but the fact that the website kept crashing and erasing your cart had you beyond frustrated.   </p><p>About ready to hurl your computer at the wall, you decided to take a break and go for a walk to calm down. Aggravated and not paying attention, you quickly went to get up only to realize too late that your left foot was awkwardly wedged between the chair and the table. In an instant, you were falling backwards, your ankle twisting severely in the process.</p><p>“Owwwww,” you yelped in pain on the way down.   </p><p>“Noona?!” Tae said in alarm as he leapt to his feet and rushed over to you. “Are you OK?”</p><p>Having just gotten the wind knocked out of you, all you could manage in reply was a cough. He quickly helped you up into the sitting position, but then kept his hand on your back, patting it gently until your coughing fit subsided. After a minute or so, you could finally breathe and talk.</p><p>“Wow, that was so embarrassing,” you mumbled, your cheeks burning.</p><p>“No it wasn’t,” he assured you. “Stuff like that just happens.”</p><p>You covered your face with your hands, still feeling entirely mortified despite his kind words.</p><p>“Remember that time I fell on stage in Osaka during Blood, Sweat, &amp; Tears in front of thousands of people and it ended up on YouTube?” he asked with a grin. “Now <em> that </em> was embarrassing.”</p><p>You smiled a bit at the memory and the fact that he brought it up just to make you feel less stupid.</p><p>“I even cried afterwards and, look, you’re not crying now,” he went on before adding teasingly, “You’re being such a good girl. I’m so proud.”</p><p>At that you couldn’t help but laugh, which made Tae’s face break out into a bright smile, but you also couldn’t help but blush over the fact that he’d just called you a ‘good girl’. Even when said playfully, that phrase sounded sinful off of his tongue. </p><p>Oblivious to the effect those two words had clearly had on you, he then leaned over and gently lifted your foot and began slowly moving it around. You winced and inhaled sharply when he turned it inwards to which he mouthed a small ‘Sorry’.</p><p>“I think you might have sprained your ankle,” he then said with a pout. “I’ve done it more times than I can count while learning choreography.”</p><p>“Ugh, I don’t have time for this,” you said frustratedly. “I need to get back to work.” </p><p>As you said this, you attempted to pull your foot away from him and get up, but he stopped you, his grip on your foot tightening ever so slightly.</p><p>“What you <em> need </em> is to rest, elevate your foot, and put ice on that ankle,” he said seriously, giving you a stern look.</p><p>You gulped. Serious, stern Tae was <em> so </em> fucking hot.</p><p>“Here, let me take you to the couch,” he said, moving as if to pick you up.</p><p>“No, no, no. You can’t,” you replied in alarm, eyes wide as he reached out to you. “I-I’m too heavy.”</p><p>He paused for a second and gave you a curious little smirk. </p><p>“No you’re not,” he said slowly before adding in a low voice. “I’ve carried you before.”</p><p>Before you even had time to register what he had just said, he put one arm around your back and the other under your legs and lifted you up like you weighed nothing at all. Reflexively, you wrapped your arms around his neck, but you regretted that action immediately; you were now snuggled closely to his chest, your face all but burrowed into his neck. </p><p>“Besides, I’m a lot stronger now,” he added casually as he started walking towards the couch. </p><p>That you did not doubt. Jungkook had finally convinced him to start lifting weights a little over a month ago and it was already starting to show. It was honestly a godsend that Tae wasn’t a fan of tight clothing because even while wearing a loose shirt you could see that his arms and chest were more defined. It was incredibly distracting and had you ten times thirstier than usual when you were working closely with him in the studio or on set.</p><p>However, seeing those muscles was one thing. Feeling them bulging around you as he held you was another thing entirely. By the time he gently set you down on the couch a few moments later, you were officially hot and bothered. </p><p>“I’m going to go get you some ice, OK?” he said as he started towards the door.</p><p>Unable to form words, you simply nodded your head.</p><p>He had been gone for a couple minutes, and you were finally starting to calm down, when something else occurred to you.</p><p>
  <em> I’ve carried you before </em>
</p><p>The only time he could possibly be referring to was the night of The Grammys.</p><p>There was a part of you that always wondered if maybe you had gotten it wrong. Maybe you <em> did </em> get into the bed by yourself, but you just don’t remember. Maybe you sleepwalked. </p><p>But now it was official. He <em> had </em> carried you to bed that night. And he remembered that he carried you. And he brought up the fact that he carried you just now.</p><p>Suddenly your entire body was flushing all over again.</p><p>You were positive your face was absolutely scarlet when he returned a minute or so later, but he clearly didn’t notice as he came in and set to work on your ankle right away. </p><p>He had you sit with your legs out in front of you spread out over two cushions while he sat across from you on the third. He gently took your shoe off, rolled your pant leg back a bit, and then propped your injured foot up onto a pillow. He placed the ice pack on your ankle, but it kept sliding off so he eventually decided to just hold it there himself with one hand while he aimlessly scrolled through his phone with the other. You were also on your phone, perusing the news and an email from Mrs. Choi and any other decidedly unsexy things you could think of.</p><p>After fifteen minutes he removed the ice pack, setting it down on the floor beside the couch, but then his hand came back to rest on your ankle. You knew he had done it subconsciously, he had clearly just gotten used to his arm being in that position, but you panicked nonetheless. The heat of his hand contrasted so sharply with the cold from the ice pack that you shuddered. He, however, seemed completely unaware of your anxious and near-feral state as he absentmindedly began rubbing his thumb back and forth. </p><p>Needing to distract yourself from the tiny, yet intoxicating movements of his thumb, you popped in your headphones and pressed shuffle on your ‘Favorites’ playlist in Spotify. The universe must have had it out for you today, though, because the very first song that started playing was the absolute last one you needed to hear right now.</p><p>
  <em> Singularity. </em>
</p><p>Tae’s everyday speaking voice was already unbelievably sexy, but him singing this song was a legitimate aphrodisiac. You should have pressed the skip button immediately, but you didn’t. You just <em> couldn’t</em>.  </p><p>As you sat there, staring at his beautiful profile, his hand burning the skin of your ankle, his sultry voice singing in your ears, you simply could not stop the daydream in your head, the same one you’d had numerous times since the night of The Grammys...</p><p>
  <em> The moment he walked out of the bathroom you were wide awake. He was shirtless and wearing nothing more than a loose pair of shorts. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I know you’re wondering where you’re going to sleep tonight,” he said casually as he walked over to you. “So let me make this clear.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Not wanting to stare at his body, you averted your eyes to the floor, but he reached down and gently lifted your chin with his fingers until your gaze met his. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “You’re going to sleep with me in my bed,” he said, his voice dropping as his dark eyes filled with lust. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He then leaned down and scooped you up in his arms bridal style, his strong arms holding you tightly to his chest. After taking his time walking over to the bed, he gently laid you down on the soft comforter, resting your head against a plush pillow. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He went and turned off all the lights, save for the one emitting a soft glow from the bedside table beside you, before standing in front of you at the foot of the bed. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “You don’t know how long I’ve waited to have you like this,” he said as he crept onto the bed. “Laid out in my bed all pretty.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He crawled towards you and when he reached your knees he placed a gentle kiss on each one before nudging them apart. He continued moving forward until he was hovering over you, his hips between your legs. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I love the way you look in my clothes,” he said as he reached down and took both your hands, carefully lacing his fingers with yours. He then brought them up and pinned them against the bed on either side of your head before continuing. “But I’ll like it even more after I take them off.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> As he lowered his body onto yours, he began placing tender kisses all along your jaw and neck until he reached your ear. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “What do you say, Y/N?” he whispered, his hot breath making you shudder. “Are you going to be a good girl for me tonight?” </em>
</p><p>“Y/N?” you heard Tae’s voice call.</p><p>“YES,” you practically shouted, responding to daydream Tae rather than real life Tae. </p><p>You then pulled out your headphones and shook your head, trying to rid yourself of the filthy thoughts running through your mind. You looked over to find Tae staring at you expectantly. </p><p>“Sorry,” you said slowly as you felt your face grow hot. “I...uh...couldn’t hear you over the music.”</p><p>“Must have been a good song” he said casually, though, he was sporting a little knowing smirk. </p><p>“But anyway, I just wanted to warn you before I put the ice back on,” he continued a moment later.</p><p>“Oh, that’s fine,” you replied as you tried to calm your racing heart. “Cold is fine. Cold is good. Great, even.”</p><p>“You should ice it again when you get home,” he added as he gently placed the ice pack on your ankle again. “Or at least put it in some cold water.”</p><p>You nodded to him in reply.</p><p>
  <em> Yes, I will definitely be dousing my entire body in cold water as soon I get home.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Comments are always appreciated! I especially love to hear what you think is going on inside Tae's big, beautiful brain :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. The Way Things Are - Part 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Long, fluffy chapter as we build towards Part 2 ;)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was a week later and your ankle was killing you. You had most definitely sprained it, though, it appeared to be a relatively minor one. The fact that you started treating it so quickly had also lessened the severity and you had a certain beautiful, angel-voiced man to thank for that.</p><p>Tae had spent the rest of that afternoon icing your ankle on off every 15 minutes, his hand always coming back to rest on it once the ice pack was removed. After the third time he did that, you decided he must be doing it purposefully, though, you realized it was probably just to warm your skin between cold intervals so you didn’t get an ice burn. </p><p>Thankfully, he didn’t attempt to carry you to your car, but he did carry your bag and put your arm around his shoulders to support you while you limped to the parking garage. He told you to take it easy over the weekend, once again using his dangerously sexy stern voice, and threatened to make you use one of those ridiculous knee scooters if he found out you hadn’t listened. He then also asked that you text him when you got into your apartment so he knew you got home safely which you did. </p><p>You took it easy that weekend just like he asked and it definitely helped reduce the pain and swelling in your ankle. You also took that cold shower, but it unfortunately did nothing to dampen your now white hot desire for him. You just couldn’t stop thinking about his arms and his chest and him holding you <em> in </em> his arms tightly <em> to </em> his chest. Every time your mind wandered, it found its way to the memory of him carrying you to the couch which then morphed into the fantasy of him carrying you to his bed which made you a hot mess.</p><p>Keeping your mind occupied was therefore imperative and thankfully the guys had a busy week planned. They were filming for a ‘Dear Class of 2020’ virtual concert and graduation commencement speech. The performance was being filmed at the National Museum of Korea, which was somewhere you’d actually always wanted to visit, so you were really looking forward to the shoot. </p><p>After spending all week getting prepared, the team was finally on location that Friday ready to begin filming. You had just arrived, and were really excited to get started and also see the museum, but there was a slight problem. There were an absurd number of stairs to go down to get from the parking lot to the entrance and right now, with this ankle, stairs were not your friend.  </p><p>You were moving so slowly it was laughable. Mrs. Choi and the rest of the stylists had reached the bottom while you were still on the fifth step and other staff members only continued to fly by you. You had transferred all of your bags to your left hand so you could clutch the railing with your right hand, but that had caused you to be off-balance. Despite going one step at a time, and trying to support your weight with the railing, every step with your left foot was extremely painful.</p><p>You were about halfway down when suddenly the enormous weight in your left hand disappeared. Confused, you turned to find Tae, who had stepped beside you and lifted all of the bags up out of your hand. After transferring them to his other side, he then reached back out and took your free hand, holding it up high so you could use it to support yourself.  </p><p>“You were going so slow it was painful to watch,” he said teasingly as you took a step with your bad foot, your grip on his hand tightening in the process. Thankfully, it hurt considerably less.</p><p>“I would have been sitting in my chair an hour from now still waiting for you to arrive,” he continued with a laugh. Another step, a tighter grip, less pain.  </p><p>“Hey don’t make fun of me,” you whined, looking over at him with a pout. “It really hurts.”</p><p>“I know. I’m just kidding,” he said more seriously, though he was still smiling. </p><p>“I was worried,” he added a second later. “I wanted to make sure you got down safely.”</p><p>At his words, a shy smile crept onto your face and remained there the rest of the way down. When you finally got to the bottom you went to reach for your bags, but he swatted your hand away and insisted he keep carrying them. He then proceeded to walk with you at your snail’s pace until you reached the makeshift prep room inside the museum, alternating the whole time between making fun of you again and checking to see if you were OK.  </p><p>He had been doting on you like this all week long, always asking how you were doing and offering to help with anything you needed. You knew he was only doing it because you were hurt, and would stop as soon as you were better, but you didn’t care. It wasn’t everyday there was a totally platonic, non-contract-breaching reason for him to hold your hand so you were going to enjoy it while it lasted.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Tae was a ball of excited energy throughout the entire shoot which honestly made you completely forget about your throbbing ankle. A self-proclaimed ‘museum junkie’, he simply could not get over the fact that they were performing at the most famous one in the country. He had visited once before when he was younger, but hadn’t been back to visit recently due to scheduling and security issues. He kept saying he wanted to go exploring and eventually Namjoon scolded him and told him to not even think about wandering off. Tae replied back ‘Yes Hyung, I know’, but then shot you a mischievous grin to which you could only laugh and shake your head.</p><p>He was particularly needy during the shoot as far as styling went, but in an adorable sort of way. Whenever there were breaks between takes or songs he would come over saying he needed some sort of touch-up. First it was his hair which he said needed fluffing like it was some sort of luscious pillow. Then it was the flower pin on his jacket which he claimed was upside down even though it was symmetrical and there was no top or bottom. He also asked to have his lipstick reapplied three times because he wanted to make sure it really popped. Every time he came over he was sporting his big, boxy smile and every time it made your heart absolutely melt.</p><p>Partway through the shoot, you were in the prep room helping him get ready after he changed from his ‘Mikrokosmos’ outfit to his ‘Boy With Luv’ / ‘Spring Day’ outfit when Hyun came in and walked over. You hadn't talked to him all that much since the LA tour; he had come back on the bus that day to find you and Tae sitting together and cracking up about something and then proceeded to sit quietly by himself for the rest of the trip. You felt slightly guilty afterwards, wondering if maybe Hyun saw the tour as some kind of date, but he never brought it up again so you eventually just let it go.</p><p>“Hey Y/N,” Hyun said, leaning against the wall near where you were sitting and touching up Tae’s makeup.</p><p>“Hi, Hyun,” you hummed as you turned and gave him a quick smile.</p><p>“I saw you limping earlier on set,” he said. “I just wanted to come by and see if you were OK.”</p><p>“Oh, I fell last week and sprained my ankle,” you said casually.</p><p>“I’m sorry to hear that,” he replied, concern evident in his voice. “How did it happen?”</p><p>“I just tripped over something in the studio,” you answered, wincing slightly at the memory. “It was actually pretty embarrassing.”</p><p>“Ahh, a workplace injury,” Hyun then said in mock-seriousness. “You should sue.”</p><p>You gave a small laugh, understanding he was clearly trying to make a joke, but Tae apparently didn’t pick up on that.</p><p>“I was there when it happened,” the younger man interjected a bit defensively. “I made sure she was taken care of.”</p><p>You smiled upon hearing his words. He <em> had </em> taken care of you. He was <em> still </em> taking care of you. And, you were loving every second of it.</p><p>“Ah well, good thing you were there,” Hyun said, turning and giving Tae a tight smile.</p><p>You got back to working on Tae, noting with curiosity the smug little smile he now wore, before Hyun spoke again.</p><p>“So I’m guessing now wouldn’t be a good time to ask you to go dancing with me?” he questioned playfully. </p><p>“I’m afraid not,” you replied with a nervous laugh.</p><p>“Besides,” you added. “Even without a bum ankle I’m a terrible dancer.”</p><p>“That is false, Noona,” Tae said mischievously. “I’ve seen you on set doing our choreography when you think no one is watching.”</p><p>What he said was true; there were many times where you had found yourself mindlessly mimicking the guy's dancing while you were standing off to the side on set. Horrified that he had apparently witnessed this, you hid your face in your hands with a laugh. </p><p>“What about dinner?” Hyun then asked, a hopeful tone to his voice. “You don’t need your ankle for that.”</p><p>“I’ll take you to a Five-star restaurant,” he offered as a follow-up.</p><p>You were about to respond when Tae suddenly turned his head towards Hyun. </p><p>“You should know that Y/N’s diet consists almost exclusively of coffee, dark chocolate, and takeout,” he deadpanned. “Her body wouldn’t know what to do with gourmet food.”</p><p>“He’s not wrong,” you said as genuine laughter poured out of you. </p><p>Tae cracked a smile and then started laughing too and for a few moments you two were in your own little world. </p><p>“Hyun,” you eventually said once you had settled down. “We’ve got so much going on with the new single and the next comeback.”</p><p>“I really just can’t right now,” you continued gently.</p><p>Hyun regarded you and Tae for a few moments, an amused and curious expression on his face.</p><p>“OK, I understand,” he replied seriously before adding coyly. “I admire your commitment to your <em> work </em>.”</p><p>You, however, did not pick up on his slight change in tone.</p><p>“Will I at least see you at the staff Festa party in a couple weeks?” he added after a few moments.</p><p>“Yea I’ll be there,” you conceded.</p><p>“Alright, well, hopefully that ankle is strong enough for dancing by then,” he said, giving you a wink before turning and heading out of the room.</p><p>You blushed slightly at that and looked down at the floor only to look back up a few seconds later and see Tae giving you a wholly disapproving look. </p><p>“What?” you questioned.</p><p>“Your ankle will most definitely <em> not </em> be ready for dancing in two weeks,” he said seriously as he folded his arms across his chest.</p><p>
  <em> There he goes again being all serious and sexy  </em>
</p><p>“If you say so Dr. Kim,” you replied teasingly.</p><p>“I mean it. You try to bust a move at that party and you’ll reinjure it for sure,” he said, giving you a stern look.</p><p>“And then <em> I’ll </em> be stuck taking care of you again.” He said this in an exaggeratedly annoyed tone, as if taking care of you was a terrible inconvenience, but the little grin that had crept onto his face said quite the opposite.</p><p>You rolled your eyes at him to hide the fact that you almost wished you <em> would </em> reinjure your ankle just so he would keep spoiling you.</p><p>“Thank you, by the way,” you said quietly a minute later. “For taking care of me.” </p><p>“You know you don’t have to, though,” you went on shyly.</p><p>“I know,” he said matter-of-factly before adding sincerely. “I just want to.”</p><p>And then you were blushing all over again, ten times harder than after Hyun gave you his silly wink, as you tried and failed to calm the butterflies in your stomach. </p><p>~~~</p><p>It was pretty late into the evening by the time the performances wrapped up and the guys still had to have their individual interviews filmed. Tae went first, so you had to scramble to get him ready after their ‘Spring Day’ performance, but then you were done for the rest of the night which was great. </p><p>You had just plopped down on his chair, thrilled to finally give your ankle a break, when Mrs. Choi came over and informed you that, because you were done first, it would be your job to pack everything up and load it into the van. Incredulous, you simply stood there staring at her trying to determine if she was so oblivious that she had somehow missed you hobbling around set all day or if she was so heartless that she had seen but could care less that you were all but physically incapable of carrying out such a task.</p><p>Twenty minutes later you were angrily stuffing things into bags, muttering obscenities and ill-wishes under your breath, when you suddenly heard a familiar, deep voice coming from the doorway.</p><p>“Hello Mrs. Choi,” Tae asked in a low, almost sultry voice. You turned to see him leaning against the doorframe sporting an innocent but still somehow smoldering expression.</p><p>“Hello Taehyung,” Mrs. Choi replied with a smile as she looked over at him fondly. </p><p>“Might I say that is a lovely blouse,” Tae went on as he sauntered into the room, his hands in his pockets and a mischievous smile on his face. </p><p>“Oh, that’s very sweet of you,” the older woman replied with a nervous laugh, clearly flustered by his compliment.</p><p>“It’s true,” Tae went on sweetly. “You have excellent taste. It’s no wonder you’re in charge of our styling.”</p><p>Now completely frazzled, Mrs. Choi simply smiled back at him in reply. </p><p>“I was wondering,” Tae then went on. “Would it be possible for me to steal Y/N? I have a minor fashion emergency.” As he spoke, he turned and gave you a wink.</p><p>“Oh, well, she <em> was </em> in charge of packing up this evening, but I suppose if you need her that’s more important,” Mrs. Choi said somewhat disappointedly.</p><p>“You’re the <em> best</em>,” Tae said, giving her his boxy grin.</p><p>Before you could say anything, he grabbed your hand and whisked you out the door. He continued leading you down the hallway deeper into the museum until the two of you ended up in some sort of grand atrium. Safely out of sight and ear shot, you rounded on him.</p><p>“Did you just flirt with Mrs. Choi to get me out of packing up the van?” you asked with a laugh.</p><p>“It worked, didn't it?” he said, giving you a triumphant grin.</p><p>“Of course it worked,” you said, rolling your eyes. “TaeTae charm works on everyone.”</p><p>“<em>Everyone </em>?” he said exaggeratedly as he raised an eyebrow at you curiously.</p><p>You stuck your tongue out at him in reply before quickly changing the subject. </p><p>“I didn’t realize you were into <em> older </em> women,” you teased, giving him a smirk. As you said this, it dawned on you that technically you qualified as an older woman given that you were a year his senior.</p><p>“Maybe I am,” he said coyly before adding, “But not Mrs. Choi. Cranky and mean is definitely not my type."</p><p>“What is your type then?” you asked playfully, realizing too late you might not actually want to know the answer to that question.</p><p>“Hmm let’s see,” he pondered for a few moments before answering. “Feisty, technologically impaired, likes bingo, says wildly inappropriate and politically incorrect things at the dinner table.”</p><p>You stopped and keeled over as laughter spilled out of you and then echoed in the cavernous room.</p><p>“Shhh!” he scolded. “Stop laughing so loudly!”</p><p>“Well then stop telling me about your old lady fetish you weirdo!” you howled back, shaking with laughter.</p><p>At the words ‘old lady fetish’, he started dying too, your laughter now bouncing off the walls in tandem.</p><p>After calming down, the two of you then kept wandering down the corridor, periodically stopping to look at the different exhibits along the way. You stood for a long time marveling at the ten story pagoda and Tae even had you take a picture of him standing in front of it, striking an adorable flower pose when you said ‘Cheese’. It was thoroughly enjoyable experiencing the museum with him; he was curious about everything and asked thought provoking questions that made you look at things in a whole new light. As you went on, you couldn’t help but wonder if, in another life where you were together, this is the type of place he’d take you on a date.</p><p>You were pondering that thought, and then scolding yourself for letting your mind go there in the first place, when he suddenly stopped walking.</p><p>“Hey, let’s go in here,” he said, gesturing to a door that led to some fancy exhibit that was clearly under construction.</p><p>“We’re definitely not allowed to go in there,” you immediately cautioned. “It literally says ‘Do Not Enter’.”</p><p>He paid you no mind, though, as he walked over to the door.</p><p>“Tae, we’re going to get in trouble,” you continued as you gave him your sternest look.</p><p>“What are they going to do? Throw me in jail?,” he questioned, turning and giving you a mischievous look. “They can’t do that. I’m a national treasure.”</p><p>“OK, you did not just call yourself a national treasure,” you cried, trying to keep a straight face. </p><p>He gave you an impish grin in response before pushing down on the handle, opening the door, and walking inside.</p><p>Now feeling extremely exposed standing alone out in the corridor, you reluctantly followed him inside, wondering what on Earth you were getting yourself into.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Comments are always appreciated! I especially love to know what you think is going on inside Tae's big, beautiful brain.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. The Way Things Are - Part 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was rather dark in the room with the main source of light coming from overhead spotlights which illuminated six large statues along the perimeter. There was scaffolding along one of the walls, and a heap of equipment in one corner, which explained the construction tape outside. In the middle of the room were several rows of display cases filled with what looked to be very old, very delicate, and <em> very precious </em> artifacts; there were ornately-carved sculptures, jewel-clad vases and gold-plated war relics. However, the doors to all of the cases were surprisingly wide open, the pile of cleaning products at the base of one suggesting that the museum was taking advantage of the exhibit closure to spruce things up.</p><p>The fact that all of those artifacts were just sitting there out in the open made you shudder; you were <em>most</em> <em>definitely</em> not supposed to be here with access to them. </p><p>“Tae,” you whisper-shouted, a slight hint of panic in your voice. “We really shouldn’t be in here.”</p><p>“Wow, these are incredible,” he said, clearly ignoring your warning as he walked over to one of the statues.</p><p>Growing increasingly nervous, you went over to where he was standing on the far side of the room.</p><p>As you walked over to him, you thought back to the warning Mrs. Choi had given you and the rest of the stylists earlier in the day. She had repeated numerous times that it was an honor for the museum to have allowed the team to film there and reminded everyone to be respectful and considerate at all times. She had looked directly at you when she said that, which at the time pissed you off, but now here you were, clearly taking advantage of the museum’s hospitality and violating its rules.</p><p>“Tae,” you said more firmly, tugging on his sleeve as you spoke. “C’mon, we really need to go. It’s definitely against the rules for us to be here.”</p><p>“I’m tired of the rules,” he said wearily, though with an unmistakable bite to his tone, as his eyes remained trained on the statue like he was in some sort of trance.</p><p>You stared at him blankly, having no idea what that was supposed to mean. When you tugged at his sleeve again, this time much harder, and he didn't budge or even so much as blink, you gave up and let go. </p><p>This was definitely not the time or place for him to be having some sort of crisis and staging a rebellion. <em> He </em> might be an untouchable national treasure who wouldn’t get in trouble if someone found him in here, but <em> you </em> certainly weren’t. You needed to get out of this room <em> now </em>. </p><p>Having begun frantically pacing back and forth, you were contemplating whether or not you should just walk out and leave him here when he finally broke out of his trance.</p><p>“How come you always turn down Hyun?” he suddenly asked, turning to face you with a curious expression.</p><p>Your breath caught in your throat as you abruptly stopped pacing. Surely, he had not just asked that question.</p><p>“W-What?” you stammered out nervously.</p><p>“Hyun,” he repeated calmly. “He’s asked you out several times, but you always say no.”</p><p>Immediately, all of the stress you had been feeling about getting caught morphed into stress over how you were going to survive this line of questioning and casually play things off. If you had been anxious before, you were about to have a full-on panic attack now. Even under normal circumstances you would not have been prepared to have this conversation with him, but right now, in your current state, you were so unsettled that it was hard to think straight. </p><p>“Like I said,” you replied shakily as you turned away to look at the statue. “I-I don’t have time.”</p><p>He didn’t say anything for a few moments and you thought perhaps he was going to leave it at that, but then he spoke again.</p><p>“And that’s really the reason?” he challenged. “That you don’t have time to date because of our schedule?”</p><p>Your heart stopped. </p><p>The obvious reason you didn’t date was because <em> he </em> was the only person you wanted to be with. However, you’d be lying if you said that your crazy schedule didn’t make you feel like it would be near impossible to spend enough time with someone else to truly get over him. You were just with him too much; he was an integral part of your life, one that you didn’t think could be removed even with the help of someone else’s love. </p><p>“Yea, it is,” you replied, the admission somewhat truthful.</p><p>He seemed genuinely surprised and perhaps even a bit disappointed by your answer so you tried to explain.</p><p>“I mean, our schedule <em> is </em> really busy and also pretty erratic,” you went on. “And then we’re sometimes gone for months at a time when we’re on tour or doing a trip like the one we did to America earlier this year.”</p><p>“It’s kind of hard to have a relationship with someone you never see,” you concluded quietly.</p><p>As you said those words, you were reminded that this was exactly why, even in your fantasies where Tae loved you back, it would still never work. If you left Big Hit you could <em> be </em> with him, but then you would hardly ever get to be with him. If you stayed at Big Hit you couldn’t <em> be </em> with him, but at least you would always get to be with him. It was a lose-lose situation.</p><p>However, the decision was one you didn’t have to worry about; it was already made for you. No matter where you worked you were never going to <em> be </em> with him, so the only option was to stay at Big Hit and at least be with him. </p><p>He didn’t say anything for a minute or so, he just stood there looking at you, considering your words.</p><p>“Yea, I get what you mean,” he finally said rather tiredly as he turned back towards the statue. </p><p>“I would hate having to always be away from the person I was supposed to be with,” he then added dejectedly.</p><p>You looked over at him to find him wearing an unmistakably guilty expression which made your heart hurt. He told you all the time how bad he felt that you didn’t get to see your family that often and that you sometimes had to miss holidays and important events because of shoots or shows. He was always reminding you to visit people and take trips and do fun things when you had the time. He clearly believed BTS’s schedule to be the reason why you didn’t date and felt at least partially responsible for it.   </p><p>“Tae, please don’t get me wrong,” you said earnestly. “The crazy schedule and lack of free time is a sacrifice I’m willing to make. I love my job. I love working at Big Hit with you and the rest of the guys. I’m proud of what we’ve all accomplished as a team these last few years and I know we have even bigger things still ahead of us.”</p><p>When you said that, he turned back to face you with a small smile. </p><p>“I’ve worked really hard to get where I am right now, especially after how much I struggled in college,” you added quietly. “I wouldn’t want anything to take away from or jeopardize that.”</p><p>But, at those words, his smile dropped slightly, no doubt as he thought about everything you’d told him that night in the studio.</p><p>“Of course,” he said wistfully. “We wouldn’t want that.”</p><p>Silence then fell between the two of you as you both gazed up at the carefully carved stone block before you.</p><p>“So you're happy then?” he tentatively asked a few minutes later. “With the way things are?”</p><p>You thought about his question for a moment. Were you happy? You didn’t really know how to answer that. You certainly could be happier, but you weren’t necessarily <em> un</em>happy. You got to spend almost every day with the person you loved most in the world. You weren’t <em> with </em> him, but you got enough of his time and platonic affection that you could survive. At the end of the day, that was still better than any realistic alternative.</p><p>“Yea, I am,” you replied contentedly after a moment.</p><p>“Well, that’s good then,” he said with a smile, though there was a hint of sadness in his voice. “If you’re happy then I’m happy.”</p><p>Feeling that was a good place to end this incredibly stressful conversation, you were about to again suggest that the two of you leave when suddenly you heard the door start to open behind you. Before you even had time to panic, Tae grabbed you and backed you against the wall behind the statue. He had one hand covering your mouth and the other on your hip. Your hands, which had shot up automatically, were resting on his chest.</p><p>“Hello?” you heard a man’s gruff voice call out.</p><p>Tae quickly took his hand away from your mouth and instead pressed it to his own lips in the shush sign. You wordlessly nodded your head in reply. He then placed his hand against the wall beside your head while the other remained on your hip to keep you from shaking. </p><p>“Is someone in there?” the man demanded. As he spoke, he started shining a flashlight into the room. From his authoritative voice, you guessed he must be a security guard, which instantly set you even more edge.</p><p>You felt Tae’s grip grow stronger as he stepped forward to avoid being seen, leaning into you in the process. His gaze then found yours as the two of you held your breath and waited.</p><p>The beam of light traveled all over the room, stopping several times on the statue behind which you were hiding. You heard the security guard take a tentative step into the room, and for a terrifying moment you thought for sure he had seen you, but then he stopped. </p><p>Eventually, after what felt like an eternity, you heard him click off the flashlight, step backwards, and close the door. You both immediately breathed a sigh of relief, but neither of you moved. Instead, you remained frozen in that tight embrace, your eyes locked. </p><p>All at once you became aware of just how close he was; his face was mere inches from your own, close enough that you could feel his breath. The feeling of his muscular body pressed up against yours and his big hand gripping your waist was utterly intoxicating. You felt lightheaded and dizzy and weak as the restraint you had spent years carefully building slowly dissolved. </p><p>The urge to kiss him was suddenly overwhelming and your fingers reflexively gripped his shirt to pull him in. His hold on you tightened ever so slightly in response, and for the briefest of moments you thought you felt him moving closer, but then he abruptly let go and stepped back.</p><p>“W-We should get out of here,” he said in a hoarse voice, turning away from you as he spoke.</p><p>“Yea,” you agreed, trying not to sound breathless. “We should.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>You and Tae snuck out of the exhibit, quickly walked back to the museum entrance, and then parted ways, all without saying a word to each other. When you got back to the prep room, everything was already packed and loaded into the van. The shoot was obviously over and people were heading towards the parking lot. As you grabbed your one remaining bag and started out the door, you tried to wrap your head around what the fuck had just happened. </p><p>There were a million thoughts running through your mind, and you felt wholly confused about virtually all of them, but there were two things that you knew for sure: you had clearly tried to kiss him just now and he had pulled away from you in response. </p><p>Your ankle now unbelievably sore and tired, it took you forever to limp over to the stairs. On the way there, you were so lost in your thoughts that you didn’t even realize Tae had been waiting for you on the first step. He didn’t say anything when you got there, though; he didn’t even look at you. He just wrapped his long, slender fingers around your free hand like he did earlier. The two of you then made your way up slowly, one step at a time, a strange silence hanging between you.</p><p>When you finally reached the top of the stairs he paused for a moment like he was going to say something, but then just gave your hand a little squeeze before letting go and wordlessly walking away. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Comments are always appreciated. I especially like to know what you think is going on inside Tae's big, beautiful brain :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Steal Your Breath - Part 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You spent all weekend trying to understand what had happened at the museum, but the more you thought about things, the less sense it all made. The events of the evening played through your mind on an endless loop, but each time the picture became a bit hazier as another once crystal clear detail began to fade. There were just <em> so </em> many questions that needed answering. </p><p>Had it really been obvious that you’d tried to pull him in for a kiss or did you only think it was? Did he actually come closer at first or did you just imagine that? If he was upset with you about what happened, why did he wait for you at the stairs? If he wasn’t upset, why didn’t he say anything? And what the fuck did that little hand squeeze mean?</p><p>Over and over you pondered these questions, but you never seemed to get any closer to finding the answers. Thinking about everything only made you more confused and also more nervous for what would happen when you saw him next. By the time Monday rolled around, you were so anxious and on edge that you had to skip your morning coffee out of fear that you might have an actual heart attack. You walked in from the parking garage as slowly as humanly possible, trying your hardest to delay the inevitable.</p><p>You kept telling yourself to relax and breathe and remember that this was Tae. <em> Your Tae</em>. You two had been through so much together and you’d always been OK. Even after the fiasco the night of The Grammys, you’d been OK. You had forgiven him for that night and allowed you both to move on. Surely he could forgive you for this, right? </p><p>When you finally reached the studio door you paused for a moment to take a deep breath and give yourself one last pep talk. After determining you were as ready as you were ever going to be, you then walked through and headed over to where he was already waiting in his chair. Once you got there you set your bag down on the counter and immediately began rummaging through it, keeping your back to him. You did this for a few minutes as you tried desperately to calm your racing heart. When you could no longer put it off, could no longer stand to float in the abyss of the unknown, you finally turned to face him.</p><p>The sight before you saw stole your breath: Tae, sitting there stiffly, staring intently down at this phone, gripping the side of the chair with his free hand like he was bracing himself for something. After three years of working closely with him, you could read his body language in an instant and what you saw was unmistakable. He was <em>so </em> uncomfortable right now. </p><p>You broke the silence with a small ‘Hi’ to which he simply nodded in reply. When, after a few moments, he still had done nothing else to acknowledge your presence, you let out a long sigh and got to work.</p><p>The first time you touched him to start doing his hair, he flinched. Literally, physically, <em> flinched</em>, like your hands had burned him. He had been staring down at his phone when it happened and for that you were so grateful. Had he been looking at you at that moment he would have seen the absolute devastation flash across your face. Blinking back tears and choking back a sob, you forced yourself to act as if nothing was wrong and kept working. </p><p>He didn’t look at you once the entire time, instead choosing to keep his gaze fixed on the device in his hand. Even when you did his makeup and his face was turned towards you he still didn’t really look at you. He simply looked through you, his eyes glazed and cold as they remained trained on some point in the distance behind you.</p><p>When you were finally done getting him ready and he wordlessly left for the interview they had scheduled, you excused yourself, went to the bathroom, and wept.</p><p>It was official: your relationship with him was irrevocably broken and so were you.</p><p>~~~</p><p>A couple weeks later you were at the staff Festa party taking place on the rooftop patio atop the Big Hit building. It was a relaxed and low-key event; people were just milling about and chatting as they enjoyed drinks from the little bar that had been set up in the corner. There was a makeshift dance floor set up in the middle of the patio and a few people were on it twirling around and having fun. Your ankle still was slightly tender, so dancing was out of the question, but even if it was healed you wouldn’t have been joining them. Dancing was a happy thing done by happy people and right now you were anything but happy.</p><p>Right now you were crushed, devastated, an empty shell of a human. Other than a few one word answers, Tae hadn’t really talked to you in weeks. He’d stopped flinching when you touched him, and did occasionally make eye contact, but it was still overtly clear that being around you made him incredibly uncomfortable. He had stopped coming by the studio in the afternoons too, but that didn’t surprise you one bit. Why would he choose to spend more time with someone he obviously couldn’t stand?</p><p>You had spent the early part of the evening mingling with some of the other staff, having the same meaningless conversation about the weather and the comeback and your summer plans over and over and over again, but when the guys showed up halfway through to say hello and thank you like they did every year, you quietly slipped away from the party to the far side of the roof. You didn’t want to see him, especially with how handsome he looked in the soft glow of the setting sun. After enduring his silence and blatant refusal to acknowledge your existence for weeks, your heart just couldn’t take any more. </p><p>As you stood there, leaning on the railing, staring out over the Han River, you couldn’t help but wonder if this was the last time you would get to enjoy this view. Any day now you would probably be fired. Although you hadn’t technically violated your contract, the intent to do so had been there. As a result, Tae clearly no longer wanted anything to do with you and that would surely be enough to warrant your removal.</p><p>Just thinking about that had you on the verge of tears until you suddenly heard the sound of a familiar upbeat song drifting over from the party. Upon realizing it was Zico’s ‘Any Song’, you couldn’t help but smile. Not only was this one of your favorite songs, but it was also an integral part of one of your favorite memories from just a few months ago…</p><p>
  <em> You were in the studio doing Tae’s hair one day while he played you TaeTae FM. You were just about to get to work with the straightener when suddenly ‘Any Song’ by Zico came on. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Ahhh I love this song!” you shrieked like a giddy child. “Turn it up, turn it up!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I know that’s why I’m playing it,” he said with a laugh as he turned up the volume. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> As the song began to play, you simply could not stop yourself from singing and dancing along. You and your sisters all loved Zico and the last time the three of you had all been home you had danced to this song in your kitchen like fools. Hearing it now brought you right back to that day and suddenly you didn’t care how awful you sounded or how silly you looked. In that moment, you just felt totally happy and carefree.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> After rocking out in your own little world for most of the song, you eventually looked up to see Tae watching you through the mirror wearing a small, shy grin.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “What?” you asked, now feeling ever so slightly self-conscious. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Nothing,” he said casually. “You’re just cute.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You felt your face flush instantly as you bit your bottom lip and looked down at the straightener in your hand. He had never said anything like that to you before and you honestly had no idea how to respond. Red-faced and tongue-tied, you were extremely grateful that Mrs. Choi chose that moment to walk over. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “You two,” she said with a scowl. “Turn that down and stop disrupting everyone.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Sorry, Mrs. Choi,” Tae said, giving her an apologetic look as he turned the volume down a bit. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You muttered a half-hearted ‘sorry’ too before turning back towards Tae only to find him already looking back down at his phone, his face sporting that same small, shy grin as well as a light, pink tinge. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> As you replayed his words over and over in your head, and peeked at him again to see his adorable blushing, you simply could not stop yourself from wondering if maybe, just maybe, all his sweet words and affectionate gestures over the years had actually meant something after all... </em>
</p><p>By the time you finished recounting the memory, you realized you had subconsciously begun to dance a bit. You were really just swaying, aimlessly shuffling back and forth, but it felt good. For the first time in weeks, you found you felt genuinely happy. </p><p>A minute or so later you were still enjoying your stolen moment of happiness when you caught the sound of someone walking up behind you. </p><p>“I thought I said no dancing,” you heard Tae say in a quiet, wistful voice.</p><p>You turned around to find him standing there with his hands in his pockets, a sad smile on his face.</p><p>Stunned, you just stood there staring at him, eyes wide in surprise. You couldn’t believe he was talking to you right now, let alone that he had actually sought you out to do so. Terrified that if you so much as blinked he might disappear, you continued to simply stand there, wordlessly gazing at him. </p><p>Noticing your clearly shocked state, he took a small step forward and continued</p><p>“Could we maybe talk?” he asked hesitantly.</p><p>Still unable to form words, you nodded your head. At that he came over and stood beside you, but he left an awkwardly large amount of space between you two. Upon noticing that, your heart sank. He may have come here to talk, but he clearly still did not want to be anywhere near you, which could only mean one thing: he had finally come to say <em> it</em>. </p><p>For a minute or so, he didn’t speak. He just looked out over the city and the river below. With every passing second, the dread inside you grew. You were not at all prepared for this conversation, you would never be prepared for it, honestly, but it was happening and there was nothing you could do to stop it. All you could do was brace yourself and wait for the love of your life to, in all likelihood, tell you that he never wanted to see you again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Comments are always appreciated! I especially love to know what you think is going on inside Tae's big, beautiful brain :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Steal Your Breath - Part 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You heard Tae let out a long sigh and realized he was finally about to speak. You closed your eyes, tightly gripped the railing in front of you, and held your breath. This was it. This was the moment you had spent weeks dreading. The moment that had kept you up at night, crying into your pillow. The moment you always knew would one day come, but had stupidly allowed yourself to forget about over the last few months.</p><p>“Y/N, I need to—,” he started before being abruptly cut off by a loud voice behind you both.</p><p>“There you are!” you heard a familiar man’s voice say excitedly. </p><p>Your eyes shot open in absolute disbelief that Hyun had chosen this very instant to try and talk to you. It was so painfully ironic that you didn’t know if you should laugh or cry. He had spent all night looking at you, even going so far as occasionally throwing you a wink, which honestly had started to make you a bit uncomfortable. You had hoped that, by not responding or engaging with him, he would have taken the hint that you weren’t interested, but apparently not. </p><p>“Hi, Hyun,” you said evenly, not turning around to look at him. </p><p>“I was wondering where you had run off to,” he said coyly as he came to stand right beside you. “You know you still owe me a dance.”</p><p>“Sorry, still no dancing for me,” you said dryly. “Doctor’s orders.”</p><p>Knowing that he was the ‘doctor’ you were referring to, Tae let out the tiniest of laughs which he instantly tried to hide with a cough. It was the first laugh you had heard from him in weeks and it simultaneously made your heart soar and sink. Glancing over at him, you realized that he had actually moved a bit closer to you since Hyun had arrived. Despite everything that was currently happening between you two, and how awkward and uncomfortable everything had gotten, you couldn’t help but feel comforted by his presence. </p><p>“Well, that is truly a shame,” Hyun then said remorsefully, though with a mischievous hint to his tone. “I was very much looking forward to taking you for a spin this evening.”</p><p>The clear innuendo of his words sent an unpleasant shiver down your spin. Hyun had always been a massive flirt, but you were floored that he would say something so suggestive to you, especially with Tae standing right there. Having absolutely no idea how you were supposed to respond, you simply looked down at your hands, trying to focus on the cool, soothing metal beneath your fingers. As you did so, you noticed Tae’s hands on the railing beside yours, his knuckles white from how hard he was gripping it.</p><p>As you stood there trying and failing to formulate some sort of response, you felt another shiver ripple through you, but this time it was because you were legitimately cold. It was a relatively warm evening, so you had worn a light dress, but you hadn’t realized how windy it would be up on the roof. When another strong gust blew through you couldn’t help but full on shudder, an action which Hyun immediately noticed. </p><p>“Y/N, your dress is very pretty, but clearly not weather appropriate,” he said with a laugh. “You look so cold.”</p><p>“I’m fine, really,” you insisted as you reflexively hugged your arms to your chest to both get warmer and protect yourself.</p><p>“Here, let me help,” he then said as he draped his arm over your shoulders and pulled you into him.</p><p>You shuddered again, but this time it had absolutely nothing to do with the cold. You did <em> not </em> want him touching you right now. His arm felt like a thousand pound weight that was caging you and crushing your lungs, but before you even had a moment to contemplate how to get it off of you, it was already being lifted up.</p><p>“Hyun,” Tae said sternly as he reached out and removed the older man’s arm from your shoulders. “You need to back off.”</p><p>“Excuse me?” Hyun asked in reply, not in a combative way, but sounding as if he were genuinely confused.</p><p>“You’ve asked her several times to go out with you and she’s declined every time,” Tae went on, looking Hyun directly in the eye as he spoke.</p><p>“It’s inappropriate for you to keep asking and making advances, but it is absolutely unacceptable for you to touch her without her permission”, he continued, the anger in his voice now unmistakable. “You’re clearly making her uncomfortable which is not OK.”</p><p>Stunned not only by the words Tae had just spoken, but the manner in which he spoke them, Hyun just stood there silently for a few moments, his eyes wide in surprise. When he eventually looked away from Tae and over at you, the discomfort etched on your face and evident from your tense body language seemed to finally register with him. At once, a deeply shameful expression spread across his features.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, Y/N,” he said gravely as he looked you in the eye. “Truly.”</p><p>“I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable,” he continued, now bowing his head as he spoke. “But, clearly I did and for that I apologize.” </p><p>“Please just don’t do it again,” you said quietly.</p><p>“I won’t, I promise,” he replied solemnly.</p><p>“I’m going to go now,” he added a moment later as he stepped back. “I’m sorry again for my inappropriate behavior.”</p><p>With that, he walked off back towards the party, leaving you and Tae standing there in somewhat awkward silence. You were still reeling a bit from everything that had just happened, still trying to process Tae’s outburst, Hyun’s apology, and your own feelings. It mostly felt like a jumbled mess inside your head, but there was one emotion that you felt very clearly: relief. Relief that Hyun was no longer touching you and hopefully would not try to again.</p><p>“I-I’m sorry if I shouldn’t have said that,” Tae finally said, giving you an apologetic look. “I didn’t mean to embarrass you or make it seem like you can’t speak for yourself. I know you can.”</p><p>“I could just tell that he was making you uncomfortable and I wanted to help,” he added softly.</p><p>“No, no. Don’t apologize, Tae,” you quickly assured him. “I’m really glad you did. He <em> was </em> making me uncomfortable, but I didn’t know what to do.”</p><p>“It’s just, he works here so I didn’t want to make a scene and make things awkward. I felt kind of trapped,” you went on. </p><p>You were quiet then for a few moments as you thought back to all the times he had previously flirted with you and asked you out. For the briefest of moments you blamed yourself for only ever saying you didn’t have time and not giving him a real reason why you turned him down, but immediately you squashed that train of thought. You did not owe him a reason or an explanation. No meant no and it was his fault for not respecting that.</p><p>“The sad thing is that’s not the first time something like this has happened to me,” you then said with a sigh. “And it probably won’t be the last.”</p><p>“Some guys just do whatever they want and don’t ever stop to think how it might make a woman feel,” you continued bitterly. </p><p>Still flustered over what had happened, you had just rambled on for so long that you hadn’t even noticed how strangely quiet Tae had become. When you finally looked back over at him, you realized at once that something was very wrong. He looked <em> so </em> upset right now and, if you weren’t mistaken, incredibly guilty.</p><p>“Y/N, I’m so sorry,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “I’m such a hypocrite. I just yelled at Hyun, but I have done things that are so much worse.”</p><p>Stunned by his words and sudden change of tone, you just stood there staring at him.</p><p>“That night at the museum,” he went on. “I was just trying to hide you and keep you safe, but what I did was so inappropriate. I was so physical and so aggressive too. I could have hurt you and I know I scared you and made you so uncomfortable. I could tell you were so afraid of me. You were literally frozen with fear, clutching my shirt.”</p><p>“I felt so guilty and embarrassed afterwards, but I didn’t know what to say. Then when I got home that night I came to the horrifying realization that that hadn’t even been the first time I had done something like that,” he continued. </p><p>“I did it the week before when you hurt your ankle even though you literally said the word ‘no’, I did it in the parking garage that one time we stayed late, but worst of all, the night of The Grammys, I did it while you were asleep,” he said, his voice breaking as he spoke.</p><p>“I’ve just been so afraid to talk to you about it and so scared of being near you and making you more uncomfortable. I just don’t even know how to begin to apologize,” he cried.</p><p>“I’m so ashamed. I’m literally one of the ‘some guys’ you just talked about,” he then said, full-on sobbing now, his eyes closed tightly as he started saying ‘I’m so sorry’ over and over again. </p><p>He had blurted that all out so quickly that at first you didn’t even know what he was talking about, but eventually it hit you: he felt guilty that he had touched you without your permission. That’s why he was upset that night at the museum and why he had been avoiding you. He didn't think you tried to kiss him. He thought <em> you </em> were uncomfortable being around <em> him</em>.</p><p>A tidal wave of emotions instantly crashed over you. His genuine concern for how you felt was so endearing, the perfect example of just how wonderful a human being he truly was, but it was also heartbreaking. The idea that he thought you could ever feel threatened by him or think he would hurt you honestly made you want to sob and never stop. It simply could not be farther from the truth. Outside of your family, there was no one you trusted more to always respect you and protect you. Even without your romantic feelings toward him you knew you would have felt this way. The fact that he didn’t know this, that he thought you had actually been <em> afraid </em> of him that night, made your heart absolutely ache. </p><p>“Tae,” you said firmly as you reached up and grabbed his face to stop his panicking, squishing his cheeks ever so slightly in the process. “Please calm down.”</p><p>At your touch, his eyes slowly opened, but he quickly averted his gaze to the floor. </p><p>“Look at me,” you said sternly. Surprised by the authority in your voice, he flinched a little before  glancing up at you.</p><p>You waited a moment before you spoke again, making sure he was really looking at you, really paying attention.</p><p>“You have never <em> once </em> touched me in a way that made me uncomfortable,” you said slowly, looking him in the eyes as you spoke.</p><p>He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it immediately after you gave him a hard look that clearly said you weren’t finished.</p><p>“First of all, in most of those instances you were legitimately trying to help me,” you started. “That alone makes it completely different than what Hyun just did.”</p><p>“But, more importantly,” you continued, “regardless of the situation there will always be a difference because you are not Hyun or ‘some guy’, you’re you.”</p><p>“You’re <em> Tae</em>,” you emphasized. “You’re one of the people I trust most in the whole world. You look out for me and you take care of me. You don’t make me feel uncomfortable, you make me feel safe.”</p><p>“I know you would <em> never </em> hurt me,” you then added after a moment, your voice catching at the end because it literally pained you to have to say those words to him.</p><p>At that, you felt him relax as he released the breath he had been holding. You then finally let go of his face and went to pull your hands away, but he suddenly reached up and stopped you. He took your hands ever so gently, his fingers loosely wrapping around yours, and slowly brought them in front of him. </p><p>“<em>Never</em>,” he then vowed with utter sincerity, his voice barely above a whisper, as he brought one of your hands to his lips and placed a tender kiss on your fingertips, sealing his promise and stealing your breath with that simple, intimate gesture.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Alright you vultures, there's your 'kiss'.</p><p>Now let the story slowly burn in peace!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Love Song Duet</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As you were driving into work the Monday after the party, you glanced down at your hand on the steering wheel and swore you could still feel Tae’s lips brushing against your fingertips. Just thinking about it again now made you blush and gave you butterflies. It was such a sweet gesture, one that told you how much he respected you and cared about you. However, that one little gesture, and the rest of your conversation with him, had also left you feeling extremely confused.</p><p>At first you were surprised by how upset he’d gotten and how hard on himself he had been, but after thinking about it more you realized that what happened with Hyun had clearly been triggering for him. You had literally just said that you didn’t know how to tell Hyun that he was making you uncomfortable because you worked with him and didn’t want things to be awkward. Tae probably took that to mean that you hadn't been telling him all along that he was making you uncomfortable for the same reason. That coupled with you bitterly mentioning how ‘some guys’ behaved, which he honestly might have thought was in reference to him, likely amplified his guilt tenfold which led to his breakdown. </p><p>It made you feel extremely guilty to know that he had spent weeks thinking he had done something wrong, especially when you recalled how you had acted that first Monday after the shoot. You had walked in and then not acknowledged him for almost ten minutes. It’s no wonder he thought you wanted nothing to do with him. You were, of course, embarrassed for your own reasons, but he didn’t know that. All he knew is that something had happened between you two, something that he had inadvertently caused, and because of it you could hardly look at him.</p><p>You believed wholeheartedly that he had only been trying to help you that night and that you’d ended up in that strange situation by accident. Everything had happened so fast when the door opened; he had clearly acted reflexively when he hid you both behind that statue. The fact that you were in a questionable physical position hadn’t even registered with you two until the security guard left, that’s how laser-focused you’d been on not being found. </p><p>However, regardless of the circumstances, the two of you <em> had </em> ended up in each other’s arms, pressed together up against the wall. The moment the danger had passed <em> you </em> had become acutely aware of that fact and had been extremely affected by it, so much so that you had almost tried to kiss him.</p><p>You couldn’t help but wonder if part of the reason why he felt so guilty was because he had, at least briefly, in the heat of the moment, maybe thought about kissing you. </p><p>But, every time that thought wandered into your head, you then remembered what he said after kissing your fingertips in what you originally thought was an extremely romantic way. </p><p>
  <em> “Never,” he then vowed with utter sincerity, his voice barely above a whisper, as he brought one of your hands to his lips and placed a tender kiss on your fingertips, sealing his promise and stealing your breath with that simple, intimate gesture. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “You’re like family, Y/N,” he added, letting go of your hands. “I would never do anything to hurt my family.” </em>
</p><p>Family members don’t kiss each other, at least not in the way you thought about kissing him and hoped he might have thought about kissing you that night. </p><p>After he said that, the two of you promised to stop acting weird around each other and go back to being your friendly, rowdy selves. You then wandered back over to the party and got talking with some of the other members and staff. Right away things felt infinitely more relaxed and almost completely normal between you two, but in the back of your mind you were still trying to process and understand everything that had happened and what it all meant.  </p><p>It was clear that he cared a lot about you, but whether his affection for you was romantic or platonic was still a mystery. It had always been this way, though. Time and time again he’d had you wondering what was going on inside his head when he would look at you or talk to you in a way that made your heart flutter, but then two seconds later go back to treating you like just another friend. What happened in the museum and then on the roof were just the most recent in a long list of mixed signals he’d given you over the years. </p><p>You pondered the nature of his affection throughout the rest of the trip, and were wondering what kind of signals he might give you today, when you walked into the studio to find your least favorite person on the planet sitting in his chair.</p><p>“Hi, Jisoo,” you said with a tight smile as you walked over. “What brings you to our studio today?”</p><p>“I need to get TaeTae’s number so we can make plans,” she said happily as she looked at her reflection in the mirror and fussed with her hair.</p><p>“Plans?” you asked confusedly as you began unpacking your bag.</p><p>“He didn’t tell you?” she asked, turning to face you. She wore a totally shocked and concerned expression that would have been convincing were it not for the fact that the corners of her lips were curled up into the tiniest smirk.</p><p>“Tell me what?” you questioned, trying your best to sound casual despite the fact that you were instantly on edge from the way she was looking at you.</p><p>“We’re recording a song together!” she exclaimed, clapping her hands as she spoke.</p><p>Your stomach dropped. Though BTS as a group did occasionally collaborate with other artists, it was rare for any of the guys to do so independently and Tae was one of the few who had never done it. The fact that his first ever solo collaboration was going to be with Jisoo of all people made your insides churn. That you were hearing it first from her instead of him only made it that much worse.    </p><p>“Wow, that’s great,” you said in a flat, lifeless tone.</p><p>“Isn’t it?” she replied gleefully, clearly ignorant to your lack of enthusiasm. “I’m so excited. I just <em> adore </em> his voice. It’s so deep and sultry; perfect for a love song duet.”</p><p><em>Love song</em> <em>duet</em></p><p>Those three words were like a slap in the face. As you stood there reeling from the emotional blow, willing yourself not to return the favor by slapping her actual face with your actual hand, Tae walked through the door.</p><p>“TaeTae!” Jisoo cried as she leapt to her feet and scurried over to meet him.</p><p>“Hi, Jisoo,” you heard Tae reply. Just hearing him say her name made you feel nauseous.</p><p>As the two of them exchanged numbers, you stood at your station trying to calm yourself. Eventually she left, giving him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek before making a dramatic exit. When he finally walked over and sat down, you didn’t say anything. You knew any words that came out of your mouth, no matter how pleasant, would be dripping with irritation. </p><p>It was, of course, ridiculous for you to feel this way. It was just a song. It’s not like they were dating. Even if they were dating, you had no right to be upset. Just because he’d kissed your fingertips on the roof didn’t mean you had a right to be upset about anything he did. And yet, here you were, hurt, frustrated, and green with envy.</p><p>However, it was incredibly foolish of you to think that, just because you didn’t say anything, Tae wouldn’t immediately know that something was wrong. Despite his obliviousness to your undying love for him, he picked up on every other emotion of yours almost instantly. He read you like a book, so well, in fact, that before you even turned around he subtly called you out.</p><p>“I wanted to tell you, but we weren’t really talking,” he said quietly.</p><p>“Bang Si-Hyuk asked me to do it,” he then added evenly.</p><p>You fiddled with something in your bag and kept your face turned away from him. The fact that he already knew why you were upset made your cheeks burn with embarrassment. </p><p>“The male part was specifically arranged for a baritone,” he then explained. “So there weren’t a lot of options.”</p><p>
  <em> Of course it was arranged for a baritone. </em>
</p><p>You might have been impressed with how cunning Jisoo was were it not for the fact that you absolutely hated her. Knowing just how elaborate her whole plan to get close to Tae was only caused a new wave of nausea to wash over you. </p><p>“I’ll probably only have a couple lines,” he went on.</p><p>Him trying to downplay everything to make you less upset only made you feel more humiliated and also incredibly ashamed. Tae had the perfect voice for soft, slow ballads and this song could allow him to showcase it in a way that regular BTS songs couldn’t. Jisoo or not, this was an exciting opportunity that you should be celebrating with him not making him feel guilty about. </p><p>Pushing aside your jealousy and focusing solely on what was best for Tae, you finally turned around.</p><p>“I’m happy for you, Tae,” you said, mustering the sincerest smile you could manage. </p><p>“Are you?” he asked skeptically.</p><p>“Of course I am,” you countered casually.</p><p>He stared at you then and you stared back, only this wasn’t like your usual staring contests where each of you was waiting for the other to break out in a laugh. The two of you seemed to be having some sort of unspoken conversation, you willing him to not ask anymore questions and him trying to determine if your previous answer had been truthful. To your surprise, he was the first to back down and look away. Glad to have escaped his gaze unscathed, you breathed a sigh of relief and attempted to lighten the situation. </p><p>“I know how much your hopeless romantic heart loves sappy songs,” you teased. “You must be so excited to sing one.”</p><p>“OK, I might be a little bit excited,” he said, cracking the tiniest, shyest smile you’d ever seen.</p><p>
  <em> That smile </em>
</p><p>You would endure him singing a thousand songs with Jisoo just to see that smile.</p><p>“You know ARMY is going to lose their minds over a <em> TaeTae </em> love song,” you continued. “I’m sure you’ll break Twitter and Spotify and the internet in general when it’s released.”</p><p>“They might,” he said with a laugh and another bashful smile. “They did freak out when Namjoon-hyung and I released 4 O’Clock which was essentially a love song for Jimin.”</p><p>At that you couldn’t help but laugh as well. Tae and Jimin’s soulmate relationship was one of the most adorable, wholesome things you’d ever witnessed. You were <em> occasionally </em> jealous of how openly Tae showered Jimin with affection, but mostly it just made your heart happy to know he had a great friend like that who was always in his corner. Since you weren’t able to freely show your love and support for Tae you were glad that there was at least someone else who could and did so frequently.</p><p>As you began getting Tae ready for the interview they had scheduled later that day, and you and him finally got back to talking and laughing like usual, you convinced yourself that everything would be fine. It was just a song. It wouldn’t change anything. He would still be <em> your </em> Tae, whatever that had come to mean.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Comments are always appreciated! I especially loved to know what you think is going on inside Tae's big, beautiful brain :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Secret Sweet Treats</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In the beginning, recording the song with Jisoo truly seemed to be nothing more than an obligation to Tae. He came to the studio that Monday afternoon to explain how he had gotten roped into it and emphasized that he truly was not looking forward to spending time with her. That whole first week all he did was complain about how it was so much extra work and so difficult trying to schedule things with her. It was petty, you knew, but you couldn’t help but feel a smug sense of satisfaction that her plan to win him over was failing miserably.</p><p>However, as time went on he became more and more invested in the song. At first it was fine, it made you happy to see him so happy, but eventually it became legitimately painful to hear him gush about everything. You didn’t have the heart to tell him to stop, didn’t really have any right to tell him to either, but you wished more than anything that he would. For the first time since you’d met him, it seemed he was unable to read you, unable to tell that what he was doing and saying was making you incredibly sad.</p><p>Despite that, though, you still craved time with him which is why you were in the studio late one afternoon patiently waiting for him to arrive. After weeks of him not coming by while you two were being weird after the museum incident, you were ecstatic when he started coming back. You didn't actually have any legitimate work to do today, but you knew the guys had a short day which meant he would almost certainly stop by. Like the lovesick puppy that you were, you sat at the table pretending to be working on your laptop, trying to act casual and not make it obvious that you were waiting for him. </p><p>An hour later, though, he still hadn’t shown up. Trying to distract yourself and pass the time, you were mindlessly scrolling through Instagram when you noticed that Jisoo had gone live. You don’t know what made you do it, other than a nagging, sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach, but, you clicked on her profile icon. Instantly, you were met with the exact sight you most desperately did not want to see: Jisoo and Tae alone in her personal recording lab, sitting together on the couch. </p><p>She was talking to her followers about the song, going on and on and about how excited she was to be collaborating with The Kim Taehyung, but you honestly didn’t hear a word she said. All you could focus on was how cozy they looked, she was practically in his lap, and the endless stream of comments that kept pouring in. </p><p>“Omg they are so cute together”</p><p>“This ship has officially set sail”</p><p>“Hottest K-pop couple right there”</p><p>“#TaeSoo ❤”</p><p>Unable to watch any longer, you closed the app and slipped your phone back in your pocket. You sat there for a few moments with your head in your hands staring blankly at the wall in front of you until it dawned on you that they were recording that live elsewhere in this very building. Knowing that, you suddenly felt an intense urge to get as far away from them as possible. You quickly packed up your things and went home. For the rest of the evening you made sure to steer clear of Instagram and Twitter and all other forms of social media so you didn’t have to see all the photos and clips of them that had surely gone viral. </p><p>He didn’t come back again after that day and, through some more pathetic social media stalking, you confirmed that it was because he was now spending all that time with Jisoo. She was constantly posting photos and videos of them together in her lab either writing or singing or apparently just hanging out. The worst part about it wasn’t just that he was with her instead of with you, but that he looked <em> so </em> happy to be there.</p><p>~~~</p><p>As much as it hurt to see them together on social media, it was infinitely more painful to see them together in front of your very own eyes. Jisoo had begun stopping by the studio almost daily, sometimes for just a few minutes, but oftentimes for an hour or more. While you did his makeup or his hair, she would curl up in the chair next to him and talk so much that you couldn’t get more than two words in. You felt like you hadn’t had a real conversation with him in weeks.</p><p>At first, all she did was ramble on about their song which was clearly all over the place; the concept seemed to change every other day as she continued to throw out seemingly random ideas. After a few weeks, though, they must have settled on something because they stopped discussing lyrics and melodies and instead focused on scheduling and production. You didn’t know what they had decided to go with, but honestly you didn't care. The less you knew about their song the better.</p><p>As time went on, she spent more and more time talking about herself and asking him personal questions like they were on some kind of date. It was honestly so sickening that you began totally dissociating when she was there, numbing yourself to the tiny stabs your heart endured every time he smiled at her or laughed with her or told her something about himself that you didn’t know.</p><p>One day, though, while you were getting him ready for an interview, she was randomly peppering him with questions about his food preferences and you simply could not tune her out. </p><p>“TaeTae, what’s your favorite food?” Jisoo asked from the chair beside him as she scrolled through something on her phone.</p><p>
  <em> Japchae </em>
</p><p>That was an easy one. All of ARMY knew that. </p><p>“Hmm, probably Japchae,” Tae replied.</p><p>“Is there any type of food you don’t like?” she then questioned next, now looking over at him.</p><p>
  <em> Anything spicy, cucumbers, avocados, peas  </em>
</p><p>Tae was <em> such </em> a baby when it came to eating anything even remotely spicy. Whenever he accidentally took a bite of something that was too hot, his face would scrunch up in the most hysterical, yet adorable way. That night you stayed late at the studio he had ordered everything on the spicier side because he knew that’s how you liked it. He tried so hard to eat it casually, but you could just tell he was absolutely dying the entire time, taking huge gulps of water after every bite. It made your heart swell to know that he was suffering through the spiciness just for you.</p><p>“I really don’t like spicy food,” he said. “And I don’t like cucumbers and avocados.”</p><p>“Oh and peas. I hate peas,” he then added, wrinkling his nose. </p><p>You had to stifle a laugh when he said that. Every time he talked about his hatred for peas, and his father’s love of them, you couldn’t help but picture tiny Tae sitting at the dinner table pushing his peas around his plate. </p><p>“What about dessert?” she asked next, turning and batting her eyelashes at him. “What’s your favorite sweet treat?”</p><p>“Strawberries,” you heard yourself say out loud.</p><p>You flushed immediately as you realized you had just accidentally answered for him and therefore made it obvious that you were listening to their conversation. Looking up into the mirror, you saw Jisoo glaring at you with an incredibly annoyed expression on her face. However, when you glanced over at Tae he was giving you the biggest, boxiest grin which made your heart flutter. </p><p>“Y/N and I both love strawberry desserts,” he said happily, still looking at you. “I like strawberry cake, but she likes dark chocolate-covered strawberries.”</p><p>“She always eats the chocolate off first, though, which I will never understand,” he then added, giving you a curious, amused looked.</p><p>You shyly smiled back at him, absolutely loving that he remembered this small detail about you and your strange chocolate-covered strawberry eating habits.</p><p>Every year on Valentine’s Day, your dad would send you a box of dark chocolate-covered strawberries. You were pretty sure he only did it since he knew you wouldn’t be getting any other gifts, which made you feel ever so slightly more like a loveless loser, but you appreciated the gesture nonetheless. During your first two years at Big Hit, Valentine’s Day had fallen on a weekday so he’d had them delivered directly to the studio. Tae was rather curious the first time you got them, casually peering over your shoulder to see who they were from, but seemed pleased to learn they were from your dad. He then proceeded to watch in absolute bewilderment as you picked one up, ate all the chocolate off of it, and then ate the strawberry by itself.</p><p>This year, since you’d been traveling in America on Valentine’s Day, you hadn’t expected to receive anything. However, when you got back to your hotel room that evening after rehearsal, you were surprised to see a little red box sitting outside your door. Puzzled, you quickly brought it into your room and opened it to find an assortment of intricately decorated dark chocolate-covered strawberries. Astonished that your dad had somehow discovered your hotel name and room number, you immediately called him to thank him. He groggily answered the phone, you had completely forgotten that it was 6:00 AM back home, and said Happy Valentine’s Day, but then informed you that he had not, in fact, sent you the package. </p><p>To this day you still did not know for sure who sent the strawberries, but there was a part of you that always wondered if it had been Tae. The Grammys had been a few weeks earlier, so things were still slightly awkward between you two at the time, but the following morning he somewhat nervously asked if you had a nice Valentine’s Day. When you said you’d had a surprisingly sweet night, no doubt blushing as you spoke, he replied with a simple ‘I’m glad’ before looking down at his phone with a shy smile.</p><p>Lost in that memory, you stood there smiling to yourself for a few moments, almost forgetting that, these days, Tae hardly remembered you existed, let alone left you secret sweet treats. </p><p>~~~</p><p>The following Friday you were headed home for the evening when you ran into none other than Jisoo in the elevator. She was dressed to kill, wearing a short black cocktail dress with a plunging neckline and a slit so far up the side that you could tell with absolute certainty she wasn’t wearing underwear. Her makeup was heavy, black smokey eyes and her signature blue lipstick, and her ears, wrists, and neck were adorned with dazzling jewelry. You thought for sure she must be headed out to some kind of nightclub. It killed you to admit it, but she looked stunning.  </p><p>As you stepped inside, you said a quick hello and then occupied yourself with your phone, hoping to avoid any sort of conversation with her. However, a few moments later she turned to you and spoke.</p><p>“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m sometimes a little surprised that you're Tae’s stylist,” she said casually. </p><p>“Why is that?” you questioned, thinking to yourself that was an incredibly odd thing to say.</p><p>She paused for a moment to not-so-subtly look you up and down.</p><p>“It’s just, he always looks so edgy and sexy, but you’re clearly a lot more conservative,” she then replied matter-of-factly.</p><p>When she said this, you couldn’t help but glance up at your reflection in the mirrored elevator walls. Your outfit was simple: dark jeans and a loose long sleeve shirt. Your hair was up in a messy bun and you had on no makeup save for a bit of mascara. The only jewelry you wore was a pair of small pearl earrings that once belonged to your mother.</p><p>Standing there next to her, you could not help but feel wholly and truly inadequate.</p><p>“I get it, though,” she went on. “I know there are <em> rules </em> in your contract.”</p><p>“About what you can wear, that is,” she then clarified after a moment. </p><p>Something about the way she said that, specifically the way she drew out the word ‘rules’, seemed very off, but you could not put your finger on it. </p><p>“Uh, yea, there is a dress code,” you said evenly, trying not to convey your unease. </p><p>“That’s a shame,” she said regretfully.</p><p>“Thankfully, there are no rules like that in my contract,” she then went on, giving you a satisfied smirk through the mirror. “<em> I can wear whatever I want </em>.”</p><p>A shiver went down your spine as you suddenly got the feeling that she was not talking about clothes at all, but before you could think any more about it the elevator doors opened. To your complete surprise, there in front of you stood Tae. He was wearing black slacks, one of his favorite Gucci floral print shirts, and an unbuttoned matching black jacket. His dark, messy waves were parted off to the side and falling alluringly just over his eyes. He looked so effortlessly handsome, casual yet still so put together.</p><p>“I was just coming up to look for you,” he said hurriedly to Jisoo. “We’re going to be late.”</p><p>“Sorry, TaeTae,” she said sweetly as she walked out of the elevator. “I had to finish getting ready.”</p><p>Still thrown from Jisoo’s words and now stunned by the appearance of Tae, you just stood there awkwardly in the elevator. For a moment it looked like he was just going to turn and leave without saying anything else, but at the last second he seemed to notice you were there.</p><p>“Hey, Y/N,” he said with a small wave. “Sorry, but I’ve got to run. We have a meeting to get to.” </p><p>
  <em> A meeting on a Friday night that requires a fancy dress and a nice suit </em>
</p><p>“No problem,” you said quietly as you fidgeted with your bag. “I hope it goes well.”</p><p>“Thanks,” he said excitedly as he flashed you a bright smile and then turned around to follow Jisoo out the front entrance. </p><p>~~~</p><p>Later on that night, as you laid in bed wallowing in self pity, you could not help but think how truly unfair it was that, just when you got Tae back after the museum incident, Jisoo swooped in and took him away again. He had called it a meeting, and you desperately wanted to believe him, but the dull ache in your heart told you that wasn’t true.</p><p>Against your better judgement, you pulled out your phone, brought up Instagram, and navigated to Jisoo’s profile. There, at the top of her feed, posted less than an hour ago, was a close-up shot of five chocolate-covered strawberries, arranged on a fancy plate in a neat star pattern with decorative chocolate drizzle. Below it the caption simply read:</p><p>“A sweet treat from a sweet guy”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please let me know what you think! I love to hear your thoughts, reactions, and predictions :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Your Special Day</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The following Wednesday it was your birthday. Your 26th birthday, to be exact. Apart from making you closer to 30 than you were to 20, 26 wasn’t a terribly monumental birthday, but it was your special day nonetheless. Your dad had called that morning. Your sisters had both called, and would be coming to visit to celebrate this upcoming weekend. Your friends from back home and from college had texted. The other stylists had sung to you when you first got to the studio and pitched in to get you a small gift. Even Mrs. Choi had wished you a happy birthday.</p><p>Everyone who mattered to you had reached out and made at least a small effort to make you feel special on your special day. </p><p>Everyone except Tae.</p><p>You had spent all morning with him and he hadn’t said anything, hadn’t made any indication that he knew what today was. It might not have bothered you so much had he not made such a big deal of your previous two birthdays that you celebrated while working at Big Hit. On both occasions he’d started a countdown a week out and had been almost as excited as he was on his own birthday when the day finally arrived. </p><p>The first year you were there he got you a three month’s supply of your favorite delicious, but ridiculously overpriced dark chocolate truffles. He didn’t give them to you all at once, though, because he was afraid you would eat them all in one sitting which was a valid concern. Instead, he gave you one every day for the next three months. If he knew he wasn’t going to see you over the weekend for a shoot or show, he would give you three on Friday, two of them with Post-it notes saying things like ‘Eat me on Saturday’ or ‘Poisonous until Sunday’. With a level of restraint that surprised even yourself, you always waited to eat them on the appropriate day. Even after those three months were over you would sometimes get to the studio and find one on the counter in front of his chair or get home in the evening and find one had been slipped into your bag.</p><p>For your second birthday while at Big Hit, he got you three tickets to see Zico in concert so you and your two sisters could go together. He knew how much you all loved the rapper and also knew that your sisters had been trying to get you to go to a concert with them for over a year. Somehow, he had secretly reached out to your older sister to find a date that worked for the three of you. He had held the tickets up to you, but before he let you have them he made you promise that, if you went, you wouldn't come back saying Zico was your new favorite idol. You scoffed at that and then assured him that <em> Jimin </em> would absolutely still be your favorite idol once you got back. He laughed at that and gave you the tickets, knowing full well that he was your favorite and nothing was ever going to change that. </p><p>This year, though, there had been no countdown. No excitement. No presents. No remembrance. The worst past was, after everything that had happened over the last month, you weren’t even surprised. You were just disappointed and heartbroken.</p><p>Later that afternoon, you were in the studio staring intently at the PowerPoint on your laptop in front of you. Mrs. Choi had asked all the stylists to put together concept proposals for the upcoming single’s music video and you were determined to come up with something great. She had never picked any of your ideas before, so there wasn’t much reason to think she would this time, but you wanted to wow her nonetheless. </p><p>Pouring yourself into this proposal over the last couple weeks had also been the perfect distraction from your ever deteriorating relationship with Tae. There wasn’t much that made you happy anymore these days, but getting lost in a swirl of colors and patterns in your imagination did provide you some solace.</p><p>You were flipping back and forth between color palettes trying to decide which one screamed ‘Dynamite’ when the door to the studio opened. In walked Tae, looking so incredibly excited, and for a moment your heart leapt with joy. </p><p><em> He remembered</em>.</p><p>Surely, he’s come to wish you a happy birthday and apologize profusely for not remembering sooner.</p><p>But, a second later Jisoo followed him through the door and your heart plummeted back down, nearly fracturing upon impact. After how long it had been since he’d last visited you, it hurt that he brought her the first time he came back. The fact that he brought her here <em> today</em>, on your special day of all days, made the pain twice as bad.</p><p>“Hi, Noona!” he said brightly as he walked over to where you were sitting. </p><p>“Hi, Tae,” you said flatly before mumbling with even less enthusiasm, “Hi, Jisoo.”</p><p>“Hi, Y/N,” Jisoo said in a sickly sweet voice. “It’s <em> so </em> good to see you.”</p><p>The way she said that made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up; she knew how much you hated seeing her with Tae. Given your chilling conversation with her in the elevator last week, a part of you was now terrified that she knew exactly why it bothered you so much. </p><p>“What are you working on?” Tae asked excitedly, peeking his head over your shoulder to see your laptop screen.</p><p>“Oh, it’s nothing,” you said quietly as you minimized PowerPoint. You used to love sharing your concept ideas with him, loved getting his input and then brainstorming together, but you didn’t want to share this with him. This stupid proposal was the only thing that was giving you any purpose right now. It felt like he had taken everything else from you and you didn’t want him to have this too.</p><p>He had the audacity to look slightly hurt that you’d shut him out of whatever you were working on, as if he hadn’t spent the last few weeks shutting you out of his life entirely, but he quickly shook it off. Sensing from your expectant look that you were wondering why they were here, he preemptively answered your next question.</p><p>“There’s a leak in the ceiling of Jisoo’s recording lab and we can’t go back in until it’s fixed,” he said with a pout. “So I thought we’d come here instead.”</p><p>And just like that, the hurt multiplied exponentially. He wasn’t here to wish you a happy birthday. He wasn’t here to see you. He hadn’t even wanted to come here in the first place. He was here only because he had no choice.  </p><p>And, he had brought Jisoo.</p><p>“Do you mind if we work here?” he then asked, though, as he did so they were already walking towards the couch, indicating to you that he didn’t actually care about your response.</p><p>“No,” you said quietly, eyes cast back down at your laptop. “It’s fine.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>An hour later you were trying and failing to block out their conversation. Jisoo’s voice was already like nails on a chalkboard, but it became even more whiny and annoying whenever she talked to Tae. Every word out of her mouth pierced into your subconscious, making it impossible to truly focus on what you were doing, but it was her utterance of one particular word that had you looking up in curiosity. </p><p>“Hey, for the title” she started. “Are we still thinking it should have the word ships in it?”</p><p>“About that,” Tae replied, suddenly sounding very excited. “I actually thought of a completely different title last Friday night.”</p><p>“Oh?” Jisoo asked suggestively. “Did something at dinner inspire you?”</p><p>“Yes,” he said shyly. “As a matter-of-fact, something did.”</p><p>“But, I’d like to keep it a secret for now,” he then added a moment later. “I want to give it a little more thought.”</p><p>“OK, TaeTae,” she cooed. “I can’t wait to hear it.”</p><p>The room grew quiet again as they both returned their attention to their laptops. You looked back at your own, but your mind was currently miles away.</p><p>
  <em> Ships </em>
</p><p>That sounded so familiar, but your brain was in such a fog that you couldn’t figure out why. You were still thinking about it a few minutes later when suddenly the silence was broken by the sound of Jisoo humming. As you sat there listening to her, staring blankly at the screen in front of you, a memory washed over you.</p><p><em> Some sad, sweet lullaby about ships </em> </p><p>Though you had worked hard to block out nearly every other recollection from that night, you found yourself coming back to this one over and over again. Unlike the rest of the night, and the following day, which had been full of anxiety, confusion, and sadness, those few minutes you spent laying on the couch, drifting in and out of sleep while you listened to Tae sing, had felt decidedly peaceful. He sounded so relaxed and content. Just listening to him had comforted you and made you forget about all the stress and drama of the evening.</p><p>You couldn’t help but wonder if he had still been singing this song when he found you sleeping on the couch, if he had continued singing it while he picked you up and tucked you into bed. Part of you hoped he had. It was clearly a love song and, even if it wasn’t meant for you, the idea of him singing it while holding you made your heart flutter nonetheless.</p><p>To this day, you still were not sure if he knew you had heard him. It wasn’t unusual for him to spontaneously and subconsciously burst out into song so it’s possible he didn’t even realize he was singing that song in the first place. </p><p>You realized in the days afterwards that it must have been a song he was personally working on, one that would likely end up on his mixtape whenever it was released. Even if he had only inadvertently sung it in front of you, it still felt special that you got to hear it before anyone else.</p><p>Although you didn’t really remember many of the lyrics, you were half asleep when you heard him singing, you distinctly remember that the song was about ships. And, you definitely remember the melody. It was wistful and a bit sad, but also sweet and soothing. Above all else, it just sounded so <em> Tae</em>.</p><p>But, it also sounded exactly like the song Jisoo was humming right now.</p><p>Upon realizing that this was the song they were recording together, that he had essentially given it to her and even wanted to rename it to commemorate their date, something broke inside you. </p><p>Every single sad, lonely, heartbroken feeling you’d ever experienced because of him suddenly welled up inside you all at once and it was beyond overwhelming. You couldn’t move. You couldn’t breathe. You couldn’t think. All you could do was feel.</p><p>And it fucking <em> hurt</em>.</p><p>“TaeTae, I’m hungry. Let’s order some food and have a couch picnic,” your brain somehow registered Jisoo was saying.</p><p>You were staring at the screen in front of you, but you honestly could not see a thing. Everything was foggy and blurry as your eyes began to fill with tears.</p><p>‘Ok, we can do that,” Tae replied.</p><p>“Y/N, do you want anything?” he then asked you.</p><p>“No, I’m not hungry,” you said quietly, your voice on the verge of breaking. </p><p>“I actually don’t feel that well,” you continued a moment later. “I’m going to head home.”</p><p>You closed your laptop and started packing up your things as quickly as possible as wave after wave of nausea washed over you. At any moment you thought you might retch out the contents of your stomach along with your heart and soul. While you were stuffing things haphazardly into your bag and willing yourself to keep it together for just five more minutes, Tae had gotten up from the couch and walked over to you.</p><p>“Are you OK?” he asked worriedly. </p><p>“I’m fine,” you said as you pulled on your coat.</p><p>“You don’t look fine,” he replied back, his face now full of concern. “Do you want me to walk you to your car? Or drive you home?”</p><p>“No,” you said hastily. “I’m fine, really, and you’re busy right now anyway.”</p><p>“Y/N, wait-,” he started.</p><p>“I’ll see you later,” you cut him off. </p><p>Before he could say anything else you turned and quickly walked out of the room. You kept your head down, eyes trained on the floor, the entire walk to your car. The moment you got inside and closed the door you let out a heart wrenching sob. You sat there crying in the car for an hour, your head slumped against the steering wheel, wondering how it could possibly hurt so much to lose something that was never even yours to begin with.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Comments are always appreciated. I especially love to hear what you think is going on inside Tae's big, beautiful brain :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Nowhere To Be Seen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was Monday morning and you were tired and incredibly hungover. Your sisters had visited for the weekend to celebrate your birthday and, after spending most of your time lazing about and relaxing together, things had gotten a bit wild last night. You had been stealthily evading their questions about your love life all weekend until last night after dinner when they cornered you. </p><p>Done with your bullshit about wanting to ‘focus on yourself and your career’, they demanded to know who you were so obviously hung up on that you hadn’t dated in years. Unfortunately for you, dinner had included just enough margaritas that, for the first time ever, you uttered your deepest, darkest secret to another human being: ‘I am in love with Kim Taehyung’.  </p><p>Your younger sister just sat there with a stunned look on her face, but your older sister leapt to her feet and shouted, ‘AHA! I KNEW IT!’ The cat finally out of the bag, you then spent the next hour pouring your heart out to them, recounting every wonderful, awful, confusing moment you and Tae had shared over the last three years. You ended your story with the most recent and heartbreaking development: that you were all but certain he and Jisoo were now dating. You cried pretty much the entire time and when you were finished your older sister did three things. She called him ‘the biggest fucking idiot to ever walk the Earth’, she opened up a bottle of wine and handed it to you, sans glass, and she stole your phone and downloaded Tinder. </p><p>While you drank away your sorrows, the two of them set up your profile and rambled on about how you needed to move on and find someone who was legally available for you to date. You honestly don’t remember much after that, but you do recall seeing them huddled around your phone, your older sister furiously swiping back and forth across the screen.</p><p>When you woke up with this morning feeling like absolute death, you had completely forgotten about the little fire icon sitting in the corner of your home screen. You shared a quick breakfast with your sisters before dropping them off at the train station on your way into work. As you drove, you couldn’t help but wonder if telling your sisters about Tae was the best or worst decision you’d ever made. </p><p>On one hand, it was mortifying to have finally admitted everything; your years-long unrequited love sounded even more pathetic when you said it out loud. But, on the other hand, confessing to your sisters had forced you to take a good, hard look at the situation and see things in a new light. You had just spent the last three years pining after him and for what? You had never been more than a good friend to him, these days it didn’t feel like you two were even friends at all, and he was now with someone else. There truly was no reason to keep waiting and hoping.</p><p>When you walked into the studio a few minutes later you found him already in his chair, looking longingly at his reflection in the mirror. The previous Friday he and the rest of the guys had gone to the salon to have their hair redone for the new single’s music video. After a lengthy debate about what style would best fit the concept, he had decided to make a rather drastic change: gone was his black, fluffy, permed mop and in its place was a golden brown mullet. </p><p>This was the first time you were seeing it and honestly it was a little shocking. He just didn’t look like your Tae anymore, but, then again, he hadn’t really been your Tae for a while now. </p><p>“Wow,” you said walking up to him. “I almost didn’t recognize you.”</p><p>“I hardly even recognize me,” he said mournfully. </p><p>He ran his hands through his hair a couple times, shuffling around his bangs and pulling at the strands on the nape of his neck.</p><p>“Does it look OK?” he then asked, sounding genuinely worried.</p><p>You couldn’t help but find it slightly ironic that he had been the one to push for this, but was now the one questioning it. He never really did seem to know exactly what he wanted.</p><p>“It looks great,” you assured him. “It’s just different, that’s all.”</p><p>As you said this, you felt your phone buzz in your pocket. Pulling it out, you found a new notification from Tinder which you just now remembered your sister’s had downloaded.</p><p>“Congratulations! You’ve got a new match!”</p><p>Looking back up at Tae through the mirror, you felt a pang in your chest. You loved him, you would probably always love him, but your sisters were right: it was time to move on.</p><p>“But, that’s OK,” you then added softly as you tore your gaze away from him and clicked on the notification. “Sometimes change is for the best.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>Later that day, you responded to the Tinder notification and set up a date with a guy named Minho for that Friday evening. You spent all week messaging back and forth with him to get to know him a little better beforehand. At first you were really nervous, it had literally been years since you’d openly flirted with someone and you felt incredibly rusty and awkward, but you found he was really easy to talk to. He was funny and kind and seemed genuinely interested in learning about you. Every time you heard your phone buzz in your pocket you felt a little flutter knowing it was likely him asking another question or saying something sweet.</p><p>When Friday night finally rolled around, you were surprised to find that you were legitimately excited. You were having dinner at a restaurant downtown not far from Big Hit so you decided to just go straight there after work. Once you were sure everyone had left for the day, you got changed into your flirty, but tasteful dress, threw on your heels, and started getting ready.</p><p>A half hour later you were standing at your mirror putting the finishing touches on your makeup when suddenly the door to the studio opened. To your absolute horror, in walked Tae who had his headphones in and was staring intently down at his phone. He was so immersed in whatever he was looking at that he walked all the way to the closet without realizing you were there.</p><p>He grabbed whatever he had apparently come to get and then turned back towards the door. As he was walking out he finally looked up and saw you standing there. He stopped dead in his tracks and for a few moments just stood there staring at you, his eyes wide as his gaze traveled over you several times.</p><p>“Y/N,” he finally said, snapping out of his daze and giving you a smile. “What are you still doing here?”</p><p>“I’m...uhh...just getting ready to go somewhere,” you replied, trying to sound casual despite the fact that your heart was racing. He was the last person you wanted to see right now.</p><p>“Must be a really special occasion if you’re wearing heels,” he said with a laugh. “I know how much you hate them.” </p><p>You gave him a smile, but didn’t say anything. </p><p>“You um...you look really pretty,” he then added shyly, looking down at the floor as he spoke. </p><p>Under any other circumstances you would have been absolutely ecstatic to receive such a compliment from him, but right now all you could focus on was the dread building inside you. It was stupid to feel this way, you weren’t doing anything wrong, but the idea of him realizing you were going on a date made you nauseous. Despite not being <em> with </em> him, having never been <em> with </em> him, it still felt like some sort of betrayal.</p><p>“Thanks,” you said, giving him another small smile before turning away to rummage in your makeup bag for something. </p><p>Realizing that you were busy and that he had interrupted you, he cleared his throat and took a couple steps backward. </p><p>“I’ll let you finish getting ready,” he then said casually. “I hope you have a nice night.”</p><p>“Thanks,” you muttered again.</p><p>You heard his footsteps heading towards the door and were just about to breathe out a massive sigh of relief when suddenly he stopped and turned around. You couldn’t see him, but you could just <em> feel </em>it dawning on him, could feel the atmosphere in the room shifting. </p><p>“Are you going on a date?” he asked hesitantly.</p><p>For a moment you didn’t say anything. You just stood there, eyes closed as you clutched the tube of lipstick in your hand.</p><p>“Yea, I am,” you replied nervously, still not looking at him.</p><p>A beat of silence passed.</p><p>“With <em> who </em>?” he then questioned, the surprise in his voice evident. </p><p>The way he said that was like a punch in the gut. It was like he couldn’t imagine a single person on the face of the Earth who would want to go out with you. </p><p>“Someone I met on Tinder,” you answered, this time with a bit more confidence, as you finally turned to face him.</p><p>“<em>Tinder</em>?” he choked out, looking at you in disbelief. “Since when are you on Tinder?”</p><p>His astonishment that he didn’t already know this was truly baffling. When would you have had the opportunity to tell him about it? You two hardly talked about anything outside of work these days, much less something as personal as this. </p><p>“Since last weekend when my sisters made me a profile,” you said casually. </p><p>“I decided to give it a try and got a match the first day,” you added with a slight edge to your voice. </p><p>A minute or so then passed without either of you speaking. You just stood there, fingers fidgeting with the hem of your dress, while you watched his shocked expression morph into one of annoyance.</p><p>“Do you have to get ready <em> here </em>?” he asked, an obvious bite to his tone.</p><p>“Yea, actually, I do,” you said defensively. “The fitting for your upcoming solo photoshoot took so long that I don’t have time to go home.”</p><p>“I’m already running late as it is,” you added curtly as you turned to the mirror to put on your lipstick. </p><p>By the time you finished and turned back to face him a minute later he was full on glaring at you, his jaw tightly set.</p><p>“Is this why your phone has been blowing up all week? Because you’ve been talking to some guy?” he asked.</p><p>“Maybe,” you huffed. “What does it matter to you?”</p><p>“It’s been annoying and distracting,” he replied irritatedly. </p><p>“Well it’s annoying and distracting having Jisoo hanging around all the time, but you don’t see me complaining,” you snapped back.</p><p>He scoffed and shot you a stern look.</p><p>“That’s not even remotely the same situation,” he replied sharply.</p><p>“Oh really?” you questioned, incredulous that he was playing dumb right now.</p><p>“She comes by to talk about work!” he said emphatically, throwing his hands in the air.</p><p>“Right,” you replied with a humorless laugh. “And I’m just headed out to a meeting.”</p><p>He opened his mouth to respond to you, but then quickly shut it as a wave of realization seemed to wash over him. At the same time, though, you were having a realization of your own: your raging jealousy was on full display right now. You needed to end this conversation now and get out of here before you made even more of a fool of yourself than you already had.   </p><p>“Wait, Y/N did you think-,” he started.</p><p>“I have to go,” you said hurriedly, cutting him off mid-sentence. “I’m going to be late.”</p><p>“I’m sorry that my phone was bothering you,” you added as you gathered your things and hastily dropped them into your bag.</p><p>At once, his hard, angry expression from a moment ago softened into one of guilt and concern.</p><p>“Wait, please don’t leave like this,” he said in alarm, taking a couple steps towards you.</p><p>“I’ll be sure to keep my personal life out of the studio from now on,” you continued as you brushed past him.</p><p>“Y/N, please,” he said desperately, reaching out to stop you by taking your hand. “I’m so sorry for what I said.”</p><p>He waited for you to turn and look at him before he spoke again. </p><p>“I’m just worried about you,” he went on nervously, running his free hand through his hair. “I mean, who is this guy you’re meeting? What do you really even know about him?”</p><p>“Tae,” you sighed, the fight suddenly draining out of you. “I’ll be fine.”</p><p>“You’re not going to his apartment, are you?” he continued, panic rising in his voice. </p><p>“We’re just getting dinner,” you said tiredly.</p><p>He was quiet for a couple moments, seemingly relieved that you were going to a public place, before he spoke again.</p><p>“I’m still worried,” he said shakily. “It’s not safe to meet a total stranger at night.”</p><p>“I-I don’t want you to go,” he then added quietly.</p><p>He said that so sincerely, his face colored with such genuine worry, but you found yourself wholly unaffected. A month ago you had swooned over his protectiveness, but now it just left you feeling hollow. It was so unfair for him to just pick and choose when to give a shit about you. Where was this interest in your life and concern for your wellbeing over the last month? Nowhere. It was nowhere to be seen, just like him.</p><p>“Tae, you don’t really have the right to worry about me or anything I do anymore,” you said sadly. </p><p>“What is that supposed to mean?” he asked in a confused and hurt voice. “Of course I do. Friends worry about each other and look out for one another.”</p><p>“Friends also talk and make time for each other and remember important things,” you replied, your voice starting to break. “You don’t do any of those things anymore.”</p><p>“Y/N, what are you talking about?” he questioned frantically. “We talk. We talk every day. I know things have been crazy with the comeback and the single and the song, but I still see you. And, I remember things. I remember that you just resigned your lease and that you got your first speeding ticket two weeks ago and that your sisters visited you last weekend.”</p><p>“Do you know why they visited?” you questioned slowly.</p><p>As he stood there thinking, his dark eyes searching yours, you realized that he was still holding your hand. Instinctively, you went to pull it away, but he stopped you, his fingers tightening around yours like a vice as the realization hit him. His eyes went wide and he opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. He was frozen, speechless, utterly stunned.</p><p>“Even Mrs. Choi wished me ‘Happy Birthday’,” you said quietly as the first couple tears spilled down your cheeks. You then gently pulled your hand away and started walking towards the door. </p><p>“Y/N, wait,” he called out just as you were about to step out into the hall.</p><p>You stopped and slowly turned around, giving him a blank look. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, the guilt etched deeply into his face. “I am <em> so, so </em> sorry.”</p><p>“I’m sure you are,” was all you said in reply before you turned back around and left.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Comments are always appreciated! I especially love to know what you think is going on inside Tae's big, beautiful brain :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Talk To The Tatas - Part 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>For anyone who may not be aware, Tata is the name of Tae's real-life BT21 character.</p><p>I am aware that tatas is also slang for boobs. </p><p>Why our dear, sweet Kim Taehyung chose to go with this name, I do not know lol</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You almost bailed on your date. <em> Almost</em>. After sobbing in the car in the parking garage for the second time in two weeks, you almost said fuck it and just drove home.</p><p>But, you didn’t. You pulled yourself together, stopped at a gas station to redo your makeup, and showed up at that restaurant.</p><p>Only Minho never came.</p><p>Worse than that, he never even called or texted to say he wasn’t coming. You messaged him a few times when you first arrived to let him know you were there, but he didn’t respond. After an hour of waiting alone at the bar, your phone finally buzzed, but it wasn’t Minho that texted you.</p><p>[Taehyung 7:56 PM]<br/>
I’ve tried so hard not to text you because you’re on your date and I know I shouldn’t be bothering you, but I just needed to tell you again that I’m so incredibly sorry for everything. Hurting you and making you cry is the worst thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to make it up to you, but I promise I’m going to try.</p><p>[Taehyung 8:08 PM]<br/>
I know I don’t have the right to ask, but could you please just let me know when you get home? I won’t be able to sleep until I know you’re safe.</p><p>On the verge of spilling fresh tears, and realizing Minho was not coming, you finally gave up and went home.</p><p>Once there you then laid in bed crying, out of embarrassment or frustration or love sickness, you didn't know, until it was late enough to pretend like you’d just gotten home from your date. You had no idea what to say to Tae, but you knew you needed to say something; he absolutely would stay up all night worrying if you didn’t. At a complete loss for words, you sent the only thing that made sense at the time.</p><p>[11:25 PM]<br/>
🏠 </p><p>Not thirty seconds later he responded.</p><p>[Taehyung 11:26 PM]<br/>
💜</p><p>The purple heart was Tae’s most commonly used emoji. As the one who coined the phrase, ‘I Purple You’, he was the reason it had become a BTS symbol. He sent it all the time, and to everyone, so it had long lost its novelty, had long since made your own real heart flutter, but him sending it just now felt particularly meaningful.</p><p>Even though you were fighting, even though you’d both said hurtful things and you’d walked out on him and ignored his apology, he still cared. With that tiny, comforting thought, you finally fell asleep.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Tae didn't say anything the rest of the weekend, but you weren’t surprised, nor did you blame him. You hadn’t even sent a one word answer to his apology, you sent a one emoji answer, so he clearly thought that you wanted space. Part of you did, you were still worried he’d realized how jealous you were of Jisoo and were now also mortified for him to know you’d been stood up, but part of you wanted nothing more than text him or call him or just show up at his freaking apartment. Even though he’d hurt you, and you’d then pushed him away, he was still the person you wanted and needed most right now. </p><p>You were incredibly nervous come Monday, still unsure what to say or how to act, but it ended up not mattering. The guys had dance practice all morning and then meetings all afternoon so you didn’t actually see him once all day. </p><p>Later that afternoon you were in the studio trying and failing to focus on the words contained in the email you had just received from Mrs. Choi. For reasons you will never understand, she had picked your concept proposal for the Dynamite music video. It was a huge opportunity, one you were incredibly excited about, but it was going to mean a lot of extra work. Honestly, though, that wasn’t a bad thing. Now more than ever you needed a distraction.</p><p>Around 4:00 you stepped out to grab coffee from the café on the first floor of the building. Their macchiatos weren’t the best, but they were cheap and convenient. Your body was so addicted to them that it preemptively crashed around 3:45 PM every day in anticipation for the boost to come.</p><p>You were only gone for about fifteen minutes, but when you opened the door to the studio the room looked <em> completely </em> different.</p><p>Spread out all over the place, on top of chairs and the couch and the counters and the floor, were no less than twenty five Tata plushies, each one with a balloon attached to one hand and a Post-it Note stuck to the other. </p><p>Most of the balloons were birthday themed; there was a big ‘2’ and a big ‘6’, cake and champagne bottle-shaped ones, and ones of all different colors and patterns that said ‘Happy Birthday’. But, there were also some random ones including a character from your favorite anime show, a tube of lipstick, and one regular balloon that had a picture of a lady with a striking resemblance to Mrs. Choi drawn on it in permanent marker.</p><p>As you walked in and got closer to the Tatas, you realized you couldn’t read what was written on any of the Post-it Notes, not because the words were too small or too messy, but because they were all written in English.</p><p>You were standing there in the middle of the room, mouth agape, trying to wrap your head around what you were seeing, when suddenly you heard a voice, your favorite deep, husky voice, start singing behind you.</p><p>
  <em>Happy birthday to you</em><br/>
<em>Happy birthday to you</em><br/>
<em>Happy birthday dear Y/N</em><br/>
<em>Happy birthday to you</em>
</p><p>You turned around to see Tae standing in the doorway. He was holding another Tata in one hand and a small gift bag in the other. Attached to his Tata was a polka dot balloon that said ‘I’m Sorry’ on it and a Post-it Note that you guessed probably said the same. His smile was small and hesitant at first, but instantly grew when he saw that you were positively beaming.</p><p>“Tae...what is all this?” you asked in amazement as you gestured around the room.</p><p>“This is your slightly belated birthday present and <em> very </em> belated apology,” he said sheepishly.</p><p>You looked around the room again as a million questions ran through your mind. How had he managed to get all this stuff over the weekend? Where in the building had he been hiding all of this? How did he set everything up in only fifteen minutes?</p><p>You turned back to look at him, an amazed and wonderfully confused look on your face, to find him staring at you with his big, boxy Kim Taehyung smile. </p><p>“So, do you want your present first or do you want to talk to the Tatas first?” he asked excitedly.</p><p>“Talk to the Tatas?” you repeated with a laugh.</p><p>“All of the Tatas have a special message for you, but they only speak English so I have to translate for them,” he said matter-of-factly. </p><p>In that moment you were simply blown away by the creativity, cleverness, and uniqueness of his big, beautiful brain.</p><p>“Talk to the Tatas,” you said happily. “I definitely want to talk to the Tatas first.”</p><p>“Ok then we’ll start with this Tata right here,” he said as he gestured to the one in his hand. </p><p>“This Tata is so incredibly sorry for everything. He’s sorry that he forgot your birthday. He’s sorry for making you feel bad about your date. He’s sorry that he hasn’t been a good friend to you lately. And, he’s so, so sorry that he made you cry,” he said sincerely, looking you in the eye as he spoke.</p><p>You went to respond, but found that you couldn’t. A little lump had formed in your throat and it rendered you speechless, lest you begin sobbing. </p><p>“There’s a lot more that I have to say and explain,” he went on. “But for now I just want you to know that I am so sorry for hurting you.”</p><p>“Thanks, Tae,” you finally managed to get out. “I really appreciate you saying that.” </p><p>You gave him a small smile as you dabbed at your eyes with the sleeve of your sweater. He returned your smile, but you could see that he too had gotten a bit emotional. The two of you took a moment to breath and compose yourselves before heading off towards the next Tata.</p><p>Around the room you went ‘talking’ to all the different Tatas. Their messages were a mixture of serious and funny, heartfelt and ridiculous, but each of them was so incredibly <em> Tae</em>. Some of your favorites included:</p><p>You’re the best stylist ever.</p><p>I’m a jerk (who is very sorry).</p><p>YOU’RE SO OLD NOW.</p><p>Mrs. Choi smells like dead cats.</p><p>I missed you.</p><p>By the time you got to the last Tata, your stomach hurt from laughing and your heart felt light as a feather. For the first time in over a month you felt like you had your best friend back.</p><p>“What about this guy?” you asked, gesturing to the Tata sitting in Tae’s chair. He was holding one of the ‘Happy Birthday’ balloons, but he had no Post-it Note. “Where’s his note?”</p><p>“This Tata is very shy,” Tae said quietly. “He has a special message too, but he’s not ready to tell you yet.” </p><p>“Right now he just wants to say ‘Happy Birthday Y/N’,” he continued.</p><p>Despite everything that had happened over the last month, you could not stop the butterflies that began fluttering in your stomach when he said those first words. </p><p>“But anyway,” he said, breaking the little silence that had followed his previous statement. “It’s time for your present!”</p><p>At that, he handed over the gift bag he had been holding. You opened it up and carefully removed the tissue paper to reveal a small, cylindrical object at the bottom. Pulling it out and placing it in the palm of your other hand, you realized instantly what you were holding.</p><p>It was a vintage-style music box, the kind that snaps open like a clam. It was covered in an ornate gold design of the moon and stars that included tiny diamonds dotted throughout. Opening it revealed an image of the night sky on the underside of the lid and a little dancing figurine in the middle. </p><p>Your hand shook ever so slightly as you reached underneath for the winding key. After turning it a few times, you held your breath as you waited for the melody to begin.</p><p>
  <em> Clare de Lune </em>
</p><p>Just like that, the lump in your throat was back. As you stood there watching the little figure twirl around, you thought for sure your heart would burst.</p><p>“I know you love this song and that it helps calm you down. I thought you could keep this with you in case you ever miss your Mom or get overwhelmed or just want a little happy moment,” he said hesitantly.</p><p>No words. You had no words. This was without a doubt the most wonderful present anyone had ever given you before. It was so thoughtful and meaningful and beautiful too. It was perfect. Absolutely perfect.</p><p>Unable to speak, you did the only other thing you could think of to show your gratitude. You stepped forward and wrapped your arms around him. In an instant, he was hugging you back. Your mind immediately flashed back to the last time you had hugged him, your night at the studio, only this hug was nothing like the friendly one you’d shared in the parking garage. This was an <em> embrace</em>, your face buried in his neck, his cheek pressed to your temple. It was warm and intimate and lasting entirely too long. For a moment, you completely forgot where you were, forgot that you should absolutely not be touching him like this, especially not here.</p><p>You wanted nothing more than to stand there and hold him like that forever, but eventually, somewhere in the recesses of the rational portion of your mind, an emotional override button was pressed and you let go.</p><p>“Wait, Tae. How on Earth did you get this music box over the weekend?” you asked, finally pulling away from him.</p><p>“Oh, I actually had that made like two months ago,” he said, suddenly sporting a light blush. “Right after our night in the studio.”</p><p>“I just thought of it one day while I was sitting here and you were humming this song while doing my hair. I knew it would be the perfect birthday present so I ordered it before I forgot,” he continued. “It’s been sitting in my closet for over a month.”</p><p>The fact that he bought this for you months ago made your heart swell and almost made you forget that he then didn’t remember to give it to you on your actual birthday.</p><p>As if reading your thoughts, his face suddenly grew serious as he sat down and motioned for you to take the chair beside him. He steepled his fingers and brought them up to his face as he opened and closed his mouth several times. His brain was clearly working overtime as he tried again and again to collect his thoughts. Eventually, after several minutes, he took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and looked at you.</p><p>“There is so much to say, and it’s hard to know where to start, but I just want to say again that I’m so sorry for how I’ve acted the last month,” he said solemnly. “I got so caught up with recording my song that I wasn't paying attention to what was happening around me.”</p><p>“Wait,” you said confusedly, giving him a curious look. “What do you mean by <em> your </em> song?”</p><p>Clearly delighted that you had picked up on that subtle word choice, a tiny little grin formed on this face as you asked that.</p><p>“So that’s the thing,” he said excitedly. “It ended up being <em> my </em> song that we recorded, not mine and Jisoo’s song, not Jisoo’s song that I’m featured on. <em> My </em> song. Technically, she did the backing vocals for it, but she’s not officially considered to be featured on it. I actually don’t even think she’ll be listed in the credits at all, come to think of it. That’s how little she contributed.”</p><p>You sat there blankly staring at him for a whole minute, trying desperately to process all of what he had just said, but you were struggling.</p><p>“Tae...I am so confused,” you finally let out.</p><p>“I can see that,” he said with a laugh. “But, OK. Time for <em> me </em> to tell a long story.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Comments are always appreciated! I especially love to hear what you think is going on inside Tae's big, beautiful brain :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Talk To The Tatas - Part 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There never was a love song duet.</p><p>Not a real one, anyway.</p><p>The first couple times Jisoo and Tae had met in her recording lab, she shared virtually no details about the song she supposedly <em> needed </em> a baritone to sing with her. Instead, she spent most of the time talking about herself and taking photos and videos for social media. After a week of hearing her just throw out random ideas for concepts and lyrics and melodies, Tae realized he’d been lied to, that she actually had nothing legitimately written or composed.</p><p>He would have just bailed at that point, but unfortunately the situation was a bit more complicated than that. The song wasn’t just some random single Jisoo wanted to release, it was supposed to be the theme song for an upcoming K-drama, Itaewon Class. For reasons Tae simply could not understand, the show’s producers had commissioned Jisoo to create it. She’d apparently had months to get it done, but had squandered away most of that time partying and vacationing. Knowing that if Jisoo failed to deliver the song it would reflect badly on Big Hit, Bang Si-Hyuk begged Tae to help her come up with something before the contract deadline in a few weeks. Begrudgingly, he obliged.  </p><p>One day a few weeks in they were on his laptop listening to potential melodies that had been sent over by the Big Hit production team. When the playlist of instrumental tracks finished, another song from Tae’s library automatically began playing. It was a demo of a song he had been personally working on for several years, one that was not meant to be heard by anyone yet, least of all Jisoo. The laptop had been in her hands when the song started to play, though, and by the time he’d wrestled it away from her and stopped the music, she’d already heard over half of it. He explained that the song was very personal and also still not finished, which she seemed to understand, and afterwards thought nothing more of the incident. </p><p>However, a few days later, after receiving a less than friendly email from the producers asking when they would be getting their theme song, Jisoo did something terrible: she submitted the demo of Tae’s song. How she even got her hands on the file, he did not know. She surprisingly did not claim any credit, she told the producers that it was written and composed entirely by Tae, but she still submitted it without his knowledge or consent.</p><p>Tae was <em> furious </em> when she told him. He was so upset that he literally had to leave the room and go for a walk to calm down. When he came back an hour later he was fully prepared to tell Jisoo off and force her to contact the show’s producers and explain what she had done, but the moment he walked into the room she said three words that stopped him in his tracks.</p><p>‘They loved it’</p><p>They absolutely <em> loved </em> it. They thought it was beautiful, one producer even said she cried the first time she listened to it, and that it perfectly fit the show’s theme. Most importantly, they loved it exactly the way it was as a solo sung by Tae. They thought maybe it could use a woman harmonizing in the background, but they didn’t want it to be turned into a full duet. </p><p>Tae could not help but be flattered that they loved his song so much. After spending almost three years agonizing over it, writing and rewriting it time and again, it was a relief to know that the emotion he’d poured into it had been successfully conveyed. He suddenly found himself feeling very conflicted. Although he was still incredibly upset at Jisoo for what she’d done, a small part of him wondered if maybe it had been a blessing in disguise; because of her this song, which he had long been too afraid to share, might now actually be brought to life.</p><p>However, there was a catch: in submitting the song, Jisoo had given the show full rights to its production. Their primary choice was obviously to have Tae sing it, but they had a strict deadline for the song to be finished by. If he could not meet it, they would need to find someone else who could. With all of Big Hit’s main recording labs booked up for BTS and other groups, using Jisoo’s personal recording lab was the only way to get it done on time. Given the short time frame, there also just wasn’t time to find someone else to do the backing vocals; it had to be Jisoo.</p><p>Recording his song with her was far from an ideal situation, but Tae felt he didn’t have a choice; the thought of someone else recording it without him was truly unbearable. So he shoved his anger and frustration with her aside and committed to working together with her to get it done. </p><p>The next few weeks passed by in a blur. The production process normally would have taken several months so having it condensed down so much meant there literally wasn’t time for anything else. To help himself focus, he deleted all social media apps off his phone which is why he didn’t realize just how much Jisoo was playing up their ‘relationship’. He specifically mentioned only recently seeing the photo of the strawberries, noting with a slight blush that he actually ordered them to go, but that the restaurant accidentally brought them out on a plate instead while he was in the restroom. He came back to find Jisoo had already eaten half of them and had no idea she’d posted about them on Instagram beforehand.</p><p>Turns out that dinner had, in fact, been a meeting after all. One of Tae’s good friends from the ‘Wooga Squad’, Park Seo-joon, was actually starring in the show the song was going to be featured in. He had arranged the dinner with Tae and Jisoo and several of the show’s cast and production members to discuss how and when the song would be marketed and released. Although the show technically had the rights to the song, Seo-joon knew how important it was to Tae and wanted to provide him with an opportunity to help dictate how it would be presented to the public. </p><p>He ended his story by saying that the song, which he had ultimately titled ‘Sweet Night’, was now complete. He went on to say that he was looking forward to never spending another minute with Jisoo and to getting back to his life and focusing again on what mattered most to him.</p><p>Stunned by everything he had just told you, it took you a couple moments to realize that he was now saying something that required a response from you.</p><p>“It won’t be officially released for a couple months, but I could show it to you before then if you’d like,” he said, suddenly sounding very nervous. </p><p>You could tell from the hesitant way he had asked and the expectant way he was looking at you that he really wanted you to listen to it. You knew how important it was to him, knew how much time and effort he had put into it over the last month. You wanted to say yes and make him happy, wanted to make his face light up with that beautiful smile of his. </p><p>But, you had just spent the last few weeks crying yourself to sleep while that melody played over and over in your head. In this moment, now that you were here with him and finally feeling happy again, that song was the last thing you wanted to hear.  </p><p>“Honestly, Tae, I think it would be best if I didn’t listen to it,” you said quietly. “At least not now.”</p><p>“I know you didn’t mean to hurt my feelings. I know you’re sorry, and I do forgive you, but I just want to move on,” you continued. </p><p>“Listening to that song is only going to remind me of everything that happened and make me sad.”</p><p>The look he gave you when you said nearly broke your heat. It was one of utter devastation. He sat there silent and motionless as the weight of your words sunk in. </p><p>You wished immediately that you could take it back, told yourself you would listen to the song on repeat for the rest of your life if it meant he wouldn’t look at you like that, but it was too late.</p><p>“Wait, Tae-,” you started.</p><p>“It’s OK,” he said, his voice thick and strained. “I-I understand.”</p><p>A second later he was standing up, his back turned to you as he brought his hands up to his face. He stood there like that for a couple moments before he spoke again, still facing away from you.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, Y/N” he said, voice barely above a whisper. “It wasn’t supposed to make you sad.”</p><p>Before you had time to respond, or even really process what he said, Jimin and Jungkook burst through the door.</p><p>“Did they say their piece?!” Jimin cried.</p><p>“Do you still have your beautiful hair?!” Jungkook added.</p><p>At the sight of them standing there, clearly out of breath from running to the studio, shouting what was apparently utter nonsense, a confused smile formed on your face.</p><p>Tae, who seemed to have recovered from whatever moment he just had, turned back to face you.</p><p>“They helped me hide the Tatas this morning and get them ready while you took your afternoon coffee break,” he said with a small smile.</p><p>“Tae told us he forced you to spend an entire month with Jisoo glued to his hip and therefore glued to yours by extension,” Jungkook said with a shudder.</p><p>“Eunji and Donghae would have legitimately shaved our heads if we pulled a stunt like that so we knew he needed all the help he could get making it up to you,” Jimin went on seriously. </p><p>At that you couldn’t help but laugh. Eunji and Donghae, Jimin and Jungkook’s stylists, were your two closest friends at Big Hit. While you weren’t convinced they would have shaved off 2/7ths of BTS’s collectively luscious locks, you did know for a fact that they both despised Jisoo almost as much as you. They had spent all month lamenting your situation with you, periodically throwing you pitying looks and Jisoo death glares as she disrupted the otherwise perfectly harmonious vibe of the BTS studio.</p><p>Jimin and Jungkook then hung around for a little while recounting the ‘Tale of the Tatas’ as they liked to call it. After taking three trips to transport all of the balloons from his apartment to Big Hit early that morning, Tae had stuffed them and the Tatas in a conference room he prayed no one would be using that day. During lunch the three of them assembled everything, carefully attaching the balloons around the Tatas arms. Jungkook’s balloons apparently kept sliding right off at first because he didn’t want to tie the ribbons too tight and ‘cut off the Tata’s circulation’.</p><p>Tae and Jimin then went back to the conference at 3:45 PM and waited for Jungkook, who was staked out in the hallway outside the studio, to give the signal that you had left to get your coffee. As soon as they got the go ahead, the two boys each grabbed thirteen Tatas and sprinted out of the room. </p><p>They initially made the mistake of trying to get into the same elevator and almost ripped the arms off half the Tatas as the doors began closing with the balloons still billowing out into the hallway. Jimin tried to leave the elevator, but his Tata’s balloons were tangled with Tae’s. Unable to tell whose balloons were whose, they eventually abandoned the elevator altogether and instead opted to carry the tangled mess down ten flights of stairs.</p><p>They arrived at the studio with only a few minutes to spare, but with the help of Jungkook they were able to disentangle everything. As Jimin and Jungkook went around placing them all over the room, Tae followed and attached a Post-it Note to each one. Finally finished, Tae went and hid around the corner from the studio while the other two boys wished him luck and headed off for another meeting.</p><p>A little while later, after Jimin and Jungkook had finally headed out, you and Tae were alone again in the studio. You had just finished gathering up all of the other Tatas and were standing by Tae’s chair when you suddenly remembered something. </p><p>“So do I still get to hear the shy Tata’s special message?” you asked tentatively. </p><p>He hesitated ever so slightly before responding, a nervous, slightly pained expression flashing across his face, before he broke out into a big smile. </p><p>“Yes, he is ready to speak now,” Tae said as he reached out and picked up the plushie. </p><p>“This Tata would like to publicly declare that Y/L/N Y/N is the official best friend of Kim Taehyung,” he then said in a formal tone. </p><p>“Jimin is my soulmate, the rest of the guys are my brothers, but you are my best friend,” he said sincerely, finally speaking for himself directly instead of via the Tata. </p><p>For the briefest of moments you felt a wave of disappointment ripple through you. Against your better judgement, you had harbored a tiny flicker of hope that the shy Tata would have a different message for you. But, in an instant the disappointment was gone and in its place was pure happiness. </p><p>
  <em> You were his best friend </em>
</p><p>Your smile widened so much it hurt and your heart swelled so rapidly you thought surely it would break forth from your chest. You had long considered him to be your best friend, but always feared that sentiment didn’t go both ways. Hearing him confirm that it did meant the absolute world to you, especially after everything that had happened.</p><p>“You’ve been my best friend for a long time,” he added quietly. “I’m sorry that it took almost losing you for me to finally tell you that.”</p><p>“You’re my best friend too, Tae,” you said in return, loving how wonderful it felt to say those words out loud.</p><p>“I am?” he asked hesitantly, giving you a shy smile.</p><p>“You are,” you confirmed. “Even if you drive me crazy and sometimes make me want to kill you.”</p><p>He laughed at that and his eyes crinkled up into the most adorable crescent moons. The two of you then stood there in a comfortable silence for a minute or so, soaking in the joy of the moment. The last month had been awful, for both you and Tae you now realized, but all of that suddenly seemed so far away. He was your best friend and you were his and for now that felt like enough.</p><p>“What am I supposed to do with all these Tatas?” you suddenly asked with a laugh.</p><p>“Yea, I have no idea. I didn’t think that far ahead,” he said sheepishly, glancing down at the massive pile between you.</p><p>“Where did you even get all of them? Do you have a closet in your apartment full of Tata plushies?” you teased.</p><p>“Every once in a while being Kim Taehyung has its perks,” he said coyly. </p><p>In the end, you decided to keep two of the Tatas. The ‘Best Friend’ Tata would remain at Big Hit on the counter in front of your station and the ‘I’m Sorry’ Tata would go home with you to your apartment. The rest of the Tatas you two decided to hide in random places throughout the building, some of which included:</p><p>Inside the top drawer of Mrs. Choi’s desk</p><p>On top of one of the speakers in the main dance room</p><p>In the top of the ‘H’ in the blue ‘Big Hit’ sign in the lobby</p><p>On the chair in Yoongi’s ‘Genius Lab’</p><p>In the refrigerator in the break room</p><p>After stuffing the balloons into the studio closet - you decided it would be best to inhale the helium inside of them the next day in the presence of Mrs. Choi - you two were finally making your way out of the building. You had just reached the parking garage when you finally summoned the courage to say what had been on your mind for the last hour.</p><p>“Tae, about earlier. What I said about your song,” you started.</p><p>“Y/N, you don’t have to explain,” he cut in gently. “I know I really messed up and I understand why you don’t want to listen to it right now.”</p><p>“Honestly, I don’t even want to listen to it right now,” he said with a dry laugh.</p><p>You let out a little laugh too, grateful that he didn’t seem so upset anymore, though, part of you still felt guilty for what you’d said. </p><p>“You can listen to it another time when you’re ready,” he then added with a small smile. “It’s not going anywhere.”</p><p>“Ok,” you said, returning his smile. “I promise I will.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Best Friend Zone</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When you got home that evening you plopped down on the couch, snuggled the ‘I’m Sorry’ Tata plushie, and let out a very long sigh. The last few days had been an absolute whirlwind and everything was just now sinking in. You’d gone from feeling excited to angry to devastated to guilty to happy to ultimately now feeling quite overwhelmed and honestly a bit confused. There was so just much to process and understand. </p><p>The two most important revelations were definitely that Tae was not in any way, shape or form, <em>with</em> Jisoo and that he had not been purposefully avoiding or forgetting you this past month. As crazy as his story sounded, you had no reason to think he would lie and every reason to believe that Jisoo had been the root cause of the entire mess. </p><p>Just thinking about what she’d done made your blood boil. She had manipulated and lied to and legitimately stolen from Tae. Years of his hard work had almost gone completely down the drain because of her. You honestly just couldn’t believe someone could be so selfish, especially if it meant hurting someone as kind as Tae.</p><p>A far more sobering thought was the fact that she had clearly manipulated you as well. There was not a doubt in your mind that she posted that photo of the strawberries hoping you would see it and be hurt. You were now all but certain she knew you harbored at least a schoolgirl’s crush on Tae, if not deeper feelings. The potential havoc she could wreak with that information was honestly not something you were prepared to contemplate at the moment.</p><p>Due to the devastation of your failed date, and the fact that you spent all weekend trying to forget that entire day, you hadn’t really spent much time thinking about your fight with Tae. Looking back at it now, you couldn’t help but note the cruel irony that his worry, which had seemed blown out of proportion at the time, had been justified. Minho hadn’t hurt you physically, which was what Tae seemed most concerned about, but he <em>had</em> hurt you, deeply. </p><p>Although you knew it wasn’t fair to assume the next guy would treat you like that, you found yourself legitimately shuddering at the thought of setting up another Tinder date. With a quick tap and a swipe, the app was deleted from your phone. One day you hoped to be able to try again, but it was clear that right now you just weren’t ready.</p><p>As you continued to replay your fight over and over in your mind, you couldn’t stop yourself from wondering if, in addition to worry, Tae had been feeling another emotion that night: jealousy. You had been so worried that he would recognize <em>your</em> obvious envy that you hadn’t really picked up on any of the signs of his own which, in hindsight, had been plenty. Even before your fight, he had noticed you were talking to someone and clearly wasn’t happy about it. After the shock of discovering you were going on a date wore off, his next gut reaction was to be annoyed and angry. And, although he claimed it was out of concern for your safety and wellbeing, he had literally held your hand and flat out told you he didn’t want you to go. </p><p>Exactly where that jealousy stemmed from, you did not know. While you desperately wanted to believe it was because he had feelings for you, past experience made you extremely wary of that line of thinking. Despite all his sweet words and little affectionate gestures over the years, he still had never once given you a legitimate sign that they meant anything more. </p><p>On top of that was the fact that jealousy <em>was</em> possible in completely platonic relationships. In college you’d gotten really jealous when your best friend got a boyfriend and stopped hanging out with you as much. Also, last year when Jimin started seeing someone, Tae had acted similarly protective and been slightly annoyed at first. If he considered you his best friend, maybe he really was just hurt that you hadn’t told him something so important and worried that it would affect your friendship.</p><p>There was a part of you that feared him saying you were his best friend was just a knee-jerk reaction to your fight. It felt so good to finally hear him say those words, for him to acknowledge that you were one of the most important people in his life; you would be absolutely crushed if he hadn’t meant it after all. But, the sincerity with which he said it, and how much time and energy he’d put into his apology and gift, helped quell that fear. </p><p>Around and around your mind went thinking through everything and, while some things became more clear, others only grew hazier. After an hour of being lost in deep thought, you finally decided to get up and make yourself some dinner. Standing from the couch, you held the Tata out in front of you and gazed at its cute, slightly angry face.</p><p>“You are so confusing, and you drive me insane, but I love you all the same,” you told it before giving it a kiss, gently placing it down on the cushion, and heading off towards the kitchen.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Over the next few weeks you discovered that being the official best friend of Kim Taehyung meant being showered with even more attention and affection than ever before. You didn’t know if he was simply trying to make up for the last month or if this is how things would always be, but you weren’t going to question it.</p><p>He started to text you more in the evenings and on the weekends too about stuff that wasn’t related to work. Even if you’d spent all day with him in the studio, you would sometimes pull up to your apartment after driving home to find that he’d already sent you a message. Oftentimes he would start by sending a random meme or GIF, but other times he would just say hi and ask how you were doing. One Saturday evening after he’d been away for a few days visiting his parents, he even began the conversation by simply texting ‘I miss you.’ </p><p>Initially, he was always the one texting you first, you were terrified of bothering him or coming off as clingy, but eventually you started to initiate conversations too. Sometimes you only chatted briefly, but other times you talked for hours on end until late into the night. When you did that, you were almost always the first one to fall asleep. You would usually wake up the next morning to a string of adorable messages from the night before.</p><p>[Taehyung 12:30 AM]<br/>Ok, either you did not find that joke even remotely funny…or you’ve fallen asleep.</p><p>[Taehyung 12:33 AM]<br/>I hope it’s the latter.</p><p>[Taehyung 12:33 AM]<br/>Though, if you’re asleep that means I can’t talk to you anymore which is sad.</p><p>[Taehyung 12:34 AM]<br/>Tannie is asleep too. I can hear him snoring from his bed.</p><p>[Taehyung 12:34 AM]<br/>Did you know dogs could snore?</p><p>[Taehyung 12:35 AM]<br/>It’s cute. Somewhat annoying, but still very cute.</p><p>[Taehyung 12:36 AM]<br/>Jimin once told me that I snore, but I think he was lying. </p><p>[Taehyung 12:36 AM]<br/>I definitely don’t snore.</p><p>[Taehyung 12:37 AM]<br/>But, anyway. I should probably stop texting you now and let you get your beauty sleep.</p><p>[Taehyung 12:37 AM]<br/>Not that you need it.</p><p>[Taehyung 12:38 AM]<br/>OK, that was extremely cheesy.</p><p>[Taehyung 12:38 AM]<br/>I’m definitely going now. </p><p>[Taehyung 12:39 AM]<br/>Goodnight, Y/N. I hope you have sweet dreams.</p><p>The two of you talked about everything and anything: music, movies, photography, books, travel, your families, the future. It’s not that you hadn’t talked about these things before when you were in the studio or on set, but those conversations had always been slightly measured. There was always someone else around or not enough time to really dig deep into any one topic. Now with more time and without fear of interruption, conversation just flowed so much more naturally.</p><p>He also became ever so slightly more physically affectionate which in some ways was not surprising. It was no secret that Tae was one of the more touchy members of BTS; he was always hugging Jungkook or holding Jimin’s hand or trying to snuggle someone while he slept. What he did with you was far more subtle, though. For instance, sometimes when you were doing his makeup and you placed your free hand on the arm of his chair, he would rest his fingertips on top of yours. He’d also started to do things like booping your nose or squishing your cheeks if you said something stupid or silly. And, he gave you more hugs, albeit just friendly ones and not intimate embraces like the one you shared after he gave you your birthday present. </p><p>However, he did clearly make sure to never do any of these things when other people were watching. Skinship between same-sex friends was totally normal, but between friends of the opposite sex it was far less common, if not a little taboo. Also, even if you were just friends and all of his gestures were strictly platonic, they still could be taken the wrong way which would undoubtedly get you both in trouble. </p><p>When Tae first said you were his best friend, you worried that might mean you’d end up being treated differently, possibly even like one of the guys. Now that you were here, though, firmly planted in his innermost circle alongside Jimin, you couldn’t help but think the best friend zone wasn’t such a bad place to be after all.</p><p>~~~</p><p>One afternoon you were in the studio trying to write a carefully worded email to Mrs. Choi about her suggested tweaks to the guys’ wardrobe for the upcoming Dynamite MV shoot. At a loss for how to nicely tell her that her ideas were complete crap, you were grateful when Tae walked in and sat down next to you.</p><p>“So there’s a photoshoot for Itaewon Class this Saturday,” Tae said, clearly very excited. “It’s taking place at a national park by the ocean a few hours south of the city.”</p><p>“They’ve asked me to come,” he went on. “They want some photos of me to use when they promote the song.”</p><p>At the mention of his song, you stiffened ever so slightly and turned back towards your laptop. You had promised him you would listen to it that day in the studio, but you had not had the courage to bring it up since then. He hadn’t mentioned it either and now you couldn’t help but wonder if he had changed his mind and actually didn’t want to show it to you. Obviously, you would hear it eventually when the show premiered and the song was released, but there was something special about him wanting to share it with you ahead of time. You had shut him down, though, rather harshly you later realized, and just didn’t know how to go about undoing the hurt you’d clearly caused him.</p><p>“They said their stylists would help get me ready,” he then said casually.</p><p>“I’m sure they’ll do a great job,” you said, trying not to sound disappointed as you kept your eyes locked on the screen in front of you. </p><p>“But...I told them I wanted to bring my own,” he tentatively added a moment later.</p><p>At that, you finally looked back over at him.</p><p>“Is that so?” you asked as a big, silly grin spread across your face. </p><p>“Don’t go getting a big head about it,” he said jokingly. “I’m only bringing you because I’m a primadonna and I’m accustomed to a certain level of individualized attention and pampering.”</p><p>“I’m <em>definitely</em> not bringing you because I want to hang out with you,” he continued. He said this in a mock serious tone, but he was sporting a small grin and a light blush.</p><p>“I haven’t even agreed to go,” you replied coyly. “I might already have plans for this Saturday.”</p><p>When you said that his face instantly fell.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he said, suddenly looking sheepish and sounding nervous. “I shouldn’t have assumed you would be free.” </p><p>“Or that you would want to go,” he then added, running his hand through his hair.</p><p>Your heart plummeted seeing how sad he looked right now and you immediately felt bad for teasing him.</p><p>“Tae, I’m just kidding,” you quickly assured him. “I don’t have plans.”</p><p>“I would love to go with you,” you then added, giving him a shy smile. </p><p>In the three years you had been working at Big Hit, you had never gone to a shoot with just him. Of course, you wouldn’t be alone with him, a driver would surely be taking you and there would obviously be all the show’s cast and crew on set, but it was still exciting that you two would get to go together.</p><p>“Great,” he said back, giving you a big, boxy smile that nearly melted your heart. “I’ll text you all the information tonight.”</p><p>As he pulled out his laptop and you returned your attention back towards your own, you couldn’t help but wonder if he thought you had a date when you said you might already have plans. The two of you had not spoken about your ‘date’ with Minho since the night of your fight. You certainly were not going to bring it up; you were positively mortified for him, or anyone else for that matter, to know that you had been stood up. </p><p>You also had not mentioned that you were no longer on Tinder, but you had a feeling he already knew this. One day a couple weeks ago you had asked him to text something to your sister while your hands were full. Out of the corner of your eye you saw that, after he sent the message, he went back to your home screen and briefly scanned over it before putting your phone back down. You were almost positive he was checking to see if the Tinder app was still there, the relieved look on his face indicating he was pleased not to have seen it.</p><p>Alas, there were no dates for you in the near future, just work. For now, though, that was enough.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I LOVE to hear your thoughts and predictions! They literally make my day :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Say The Magic Words</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As you stood outside your apartment building the following Saturday morning, fidgeting with the sleeves of your jacket, you tried to calm your racing heart. You were nervous, excited too, but also strangely nervous. It was just Tae, just another photoshoot, but yet your stomach had been filled with butterflies since last night when you received the following text from him:</p><p>[Taehyung 9:45 PM]<br/>Goodnight, Y/N. Sleep well. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.</p><p>
  <em> I can’t wait to see you tomorrow </em>
</p><p>He had never said anything like that to you before and you honestly didn’t know what to make of it. It could be that he was just really looking forward to the shoot and was projecting that excitement onto you. After all, it was his first big solo project; it made complete sense for him to be feeling giddy about it. </p><p>You were re-reading his text for perhaps the hundredth time, willing yourself to stop overanalyzing it, when suddenly a black Hyundai Genesis GV80 with dark, tinted windows pulled up. The passenger side window rolled down and, to your complete surprise, there was Tae sitting in the driver’s seat, sporting a baseball cap and black facemask.</p><p>“<em>You’re </em> driving us?” you asked in amazement as you opened the door, got into the car, and threw your bags in the backseat. </p><p>“I am indeed,” he replied with a satisfied smirk.</p><p>“I thought you always used a driver,” you said, still in shock. </p><p>“I do when it’s for official BTS business,” he said casually as he entered an address into the car’s navigation system. “But, technically this isn’t for BTS so I convinced Bang Si-hyuk to let me drive myself.”</p><p>You stared at him in disbelief for a couple moments while you fastened your seatbelt. </p><p>“Isn’t this kind of dangerous?” you then questioned, somewhat seriously. “What if someone recognizes you or follows us or something?”</p><p>He pulled his mask down and turned to face you.</p><p>“Do you trust me?” he asked in response, giving you a serious look.</p><p>“Of course,” you replied automatically. </p><p>“Then don’t worry,” he said earnestly. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>The ride down south was an absolute blast. As co-pilot, you were in charge of the music and you decided that, even though it was still only 6 AM, it was time to fiesta. You alternated between ‘Road Trip’ and ‘Karaoke’ playlists you found on Spotify. The two of you belted out song after song, Tae clearly trying very hard to <em> not </em> sound like he had the voice of an angel which you greatly appreciated. </p><p>An hour into the trip Tae remembered that he made strawberry jam sandwiches for breakfast. You were extremely grateful for this since, in your haste to be ready on time, you hadn’t eaten a single thing before you left. As he took the first bite of his sandwich a glob of jam came dangerously close to slipping off and falling onto his lap. Upon witnessing this, you informed him that you would not, under any circumstances, clean his jammy pants. He then proceeded to burst out laughing and spit strawberry jam all over the steering wheel.</p><p>By the time you arrived at the park a little after 8:00, you were feeling excited yet relaxed. You had told Tae on the way down that you were nervous to meet the big shot TV show stylists, but he assured you that, in their eyes, you were the queen of stylists. This made you feel slightly less nervous, but also made you blush wildly. After going through a quick security checkpoint at the entrance, you guys drove through the park to the beach where the shoot was being held.</p><p>As expected, the entire cast and crew was incredibly excited to have Kim Taehyung on set. Several people came over to say hello to him and a few even asked for an autograph which he happily gave. You always admired how kind he was to fans; even when he was busy or tired or hungry he always greeted everyone with a smile and gave them his undivided attention, even if only for a few moments.</p><p>At one point, one of the show’s female leads, a beautiful actress and singer who went by the stage name Nara, came over to say hi. She was one of the original members of the recently disbanded girl group, Hello Venus, so she and Tae had met several times before. Their conversation was friendly enough, but she was clearly quite smitten with him. </p><p>Feeling slightly awkward to be witnessing her obvious flirting, you were about to excuse yourself to go get something from the lunch table when Tae suddenly introduced you to her and steered the conversation towards styling. Seeming to take the hint that he wasn’t interested, she backed off and left a few minutes later. As she walked away, and you turned back to Tae to find him already looking at you with a shy smile, you felt the butterflies from earlier in the day increase tenfold.  </p><p>Sometime in the afternoon, while Tae was off shooting, you were packing up your supplies when suddenly someone walked up next to you.</p><p>“Hi there,” you heard a friendly voice say. </p><p>When you turned to see who it was, your jaw nearly hit the floor.</p><p>“Whoa. You’re Park Seo-joon,” you said, inwardly cringing at how fangirly that sounded.</p><p>“I am,” he said with a laugh. “You must be Taehyung’s stylist, Y/N.”</p><p>“That’s me,” you said with a laugh as you willed yourself to calm down and act casual. </p><p>“I’m glad you were able to make it today,” he went on. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”</p><p>For a moment your brain short circuited. </p><p>
  <em> Tae talked about you to the Wooga Squad? </em>
</p><p>You supposed it made sense that you had come up in conversation, he came up occasionally when you were talking with family or close friends about your work, but still the idea of him talking about you to Park Seo-joon or his other friends had you suddenly feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. </p><p>“Hopefully all good things,” you replied with a smile, trying to sound nonchalant.</p><p>“Yes,” he said with another laugh. “Only good things, I promise.”</p><p>After a few more minutes of you being a totally awkward, bumbling mess, the two of you eventually fell into an easy conversation about what it was like to work on the set of a K-drama. You explained that when you first graduated from college you had originally intended to get a job in the film industry, but that the opportunity at Big Hit just presented itself. He asked if you knew who you would be working with when you interviewed for the job, to which you honestly replied ‘No’, and then followed up by asking what your reaction was when you learned it would be Tae. You shyly replied that you were pleasantly surprised before recounting the story of meeting him for the first time, a story which you got the sense Seo-joon had actually already heard.  </p><p>Eventually the conversation steered away from work and the two of you began talking a little more about yourselves and your families. This is what ultimately led you to sharing the following bit of information.</p><p>“My older sister absolutely loves you,” you said with a laugh. “She’s going to be so jealous that I got to meet you.”</p><p>“We should take a picture and send it to her,” he said with a wicked smile. </p><p>“No, no, no. We couldn’t possibly,” you immediately replied.</p><p>“We can and we will,” he said with a laugh as he came up next to you.</p><p>“Alright, if you’re sure,” you then said as you pulled out your phone, opened up the camera, and held it out selfie-style. </p><p>The two of you smiled brightly, Seo-joon leaning over your shoulder to get into the frame, and just as you snapped the photo Tae walked over.</p><p>“What are you guys doing?” he asked somewhat tensely as he gave the two of you a curious look, clearly noting how close Seo-joon was to you.</p><p>“Taking a photo to make Y/N’s sister jealous,” Seo-joon said casually.</p><p>“OK that sounds so bad when you say it out loud,” you said with a laugh. “I’m really not a terrible sister, I swear.”</p><p>“Ahh, I see,” Tae said with a small smile, sounding slightly more relaxed.</p><p>As the two boys then began chatting about the shoot and the show, you sent the photo to your older sister along with the following text:</p><p>[3:25 PM]<br/>Guess who I’m hanging out with right now…</p><p>She replied within seconds and you immediately burst out laughing.</p><p>“What did she say?” Seo-joon asked, leaning in closer to you.</p><p>“Keyboard smash. ‘I hate you’. ‘Tell him I love him’,” you replied before another fit of laughter overtook you.</p><p>The three of you then talked for a little while longer before Seo-joon was called over to take a few more photos. You said your goodbyes, saying how nice it was to meet him, and he was just about to head off when he turned back around.</p><p>“Hey, Y/N,” Seo-joon said with a cheeky smile. “If you ever get tired of this guy just let me know. I’ll get you hooked up with a sweet TV gig.”</p><p>“Alright, it’s <em> definitely </em> time for you to leave, hyung,” Tae then said, shooing Seo-joon away before you could respond.</p><p>The older man then walked off, laughing to himself as he went. As Tae sat down in the chair next to you, a small pout on his face, the realization hit you like a tidal wave. </p><p>
  <em> He’s jealous </em>
</p><p>~~~</p><p>Towards the end of the day, once the shoot was finished, Tae had to meet with the show’s producers to go over some details regarding the song's release. You decided to take the opportunity to go down to the beach and enjoy the sunset over the ocean. Since the park had been closed to the public for the day, and almost everyone from the shoot had already left, the beach was completely empty. </p><p>You walked down to the water’s edge and, after standing there for a few minutes contemplating the appropriateness of the situation, you finally said fuck it, took off your shoes, rolled up your pants, and walked in a little ways.</p><p>As you stood there enjoying the view, toes curled in the sand, waves gently lapping at your ankles, you thought to yourself this is the happiest you’ve been in a long time, maybe even the happiest you’ve ever been, period. Mindlessly, you began humming the melody of Tae’s song, the little bit you knew at least, and then eventually started swaying along to it as well. You’re not sure how long you were out there, but the sun was now just barely above the horizon, bathing the sky in a beautiful canvas of yellow and orange and red.</p><p>“Whatcha doing?” you suddenly heard Tae say behind you in a teasing voice.</p><p>“Shit. Tae you scared me,” you said as you jumped and then turned around.</p><p>“How long have you been standing there anyway?” you then asked nervously, aware that you likely looked like a fool just now dancing alone on the beach.</p><p>“Long enough,” he said with a laugh as he walked down towards you. </p><p>You felt yourself flush as it also then occurred to you that he might have heard you humming his song, the song you had claimed you didn’t want to listen to, but now couldn’t get out of your head. He didn’t say anything, though, so you decided to let it go. </p><p>“Thanks for bringing me today,” you said after a couple moments. “I had a lot of fun.”</p><p>“Me too,” he agreed as his face broke out into a big grin as well. </p><p>“Although,” he then went on, “I am now slightly concerned you’re going to leave Big Hit to go work in the TV industry.” </p><p>“I’m not going anywhere,” you said with a laugh. “At least not until you guys disband.”</p><p>“Then I may have to take Seo-joon up on his offer,” you said teasingly, noting the way his jaw clenched ever so slightly when you said that.</p><p>“Well then we’ll just keep going forever,” he said in reply, almost sounding serious. “Or at least I will.”</p><p>“You know, I can totally picture you on stage singing and dancing at 80,” you joked. “I mean, you already dress like grandpa when I’m not in charge.”</p><p>“Hey!” he cried, sounding deeply offended as he put a hand over his heart.</p><p>“It’s true!” you shot back, giggling. “ARMY agrees with me, too. They’re always commenting on how you look like a cute old man when you wear sweater vests and berets and giant glasses.”</p><p>He laughed and then gave you his adorable shy smile. “I think you secretly love my grandpa style.”</p><p>“I might,” you replied with a bashful smile of your own as you turned back towards the ocean. “But, I will never admit it.”</p><p>For a few minutes you two stood there enjoying the view, but eventually you looked down at your watch and realized how late it was. </p><p>“We should get going,” you said to him reluctantly.</p><p>He nodded in agreement and you began walking towards him but then abruptly stopped. </p><p>“Shoot. I didn’t think this through,” you said, looking down with a pout. “My feet are going to get all sandy.”</p><p>A beat of silence passed.</p><p>“I could carry you to the road,” he said hesitantly, but with a little grin.</p><p>You quickly glanced around the beach. There was no one in sight, it was already starting to get dark, and the road was only a little ways away. You still should have immediately said no, but you didn’t. You just couldn’t, not when he was looking at you all cutely like that, not when you loved the idea of being in his arms.</p><p>“OK,” you said shyly.</p><p>At that, he reached down to pick up your shoes and socks and then walked over until he was just barely outside the reach of the water. As you came over he handed you your things and then bent down and scooped you up while you wrapped your arms around his neck. He started towards the road, but then suddenly stopped and turned around.</p><p>“What would you say if I just threw you into the ocean right now?” he asked mischievously.</p><p>“You wouldn’t dare,” you said, gasping as you looked at him wide-eyed.</p><p>“Oh, but I would,” he said with a laugh as he took a few tentative steps out onto the wet sand.</p><p>“Tae!” you scolded, as you tried to keep a straight face. “Do not take another step!”</p><p>You wiggled in his arms, but that only made him hold you tighter. He was so strong which you would have found incredibly sexy were it not for the fact that he was currently using his giant muscles for evil.</p><p>“Say you love my grandpa style,” he said teasingly as a wave came dangerously close to his shoes.</p><p>“What?!” you asked incredulously.</p><p>“Admit you love my sweater vests and berets and giant glasses,” he repeated with a smirk. “Only then will I spare you.”</p><p>He took a few more steps forward and, as another wave crashed by and actually submerged his shoes, you let out a tiny shriek and burst out laughing.</p><p>“Kim Taehyung!” you cried between giggles. “You stop this madness right now!”</p><p>“Only you have the power to do that” he replied calmly. “Just say the magic words.”</p><p>When you said nothing in reply he then moved as if he was legitimately about to throw you.</p><p>“Fine!” you nearly shouted as he swung you backward. “I love your grandpa style!”</p><p>“I love your adorable sweater vests and your silly berets and your cute, nerdy glasses!” you continued, clinging to him like a koala bear.</p><p>“Why thank you, Y/N. That’s very sweet of you to say,” he then said with a smug smile as he adjusted his grip and pulled you back up into his chest.</p><p>“Oh my god. I hate you,” you said with a laugh, slightly breathless after your outburst.</p><p>“Hmm. I don’t know about that,” he mused as he turned to look at you.</p><p>Your laughter died in your throat when you saw the way he was looking at you. His expression was soft, but intent; his dark eyes staring deeply into yours. He took a quick, but unmistakable glance down at your lips and you felt your heart skip a beat. Your entire body instantly flushed with heat as you considered what he might or might not be about to do, but a sudden strong gust of wind had you shuddering in his arms nonetheless.</p><p>“Is my Y/N cold?” he whispered, hugging you closer as he spoke.</p><p>You wordlessly nodded your head and then buried your face in his neck, suddenly feeling incredibly nervous and shy, not to mention totally exposed out there on the beach.</p><p>“Let’s get you home,” he then said gently, pressing a little kiss to your temple, as he turned and slowly made his way back through the sand towards the road.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I LOVE to hear your thoughts and predictions :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Happening So Fast</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tae kissed your temple and time itself came to a screeching halt. It was such a small, simple gesture, one that could easily be written off as strictly platonic under most circumstances, but in the context of the greater situation - you in his arms, moments after he had called you <em> his </em> with utter sincerity - it felt like so much more. The whole moment was just so tender and intimate.</p><p>
  <em> So undeniably romantic. </em>
</p><p>As he carried you across the sand, you felt goosebumps slowly spread across your body, but they had absolutely nothing to do with the cold.</p><p>The rest of the night was a blur. That’s how near-catatonic you were after what happened on the beach. There were really only a few things that you recall in much detail. You remember him taking off his favorite gray hoodie and putting it on you after he set you down on the road. You remember him holding your hand the entire drive home, his thumb gently rubbing yours in little circles, and how he pressed a kiss to the back of it before he finally let go so you could get out of the car. You remember reading and re-reading the adorable, yet hysterical string of texts you discovered after getting out of the shower.</p><p>[Taehyung 10:32 PM]<br/>Finally made it home. Tannie says hi! He also says he’s jealous that I got to spend the whole day with you and he didn’t.</p><p>[Taehyung 10:34 PM]<br/>I hope you’re snuggled in bed all warm and cozy right now. I’m sorry I let you get so cold out there on the windy beach. I should have given you my hoodie sooner. </p><p>[Taehyung 10:37 PM]<br/>Speaking of my hoodie, I spoke to him telepathically just now and he told me to tell you that he would like to live with you from now on.</p><p>[Taehyung 10:39 PM]<br/>He’s very needy, though, just so you know. He requires a lot of attention and affection and snuggles (he also requires low heat when drying).</p><p>[Taehyung 10:45 PM]<br/>Anyway, I just want to say again that I had a really fun time with you today. I know technically we were working, but it was still nice spending time together.</p><p>[Taehyung 10:50 PM<br/>Also, I’ve decided we should go back to that beach someday. I can bring Tannie (he’s never seen the ocean before) and my camera and you can show me how to make those epic sandcastles you bragged about on the way home.</p><p>[Taehyung 10:52 PM]<br/>But, OK. I realize I’m the world’s worst double texter and that you’re probably already asleep. I promise I’ll stop now.</p><p>[Taehyung 10:55 PM]<br/>Wait, I lied. I still have to say goodnight.</p><p>[Taehyung 10:56 PM]<br/>Goodnight Y/N 💜</p><p>But, most importantly, you remember the exact moment later on when you were lying in bed, still wearing his hoodie and just about to fall asleep, when a most profound and potentially life-altering realization finally hit you:</p><p>
  <em> It was a date </em>
</p><p>He took you on a date.</p><p>Kim Taehyung took you on a date. </p><p>Kim. Taehyung. Took. You. On. A. Date.</p><p>He took you on a date so stealthily, so subtly, that you didn’t even know it was happening. Sure, it was unconventional, he technically asked you under the guise of work and never explicitly used the word date, but looking back now it was so obviously one all but in name.</p><p>That’s why he was so nervous about asking you to go. </p><p>That’s why he was looking forward to it so much.</p><p>That’s why he convinced Bang Si-Hyuk to let him drive himself.</p><p>That’s why he made sure to immediately shut down Nara’s advances.</p><p>That’s why he got so jealous when he thought you were flirting with Seo-joon.</p><p>That’s why he was so attentive and affectionate and flirty on the beach and in the car and basically the entire day.</p><p>
  <em> HOLY FUCK IT WAS A DATE </em>
</p><p>Suddenly, despite the fact that it was after midnight, you were wide awake, an infinite number of questions running through your mind.</p><p>
  <em> Was I supposed to know it was a date? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Do I now acknowledge that it was a date? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Does this mean he knows how I feel about him? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Does this mean he wants to be together? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Where do we go from here? </em>
</p><p>At first you felt blindsided, thinking this had come out of absolutely nowhere, but as you began looking back on the last month, slowly it all started to make sense. Things <em> had </em> been noticeably different between you two since that day with the Tatas when he called you his best friend. You had been so focused on those two words, though, that you hadn’t really stopped to consider the greater implications of his actual actions. </p><p>The truth was he had clearly stopped treating you like just a friend a while ago, even before that day in the studio. You had just been too afraid to admit it, too scared to let yourself believe it meant he might actually feel something more for you. Because, in all honesty, it just seemed too good to be true.</p><p>The fact that he never explicitly said anything about the now obvious change in your relationship did not surprise you. Things between you two had always gone somewhat unspoken, you’d slowly, almost hesitantly slotted yourselves into each other’s lives over the course of several years without much fanfare. Letting things unfold naturally the way they had kind of just made sense.</p><p>Not openly speaking about it also meant refusing to acknowledge the big, glaring flaw in your current state of semi-togetherness: that it absolutely wasn’t allowed. Obviously, you couldn’t avoid addressing this issue forever, but you wanted to put it off as long as possible. You knew the moment you did the spell would be broken and you’d have to face whatever harsh reality was surely awaiting you both. </p><p>However, right now none of that mattered. What mattered was Tae and the fact that he had made a big statement today, both with his words and his actions. The ball was now clearly in your court and you knew you needed to make the next move and show him that, whatever was happening between you two, you were all in. </p><p>~~~</p><p>It was the following Thursday night and you were sitting on the bed in a hotel room a few hours outside Seoul. You and the rest of the BTS team had arrived here, the location for the Dynamite music video shoot, that afternoon and would be here for the next three days filming. It had been a whirlwind of a week getting everything ready; there were so many last minute adjustments and modifications to the wardrobes, so much stuff to pack up and prepare for travel.</p><p>You and Tae had both been so busy that you’d hardly had time to see each other. He had still texted you every night, though, and even called on Tuesday, claiming he was too tired to text and also saying he also just missed the sound of your voice. In a way the busyness had been a good thing; it had given you time and space to really think things through, to make sure you were ready for what you were about to do.</p><p>You were currently giving yourself a pep talk in preparation for asking Tae out on a ‘date’. You were using the term date loosely here; after all, this was Kim Taehyung you were about to ask out and that unfortunately meant you couldn’t really go anywhere with him. You wrote and rewrote your message to him no less than fifty times. You didn’t want to come off as too forward or desperate, but you also wanted to make sure he understood what you were asking. The last thing you wanted was for the two of you to go on another date where one of you was completely unaware that it was, in fact, a date. </p><p>[9:04 PM]<br/>Sooo...I was wondering if you maybe wanted to watch a movie together tomorrow night? This hotel has some surprisingly good pay per view options. We could order room service too for dinner? I peeked at the menu. There are a handful of items that seem edible, though, most things do look rather spicy (sorry in advance to your sensitive taste buds). I’m up for anything, really. I just want to spend time together. It’s been a busy week and I miss you.</p><p>The moment you pressed send, you felt your heart stop: there was no turning back now. </p><p>Suddenly, a million doubts and worries began rushing through your mind. What if you’d gotten everything wrong? What if the photoshoot actually wasn’t a date and you just imagined the whole thing? What if he did only see you as his best friend and nothing more? What if the absolute last thing he wanted to do tomorrow night was hang out with you alone in a hotel room watching some random movie and eating crap room service? </p><p>Mortified by what you had just done, you flung your phone across the bed, buried your face in a pillow, and waited with bated breath. The fact that it took so long for him to respond only deepened your embarrassment. He must be wondering what the fuck was wrong with you and trying to figure out how to respond to your extremely awkward invitation. He was a nice guy, so he would probably let you down easy, maybe just make some sort of excuse about being busy, but surely his rejection was only moments away.</p><p>When he finally did respond it took you five solid minutes to summon the courage to look at what he wrote. Slowly, as if held down by a physical manifestation of the weight of your actions, you crawled across the bed to where your phone was laying. After unlocking it with a shaky swipe, you put your hands over your face and then hesitantly peered between two fingers at the screen. </p><p>[Taehyung 9:15 PM]<br/>You are a mind reader.</p><p>[Taehyung 9:17 PM]<br/>I was literally just thinking we should do something. </p><p>[Taehyung 9:18 PM]<br/>I miss you too. So much.</p><p>[Taehyung 9:18 PM]<br/>So yes, I would love to :)</p><p>
  <em> PHEW. </em>
</p><p>You let out the breath you had been holding. Ok. Maybe you had overreacted a bit just now. He said yes, told you he’s been missing you, and even threw in a smiley face. These were all very good signs. </p><p>[Taehyung 9:20 PM]<br/>What time? And do you want to watch in my room or yours?</p><p>Following up to actually start working out the details of your proposed date - another good sign. Yes, OK. This is definitely good. Emboldened by his apparent enthusiasm, you decided to get a bit cheeky.</p><p>[9:22 PM]<br/>Let’s say 8:00 PM. As for the room, I’m going to have to say mine. </p><p>[9:24 PM]<br/>The last time I went to your hotel room I was held hostage...</p><p>[Taehyung 9:27 PM]<br/>I’m still so sorry about that.</p><p>[Taehyung 9:28 PM]<br/>But, I just want to state for the record that I absolutely got the short end of the stick that night. I got stuck on the old, lumpy couch while you got the fancy, comfy bed.</p><p>[9:30 PM]<br/>No one said you had to sleep on the couch.</p><p>[9:30 PM]<br/>That bed was certainly big enough for two.</p><p>[Taehyung 9:32 PM]<br/>Well, I have a tendency to subconsciously cuddle people while I sleep. I didn’t want to inconvenience you... </p><p>You blushed at him suggesting that, had you both slept in that bed, he would have ended up cuddling you. Tae was usually not this flirty, but then again neither were you. Also, the two of you had never maybe, kind of been together before. Curious to see just how far he might be willing to take things, you upped your game a little.</p><p>[9:35 PM]<br/>Who says I would have found your cuddles inconvenient?</p><p>[9:36 PM]<br/>I might have felt lonely all night without them.</p><p>You saw the three dots appear and then disappear several times before he responded.</p><p>[Taehyung 9:40 PM]<br/>Here I was thinking I was being a gentleman when actually I was being neglectful.</p><p>[Taehyung 9:42 PM]<br/>My sincerest apologies. I promise you’ll get all the cuddles you want next time.</p><p>
  <em> Next time </em>
</p><p>Your entire body flushed at the insinuation that he planned on having you in his bed again at some point. He had never said anything that suggestive to you before, but clearly the two of you were in uncharted territory right now. If he was on board with flirting like this, you were definitely not going to stop now.</p><p>[9:45 PM]<br/>Will I get to wear Kim Taehyung’s infamous plaid Burberry pajamas again next time too?</p><p>[9:46 PM]<br/>They were so soft and comfy.</p><p>[Taehyung 9:48 PM]<br/>Most definitely. </p><p>[Taehyung 9:49 PM]<br/>They looked rather good on you.</p><p>[Taehyung 9:50 PM]<br/>The top was ridiculously big, but in an adorable sort of way.</p><p>And just like that you were blushing again. He had seemed so unfazed at the time by you wearing his clothes, but perhaps he had been affected by it after all.</p><p>[9:52 PM]<br/>You seem to like seeing me wear your clothes.</p><p>[Taehyung 9:54 PM]<br/>It may or may not be a sight I enjoy.</p><p>[9:56 PM]<br/>What would you say if I told you I was wearing your hoodie right now?</p><p>[Taehyung 9:57 PM]<br/>I would say that I wanted proof.</p><p>You knew at once what he was asking: he wanted a photo of you wearing it. Immediately, your mind began to race. This was dangerous, you were most definitely playing with fire right now, but god, did you love it. Sweet, affectionate Tae had you swooning last Saturday and feeling all warm and fuzzy inside, but sexy, seductive Tae had you feeling a whole different way right now. </p><p>You got up from the bed and stood in front of the floor length mirror. His hoodie was massive on you, so long that it grazed the top of your thighs and completely covered the shorts you had on. You should have hiked the bottom of it up to reveal that you were, in fact, wearing shorts, but you didn’t. You snapped the photo with the hoodie as is, leaving Tae to wonder what you might or might not have been wearing underneath. </p><p>[10:02 PM] Image Sent</p><p>He didn’t respond right away, and you immediately felt your cheeks burn with embarrassment that you’d sent something so risqué to him, but then came his reply which quieted every single thought in your head.</p><p>[Taehyung 10:10 PM]<br/>You wearing my pajamas was cute, but this...this is something else entirely.</p><p>[Taehyung 10:11 PM]<br/>I never thought you’d be such a tease. </p><p>[Taehyung 10:12 PM]<br/>But, I can’t say I don’t like it.</p><p>
  <em> Well fuck </em>
</p><p>Tae had called you pretty several times before, and even once said you looked beautiful, but this was the first time he had ever hinted that he found you <em> desirable</em>. You honestly were at a loss for words on how to respond, but before you even had time to think, Tae was taking things to a whole new level.</p><p>[Taehyung 10:15 PM]<br/>However, you must know that two can play at this game.</p><p>[Taehyung 10:18 PM] Image Received </p><p><em> FUCK </em>.</p><p>Kim Taehyung just sent you a shirtless selfie. He was laying down on the hotel bed, his phone held out in front of him and angled so as to show his gorgeous face, his deliciously muscular chest, and the pajama pants sitting low on his hips. The only thing he was wearing up top was his ring necklace, the jewel hanging tantalizingly between his pecs.</p><p>It was literally the definition of a thirst trap.</p><p>And fuck if you weren’t now absolutely <em> parched</em>.</p><p>You needed to play it cool, though. You didn’t want him to know how incredibly turned on you now were just from that picture alone.</p><p>[10:23 PM]<br/>A shirtless selfie. How typical of Kim Taehyung. You going to post it to Weverse later on? Get yourself a nice ego boost from ARMY going feral?</p><p>[Taehyung 10:25 PM]<br/>Absolutely not. This one is just for you.</p><p>[Taehyung 10:27 PM]<br/>Besides, you admitting it’s a feral-worthy photo is the only ego boost I need.</p><p>Shit, you walked right into that one. He was entirely too good at teasing you like this. Needing to regain the upper hand in whatever game you two seemed to be playing right now, you decided to throw caution to the wind and go in for the kill.</p><p>[10:30 PM]<br/>Alright Mr. World's Most Handsome Man, I’m going to ask you a question and I expect you to answer truthfully.</p><p>[Taehyung 10:31 PM]<br/>That title sounds so much better coming from you, but please ask away.</p><p>[10:33 PM]<br/>Are you curious about what I’m wearing underneath your hoodie?</p><p>[Taehyung 10:35 PM]<br/>Shit. I knew you knew exactly what you were doing when you sent that photo.</p><p>[10:37 PM]<br/>Answer the question TaeTae.</p><p>[Taehyung 10:38 PM]<br/>I might be.</p><p>[10:38 PM]<br/>I want a yes or no.</p><p>When he didn’t immediately reply, you goaded him further.</p><p>[10:39 PM]<br/>You were so cocky a minute ago.</p><p>[10:40 PM]<br/>Don’t be shy now.</p><p>[Taehyung 10:41 PM]<br/>Fuck. Yes. I am very curious.</p><p>[Taehyung 10:42 PM]<br/>There, I was a good boy and answered your question.</p><p>[Taehyung 10:43 PM]<br/>Do I get to know now?</p><p>[10:44 PM]<br/>Nope. It’s a secret.</p><p>[Taehyung 10:45 PM]<br/>You little minx.</p><p>[10:46 PM]<br/>🎤<br/>🎤<br/>🎤</p><p>[10:48 PM]<br/>I think perhaps that’s enough teasing for one night. </p><p>You meant that for yourself as much as for him. Although you were definitely the one who started everything, you honestly hadn’t meant for it to go as far as it did. You still weren’t even sure what exactly was going on between the two of you right now, but whatever it was, it was all happening so fast. A week ago you were still convinced you two would only ever be friends and now here you were lowkey sexting. It was extremely hot, and you thoroughly enjoyed it, but it made one thing very clear: tomorrow night you two needed to have a legitimate conversation about your relationship.</p><p>[Taehyung 10:50 PM]<br/>Yes, I think you’ve tortured me enough.</p><p>[Taehyung 10:55 PM]<br/>But OK so I’ve been scrolling through the movie options and there are a bunch that look good. What are your thoughts on Frozen? I’ve seen it an embarrassing number of times, and know pretty much every word, but it’s my #1 contender right now. </p><p>And just like that, as if he hadn’t spent the last hour saying incredibly scandalous things to you and sending you half-naked photos of himself, he was back to being absolutely adorable. </p><p>
  <em>Oh the duality of Kim Taehyung</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I LOVE to hear your thoughts and predictions!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Love Drunk - Part 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was 7:45 PM the following evening and you were <em> giddy</em>. There was really no other way to describe the fluttery feeling in your chest or the slight dizziness you felt every time you thought about the fact that, in just a few minutes, Tae would be arriving for your movie dinner date. It honestly just felt so surreal, the idea of him coming to see you not because you were his stylist, not because you were friends, but because he wanted to legitimately <em> be </em> with you.</p><p>It had been an extremely busy day taking care of all the last minute preparations before the shoot began tomorrow, but honestly that was probably a good thing. It kept your mind occupied and kept you from overthinking things and letting yourself get too nervous. You hadn’t been able to text with Tae much since he was also busy with rehearsal all day, but in a way that was good too since it was helping build up the excitement and anticipation. </p><p>After finally getting back to the hotel with the rest of the staff around 5:00 PM, you then popped out again real quick to visit the local liquor store. You weren’t a big drinker, and neither was Tae, but you thought it might be nice to have a small drink with dinner. Thankfully, the store had the only drink you could possibly imagine having to commemorate this special occasion with him: strawberry champagne. </p><p>You got back to the hotel for good around 6:00 PM with plenty of time to get ready. You wanted to look nice, but not too fancy since you were literally only hanging out in your hotel room. After trying on an absurd amount of clothes that you had specifically packed for this very occasion, you ultimately decided to go with jeans and a loose, open-neck long sleeve shirt that was just barely off the shoulder. </p><p>You had actually worn it to work once, but you realized halfway through the day that you could clearly see down your shirt when you leaned over. Tae hadn’t said anything when you did his makeup that morning, and you hadn’t specifically caught him looking, but he had seemed extremely flustered the entire time you were working on him; he was literally a blushing, stuttering mess. Later on, once you realized what was happening with your shirt, you couldn’t help but wonder if he had noticed and if that’s why he was so flustered. Smiling to yourself at the memory, you thought perhaps you might ask him about it tonight.</p><p>It was now a little after 8:00 and you were patiently, but excitedly waiting for him. The last text you got from him was around 4:00 PM when he told you he was supposed to be back at the hotel by 7:00 PM so you sent him a couple quick texts to follow-up.</p><p>[8:05 PM]<br/>Text me whenever you’re on your way so I can go make sure the coast is clear.</p><p>[8:10 PM]<br/>I’m room #218 in case you forgot.</p><p>Another 10 minutes went by without a reply, but you didn't think much of it. He had jokingly mentioned earlier that it was stressful that he had to style himself to come see his stylist. You thought maybe he was just taking a long time to get ready and decided to tease him a bit.</p><p>[8:20 PM]<br/>I hope you’re not actually stressing over your hair right now. I’m sure it will be perfect and you will look very handsome, just like always.</p><p>After a half hour of waiting, though, you still had not heard from him. All of your recent texts were unread, so you figured maybe rehearsal had run late and he wasn’t back yet or he was scrambling to get ready and therefore hadn’t checked his phone, but you began to feel anxious nonetheless. </p><p>Had you not recently been stood up, the idea that Tae might not actually be coming wouldn’t have even crossed your mind, but it did. Obviously he couldn’t just ghost you like Minho did, you would literally <em> have </em> to see him in about 12 hours once the shoot started, but you couldn’t stop an awful, intrusive thought from filling up your mind: that he was purposefully ignoring your texts so he could pretend like he forgot. </p><p>[8:41 PM]<br/>Tae?</p><p>[8:45 PM]<br/>Do you still want to come over?</p><p>[8:50 PM]<br/>If you’re too tired after rehearsing all day it’s OK. I understand. </p><p>You were trying so desperately to keep it together, to not let yourself jump to conclusions, but at 9:05 PM you saw Jimin post a photo from his hotel room to Weverse with the following caption:</p><p>“Happy to be resting after a long day of rehearsal. Can’t wait for you all to see this MV!”</p><p>And that’s when you lost it.</p><p>By 9:10 PM you had cracked open the bottle of champagne.</p><p>By 9:20 PM you had downed your first glass.</p><p>By 9:30 PM you had finished half the bottle. </p><p>By 9:45 PM the bottle was empty.</p><p>By 10:00 PM you were officially drunk and heartbroken. You had long ago changed out of your date attire and were now in your pajamas, a simple loose tank top and a pair of shorts. You had cried your way through the first few glasses of champagne and were now in a state of utter despair. </p><p>Waiting for Tae had been like waiting alone at that restaurant bar, only worse. Infinitely fucking worse. Minho was a stranger, someone who honestly didn’t matter in the slightest at the end of the day, but this was <em> Tae</em>. This was the love of your life who, up until about an hour ago, you thought might actually, finally reciprocate your feelings. </p><p>You were laying on the bed staring blankly up at the ceiling, trying to stop the room from spinning while you contemplated how you were going to move forward with your life after this, when your phone finally buzzed for the first time all night.</p><p>[Taehyung 10:05 PM]<br/>Fuck, I’m SO sorry. They made me stay late at rehearsals because I was so distracted all day and kept messing up the choreography. Son Sung Deuk literally reamed me out in front of everyone. It was so embarrassing. I left my phone in the van and they wouldn’t let me leave to go get it so I could text you. Y/N, I’m so sorry. </p><p>And just like that your drunk mind was racing. That was a perfectly logical explanation for Tae’s silence over the last two hours. It was not uncommon for one of the guys to be held back individually if they were having an off day. Him being distracted today was totally believable; you certainly had been. In fact, Mrs. Choi had yelled at you numerous times for that very reason.</p><p>
  <em>Fuck, what have I done?</em>
</p><p>[Taehyung 10:10 PM]<br/>Are you still awake right now?</p><p>[10:11 PM]<br/>No.</p><p>
  <em>Smooth, Y/N, very smooth.</em>
</p><p>[Taehyung 10:12 PM]<br/>Either you’re trying to be funny...or you’re mad.</p><p>[Taehyung 10:16 PM]<br/>OK, you’re mad. And you have every right to be. Again, I’m so sorry 🥺</p><p>[Taehyung 10:19 PM]<br/>I just got back to the hotel. Can I come see you?</p><p>[10:23 PM]<br/>I don’t think that’s a good idea.</p><p>It took you so many tries to write that one short sentence without any typos. The absolute last thing you wanted was for him to realize you were drunk right now.</p><p>[Taehyung 10:24 PM]<br/>Please? </p><p>[Taehyung 10:24 PM]<br/>Just for a few minutes?</p><p>[Taehyung 10:25 PM]<br/>I just want to apologize in person.</p><p>[10:31 PM]<br/>Tae, I’m not in a good place right now.</p><p>
  <em>FYI, that’s code for I’M WASTED.</em>
</p><p>[Taehyung 10:32 PM]<br/>Then I definitely want to see you.</p><p>[Taehyung 10:33 PM]<br/>Please let me explain and make you feel better.</p><p>[Taehyung 10:40 PM]<br/>Y/N?</p><p>Ten minutes later you were still trying to figure out how to respond to him when you heard a knock on your door. </p><p>
  <em> FUCK </em>
</p><p>This was <em> not </em> good. You were not in any state to be talking to him right now. The fact that you had freaked out and gotten absolutely wasted after not hearing from him was so fucking embarrassing. You wanted him to just leave so you could sleep this off and pretend like it never happened, but he knocked again, this time the more urgently. Suddenly, it dawned on you that the longer he stood out there the more likely it was that someone would see him coming to your room late at night which would be even worse than him seeing you drunk.</p><p>
  <em> FUCK FUCK </em>
</p><p>You jumped up out of bed, tripping over a shoe in the process and stumbling into the wall on the way to the door. You peeked through the peephole and, sure enough, there was Tae standing outside your door looking incredibly frazzled. You undid the chain lock and the deadbolt and then opened the door, hiding behind it as you did so in order to avoid actually seeing him as long as possible. He came in and you closed the door behind him, but before he could say anything you immediately walked past him and flopped down on the bed, facing away from him. </p><p>Seeing that you were clearly very upset, he came over and laid down on the bed beside you. He gave you space, but did bring his hand up to rest on your arm.</p><p>“Y/N, I’m so sorry,” he said, softly. “I didn’t mean for this to happen.”</p><p>“I believe you, Tae,” you assured him after a few seconds, trying to sound normal and casual. “Really, I do. It’s not a big deal.”</p><p>This was Tae, though, your best friend who read you like a book. Immediately, he realized that something more was wrong.</p><p>“Hey,” he said, now sounding extremely worried. “Can you look at me?”</p><p>Slowly, you turned to face him. He looked stressed and exhausted and his hair was all over the place, a clear sign that he had been running his hands through it. At first his gaze was on you, his eyes going wide when he noticed your red, puffy eyes and tear-stained cheeks, but then he was looking at something behind you. Suddenly, he reached over you and picked up the now empty champagne bottle. </p><p>“Did you drink all of this?” he asked, his voice filled with surprise and concern.</p><p>You didn't respond. You merely nodded your head up and down.</p><p>“Because of me?” he then all but whispered, looking absolutely devastated.</p><p>You briefly considered lying and making up some sort of excuse, but ultimately thought better of it. He deserved to know the truth.</p><p>“I thought you didn't want to see me,” you admitted, your voice trembling. “I thought you were purposefully not reading my texts so you could pretend like you forgot we were supposed to see each other tonight.”</p><p>Saying those words out loud made it seem all the more ridiculous that you had actually let yourself believe that’s what had happened. The look on his face when you said them confirmed this; he looked so taken aback, so genuinely hurt that you had actually thought this.</p><p>“Y/N, do you really think I would do that to you?” he asked quietly, looking you in the eyes as he spoke, his own filled with such obvious pain it made your heart hurt.</p><p>A flood of guilt instantly washed over you. He had never given you any reason to believe he would treat you like that, but you had so easily let yourself assume the worst of him all because of something someone else had done to you. </p><p>“No. It’s just...,” you started, turning back away from him and curling yourself up into a ball. “That’s what happened last time and I just got scared.”</p><p>“Last time?” he questioned slowly. “What do you mean by ‘last time’?”</p><p>Still so embarrassed for him to know the truth about what happened that night, you didn’t say anything. You just kept staring out the window.</p><p>“Y/N?” he asked again after a minute as he gently rubbed your arm.</p><p>Again you didn’t respond at first, but you soon realized he wasn’t going to just let it go. He was probably going to find out eventually, so you might as well just say it. </p><p>“The night of our big fight,” you finally whispered. </p><p>Tae’s hand came to an abrupt halt on your arm.</p><p>“Are you saying…?” he started tensely. “Did he…?”</p><p>“He didn’t even bother to make up an excuse,” you said sadly. “Just no-showed and then ghosted me.”</p><p>Though you tried desperately to hold them back, tears began trickling down your cheeks as you spoke. With a sniffle, you quickly began wiping them away with the backs of your hands as you kept your gaze fixed on the far wall.</p><p>Tae said absolutely nothing in response to your admission. He just laid there, staring straight ahead, his grip on your arm having tightened considerably. With every passing second, your embarrassment grew and eventually, once you could no longer stand his silence, you turned towards him. The look on his face nearly stopped your heart. It was a mixture of total shock and seething anger; you had honestly never seen him look so upset before. When he looked over at you, though, his hard expression immediately softened.</p><p>“Come here,” he said gently, pulling you into his chest and wrapping his arms around you. </p><p>The moment you were settled in his embrace the floodgates opened. You cried into his shirt a mixture of tears, some of sadness over what Minho had done, but mostly of relief that Tae had not done the same.</p><p>“I’m so sorry he did that to you, Y/N,” he said in a soft, comforting voice as he rubbed your back soothingly. </p><p>“I can see why what happened tonight made you so upset,” he went on, sounding so incredibly guilty. “I’m so sorry I made you worry like that.”</p><p>“I would never do that to you, though,” he then said, hugging you closer to him. “I would never hurt you like that.”</p><p>“I know, Tae,” you said with a hiccup, your tears finally slowly down. “I’m so sorry I doubted you.”</p><p>“It’s OK,” he assured you as he brushed some of your hair away from your face. “It was all just a big misunderstanding.”</p><p>“But we’re finally together and that’s all that matters,” he then said before pressing a kiss to the top of your head.</p><p>Realizing he was absolutely right, you just snuggled deeper into his chest, curling your whole body into him. You were finally together. Not just after waiting a couple hours, but after waiting a couple <em> years</em>. You could honestly just <em> feel </em> Tae having this same realization, his hold on you tightening as he angled his body towards yours to get just a bit closer. The two of you laid there like that in each other’s arms for a long time cherishing the moment which honestly was probably the happiest of your life.</p><p>Sometime later, after cuddling like that for who knows how long, you broke the silence with a question that had been on the tip of your tongue all night.</p><p>“Was the Itaewon Class photoshoot a date?” you questioned hesitantly.</p><p>“Yes, it was most definitely a date,” he replied instantly, his face breaking out into a big smile. “Took you long enough to figure that out.”</p><p>Even though you had essentially already come to that conclusion yourself, and he had said and done many things since then to indicate that conclusion was right, it felt so good to hear him officially say it.</p><p>“Ok, just checking,” you said as a big, cheesy smile broke out across your face as well.</p><p>“It was definitely the best date I’ve ever been on,” you then said before jokingly adding. “And not just because you actually showed up.”</p><p>“I’m still so fucking angry about that,” he said back, legitimately tensing up as he spoke.</p><p>“Don’t be,” you assured him. “It’s really not important anymore.”</p><p>“Honestly, the worst part about it was that I did my hair and my makeup and got all dressed up for nothing,” you then said with a small laugh.</p><p>“It wasn’t for nothing,” he said after a moment. “I got to see how beautiful you looked.”</p><p>“You’re just saying that to make me feel better,” you said with a bashful smile.</p><p>“No I’m really not,” he said seriously.</p><p>“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about how you looked in that dress,” he then admitted, his voice dropping ever so slightly as he spoke. </p><p>“You remember what it looked like?” you asked shyly as you mindlessly traced the pattern on his shirt with your finger.</p><p>He took a deep breath before answering you.</p><p>“It was emerald green, like the color of my mic, and covered in floral lace,” he started slowly. “It had a fitted, V-neck bodice held up by thin straps and a flowy, high-low skirt that billowed out so prettily whenever you moved.”</p><p>Your mouth dropped open: he had just described your dress <em> perfectly</em>. It was literally like he was reading the item description from the website you bought it at. The fact that he had remembered all of that was absolutely mind blowing.</p><p>“You looked stunning in it,” he went on as he gently stroked your arm. “So incredibly beautiful.”</p><p>He hesitated slightly before continuing, as if debating how much more of this memory he should reveal.</p><p>“I wanted to kiss you the moment I saw you standing there,” he said dreamily. “I should have. I should have kissed you and made you mine right then and there.”</p><p>“But, I didn’t,” he continued, a mixture of anguish and bitterness now in his voice. “I let you leave and then sat at home all night wondering if <em> he </em> was kissing you, wondering if he was making you laugh or holding your hand or touching that pretty lace.”</p><p>“That was honestly one of the worst nights of my life,” he then said quietly. “And I had no one to blame but myself.”</p><p>He was silent for a few moments, letting the weight of his statement wash over you, before he spoke again.</p><p>“I’m so angry that he hurt you, Y/N, but I’m selfishly so relieved that he didn’t get to kiss you or touch you or even see how beautiful you looked,” he finally whispered.</p><p>You were absolutely melting in his arms right now, the admission of his desire and jealousy almost too much to handle.</p><p>“You could kiss me now,” you said tentatively as you leaned back to look at him.</p><p>He looked at you, his gaze unabashedly lingering on your lips, and for a moment you were sure he was going to do it, but then he didn’t. </p><p>“You don’t want to anymore?” you said in the smallest voice imaginable, recoiling from him ever so slightly.</p><p>“I do,” he replied instantly, almost desperately, as he pulled you back into him. “I want to kiss you more than I’ve ever wanted anything before in my entire life.”</p><p>“But, I want our first kiss to be special,” he then said tenderly as he brought a hand up to cup your cheek. “I don’t want it to happen when you’ve been drinking.”</p><p>Your heart overflowed with adoration at his words; he was absolutely right. Even though you could definitely give your consent, anything you did right now would undoubtedly be marred by the fact that you’d downed an entire bottle of champagne a few hours ago. After all this time, all this waiting, you didn’t want your first kiss to be forever tainted because of that. </p><p>“You’re right,” you agreed with a sigh.</p><p>“I’m sorry I ruined everything,” you then added quietly.</p><p>“Y/N,” he gently scolded. “You did not ruin anything.”</p><p>He was being so kind and understanding right now, but you still couldn’t help but feel unbelievably embarrassed and also incredibly frustrated. If you hadn’t been such an insecure idiot earlier this night would have turned out so much differently; you could have his perfect lips on yours <em> right now</em>. </p><p>“But I did,” you said defeatedly.</p><p>“Tae, you really should get going,” you then added. “The shoot starts tomorrow and it’s already so late.”</p><p>“You should be sleeping right now, not dealing with me being drunk,” you went on.</p><p>“I’m not leaving now,” he said with complete seriousness, giving you a surprised look. “I’m going to stay and take care of you.”</p><p>“You don’t have to do that, though,” you replied guiltily.</p><p>“But, I want to,” he said earnestly, his eyes filled with nothing but sincerity.</p><p>“Besides, even if I went back to my room now I’d still be up all night worrying about you,” he continued.</p><p>Overcome with emotion at just how sweet and caring and wonderful he was, you sat up slightly, leaned down, and gave him a kiss on the cheek. As you pulled back to look at him, you saw him wearing the most adorable expression you’ve ever seen on his beautiful face. </p><p>“That’s the first time you’ve ever kissed me,” he said shyly, his cheeks turning pink as he spoke.</p><p>You realized he was right. He’d given you several kisses before, on your fingers, your hand, your temple, the top of your head just now, but you had never given him any.</p><p>“And it won’t be the last,” you said with a grin as you leaned back down and kissed his other cheek, already making good on that promise.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please tell me alllllll your thoughts and feelings!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Love Drunk - Part 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After discovering there was no food in your room except for dark chocolate, Tae called down to room service using the most ridiculous fake woman’s voice you’d ever heard. You were literally howling with laughter as he ordered the pancakes you asked for and nearly rolled off the bed when he told them his name was ‘Mrs. Choi’. When he was finished, he hung up the phone and walked over to where you were laying.</p><p>“You need to keep it down, little missy,” he said sternly, but with a smirk as he caged you with his arms and hovered over you.</p><p>Your laughter ceased immediately; being scolded by sexy, serious Tae was infinitely more arousing now that you could act on the desire he fueled in you.</p><p>“And if I don’t?” you asked mischievously, giving him your best smoldering stare.</p><p>He leaned down to whisper in your ear, “Then you will be punished.”</p><p>
  <em> Well fuck </em>
</p><p>It dawned on you just then that you were now maybe, hopefully dating not only the World’s Most Handsome Man, but arguably the world’s biggest tease. If you were going to survive him, you knew you needed to step your game up.</p><p>“You’re only teasing yourself, Mr. Kim,” you replied coyly. “As per the rules of my drunkenness, I’m fairly certain none of the punishments you have in mind are permissible.”</p><p>The look on his face when you said that was absolutely delicious: it was a mixture of complete astonishment and unmistakable lust. </p><p>“Little minx,” he muttered as he pulled away from you, echoing his sentiment from last night. “You are going to be the death of me.”</p><p>After recovering from that steamy encounter, and while waiting for your pancakes to arrive, drunk you then thought it was best to perform your own interpretive dance to Dynamite. Tae found your performance inspiring and declared that, should he be unable to perform tomorrow, he would most definitely nominate you as his replacement. He gave it the following officially unofficial scores: 10/10 for creativity, 11/10 for effort, and 9.5/10 for execution, the .5 point deduction coming because you accidentally knocked over a lamp while attempting a fan kick. Once you were finished, he then performed the actual Dynamite choreography, with a little extra flare that came in the form of several winks, lip bites, and blown kisses.</p><p>When your pancakes were delivered you obviously had to be the one to get the door and when you got back inside you found Tae with the remote in his hand, his big, boxy smile plastered on his face. You turned to look at the TV and, sure enough, the opening credits to Frozen were playing. You ate your pancakes with your hands, claiming that they tasted better that way, a statement which Tae wholeheartedly agreed with. They came with strawberry jam, but you just wanted to eat them plain so you let Tae have that. He ate it from the little container with his finger, doing so <em> ever so slightly </em> seductively and giving you a little smirk when you noticed and blushed.</p><p>When you were done eating you moved to sit between his legs, your back resting against his sturdy chest as he leaned against the headboard. He kept his arms snuggly wrapped around your waist, briefly removing one every now and then to grab the glass of water from the bedside table to remind you to drink. Every so often he would ask how you were feeling and when you at one point said you had a bit of a headache, he jumped up to get the Ibuprofen you kept in your purse. After you took some, he made sure to settle right back into his previous spot, his arms instantly encircling you once more.</p><p>As you kept watching the movie, you realized he truly did know almost all of the words which you found absolutely adorable. Listening to him sing “Do You Want To Build A Snowman?” was so endearing that your love for him had literally doubled by the time the song was over. Once the movie finally came to an end a little while later and Tae turned off the TV, a giant yawn involuntarily escaped you.</p><p>“Is my Y/N sleepy?” he asked softly, sweeping your hair to the side and placing a little kiss just behind your ear.</p><p>“Maybe,” you replied, smiling at his words and giggling because that tickled just a bit. You would never stop loving how wonderful it sounded when he called you his.</p><p>“But, I don’t want you to leave so I have to stay awake,” you then said sleepily.</p><p>“Who says I’m going to leave?” he asked in reply, hugging you a little tighter as he spoke. “I believe I owe you a night’s worth of cuddles.”</p><p>A million butterflies fluttered in your stomach at the thought of him actually staying the night with you. Even if you were truly just going to sleep, it was still such an intimate thing to do together. It was something you wanted, though, something you truly felt ready for. You may have only been unofficially together for a week, but you had known and trusted and loved him for years. Intimacy, of every kind, was something you desperately craved with him.</p><p>“Yes, I believe you do,” you replied shyly as you slid your hands down his arms and intertwined your fingers with his.</p><p>For the next few minutes you just sat there like that, basking in not just the current moment, but in all the wonderful moments, both big and small, that comprised the entire evening. To be completely honest, the thought that you might actually be asleep and dreaming did cross your mind; it all just seemed so unreal. However, the sound of Tae’s voice pulled you from that thought. </p><p>“I was wondering if maybe you would like to hear my song now?” he asked hesitantly.</p><p>“I would love to,” you replied dreamily.</p><p>And so he sang his song for you, the sad, sweet lullaby about ships that you first heard what felt like ages ago. You realized at once that the song wasn’t simply about love, rather, it was a <em> confession of love</em>. Even in your half-asleep, still slightly buzzed state of existence, you were all but sure as to why he wrote it and why he was singing it for you now.</p><p>Around and around your mind whirled searching for the words to say and the courage to say them once he stopped singing, but nothing seemed right. Nothing you thought of could match the tenderness and sincerity of his voice, could quell the unmistakable sense of longing or secure the loose thread of hesitation woven throughout the song. In the end, though, it mattered not; the song was most certainly a lullaby, the sound of his soft, wistful humming after the second chorus being the last thing you remember hearing before you finally drifted off. </p><p>After falling asleep on his chest, you woke at some point a while later to the feeling of him gently extracting himself from your embrace. Now completely sober and suddenly feeling very self-conscious about everything that had happened, you kept your eyes closed and pretended to still be asleep. He laid you down beside him, making sure to tuck you under the covers, but then got up from the bed. For a minute or two you heard him shuffling around the room, the indistinct rustling giving nothing away as to what he was doing, until eventually the lights flicked off.</p><p>For one heart-stopping moment you thought he might be leaving, that he had changed his mind about staying, changed his mind about you, but then suddenly you felt the bed dip. The covers were lifted up briefly as he crawled under them and laid down beside you. The next thing you knew, his arm was snaking around your waist and gently pulling you closer until your back was flush with his now bare chest. He kept his arm wrapped around you, his fingers grazing the exposed skin between your tank top and shorts, as he nuzzled his face into the crook of your neck. A second later he pressed a gentle kiss to your shoulder and then whispered two words just barely loud enough for you to hear.</p><p>“Goodnight, jagi.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>When you woke the next morning in Tae’s koala-bear-like embrace, you realized you were absolutely wrong last night: <em> this </em> was the happiest moment of your life. You had flipped over at some point during the night and were now facing him. The two of you were also now sharing a pillow, your faces close enough that you could count his long, beautiful eyelashes. His arm was still wrapped around your waist and his leg was now haphazardly thrown over yours. You were positive you could not have escaped his hold even if you tried, but that was not at all a problem; you would have been perfectly happy staying there with him like that forever. </p><p>A few moments later, when he opened his eyes and gave you the most adorable sleepy smile, you felt an incredible urge to tell him you loved him. You almost did it too, but at the last second you got cold feet. He hadn’t explicitly said it last night and you were still ever so slightly afraid that you’d misinterpreted the meaning of his song and him singing it for you.</p><p>“Hi,” he said, making absolutely no move to extract himself from you.</p><p>“Hi,” you said back, a shy smile on your face.</p><p>“How are you feeling?” he asked with a slightly concerned expression. “Do you have a headache or anything?”</p><p>“No, I feel OK,” you replied honestly before adding. “Thanks to a certain someone taking such good care of me.”</p><p>His face broke out into his signature big, boxy grin which you decided looked infinitely cuter than usual while laying in bed.</p><p>“Did I say or do anything embarrassing last night?” you then asked him hesitantly. </p><p>Instantly, his smile disappeared.</p><p>“Wait, do you not remember parts of last night?” he asked, sounding slightly panicked as he retracted his arm and leg.</p><p>“No, no, no. Tae, I remember everything,” you quickly assured him. </p><p>“I guess I was just trying to get your opinion on whether or not I made a complete fool of myself,” you went on sheepishly.</p><p>He visibly relaxed when you said that, and placed his hand back on your waist, but then furrowed his brow at you.</p><p>“You were not a fool,” he gently scolded before adding with a smile. “You were just silly and adorable.”</p><p>You breathed out a sigh of relief. You realized he likely wouldn’t have stayed the night if he thought you were a complete trainwreck, but it was still nice to get reassurance that you had not ruined everything with your drunken shenanigans. </p><p>As you looked back over at him and gave him a small smile, the gravity of the whole situation finally seemed to dawn on you. Kim Taehyung was in your bed right now. Correction: Kim Taehyung had been in your bed <em> all night</em>. Furthermore, he had spent that entire time holding you while shirtless, a fact you were reminded of every time your gaze wandered down from his beautiful face. You were trying, and completely failing, to keep your eyes from lingering on his bare chest, when suddenly he spoke up.</p><p>“I have a confession,” he said, looking extremely nervous.</p><p>“Ok,” you said slowly as your heart began beating erratically in your chest.</p><p>He was quiet then for a few moments and you held your breath waiting for him to continue.</p><p>“The night of The Grammys,” he started. “I-I remember everything.”</p><p>Your mouth dropped open. </p><p>“I told you I didn’t because I was embarrassed, but I did,” he said, wincing as he spoke.</p><p>“I wanted to see you,” he continued. “I was drunk and happy and I just wanted to see you.”</p><p>“I wasn’t trying to like <em> get </em> with you,” he quickly clarified. “Though, you did look insanely hot in that sequin tank top which was incredibly distracting.”</p><p>“Kim Taehyung, did you purposefully smear strawberry jam on a $1,500 shirt just so you could ask me to come clean it?” you asked incredulously. </p><p>“No, no! I swear I didn’t. I really was that clumsy,” he said with a laugh. “But it was the perfect excuse to text you. At least, that’s what my drunken brain thought.” </p><p>There were a million thoughts rushing through your mind and a million emotions washing over you right now, but ultimately the only response to his confession that felt appropriate was to burst out laughing.</p><p>“I’m going to kill you and that goddamn jammy shirt,” you said a moment later once you had caught your breath.</p><p>“We raised a ton of money for charity with the auction if it makes you feel any better,” he said, grinning at you.</p><p>“It does,” you replied with another laugh. </p><p>It got quiet again for a minute and you found yourself thinking that the whole incident from the night of The Grammys would one day make a really great story. You then blushed, and internally scolded yourself for jumping ten steps ahead, when you realized who exactly you imagined telling the story to. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” he then said, sounding serious once more. “I know I shouldn’t have lied to you.”</p><p>“I just panicked when I woke up in the morning and you weren’t there,” he continued quietly. “I thought you were mad at me or that you felt uncomfortable or unsafe being with me.”</p><p>Recalling the momentary panic you felt last night when you thought he was leaving, and knowing how absolutely devastated you would have been to wake up this morning with him gone, an enormous wave of guilt instantly washed over you.</p><p>“Tae, I’m so sorry for leaving like that,” you said, reaching up to take his hand in yours.</p><p>“I was just really overwhelmed,” you then admitted. “Waking up in your room, in your bed, and in your clothes was kind of devastating, to be honest.”</p><p>“It was like a dream come true that then turned into a nightmare when I remembered that I wasn’t supposed to be there,” you continued. “That you didn’t actually want me there.”</p><p>“But, I <em> did </em> want you there,” he said earnestly. “Even if it only happened by accident.”</p><p>“The moment I saw how cute you looked in my pajamas I decided I couldn’t wait any longer,” he then added with a sad smile. “I was going to tell you how I felt the next morning.”</p><p>“You were?” you asked softly. </p><p>He nodded his head in reply and you felt your heart constrict. The two of you could have been together months ago, could have avoided so much heartbreak, if you hadn’t left that morning.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” you whispered as an immense amount of regret welled up inside you.</p><p>“Y/N, it’s OK. It doesn’t matter anymore” he said gently as he let go of your hand and instead reached up to cup your cheek. “We’re together now.” </p><p>He then stared into your eyes with that same intent look he gave you on the beach, the same one he gave you last night. His eyes flicked down to your lips as he nervously licked his own. He tilted his head ever so slightly and you instinctively mirrored the action. Then you were both slowly leaning in. Your lips were just inches apart as your eyes fluttered closed.</p><p>
  <em> Oh my god it is finally going to happen… </em>
</p><p>*KNOCK* *KNOCK* *KNOCK*</p><p>At the sudden sound of someone absolutely pounding on your hotel room door, you two instantly jumped apart.</p><p>“Were you expecting someone this morning?” Tae whispered frantically.</p><p>“No!” you practically yelled in return. </p><p>Just then a few more loud knocks came, this time along with some commentary.</p><p>“Y/N, you better be awake!” the muffled, but unmistakable sound of Mrs. Choi’s voice said impatiently. </p><p>
  <em> Fucking Mrs. Choi would be the one to ruin the most romantic moment of my life </em>
</p><p>“Shit, shit, shit,” you said, scrambling up out of the bed. </p><p>Tae got up too and immediately started looking around the room for somewhere to hide.</p><p>“Fuck, get in the bathroom,” you whispered, opening the door and shoving him inside. “Hide in the shower just in case.”</p><p>Two seconds later you opened the door to find Mrs. Choi mid-knock, a look of extreme annoyance plastered on her face.</p><p>“I see you were still in bed just now,” she said, eyeing you disdainfully. “I’m disappointed, but not surprised.”</p><p>“I was expecting you to take the first bus over this morning,” she added bluntly.</p><p>You tried to respond, but she immediately cut you off.</p><p>“This is your concept we’re using today,” she then went on. “You have a responsibility to make sure it’s executed properly.”</p><p>“Yes, Mrs. Choi. Of course,” you replied sweetly, trying so hard not to let it be known that you wanted nothing more than to murder her right now. “I will be ready shortly.”</p><p>“Good,” she then said curtly before turning on her heel and storming off down the hall.</p><p>You shut the door, closed your eyes, and then leaned your forehead against it.</p><p>
  <em> Fuck that was a close call </em>
</p><p>“You can come out now,” you then called to Tae as you began fiddling with the door’s numerous locks. </p><p>You heard the bathroom door open and when you turned back around a few moments later you found Tae standing right in front of you. He immediately brought his hands up to cup your cheeks and the next thing you knew his plush, pink lips were pressed against yours. It took your brain a fraction of a second to register what was happening, but then you were kissing him back, every nerve ending in your body alight.</p><p>The kiss was soft and gentle and ever so slightly hesitant, but <em> so </em> sweet and <em> so </em> indescribably perfect. Every other thought in your head disappeared and the rest of the world faded away as the only thing you could focus on was the feeling of Tae’s lips on yours. You were in a state of complete euphoria; kissing him was literally everything you ever dreamed it would be and more. </p><p>After a couple seconds he released your lips and leaned his forehead against yours, his eyes still closed. He dropped his hands from your face and instead laced them with your own at your sides. You two stood there like that for a few wordless, blissful moments before he finally whispered, “I have wanted to do that for <em> three years</em>.”</p><p>“Me too,” you whispered back.</p><p>A few seconds of silence passed as the weight of your confessions settled in.</p><p>“Can I do it again?” he asked hesitantly. </p><p>“Yes,” you answered immediately. </p><p>At once his lips returned to yours only this time there was no trace of hesitancy. The kiss was urgent and hungry, fueled by years of pent up desire. At some point you must have stopped holding each others’ hands because his were now gripping your hips and yours were wrapped around his neck. </p><p>He backed you against the door slowly and when you felt his bare chest press against your thinly covered one you let out a soft moan. His kisses grew even more passionate in response as his hands pushed up the bottom of your tank top to settle on your waist. When you began tugging gently on the hair at the nape of his neck a moment later he let out a low groan of his own, a sound which you found to be utterly intoxicating. </p><p>Eager to taste that wicked, teasing tongue of his, you swiped yours against his lower lip. He complied immediately and began deepening the kiss with a dominance that had you going weak at the knees. When he gave your lower lip a soft bite a moment later, you reflexively arched your back, pressing your hips forward into his. </p><p>A jolt of electricity instantly shot through you upon feeling that he was as turned on as you were, but it dissipated a second later when he suddenly broke the kiss, removed his hands, and pulled back to look at you. </p><p>“W-we should stop,” he said breathlessly. </p><p>You were confused and on the verge of panic thinking you’d somehow already managed to ruin things with your subpar kissing abilities when he spoke again. </p><p>“I-I want to take it slow,” he said nervously. “But, I honestly don’t feel like I can control myself right now.”</p><p>“You are so beautiful and so sexy and I want to do so much more than kiss you right now,” he admitted as he slowly ran his hands down your sides, eventually settling them on the thin strip of exposed skin just below your tank top.</p><p>“But, I want to wait,” he then said, leaning his forehead against yours again. “I want to savor this. I want to savor <em> you</em>.”</p><p>You felt yourself flush immediately, but it wasn’t because you were embarrassed. If he had intended to de-escalate the situation with that statement, he had unfortunately failed miserably. Kim Taehyung admitting that you were making him lose control was just about the hottest thing anyone had ever said to you.</p><p>But, you fought back the urge to pull him in for another kiss because he was absolutely right, you should take this slow. After years of waiting and hoping to one day be with him, you wanted to savor every last drop of it too.</p><p>“OK,” you whispered as you kissed the beauty mark on the tip of his nose. “We’ll take it slow.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The moment you've all been waiting for. Consider yourselves FED.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Such A Tease</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As you stood off to the side on set later that day watching the guys run through the choreography, you simply could not calm your racing heart. Your smile, the one that had been plastered on your face since the moment Tae left your room that morning, felt like a scarlet letter. It’s not that there was anything inherently wrong with grinning from ear to ear for hours at a time, but Tae had been sporting the <em> same exact </em> <em>expression</em> all day. </p><p>People had immediately noticed his change in demeanor and performance from the previous day. Son Sung Deuk had simply complimented him, noting how focused he seemed and how sharp his movements were, but the guys were less subtle in pointing out Tae’s altered state. While you were touching up his hair after they’d filmed the first couple scenes, Jungkook strolled over and straight up called him out.</p><p>“Alright, what are you on right now?” Jungkook asked jokingly. “Yesterday you were a mess, but today your dancing is better than Hobi-hyung’s.”</p><p>“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Tae said, his smile somehow growing even larger.</p><p>“That. That right there,” the younger man said, pointing directly at Tae’s face. “Why are you so smiley today?”</p><p>“I just really love this song,” Tae said with a laugh.</p><p>Your heart skipped a beat at the potential double meaning of his words.</p><p>“And, I really love this green suit Y/N picked out for me,” he added cheekily a second later. “I don’t know what it is, but people always look extremely attractive in green.”</p><p>You bit back a laugh and hoped that Jungkook couldn’t see how much you were blushing right now. When he left a few minutes later, you gave Tae the sternness glare you could muster, which probably was not all that threatening, but all he gave you in return was a knowing smirk.</p><p>An hour or so later you were in one of the trailers organizing the outfits the guys would be wearing next when Tae walked in with a mischievous look on his face. </p><p>“Kim Taehyung, are you following me?” you asked, raising an eyebrow at him questioningly. </p><p>“I most certainly am not,” he said in mock defense as he scanned the room and hastily picked up a hair dryer sitting on the table. “I came here for this hair dryer.”</p><p>“Your hair isn’t wet,” you said, trying to hold back a smile as you folded your arms over your chest and gave him a dubious look.</p><p>“Ahh, you’re right. It’s not,” he said as he set the hair dryer down. “I guess I don’t need it after all.”</p><p>“But, since I’m here anyway, I might as well give you this,” he then said with a smirk as he leaned over and gave you a kiss on the cheek.</p><p>“Tae!” you scolded, the big, silly grin you were now sporting making it obvious you were anything but angry. “You can’t do stuff like that.”</p><p>“Jagi, no one else is in here,” he replied calmly, giving you a shy smile.</p><p>“Well, you’re also being way too obvious out there,” you then added somewhat seriously.</p><p>“Obvious about what?” he asked innocently.</p><p>“Obvious about the fact that I woke up this morning with a beautiful woman in my arms? Or that I then got to make out with said beautiful woman?” he went on teasingly, wiggling his eyebrows at you in such a ridiculous way that you couldn’t help but laugh.</p><p>“Or,” he continued, suddenly sounding much more serious. “Is it too obvious that I am the happiest man in South Korea, perhaps even the entire world?”</p><p>As he said this, he took your hands. He brought each one up to his lips and placed a gentle kiss to your fingertips, just like he did that night on the roof.</p><p>“You make me so happy, Y/N,” he said, giving you his big, boxy grin. “I just can’t hide it.”</p><p>“You make me happy too, Tae,” you replied, smiling back at him with so much love in your heart you thought for sure it might explode.</p><p>“But, could you please just try to look slightly less <em> ridiculously </em> happy?” you asked with a laugh as you let go of his hands and turned back to the rack of clothes. “Maybe throw in a frown every once in a while?”</p><p>“I will try,” he replied seriously before his face broke out into another smile. “But, I cannot make any promises.”</p><p>You were about to then shoo him out so you could get some actual work done, when suddenly he spoke up again.</p><p>“Can I please just have one kiss before I go back out there?” he asked sweetly, giving you his puppy dog eyes. “It’s been like 6 whole hours since I last kissed you and that’s just too long.”</p><p>You looked over at him and, for perhaps the millionth time in your life, thought to yourself that he was entirely too charming for his own good.</p><p>“<em>One </em> kiss,” you said sternly.</p><p>You pulled him into a corner in the back of the trailer behind the clothing racks where you couldn’t be seen from the door or any of the windows. Gripping the vest of his green suit, you drew him in for what you thought would be one quick kiss. You were fooling yourself, though, for thinking that would be enough to satiate either of you. One kiss turned into two which then turned into three...</p><p>“I thought you said just one,” he pulled back to say with a smirk. </p><p>“You’re right, I did. We should sto-,” you started, but were cut off when Tae’s lips crashed back onto yours.</p><p>Before you knew it, he had an arm wrapped around your lower back holding you tightly to him, the other bracing against the wall behind you. His kisses were deep and passionate and you found yourself utterly lost in them as all rational thought left you. You should not be doing this with him right now, here on the set of a fucking BTS music video, but you couldn’t bring yourself to stop. </p><p>You were cursing yourself for dressing him in this green suit that made him sinfully irresistible when suddenly he broke the kiss. Instead of pulling away, though, he began trailing kisses down your jawline and onto your neck. </p><p>“I’ve always wanted to kiss you here,” he said a moment later before his lips latched onto the sensitive spot just below your ear.</p><p>“Fuck, Tae,” you breathed out, trying desperately to keep it together despite the fact that what he was doing felt <em> so good</em>. “D-Don’t leave marks.”</p><p>“I won’t, Jagi,” he assured you before pulling back to give you a wicked smile. “At least not where anyone else can see.”</p><p>You were on the verge of losing it, wondering where exactly on your body he planned on hiding his kisses, when suddenly you heard the sound of Namjoon’s voice calling out Tae’s name somewhere outside the trailer. </p><p>“Shit, I’ve got to go,” he said, immediately letting go of you. He gave you another quick peck, flashed you an adorable smile, and then sprinted out of the trailer.</p><p>
  <em> Fucking Kim Taehyung and his duality </em>
</p><p>He <em> would </em> come in here acting all sweet and innocent, get you all worked up with his hot neck kisses, and then have to leave. After taking a few minutes to compose yourself, and finish organizing the clothes, you casually strolled out of the trailer, determined not to let anyone, especially Tae, know just how tightly you were wrapped around his finger.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Shooting didn't wrap up until almost 8:30 PM and the buses didn’t get back to the hotel until after 9:00 PM. On top of that, for reasons you would never understand, the guys were scheduled to do a VLive starting at 10:00 PM. </p><p>It had been a long day and you knew Tae was exhausted; he and the rest of the guys had literally been on the floor once the final scenes were filmed. You didn’t want to bother him, but you couldn’t deny that you wanted more than anything for him to stay with you again. It just felt so wonderful falling asleep and waking up in his arms. Unsure how to ask, or even broach the subject, you were in the process of rewriting a text to him for the umpteenth time when you received one from him.  </p><p>[Taehyung 9:23 PM]<br/>So I was thinking. We got to bed so late last night that I’m not sure I can count it as giving you a full night of cuddles. I think I might still owe you…</p><p>
  <em>He wanted to stay with you again too </em>
</p><p>And, just like that you were <em>that</em> person smiling down at your phone like an idiot.</p><p>[9:24 PM]<br/>Hmm you’re right. According to my calculations, you definitely still owe me. Would you like to pay off your debt tonight?</p><p>[Taehyung 9:25 PM]<br/>Yes. Absolutely.</p><p>[Taehyung 9:26 PM]<br/>We still have this VLive at 10, though, so I might not be there until pretty late. I don’t want to keep you up. I know you must be tired. You worked so hard today.</p><p>You <em>had</em> worked really hard today. Mrs. Choi had made sure of that. The fact that he noted this, even though he and the rest of the guys clearly worked even harder, was just so sweet.</p><p>[9:28 PM]<br/>I don’t mind if it’s late. I could maybe give you one of my room keys? Just in case I fall asleep? That way you don’t have to wait in the hallway.</p><p>[Taehyung 9:29 PM]<br/>OK, that sounds good. I’ll stop by to get it in like 15 minutes.</p><p>[9:30 PM]<br/>OK 😊</p><p>With a sudden burst of diabolical inspiration about how to get back at Tae for his shenanigans in the trailer, you suddenly leapt to your feet and strode over to your suitcase. After rummaging around in it for a minute or so, you finally found what you were looking for: the black lace bra and panties you may or may not have bought specifically for this trip. You hastily put them on and then threw Tae’s hoodie on over top.</p><p>A few minutes later, you were eagerly watching through the peephole of your door, its many locks already undone. As soon as you saw him come into view, you yanked the door open and he quickly slipped inside. You closed the door and turned to find him staring at you, his gaze fixed on your barely covered legs.</p><p>He didn't say a word, he simply walked over to you, slowly backing you against the wall in the process. Cupping your cheeks, he brought his lips to yours for a slow, sensual kiss that had you almost forgetting your plan entirely. After a minute, he dropped his hands from your face and gently ran them down your sides.</p><p>“What are you wearing underneath this?” he asked softly as he toyed with the hem of his hoodie.</p><p>“I’ll let you find out for yourself,” you replied flirtatiously. “But, there’s a catch.”</p><p>“You can look or you can touch, but you cannot do both,” you went on, biting your lower lip seductively like you’d seen him do countless times before. </p><p>Without hesitating, he put his hands on the sides of your bare legs. After watching your reaction to make sure that was OK with you, he then slowly began running them upwards and underneath his hoodie. Higher and higher he went, well past the point where a pair of shorts would have sat, until finally his fingers brushed the delicate fabric. </p><p>“Fuck,” he breathed out.</p><p>“You seemed to really like my lace dress,” you whispered in his ear. “I thought you might like these too.”</p><p>For a moment he was still, utterly transfixed by the feeling of the thin, lacy band beneath his fingertips, but he soon began running his fingers back and forth along the fabric, his touch light and gentle and ever so slightly hesitant. When he slid his hands backward, his eyes went wide when he felt how cheeky the panties were, how little they actually covered and how they perfectly hugged the curve of your ass. When he then slipped his hands to the front and trailed his fingers over the little bow just below your navel, he swore again under his breath.</p><p>“Do you like them?” you asked innocently, now looking up at him with big doe eyes.</p><p>“I fucking love them,” he all but whispered.</p><p>“Do you wear things like this every day?” he then asked in a low, husky voice as he continued to play with the bow, gently pulling it and letting the band snap back softly against your skin.</p><p>“Only for special occasions,” you replied, trying to sound casual despite the fact that having his hands on you like this was driving you wild.</p><p>“Good,” he murmured, leaning his forehead against yours. “I’ll never be able to focus at work if I know you’re wearing these.”</p><p>“Well in that case, maybe I <em> will </em> start wearing them to the studio,” you then said coyly.</p><p>He pulled back to look at you and you saw something dark flash across his beautiful features.</p><p>“Now you’re just being a tease,” he said with a sternness that shot right through you.</p><p>“You’ve always been such a tease,” he went on. “Wearing those loose shirts that you know I can see down or that one skin-tight pair of dark jeans that make <em> this </em> look incredible.”</p><p>As he said that last part, he slid both hands backward again to palm your ass and give it a light squeeze. He then kept them there, his fingers slowly tracing the outline of the lace. If you didn’t already have a kink for his hands, you most certainly did now. You simply could not get over how fucking <em> huge </em> they were; he could literally cup your entire cheek in one hand.</p><p>“You knew I couldn’t have you, but you made me want you anyway,” he continued as he brought his hands back to your sides and then dipped his fingers beneath the lacy band. He then began trailing them back and forth along your hips, each time coming a little further forward, a little closer to where you most wanted them. </p><p>“You can have me now,” you whispered, now incredibly turned on and well aware of the fact that <em> he </em> was definitely the one teasing <em> you</em>.</p><p>“Unfortunately, I don’t think there’s time for that,” he said regretfully, giving you a devilish smirk before removing his hands from you entirely. “Our VLive starts in 5 minutes.”</p><p>You pouted at him, folding your arms across your chest.</p><p>“Don’t give me that face. You started this,” he teased before placing a light kiss on your pouty lips.</p><p>“But, I really do have to go now,” he then said seriously, looking genuinely disappointed, as he brought his hand up to gently caress your cheek. “I’ll see you later tonight, OK?”</p><p>“OK,” you replied as your pout morphed into a shy smile.     </p><p>He gave you another quick peck, took the spare key from you, and was about to open the door to leave when suddenly he turned back around. In the blink of an eye his lips were back on yours for a brief, but incredibly intense kiss.</p><p>“Just so you know, it’s not the <em> lace</em>, Jagi,” he said after releasing your lips. “It’s <em> you </em> in the lace.”</p><p>With that, he finally left your room, leaving you rooted to the spot, smiling like a fool, and blushing from head to toe.</p><p>~~~</p><p>It was almost midnight by the time he came to your room. You had been teetering on the edge of sleep for the last hour, trying desperately to stay awake so you could see him. The moment you heard the door unlock, though, you were wide awake. You heard him shuffle into the room, heard the unmistakable sound of him unzipping his jeans and removing his outer layers of clothing, and then heard him call out to you.</p><p>“Y/N?” Tae whispered.</p><p>“No, it’s Mrs. Choi,” you replied, biting back a laugh.</p><p>“Oh god, don’t even joke about that,” he said back as he climbed onto the bed.</p><p>“I might leave now just because you said that,” he went on, though, as he said this he was already slipping under the covers.</p><p>“You’re not going to leave,” you said smugly, turning to face him. “You want my cuddles.”</p><p>“I do want them,” he admitted with a laugh as he wrapped his arm around you and pulled you flush against him. “I <em> need </em> them, actually.”</p><p>He leaned in to kiss you then, but this kiss was much different than the urgent, hungry ones you’d shared that morning and throughout in the day. This kiss was slow and sweet, passionate too, but not as if it was meant to lead anywhere. It felt like he was kissing you simply for the sake of kissing you and being close to you, not because he wanted anything from you, which you appreciated so much. </p><p>It’s not that you didn't want to do more with him physically, because you <em> definitely </em> did, especially after all the teasing you two did today, but you didn’t want your entire relationship to be centered on that. It meant the world to you that he seemed to feel the same, that he came here tonight not with an agenda or expectations, but to truly just <em> be </em> with you.</p><p>“I loved waking up next to you this morning,” he said once you parted, sounding so sincere. “I wish you were the first thing I saw every day.”</p><p>If anyone else had said this, you would have worried it was some sort of practiced line, but this was Tae. You knew he wasn’t like that. He simply said whatever came to mind in the moment and what he was thinking right now were the most adorable, wonderful thoughts.</p><p>“You’re making me blush,” you said shyly as you hid your face in the crook of his neck. “You can’t see it because it’s dark, but I am.”</p><p>“I love making you blush,” he teased.</p><p>“I remember the first time I ever said you looked cute you turned the prettiest shade of pink,” he went on. As he spoke, you could just <em> hear </em> the smile in his voice.</p><p>“Stop,” you whined. “I’m going to die of embarrassment.”</p><p>“It would be my pleasure to revive you via mouth-to-mouth,” he said back smoothly. </p><p>You burst out laughing. “If the embarrassment doesn’t kill me, your cheesy pickup lines will.”</p><p>“Well then we should start planning your funeral now because they are only going to get cheesier,” he replied before he too started to laugh.</p><p>The two of you then spent the next hour talking and giggling and, yes, occasionally locking lips. You knew you should have gone to bed right away, the second day of the shoot was starting in just a couple hours, but you were far too excited to sleep. It just felt like you guys had too much to catch up on, too much lost time to start making up for, to waste a single moment on sleep.</p><p>As it neared 1:00 AM, and you were finally starting to get sleepy, it dawned on you that being here with him on a trip like this was actually such a tease. In the hotel you had relatively easy access to each other with your rooms being just a floor apart. Since Big Hit had actually gone ahead and rented out the entire hotel, you didn’t have to worry about being spotted by fans or the media or any other random people. You obviously had to be careful about being seen by other members of the BTS team, but they weren’t specifically watching Tae’s every move like many people would be outside the hotel. Even in the trailer, where you were literally on set with the entire rest of the team, you had been able to get some privacy. </p><p>Back in Seoul, once you returned to normal life, things would undoubtedly be different. You wouldn’t get any privacy at Big Hit; there would be no closed, locked doors to hide behind. You could still spend time together in the studio, but it would have to be in a strictly platonic capacity. If you wanted to actually <em> see </em> each other, you would have to go to each others’ apartments, which was easier said than done. Tae lived in a gated apartment complex that was under constant surveillance by security as well as by the media and sasaeng fans. You lived in a random apartment building that would be extremely difficult for him to visit without being followed or recognized. </p><p>You suddenly found yourself feeling rather anxious about everything, wondering what exactly you’d gotten yourself into and how you were supposed to make it all work.</p><p>“Tae,” you called out softly, almost nervously, after you’d flipped around to get ready to actually go to sleep. “What happens when we get home?”</p><p>“We figure it out together,” he said simply, seeming to know exactly what you were asking, as he gathered you in his arms and pulled you close.</p><p>“OK,” you replied, his quiet confidence already making you feel infinitely better. </p><p>“Goodnight, Tae,” you said a moment later.</p><p>“Goodnight, Jagi,” he replied, once again giving your shoulder a little kiss.</p><p>You took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and then closed your eyes.</p><p>
  <em>You'll figure it out together</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Honeymoon phase is real, folks. </p><p>♫ Can't keep my hands to myself ♫</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. The Real World</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Seventeen days. </p><p>It had been seventeen days since you had last been with Tae in any meaningful capacity. Seventeen days since you had last been alone with him. Seventeen days since he had last held you in his arms. Seventeen days since you had last felt his lips on yours. </p><p>It had been the longest seventeen days of your life.</p><p>Figuring things out back in the real world was infinitely harder than either of you imagined it would be. Over the course of just those three days at the Dynamite music video shoot, you two had managed to completely destroy the emotional dam you had spent the previous three years carefully constructing. Everything was now pouring out, and there was absolutely nothing you could do to stop it, but it was all just flowing into the abyss since you couldn’t actually <em> be </em> together. </p><p>Having to act normal and casual everyday at work like nothing between you two had changed was incredibly difficult and honestly painful. You wanted to openly comfort him when he was stressed or upset. You wanted to hold his hand or hug him when you were having a bad day. You wanted to give him a kiss hello when you first saw him every morning and kiss goodbye before you left for the night. In a million ways you wanted to be close to him and show him affection, but you couldn’t and it was absolutely killing you.</p><p>If you had been able to see him outside of work it would have made the façade you had to uphold at work more bearable, but you couldn’t even do that. With the single coming out in just a few weeks, the full album being released not long after, and a month-long promotional trip to America scheduled to kick off days after the album was released, the guys’ schedule was busier than ever. Every single day, including weekends, was jam-packed with dance practice, vocal coaching, performance rehearsals, interview filming, photoshoots, meetings to finalize album details and the promotional tour, and so much more. </p><p>Most nights, Tae wasn’t finishing up work until almost 8:00 or 9:00, but that wasn’t even the worst part. Immediately after filming for the Dynamite music video had wrapped up, the decision had been made that the guys would all be living back in the dorm for the time being. This was done partly to keep everyone focused during the final stretch of the comeback, but mostly to keep everyone on the same schedule and make travel more convenient. Even Namjoon, who was married, and Jin, who was engaged, were staying there most nights of the week. Jimin and Hobi got to leave once a week to stay with their girlfriends, but since Tae obviously couldn’t tell anyone you two were together, he had no legitimate excuse to stay back at his own apartment.</p><p>You two texted all the time, and he called or Facetimed you whenever he could without being overheard by one of the guys, but it just wasn’t enough. You found yourself missing him constantly, longing for him in a way you never had before. You missed him even when he was right in front of you at work because, even though he was so close, he still felt so far away. You always missed him most at night, though, a feeling which you knew went both ways.</p><p>[Taehyung 2:14 AM]<br/>I miss you so much, Jagi. </p><p>[Taehyung 2:14 AM]<br/>I can’t sleep without you. </p><p>[Taehyung 2:15 AM]<br/>I just want to hold you again and wake up beside you.</p><p>You had woken up to those text messages one morning and immediately felt a literal pain in your chest because you felt the exact same way. Even though he had only stayed with you twice, you found yourself feeling unimaginably lonely each night without his arms around you. </p><p>You just wanted to <em> be </em> with him. To spend time with him as a couple, however unofficial that title was. To talk to him without having to filter and censor everything you said. To love hearing him call you Jagi, not worry constantly about that word slipping out of his mouth around someone else. To watch a movie or cook dinner or stay in your pajamas all day together. To laugh and be playful and flirty without someone yelling at you to stop. To cuddle and kiss and be intimate.</p><p>The abundance of physical contact you’d gotten during those three days, and subsequent absence of it these last two plus weeks, had left you desperately craving him, absolutely starving for his touch. You had obviously always found Tae insanely attractive, had always desired to be with him, but previously that had only been in a theoretical, abstract sense. Now, though, the concept of being with him was <em> real</em>, never more so than the second day of filming for the Dynamite music video, the last time the two of you had been truly alone together. </p><p>The morning had begun innocently; you had woken up first in his warm embrace and then proceeded to pepper his face with tiny kisses until his lips curled up into a shy smile and his eyes opened a few moments later. Shortly after that, you began sharing slow, tender morning kisses, ones that made you completely forget that a world existed outside of the bed you were sharing. However, when you casually mentioned that the lace panties from the day before came with a matching bra he unfortunately didn’t discover, the situation escalated quickly. The kisses became more passionate, his hands began wandering underneath your tank top, and the next thing you knew, you were on top of him, straddling his hips.</p><p>From that new position you could easily kiss his deliciously thick neck, something you had literally dreamed of doing for years. You began just below his ear, smiling to yourself when he cursed over how good it felt to be kissed there, and then worked your way down to his broad chest. As you covered his body with kisses, you began rolling your hips, subtly at first, but more purposefully once you saw, heard, and <em> felt </em> just how much he loved it. He brought his hands to your hips to help guide you back and forth over himself, but you were clearly in charge, slowing down and speeding up at will just to relish in how needy he grew beneath you.</p><p>It was all fun and games teasing him like that until he suddenly used those big muscles of his to flip your positions, the overt display of dominance being something you found incredibly sexy. Now on top and in control, it took him no time at all to discover how sensitive you were, the small gasp you let out when he applied just a bit of pressure with his hips bringing a smirk to his lips. You knew you were in trouble when he shifted slightly and brought his thigh between your legs. As he began slowly grinding into you, he hungrily swallowed the string of curses and small whimpers that left your lips.</p><p>Were it not for your ‘15 minutes until bus departure’ warning alarm going off a minute later, you’ve no doubt he would have soon had you coming undone. So enthralled with the way your body was responding to him, he didn’t even hear the beeping at first. He simply kept going, kept on whispering sweet nothings and praises into your ear as he slowly rocked his hips. You had half a mind to ignore the alarm and your responsibilities entirely and let him continue, that’s how good he was making you feel. However, you used all your willpower to gently push him off of you, telling him if you two didn’t stop now, you were literally never going to be able to leave the bed. </p><p>Had you known that the passionate kiss you shared just before he left your room was the last one you were going to get for a while, you would have made it last a little longer, would have savored it just a bit more.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Today, the seventeenth day since you’d last been with Tae, was significant for two reasons.</p><p>First, it was the day of the new album’s concept photoshoot. A shoot like this was always important, but this one was especially so because Tae was serving as the Visual Director. Taking on this role was a huge opportunity for him to showcase his many other artistic skills outside of singing, dancing, and performing. You were so proud of all the hard work he had put into planning everything and knew how nervous he was for the photoshoot to go smoothly. Even if you couldn’t show your support the way you wanted to, you were still determined to be there for him throughout the day, which is partly why you didn’t tell him the other reason why today was significant: that it was the five year anniversary of your mother’s death. </p><p>You had been thinking about her a lot lately, mostly wishing you could talk to her about what was happening with Tae. You wanted her advice and guidance, her assurance that you following your heart right now wasn’t the biggest mistake of your life. If anyone could have helped you navigate through the challenges you were facing now, and would surely face in the future, it would have been her.</p><p>In previous years, you had taken this day off to be with your dad and your sisters. You would visit her grave together and then relax at home cooking her favorite dinner and watching her favorite movies. But this year, with it falling on the exact same day as a major photoshoot, you just couldn’t swing it. You honestly hadn’t even tried to ask Mrs. Choi about taking the day off; you knew all she would have done was make you feel guilty and question your commitment. Your family had understood, though, and the four of you had made plans to remember her together over the weekend.</p><p>When you told Tae the story about your mom, you had mentioned she passed in late summer, but never told him the specific day. Over the last few weeks you had gone back and forth about whether or not to tell him today was that day, but had ultimately decided it would be best not to. You didn’t want him to feel guilty that you had to be working when you would have otherwise been with your family and also didn’t want to stress him more on his big day. More than that, though, you were afraid of how he would act if he knew. You worried that he would be unable to stay on his side of the invisible line you two drew between yourselves at work, that he would be too affectionate and protective and would inadvertently give you two away.</p><p>The day had started off OK. The shoot was taking place not far from Big Hit at an indoor studio where the set had been constructed. Being somewhere new was a welcome distraction and it was busy enough throughout the morning that your mind stayed relatively occupied. Tae still realized something was off right away which shouldn’t have been a surprise. He eyed you curiously the whole time you were doing his hair and makeup and asked no less than fifty times some variation of ‘Are you OK?’. You just smiled back at him, though, and assured him you were fine, just a little tired perhaps, which you hoped he believed.</p><p>However, as the day went on, it became harder and harder to focus and keep it together. Your mind began drifting elsewhere, to thoughts of your mom both before and after she got sick, to the dark days that followed her passing, to all the questions you wished you could ask her right now. At one point, after you had looked up to find Tae looking at you from across the room, a slightly concerned expression on his face, the thought that she would never get to meet him crossed your mind and you got momentarily choked up; she would have loved him.</p><p>Eventually, it all became a bit too overwhelming so you stepped off to the side of the set and pulled out your phone. Hoping to take your mind off things with some mindless social media scrolling, you opened up Instagram, but the first photo you saw stopped your heart. It was you and your sisters and your mom, smiling together at the beach, your dad’s shadow as he held the camera just barely in the frame. Your younger sister had posted it earlier that day along with what you were sure was an incredibly heartfelt message that you absolutely did not have the stomach to read right now.</p><p>It was one of your absolute favorite photos, a memory from a truly wonderful day before everything changed, but it was not something you were prepared to see just now. At once, you felt the all too familiar closing of your throat and stinging behind your eyes, telltale signs that you might start sobbing at any moment, but you forced yourself to shove your feelings down. Now was not the time to have a complete and utter breakdown.</p><p>Stopping by the lunch table to grab a coffee, the caffeinated beverage ironically always helped you relax, you headed back to the prep room to try and calm down. As you turned into the room, you saw none other than Tae standing at one of the mirrors. He was fiddling with one of his earrings, happily humming one of the songs from the upcoming album, but when his gaze met yours through the reflection his smile immediately faded. In an instant, he was crossing the room to you, worry etched all over his features.</p><p>“Jagi,” he whispered as he leaned in close. “Please talk to me.”</p><p>Just hearing his voice and having him near was almost enough to break the dam. You wanted nothing more than to be in his embrace right now, to hear all the sweet words of comfort you know he would give to you.</p><p>“Please tell me what’s wrong,” he pleaded when you didn't respond. </p><p>“I’m fine, Tae,” you said back, your lower lip trembling.</p><p>“No you’re not,” he said, sounding so distraught. “Something is wrong. Something has been wrong all day.”</p><p>“Did I do something to upset you?” he then questioned fearfully.</p><p>You shook your head at him, silently willing him to stop asking questions before you completely lost it.</p><p>“Do you not feel well?” he then asked, sounding more worried than ever. “Did someone say or do something to hurt you?”</p><p>“Tae, I’m fine,” you replied. You tried to say it calmly, but when your voice broke on the word ‘fine’, Tae’s eyes went wide in alarm.</p><p>He instinctively reached out to put his arms around you, but your hands immediately shot up to stop him, the coffee cup flying out of your grasp in the process. It fell directly onto Tae’s white shirt and then crashed to the floor. Looking first to the complete mess on the ground and then to the massive stain on his shirt, your composure finally cracked.</p><p>“Fuck, I’m so sorry,” you said as tears welled up in your eyes. “I ruined your shirt and you haven’t finished shooting yet.”</p><p>“Jagi, it’s OK. It's just a shirt. Really, it’s not impor-,” Tae started before being cut off by Mrs. Choi’s shrill voice.</p><p>“Y/N, what have you done?” she asked venomously, coming from somewhere in the room where you didn’t realize she had been standing. </p><p>You looked up at her, saw her angry, disgusted expression, and immediately shrunk into yourself. If it was any other day you could have handled her, could have brushed off her attack, but not today.</p><p>“You’ve ruined an outfit that cost thousands of dollars and jeopardized the whole photoshoot,” she then said snidely, answering her own question. “Do you have anything to say for yourself?”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” was all you could manage, your voice barely above a whisper.</p><p>“You have been distracted and careless all day long,” she continued as she stared daggers into you. </p><p>“I’m not even surprised something like this happened, though,” she went on, throwing her hands up in exasperation. “You are always distracted and careless. You never focus or take your work seriously. Honestly, you are a complete disgrace to this-”</p><p>“Enough!” Tae suddenly said, cutting her off sharply as he turned to face her. </p><p>Mrs. Choi blanched, having never heard Tae use such a tone with her or anyone else for that matter.</p><p>“For the last three years you have been dismissive, overly critical, and downright rude to Y/N and I will not tolerate it anymore,” he said heatedly. “You may be the stylist’s manager, but she is <em> my </em> stylist and I will not let you speak to her this way."</p><p>“Your constant beratement is not only unprofessional, but completely unfounded. The quality of her work is excellent; she is talented and hardworking and extremely dedicated to our team,” he continued as he shifted in front of you slightly, shielding you from her.</p><p>“Just look at what she did with the Dynamite music video. Everyone was so impressed with her concept idea, and saw how hard she worked, but you never once complimented her or appreciated her efforts. All you did was criticize her and belittle her and make her doubt herself,” he then added angrily. </p><p>For a moment it looked like Mrs. Choi was going to say something in reply, but before she could get a word out Tae continued.</p><p>“What happened just now was an accident that <em> I </em> clearly caused,” he said, gesturing to the mess on the floor. “If you would have taken two seconds to stop yelling at her and talk to us you would have realized that.”</p><p>“But, more importantly, if you had been paying attention at all today to the stylists you’re supposed to be managing you would have realized hours ago that she has been extremely upset about something all day and is genuinely not OK right now,” he finally said, now looking incredibly distressed himself. </p><p>You stood there in stunned silence, tears still threatening to fall, as your gaze flickered back and forth between Tae and Mrs. Choi. His chest was heaving from the exertion of his outburst while she was motionless, a look of complete shock on her face. Upon remembering you were still here, though, she turned to you with an unmistakably guilty expression on her face.</p><p>“Y/N,” Mrs. Choi began apprehensively. “Is something wrong?”</p><p>You hesitated for a moment before answering, unsure how to respond, but eventually decided to just go with the truth.</p><p>“Today is the five year anniversary of my mother’s death,” you said quietly, wiping away a few tears from your cheeks with the backs of your hands.</p><p>Knowing how devastated he would be to learn this, you purposefully didn’t look at Tae as you spoke, but the audible gasp he let out was more than enough to shatter your heart.</p><p>“Normally I take this day off, but I knew how important the photoshoot was so I didn’t want to let everyone down,” you went on. “But, clearly I’ve done that anyway.”</p><p>It was quiet for a few moments as your admission washed over them and, surprisingly, it was Mrs. Choi who then broke the silence. </p><p>“Y/N, I am very sorry for your loss,” she said with a tenderness you did not know she was capable of possessing, much less directing at you. “I am also sorry that you have been dealing with your grief while working today. I am sure that must have been very difficult.”</p><p>“I am sorry too for overeating today,” she then said before adding tentatively, “and for perhaps being a bit too hard on you over the years.” </p><p>Completely taken aback by not only her apology, but the genuine sincerity with which she delivered it, you simply stood there and stared at her.</p><p>“I think we should talk sometime about the things Taehyung mentioned,” she went on. “But, I don’t believe now is the appropriate time.” </p><p>“Taehyung, why don’t you take Y/N out for a short break?” she then suggested. “Take her somewhere private where she can have a minute to collect herself.”</p><p>He nodded at her and then silently led you from the room, his hand resting on the top of your back comfortingly. Down the hall you two went until he stopped in front of a door into what appeared to be some sort of guest lounge. He opened it and ushered you inside. </p><p>The moment the door closed, he had you in his arms. He sat you two down on the couch and then gently pulled you onto his lap, his arms cradling you in a tight embrace. You buried your face in his neck and sobbed, letting out all the emotion you’d been keeping hidden. He stroked your back soothingly and gently rocked you as he whispered the sweetest words of comfort. </p><p>“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked a little while later once you had calmed down, the hurt in his voice evident.</p><p>“I didn’t want you to worry or feel guilty,” you said quietly.</p><p>He didn’t respond to that at first, just hugged you to him more tightly.</p><p>“Jagi, how am I supposed to take care of you if you don’t tell me things like this?” he then questioned, sounding so devastated.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” was all you said in reply.</p><p>“It’s OK,” he said back, his voice thick with emotion. “Just, next time please let me be there for you.”</p><p>You nodded your head in reply and just burrowed deeper into his chest.</p><p>A comfortable silence then fell between the two of you. As you sat there, curled up on his lap like that, absentmindedly playing with the buttons on his robe, it dawned on you that this was the first time you had been legitimately alone with him in weeks. You lifted your head up to look at him and could tell from his expression that he must have just had the same realization. Bringing a hand up to cup your cheek, he brushed away a tear with his thumb and then leaned in to connect your lips for the tenderest of kisses. </p><p>“I’ve missed you so much,” he said softly once you parted, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear as he spoke.</p><p>“I know I see you every day, but it’s just not the same,” he continued before drawing you in for another kiss, this one just as slow and sweet as the first.</p><p>“I've missed you too, Tae,” you said after breaking away again, your voice catching just a bit. “So much that it hurts.”</p><p>“I know, Jagi,” he said sadly, leaning his forehead against yours. “I can’t stand being away from you.”</p><p>“But, I promise I’ll find a way for us to be together soon,” he then said, dropping his hand from your cheek and wrapping it around your waist to pull you closer to him. </p><p>He kissed you again, this time more deeply, and you wound your arms around his neck in response. As you began running your fingers through his hair, his kisses grew more desperate, like he was afraid if he detached his lips from yours for even just one second you would disappear and he would never get to kiss you again. You matched his passion immediately; you wanted nothing more than to drown in his kisses, to drown in <em> him</em>. </p><p>The indescribably perfect feeling of his lips on yours had you wondering how you had gone the last seventeen days without it, much less the last three years. Being with him like this just felt so good, so right; there was literally nowhere else in the world you would rather be. You were completely lost in him, and in the moment, so lost that the overwhelming sadness of this day felt a little more bearable, so lost that you forgot about the photoshoot and his ruined shirt and Mrs. Choi, so lost, unfortunately, that you didn’t hear the door open.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Who do we think is behind door #1?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Dinner Before Dessert - Part 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Taehyung! Are you in- OH SHIT,” said the unmistakable voice of Park Jimin.</p><p>You and Tae immediately broke apart, and your next instinct was to scramble off of his lap, but he surprisingly didn’t move to get you off of him. He just kept holding you, his arms actually tightening around you protectively. </p><p>“Fuck. Thank god it’s just you, Jimin,” Tae said in relief as he turned towards the older man. “Come in and close the door.”</p><p>Jimin did just that, immediately locking it once he was inside, something you and Tae clearly should have done before you decided to start making out. Nervously, you followed Tae’s gaze to where Jimin was standing. At first, his angelic features were sculpted into a look of complete shock, but as his eyes traveled back and forth over you two, clearly noting the way Tae tenderly held you in his arms, a small grin spread across his face.</p><p>“This...this explains a lot,” he said slowly before letting out a little laugh.</p><p>Immediately, you relaxed, letting out the breath you didn’t even realize you had been holding. Jimin wasn’t mad and didn’t look like he was about to go telling everyone. Honestly, he didn’t even seem that surprised anymore by what he was seeing which made a lot of sense once you thought about it more. He <em> was </em> Tae’s soulmate, after all. Turning back to Tae, you found him already looking at you, a shy smile on his face. </p><p>“I hadn’t told him yet about <em> this</em>,” he said, gesturing between the two of you. “But, I have told him some other stuff before.”</p><p>It was adorable how bashfully he had said that, how much he was blushing right now. Knowing that he had talked to Jimin about his feelings for you made you giddy. It’s not that you hadn’t believed everything Tae had told you, how long he wanted to be with you and how much he cared about you, because you absolutely did, but him telling Jimin did make everything feel that much more real.</p><p>“You didn’t tell me, but I knew something was up,” Jimin chimed in with a smirk. “You’ve been all happy and smiley for weeks now.” </p><p>“You’ve also been attached to your phone, though, texting constantly and sneaking off for private conversations,” he continued, now sounding much more serious. “And, I’m not the only one who has noticed.”</p><p>When he said that, Tae immediately tensed up and finally did gently lift you off of his lap.</p><p>“Namjoon-hyung asked me point blank if you were seeing someone,” Jimin then said with a grimace.</p><p>“You told him I’m not, right?” Tae immediately asked, getting to his feet.</p><p>“Of course,” Jimin replied. “I mean, I had some suspicions, but I wasn’t going to tell him that.” </p><p>“Good,” Tae said, sounding so relieved. “He and the rest of the guys can't know.”</p><p>"<em>No one </em> can know, Jimin,” he then added solemnly.</p><p>You couldn’t deny that it stung just a bit to hear him say those words, how easily that ‘I’m not’ rolled off his tongue, how adamant he was that no one knew. The obvious reason why he didn’t want anyone to know was because of your contract and the fact that you would be immediately fired if the wrong person ever found out you were romantically involved with him. Reminding yourself that he was only trying to protect you and your relationship, you actively worked to keep out the little doubts and worries trying to crawl into your mind, the ones that said Tae was ashamed to be with you and that your relationship actually wasn’t that serious to him.</p><p>“I understand,” Jimin replied earnestly, nodding as he spoke. “I promise I won’t tell anyone.”</p><p>“We can talk more later about everything,” he added. “Shooting starts again in 15 minutes, though. That’s why I came to find you in the first place.”</p><p>“Wow, I didn’t realize we’ve been gone that long,” Tae said sheepishly, his face flushing.</p><p>You felt your own cheeks heat up as you realized the two of you had been in here making out much longer than you realized.</p><p>“Time flies when you’re having fun,” Jimin replied, giving the two of you a wolfish grin before slipping back out into the hallway, leaving the two of you smiling and giggling like lovestruck teenagers.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Jimin walking in on you two ending up being a blessing in disguise. That Saturday, at the guys’ next group meeting, he secretly advocated on behalf of Tae for letting people stay back at their own apartments more often, claiming everyone needed a break from each other and that his girlfriend’s needs were not being met. The guys laughed at his cheekiness, but agreed that it might be best to have some time apart. It was decided that, after the single was released the following Friday, everyone could stay back at their own apartments before they left for America two weeks later. </p><p>Tae had texted you this news immediately after the meeting. You could tell he was excited, but also that he was trying to contain that excitement out of respect for that fact that you were with your family to remember your mom. He had been incredibly supportive while you were away, sending you sweet, comforting messages every now and then, but still giving you space. He was being so wonderful that you had <em> almost </em> told your sisters about your relationship, but at the last second decided not to. Given the nature of the trip, and the somber mood everyone was in, it just didn’t feel like the appropriate time to share such happy news. </p><p>After getting home late Sunday evening, you texted Tae to let him know you made it back safely and he called you less than a minute later. You picked up, but before you could even say hello he started talking.</p><p>“Do you have plans for next Saturday night?” he asked excitedly.</p><p>“That depends,” you replied. “Does binge watching Netflix alone in my apartment count as plans?”</p><p>“No. No it does not,” he said back with a snicker. </p><p>“Then no, I do not have plans,” you said dryly.</p><p>There was a brief pause on the other end of the line. </p><p>“Would you like to go on a date with me?” he then asked, sounding adorably nervous.</p><p>“I would love to,” you answered as a big, silly grin spread across your face. “What did you have in mind?”</p><p>“I’m going to make you dinner,” he announced proudly.</p><p>“Tae, you don’t know how to cook,” you said with a laugh.</p><p>“I know,” he said. “But for you I will learn.”</p><p>“I want this to be a real date,” he went on. “On our first one you didn’t realize it was a date until after it was over and on our second one you were...slightly inebriated.”</p><p>“I was totally wasted,” you deadpanned.</p><p>“OK. I was trying to say it nicely, but yes, you were totally wasted,” he said with a laugh.</p><p>“I want this date to be special,” he then said, sounding so sincere it made your heart flutter.</p><p>“How should I dress for this special date?” you then asked, your smile growing impossibly wide.</p><p>“You will look beautiful in anything, but pretend as if you’re going to a fancy restaurant,” he replied smoothly.</p><p>“Hmm Ok,” you said coyly. “I think I know just what to wear.”</p><p>~~</p><p>It was 5:00 PM the following Saturday and you were walking down the hall of Tae’s apartment building towards his door, your phone in one hand and an overnight bag in the other. When he invited you over for your date he hadn’t specifically asked you to stay the night so you spent all week wondering if he wanted you to and worrying that maybe he didn’t. However, earlier in the day he had texted you asking what you wanted for breakfast tomorrow which made you realize that he hadn’t even thought twice about you staying over, it was just a given to him.</p><p>Getting into the apartment complex and then into the building itself had been rather stressful. You had to be buzzed in at the gate and then had to check in at the front desk by showing the security guard your ID so he could match your name to the one Tae provided. It made you incredibly nervous to know there would be legitimate evidence that you’d visited him, but he promised you the visitor’s logs were confidential. He did ask that you cover your face with a mask and wear a hat, though, which also made you anxious. </p><p>Coming to see him honestly felt like a scandal waiting to happen, there were so many things that could go wrong and you both had so much to lose, but the idea of not coming when you finally had the opportunity to spend time together was just crazy. Aside from your brief rendezvous at the photoshoot, you had been a part almost a month and that was simply too long. You missed him terribly, longed for him constantly, and would have gone to the moon and back if it meant you got to be with him.</p><p>Just as you reached his door you raised your hand to knock, but before you even made contact it swung open. There stood Tae, looking handsome as ever in dark slacks and a light blue button-up, an impossibly large grin on his face. In an instant he had pulled you into his apartment, closed the door, and wrapped you in a hug. You immediately melted into him, having forgotten just how good it felt to have his arms around you, how safe you felt when he held you tightly to his chest. The best way to describe it was that it felt like home. <em>Tae </em> felt like home. </p><p>After standing there like that for a minute or so, you finally let go of each other and you removed your mask and hat. He then leaned in to give you a kiss, but instead of kissing you on the lips, he only kissed you on the cheek. Confused, and quite disappointed not to have his plush lips on yours, you gave him a questioning look.</p><p>“I told you this was going to be a real date,” he said as he took a couple steps backwards. </p><p>“And on a real date you have dinner before you have <em> dessert</em>,” he then added with a smirk.</p><p>You stared at him, simultaneously loving and hating him: loving him because it was so sweet that he wanted to make tonight special and not just about being physical, but hating him because he looked like a hot, powerful CEO right now and you wanted nothing more than to devour him, especially after that last comment. He was teasing you, dressing like that and then making you wait to kiss him, but you had come prepared for him and his tricks.</p><p>“Are you <em> sure </em> you don’t want to have dessert before dinner,” you asked seductively as you slipped off your jacket to reveal the green lace dress.</p><p>The way his eyes first grew wide and then darkened as he looked you up and down had you flushing all over. After spending a few moments staring at you, clearly wrestling with himself on what to do, he came back over and placed his hands on your hips. As his fingers brushed back and forth across the lacy fabric, his gaze again wandered over you before he looked up into your eyes.</p><p>“Maybe just one bite,” he finally said as his tongue darted out to wet his lips.</p><p>He leaned in to kiss you, but at the last second you pulled back.</p><p>“On second thought, I think it’s best if we don’t spoil our appetites,” you said, giving him a wicked grin.</p><p>Obviously displeased to have been given a taste of his own medicine, he pouted at you like a child that had just been told to eat their vegetables. It was adorable and hysterical, but before you could comment on it the sound of excited barking suddenly filled the room. From out of nowhere, Tannie came bounding down the hall, stopped right at your feet, and then looked up at you with his adorably angry little eyes.</p><p>“Tannie!” you exclaimed as you kneeled to pet him. He was jumping up and down so excitedly that you gathered him up in your arms and started cuddling him.</p><p>“You're such a good boy. Yes you are,” you cooed as he began smothering your face with tiny licks. “I’ve missed you, Tannie. Yes I did.”</p><p>“Alright, that’s enough, Tannie,” Tae eventually said with another pout as he extracted the dog from your arms and set him down. “She came here for me, you know.”</p><p>“I did?” you questioned playfully, giving him a sly sideways glance.</p><p>“You did,” he confirmed smoothly. “You came here for my cooking and my cuddles and my kisses.”</p><p>You bit your lip shyly, no doubt blushing wildly. He was right, absolutely right.</p><p>“Come on, Jagi,” he said with a smile as he took your hand. “Let me give you the tour and then we’ll eat.”</p><p>His apartment was, unsurprisingly, both large and luxurious. The décor was so <em> Tae:</em> artsy, minimalist, each room covered in mostly neutral tones but containing some sort of vibrant, eye-catching statement piece. Everything looked so elegant and tasteful, but also so unmistakably expensive. You didn’t often think about the massive difference in wealth between you two since he was not one to flaunt how well-off he was, but it was hard not to think about it now. </p><p>He was <em> literally </em> a millionaire and acknowledging that fact suddenly had you feeling a bit anxious. If and when your relationship ever did get out, you knew with absolute certainty that you, a lowly stylist still paying off college loans, would be accused of being with him for his money as well as his fame. The thought made your stomach churn, but you pushed it from your mind and focused back on Tae and the special evening he’d planned for you.</p><p>Eventually, he took you to the dining room where you saw he had put together an incredibly romantic dinner. The table arrangement honestly looked like something you would see at a five star restaurant. It was truly exquisite, but the best part wasn’t the flowers or the candles or the fancy bottle of red wine, it was the fact that he had done it all himself and done it <em> for you</em>. Standing there in the doorway, you were momentarily speechless and honestly a tiny bit choked up knowing just how much effort he had put into everything. You leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek as a thank you and absolutely melted at the shy smile he gave you in return. </p><p>He held your hand all throughout dinner, having made sure that he sat on your left since you were right handed and he was ambidextrous. Although it was ever so slightly difficult to eat with one hand, you happily endured the hassle: you absolutely loved the feeling of his hand in yours. Conversation flowed easily between you two, as did laughter. With no one else around to watch or judge or tell you to settle down, the two of you unleashed your full rowdiness. Everything was funny, even the things that weren’t funny, and you had to stop every few minutes to catch your breath and regain your composure. You were so grateful that this aspect of your relationship hadn’t changed since you’d started ‘dating’. After all, you had been howling laughter when you first realized you were in love with him three years ago.</p><p>When you finished your meal he got up, went to the kitchen, and returned a minute later with a tray full of dark chocolate covered strawberries. Your heart swelled knowing he had specifically gotten your favorite dessert, but almost burst out of your chest when you realized he hadn’t bought them, he had <em> made </em> them. As you sat there, peeling the chocolate off of one like you always did, swooning at the way he was eating with his lips adorably pouted, you felt more certain than ever before that what you two were doing right now was worth the risk, that <em> he </em> was worth the risk.</p><p>A little while later you two were in his kitchen, having just finished cleaning up from dinner. You had tried to help put things away, but he immediately scolded you, saying your only job tonight was to relax and enjoy yourself. You were sitting on the counter watching him put the leftover dark chocolate covered strawberries into a Tupperware when it suddenly occurred to you that dinner was over and it was time for the <em> real </em> dessert of the evening. </p><p>“You know,” you began in a sultry voice. “I had a dream once that you were a strawberry farmer. A sexy strawberry farmer, to be exact.”</p><p>“Is that so?” he asked with a grin, turning to face you.</p><p>“It is,” you said coyly.</p><p>“It was right after the Map Of The Soul ON:E concert,” you then went on. “When you wore those overalls for your ‘Inner Child’ performance.”</p><p>“Ahh, yes,” he said, recalling the memory fondly. “I suppose I could have been mistaken for a farmer while wearing those.”</p><p>“If you remember, you were wearing them without the blazer while I did your hair and makeup,” you reminded him, leaning back on your hands and noting the way his eyes followed the skirt of your dress as it slid up your thighs. </p><p>“You were very fidgety that day,” you continued. “You kept stretching your arms and leaning back with them behind your head and running your hands through your hair.”</p><p>“I couldn’t help but wonder if you <em> knew </em>that doing all those things while wearing those overalls would show off those big muscles of yours,” you then added, eyeing him curiously as you spoke.</p><p>The mischievous smirk he now wore told you your suspicions were absolutely correct: he <em> had </em> been purposefully flexing for you that day.</p><p>“Kim Taehyung,” you scolded teasingly. “It’s not very gentlemanly to try to seduce a lady at her place of work.”</p><p>“What if the lady wanted to be seduced?” he asked provocatively as he came to stand in front of you, leaning against the counter and caging you with his arms. “What if I could just <em> tell </em> that she liked what she was seeing?” </p><p>You did like what you saw that day. Loved it, actually. It wasn’t often that he wore sleeveless tops that showed his biceps and shoulders, let alone ones that also left his sturdy chest and broad back on full display. You had tried <em> so hard </em> not to stare, but apparently you hadn’t tried hard enough. </p><p>“You could just <em> tell </em>?” you asked, well aware that you were definitely blushing right now.</p><p>“I could,” he said smugly as he gently spread your legs apart with his hands and stepped between them. “Just from the way she was looking at me.”</p><p>“And what way was that?” you questioned slowly, your heart rate rising with him so close and his hands on your bare legs.</p><p>He paused for a moment before answering, his eyes fixed on you in smoldering stare.</p><p>“Hungrily, lustfully, like she might be having some very unprofessional thoughts,” he then said smoothly before adding in a low voice. “The way I’m looking at you right now.”</p>
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<a name="section0030"><h2>30. Dinner Before Dessert - Part 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>It's here, folks. My first ever smut chapter. To say I'm nervous for how it will be received is the understatement of the century. If you enjoy it, please tell me. If you hate it, please don't tell me or I'll cry lol</p><p>It's a bit different than what many of you might be expecting - it's rather nondescript anatomically speaking and there's also no dialogue - but I think this style fits the story and our character's relationship best. </p><p>Anyway, happy reading everyone :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Before you even knew what was happening, he was capturing your lips in a ravenous kiss. You wrapped your arms around his neck and he slid his around your waist, the two of you molding into one another seamlessly. For the next few minutes, not a single word was spoken as you simply devoured each other, your hunger insatiable after holding back all evening. It was desperate and messy, all tongue and teeth, but you simply could not get enough.</p><p>“I have unprofessional thoughts every time I see you in this dress,” he said breathlessly after finally releasing your lips. “Every time I <em> think </em> about you in this dress.”</p><p>“You think about me in this dress?” you asked flirtatiously.</p><p>“I do,” he replied at once. “And about you in my hoodie and those lace panties.”</p><p>“I always think about you, Jagi,” he then added almost guiltily as he leaned his forehead against yours. “I-I just can’t help myself.”</p><p>You knew at once what he was admitting to and found it to be possibly the most arousing thing you’d ever heard in your life. The idea that Kim Taehyung, literally the sexiest man on the planet, fantasized about you was such a deliciously scandalous thought.</p><p>“I think about you too, Tae,” you said as you cupped his cheeks and kissed him deeply. </p><p>“You do?” he asked in amazement.</p><p>“Mmhmm,” you hummed in response as you then began trailing kisses down his neck.</p><p>“Fuck, that’s so hot” he murmured as he pulled you forward on the counter and pressed his hips into you. “Tell me what you think about.”</p><p>You’d had so many fantasies of him over the years it was hard to know where to start. One thing you did know, though, was that nothing you’d ever imagined held a candle to what you were experiencing with him right now. His every touch sent a jolt of electricity through you, every word spoken in his deep, husky voice had your mind hazy with desire.</p><p>“I think about you flexing these muscles for me,” you began as you trailed your fingers up his arms and then down his chest. “And about how strong you are and how easily you can pick me up and take me wherever you want.”</p><p>“I think about how sexy you look when you’re performing on stage,” you went on. “Especially during those body rolls at the end of Mic Drop or that hip thrust during Dimple.”</p><p>“But, mostly I think about your big hands and your long fingers and all the things you could do with them,” you whispered in his ear.</p><p>You wrapped your legs around his back as you spoke, pulling him deeper into you, and could instantly tell how affected he was by the risqué things you’d just said. The feel of him between your legs, nothing but a few pieces of fabric separating you, had your entire body buzzing; you had never been more turned on in your entire life. You crashed your mouth back onto his and poured all of your desire into the sensual kiss you shared. He began running his hands up your thighs, pushing the skirt of your dress upwards as he went, but he stopped partway up and leaned his forehead against yours again.</p><p>“Can I touch you, Jagi?” he asked hesitantly as his thumbs rubbed little circles on your inner thighs, all hints of teasing and suggestiveness suddenly gone from his voice. “The way you just talked about?”</p><p>You were taken aback by his sudden change in demeanor, but your answer came without hesitation.</p><p>“Yes,” you replied quietly before giving him a kiss on the cheek.</p><p>You were so appreciative of him asking for permission before things went any further. You had clearly alluded to your desire to be intimate with him like that, but you hadn’t explicitly told him you were ready for it now. It meant so much to you that, even though you had teased each other and fooled around a bit before, he hadn’t made an assumption about what you might be comfortable with now, that this kind of intimacy was something he took seriously and wanted to talk about first. </p><p>“Can I touch you?” you then asked back as you gently ran your fingers through his hair.</p><p>“Yes, Jagi,” he replied before mimicking you and kissing your cheek.</p><p>“I still want to go slow, though,” he then said, bringing his head up to look at you, a tender expression on his face. “I don’t want to rush everything tonight.”</p><p>“But, I want to be with you,” he added softly. “I want to be close to you and make you feel good and take care of you.”</p><p>You didn’t think it was possible to love him anymore than you already did, but knowing that this was how he felt about intimacy, how meaningful it was to him, a whole new kind of love for him bloomed uncontrollably in your chest.</p><p>“I want to be with you too,” you said with a shy smile before leaning in to give him a slow, sweet kiss.</p><p>Without another word, he lifted you up off the counter and carried you to his bedroom where he then gently laid you down on his bed. Laying down beside you, he took your hand in his and asked if you were sure, saying with absolute sincerity that you didn’t have to do anything if you weren’t ready. You gave him a kiss, with it trying to convey all your appreciation for his thoughtfulness, told him you had never been more sure of anything, and then slowly slipped off your dress to reveal the black lace bra and panties.</p><p>The expression on his face as he took in the sight of your near-naked body had you blushing. He looked to be in complete awe of you, his eyes wide and mouth slightly agape, as his gaze lingered on the lace and what it barely covered. Still ever so slightly shy, and wanting to maintain just a bit of mystery, you decided to keep the lacy garments on. A minute or so later, after he finally seemed to remember how to speak, he said you were beautiful and perfect, the most stunning woman he’s ever seen in his entire life.</p><p>When he eventually moved to put his hands on your body, you scolded him and said he was still wearing entirely too many clothes to allow such behavior. The speed with which he got up and started undressing had you giggling, but you stopped immediately once his shirt and pants were off. You’d seen him in his boxers before, but never like this, never with him straining inside of them with unadulterated desire for you. The sight left you speechless and <em> aching </em>. You gave him the come hither sign and he obliged at once, climbing back onto the bed and settling down directly beside you, his body pressed against yours.</p><p>He proceeded to not simply touch your body, but to explore it, savoring every last inch of you. You shuddered as his fingertips brushed over the swell of your breasts and let out a small gasp when he dipped his fingers under the lace to caress them. As his hand then trailed lower, down past your navel, his eyes were locked on yours, watching for any signs of hesitation or discomfort. When he found none, and instead saw only desire, he leaned in to give you a deep kiss and then slowly slipped his hand beneath the lacy fabric.</p><p>He was gentle and teasing at first, but grew bolder with every soft moan that left your lips. Attuned to your body’s every response, he quickly learned what you liked most, what subtle changes had your breath hitching and your back arching off the bed. All at once, you realized that you hadn't even come close to imagining the amount of pleasure his long, dexterous fingers could give you; the things he was doing with them had you in pure ecstasy. </p><p>At first you were embarrassed at how loud you were being and tried to hold back, but after he said he loved hearing you make such pretty sounds you stopped trying to be quiet. If he wanted to hear how good he made you feel, you would let him hear. In the heat of the moment you also called him ‘baby’, the first time you’d ever referred to him by a pet name, and he told you at once how much he loved hearing that too.</p><p>When he wasn’t kissing you or softly sucking and biting at the sensitive skin of your neck, he was whispering into your ear, most of his words being surprisingly, but delightfully filthy: praise over just how much of a good girl you were being for him, an admission of how many times he’d imagined doing this to you, vivid descriptions of all the other things he wanted to do to make you feel good. Given his sweet, innocent nature, you hadn’t ever imagined him talking to you this way, but now that he was, you never wanted him to stop. </p><p>Being with him like this was overwhelming, but in the best sense of the word. He was such a generous and attentive partner, using every part himself to make you feel good, from the soft touch of his fingers to the sultry sound of his voice. Before long, he had you falling over the edge, a cry of his name leaving your lips as your body trembled and the pleasure washed over you. Afterwards, as you laid there panting, still slowly coming down from your high, he told you that you’d never looked more beautiful. All you could manage in response was to gaze at him in wonder and adoration, a bashful smile and light blush on your face.</p><p>After how good he’d just made you feel, you were determined to give him the same amount of pleasure. It had been a long time since you’d <em> been </em> with someone, the last time being with your boyfriend in college, so you were a bit nervous, but with Tae you felt comfortable and safe and knew it would be OK. Slowly, you ran your fingers down his chest and along the waistband of his boxers. You teased him like that for a few moments before finally nudging the fabric down, your entire body instantly flushing at the sight before you. </p><p>The low groan that escaped his lips when you first took him in your hand was by far the most erotic sound that had ever reached your ears. You were certain it would find its way into every single one of your fantasies from that point forward. The feel of him also shot a whole new wave of arousal through you as you thought back to some of the things he’d whispered in your ear and how much more enticing they now seemed. </p><p>You began slowly, teasingly, just like he had, but soon found yourself unable to hold back. He had just given you so much, literally worshiped your body; you wanted to give him everything in return, didn’t want to deny him a moment longer. As you continued, mutters of expletives, praise, and your name began falling from his lips, always in the same deep, breathless voice. Every word out of his mouth only made you all the more desperate to satisfy him, to make him feel as good as he made you feel.</p><p>Given how vocal he had been while he was in charge, you thought he might like it if you talked to him like that too. The way he bucked his hips as you told him the naughtier parts of your sexy strawberry farmer dream let you know he didn’t like it, he <em> loved </em> it. Mesmerized by the effect your words had on him, you began unraveling three years worth of unprofessional thoughts between hot, open-mouth kisses to his chest.</p><p>The sight of him laying there, head thrown back, eyes closed, lower lip bitten, that beautiful purple diamond glistening against his bare chest, was downright <em> sinful; </em> he truly looked like a piece of erotic art. When he came a short while later, and you felt him shaking with pleasure beneath you, heard him moaning your name, you were overcome with a rush of several emotions: desire, pride, but, most of all, bliss. Being with him like this was better than anything you’d ever imagined. You’d never felt closer to him, never loved him more.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Later on, after cleaning up, watching a movie, and polishing off the rest of the dark chocolate covered strawberries, you were on his bed cuddling, trying hard not to fall asleep and let the night end. You were in his arms laying with your head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat, while he gently ran his fingers through your hair. He had been softly singing to you for a while now, having serenaded you with ‘Scenery’, ‘Winter Bear’, and, of course, ‘Sweet Night’, when he suddenly stopped singing and grew quiet for a few moments.</p><p>“Jagi, can I tell you something?” he asked hesitantly.</p><p>“You can tell me anything, Tae,” you assured him as you lifted your head up to look at him.</p><p>He didn’t respond right away. He just sat there looking at you, his eyes searching yours as he seemed to be gathering the courage to say his next words.</p><p>“You are the first person I have ever been intimate with,” he then said quietly, almost ashamedly.</p><p>His admission was honestly not at all surprising. Tae had never been in a serious relationship before and was not someone you ever thought would have casual partners. He was rather traditional when it came to his values, family being of the utmost importance to him, and was, as he had once told you, a hopeless romantic. Knowing what intimacy meant to him, it made complete sense that he hadn’t been with anyone before. It broke your heart, though, that he seemed to think there was something wrong with that fact. </p><p>“That’s perfectly OK, Tae,” you told him gently.</p><p>“I’m really glad you chose me to share your first experience with,” you then said before giving him a kiss.</p><p>“I-I’ve always wanted it to be you,” he said shyly.</p><p>The weight of that statement enveloped you like a warm hug; he <em> waited </em> for you. He cared about you that much, thought you were that special, that he wanted his first time to be with you.</p><p>“Tae, that means more to me than I will ever be able to put into words,” you said sincerely before leaning in to capture his lips again, trying to express with the kiss what you couldn’t with words.</p><p>However, the warmth you felt a second ago immediately disappeared when you realized the next logical step in this conversation would be for you to share your past experiences. </p><p>“I’ve been intimate with one other person,” you said tentatively.</p><p>“And I’m not a virgin,” you then added quietly.</p><p>It’s not that you regretted having sex with your college boyfriend. You were with him for three years, and truly did love him at the time, but you now wished more than anything that you had waited. The love you felt for Tae was so much deeper and you couldn’t help but think that it would have been even more meaningful to share all your first experiences along with him. Upon realizing this, you found yourself getting ever so slightly choked up. </p><p>“Y/N, that’s perfectly OK, too,” he said tenderly, sensing you were a little upset. </p><p>“It will still be special when we do things for the first time together,” he then said as he leaned in and gave you the sweetest kiss.</p><p>If you were choked up before, you were on the verge of full on sobbing now, but for the best of reasons. He was just so wonderful, so kind and sweet and caring. You honestly couldn’t believe how lucky you were to be with him. </p><p>Once again, you found yourself on the verge of saying <em> those </em> three words, but before you could utter them, Tannie burst into the room, jumped onto the bed, and plopped down on Tae’s chest exactly where your head had just been.</p><p>“Ok he’s definitely jealous that I’m cuddling with you right now,” you said with a laugh.</p><p>“Tannie, you’re going to have to learn how to share,” Tae said scoldingly as he gave the pup a scratch behind the ears. “Y/N is going to be staying here with us from now on.”</p><p>With the amount of butterflies that started fluttering in your stomach, you were <em> shocked </em> that your body didn’t float up off of the bed.</p><p>“I am?” you asked shyly, unable to contain a giant grin from spreading across your face.</p><p>“Oh. Shit, I-I didn’t mean to assume. You obviously don’t have to if you don’t want to. I just...I’d really like you to. We could spend so much more time together if you’re staying here. I understand if you’re not ready for that, though. I’m so sorry for just saying that without talking to you first,” he rushed out, growing more and more adorably flustered by the second. </p><p>He was just about to start more of his precious ramblings when you brought your finger to his lips to shush him. </p><p>“I would love to stay here with you,” you said softly, watching in delight as his lips turned up into a smile beneath your fingertip as you spoke.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I always love feedback, but I would especially love to hear from you all after this chapter :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. Domestic Bliss</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After snuggling in bed all morning the night after your dinner date, you finally convinced Tae that, if he actually wanted you to stay with him, he had to first physically let go of you so you could return to your apartment and get your stuff. Begrudgingly he obliged, saying with an adorable pout that he would miss you the whole time you were gone. Several kisses and ‘wait, five more minutes’ later, you extracted yourself from his embrace, got dressed, and headed out to go back to your apartment. </p><p>Once you got there, and began packing things into a suitcase, you started trying to wrap your head around everything that had happened in the last 24 hours. All of the developments were profoundly positive, but it had still been a whirlwind to say the least. In some ways, it seemed like things were happening so fast, maybe even a bit too fast. You wondered what your sisters were going to say when you told them you weren’t just dating Tae, but staying with him in his apartment now too. They would probably freak out which you supposed would be a normal reaction given that you and him had only been together for a little over a month.</p><p>Still, you kept reminding yourself that, even though you two had only recently shared your feelings with each other, those feelings hadn’t just materialized overnight. They had been slowly growing over the course of several years, as had your relationship. Physical intimacy was obviously a new aspect of that relationship, but emotional intimacy wasn’t. The truth was you and Tae had been closer than mere friends for years, showing your affection for one another in a million little ways, the sum of which had, until recently, gone largely unnoticed. It was almost comical how obvious everything now seemed, but the two of you could laugh about it together knowing it had all worked out in the end.</p><p>When you returned to his apartment with your suitcase later that night, you discovered he had already made space for you in his massive closet, emptied a drawer in the en-suite master bathroom, and cleared off the bedside table on the side of the bed he knew you liked. He had also ordered groceries and specifically bought coffee grinds for the coffee maker he had clearly unearthed from somewhere in storage and set on the kitchen counter. As he made dinner for you for the second night in a row, you unpacked your belongings, officially establishing your new semi-permanent residency.</p><p>In addition to your clothes, you had also brought with you the ‘I’m Sorry’ Tata Tae had given you as part of your surprise birthday present, stating that he had separation anxiety and wouldn’t want to be left alone in your apartment. Tae’s smile when you pulled him out of your bag was absolutely adorable, all big and boxy, his eyes turning into crescent moons. You put the Tata on the couch in the living room, however, the next morning when you woke up you found him in Tannie’s bed. You chose to take that as a peace offering from the little rascal, a sign that he had finally accepted you into his pack. That morning over breakfast, you and Tae decided that the Tata’s official name would be Tannie Jr., Tanju for short.</p><p>It took surprisingly little time for you to feel comfortable with your new living situation, one of the biggest developments being that you no longer felt nervous and anxious every time you came and went from the apartment. After a day or so of walking on eggshells anytime you were in the parking garage or the lobby or the elevator, you realized that no one you encountered really paid you any mind. Tae’s building contained less than 20 units total and all of them were occupied by other rich and famous people. Knowing the true value of privacy, they did not seem to concern themselves with the comings and goings of others. People were certainly friendly, giving a smile or saying ‘good morning’ or engaging in light chit chat about the weather, but you never got the sense they were trying to figure out who you were or why you were there which you greatly appreciated. </p><p>Inside the apartment you two fell into a routine almost instantly. Every day when you came back from work it was like a switch had been flipped and, as soon as the door was closed and the outside world was shut out, you went into full couple-mode. You cooked dinner together which always seemed to involve making a mess and howling with laughter. Afterwards, you would snuggle together on the couch watching TV or just cuddle in bed talking about anything and everything for hours at a time. </p><p>You always went to bed at the same time, the feeling of Tae wrapping his arms around you never ceasing to bring about the tiniest flutter in your chest. A morning person through and through, you always woke up before him, but you didn’t mind that one bit. Waking up to his adorable, sleepy face, his mouth usually hanging slightly open in the cutest of ways, was by far the best part of your day.  </p><p><em> Physically </em> speaking, things were great, fantastic even. Part of you had wondered if the spark you felt with him the night of your dinner date was only there because it was your first time together. However, you quickly realized that was not at all the case. The chemistry between the two of you was undeniable; you simply could not keep your hands off of one another.</p><p>Tae was usually the one to initiate things, casually escalating your innocent kissing to heated makeout sessions which eventually featured his wandering hands, but he always asked if you were OK with things. He also always made it clear he didn’t expect anything in return, stating with utter sincerity that he just liked making you feel good. Your desire for him was as insatiable as his was for you, though, and regardless of who started things, you both always finished them. The two of you fooled around literally every night and oftentimes in the morning too which felt ever so slightly more scandalous knowing you were about to head into work. </p><p>You hadn’t gone much further than you did that first night, though, that next day you <em> had </em> nixed the bra, the only downside being that Tae was far less vocal with his mouth now otherwise occupied. The desire to do more was absolutely there, and was definitely mutual, but you agreed to wait and continue to savor the current moment. You were both more than satisfied with the way things were and felt no need to rush; you had all the time in the world to enjoy each other. Besides, the anticipation of taking that next step was pleasurable in and of itself; Tae not-so-subtly teasing you with slightly obscene tongue gestures got you going like nothing else.</p><p>You hesitated to say you had officially <em> moved in</em>, you obviously still had your apartment, the lease for which wouldn’t be up for almost another year, but you <em> were </em> clearly living there. Given that the two of you would be leaving soon for a month-long trip to America, these first couple weeks with him felt a bit like a trial run. So far everything had been perfect. You had truly never been happier in your entire life. You hoped more than anything that he felt the same and that, when you got back from your trip, he would ask you to stay for good. </p><p>~~~</p><p>That Friday you were in the studio packing up your bag and about to head out for the day when you got a text message which had you smiling down at your phone like an idiot.</p><p>[Taehyung 4:55 PM]<br/>Hey rehearsal is taking forever so I won’t be leaving here for a while. I’ll see you at home later, OK? Text me if you have any trouble getting in. The key I gave you sometimes gets stuck, but just wiggle it around a bit and it will work.</p><p>
  <em> Home </em>
</p><p>He called it home, not his apartment, but <em> home</em>, the implication being that it was as much your home as it was his. As you reread his text over and over and over again, you thought for sure you would die of happiness right then and there.</p><p>The truth was his apartment <em> did </em> feel like home. You had been staying there for less than a week, but it already felt more like home than your own apartment had ever felt at any point during the last three years. This was partly because Tae himself felt like home to you, but also because had gone out of his way to make sure you felt welcomed and comfortable there which you appreciated so much. </p><p>After rereading his text message for the hundredth time as you climbed into your car, you decided you wanted to do something special for him as a thank you for all that he had done for you recently. When your stomach started to grumble on the drive home, you knew instantly what you wanted to do. Stopping at the nearest grocery store, you quickly googled an online recipe for a certain special meal, bought the ingredients, and then headed back <em> home</em>.</p><p>Not knowing when exactly Tae would be home, you wanted to get started on dinner as soon as possible. Before you did anything, though, you absolutely <em> needed </em> to get out of the dark wash, skin-tight jeans you may or may not have purposefully worn today just to tease him. Walking into the bedroom, you suddenly remembered that most of your clothes were currently in the laundry, but a brilliant idea then popped into your head. After rummaging through Tae’s drawer for a minute, you finally found what you were looking for: his plaid Burberry pajamas. You slipped them on, noting that they were just as ridiculously soft now as they were the first time you wore them, and then headed into the kitchen to get cooking.  </p><p>It took you a little while to find all the pots and pans and things you needed, but before long you were humming along. You got the veggies sliced and started cooking and began boiling the water for the glass noodles. While you were cutting up the beef into thin strips, Tannie came bounding over from his bed where he had been lazily lounging since you walked in. He was jumping up and down at your feet, his little paws gently scratching at you through the fabric of the pajama pants. Once you finished the cutting, and placed the meat in the skillet, you finally gave him the attention he was clearly craving.</p><p>“Tannie, are you going to be my sous chef?” you cooed, bending down to pet him.</p><p>He yipped at you in response which you took as a resounding ‘Yes’. </p><p>A half hour later everything was simmering together in the giant wok you found in the kitchen closet. You had just added in the marinade and were pleasantly surprised to find that the concoction in front of you was beginning to look and smell like it was supposed to. Scooping a bit into a bowl and tentatively taking a tiny bite, you squealed with delight when you discovered it tasted exactly like it had the last time you’d ordered it at a restaurant. </p><p>“We did good,” you said to Tannie, the pup having begun to run circles at your feet when you got excited. </p><p>“We made Daddy a tasty dinner because we love him, don’t we?” you then asked, reaching down to scratch him behind the ears.</p><p>Not two seconds later you heard the door to the apartment opening and you immediately scolded yourself for speaking your previous words out loud. You wanted Tae to know you loved him, but you certainly didn’t want him to find out by overhearing you talking to Tannie like a weirdo. Over the last couple days you had actually come up with a plan to tell him in a romantic way while you were in LA as part of your trip to America. You were still a little nervous to say it out loud, but mostly you were excited, so much so that you were finding it harder and harder to not simply blurt it out everytime he did or said something sweet.</p><p>“Jagi!” Tae called from the entryway. “I’m home!”</p><p>Hearing him say those words all excitedly like that had your heart fluttering with domestic bliss. </p><p>He burst into the kitchen a moment later, but stopped dead in his tracks when he saw you standing at the stove. Walking over to you, he looked down at the wok and then back up at you, the most adorable look on his face.</p><p>“Jagi, you made <em> japchae</em>?” he asked in astonishment.</p><p>You nodded your head in reply. </p><p>“For me?” he then added, pointing to himself as he spoke.</p><p>“Of course I made it for <em> you</em>,” you said with a shy smile. </p><p>“I hope it tastes OK,” you went on. “I’m not the best cook, but the recipe seemed easy enou-”</p><p>He cut you off with a kiss so forceful it almost knocked you off your feet, but he had thankfully also snuck his arms around your waist which kept you from toppling over. </p><p>“I must be dreaming,” he said after he broke the kiss and leaned his forehead against yours.</p><p>“I come home after a long day at work and you’re here making my favorite dinner while looking all cozy and cute in my pajamas,” he went on softly.</p><p>“No, no, no. I’m not cute,” you said bashfully. “I’m a mess right now.”</p><p>“I think I have soy sauce in my hair,” you added with a laugh.</p><p>“You look amazing, Jagi,” he said sincerely as he leaned in to give you another kiss.</p><p>“So does this,” he then continued, nodding his head towards the stove, a massive grin on his face. “I can’t wait to eat it.”</p><p>“But, I hope you know you don’t <em> have </em> to cook for me,” he went on, now sounding a bit more serious. “If anything, I should be the one cooking for you.”</p><p>You pulled your head back and furrowed your brow at him.</p><p>“I know I don’t have to,” you said earnestly. “I just want to.”</p><p>“You always take such good care of me, Tae,” you continued. “I want to take care of you too.”</p><p>The expression on his face as he gazed at you was so adoring and reverent, so <em> soft</em>. You literally felt yourself melting into a pile of happy mush beneath it. </p><p>“Thank you, Jagi,” he said affectionately as he brought his hands up to cup your cheeks. “I can’t believe how lucky I am to call you mine.”</p><p>He leaned in then for the sweetest of kisses, one that was unhurried and lingering, like he was trying to commit to memory the exact feeling of your lips on his. As much as you loved the deeper, more passionate and desperate kisses you often shared, ones like this would always be your favorite. When he kissed you like this, slowly and tenderly, like nothing else in the world mattered, you felt more sure than ever of a truth that had once only existed in your wildest dreams. </p><p>
  <em> He loved you </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>As always, I love to hear your thoughts and predictions!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. Academy Award</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I am so sorry.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The following Sunday you woke to an empty bed. It was a strange feeling since you had always woken up first and found yourself wrapped in Tae’s warm embrace. After rolling over to look at the clock, though, you realized the likely reason: it was almost 11:00 AM. You’re honestly not sure if you’ve ever slept this late. Then again, you’ve never stayed up until 2:00 AM canoodling with a man who had apparently made it his new mission in life to bring you as much sexual pleasure as physically possible. The fact that you legitimately couldn’t recall how many times Tae made you come last night had you blushing; his appetite for hearing you moan his name was <em> insatiable</em>. </p><p>Thinking you could perhaps repay him this morning for all that he gave you last night, you decided to surprise him by greeting him in nothing more than his favorite white ‘Celine’ shirt which happened to be laying on the floor. After slipping out of your tank top and shorts and putting his shirt on, you tip-toed across the bedroom, gently pushed open the door and began silently creeping through the living room. You made your way down the hallway towards the kitchen where you heard him puttering around, and were about to turn the corner to reveal yourself, when you suddenly realized he was talking to someone on the phone. Not wanting to eavesdrop, you quickly turned around to head back to bed, but immediately froze when you heard what came out of his mouth next.</p><p>
  <em> “She is not my girlfriend."</em>
</p><p>His words hit you like a slap in the face.</p><p>He had never specifically called you his girlfriend, but he called you Jagi. He called you <em> his</em>. He asked you to live with him. You were together. You were a couple. </p><p>Someone must <em> know</em>, or at least be suspicious, and he must be trying to convince them that nothing was happening between you two. He was just trying to protect you and your relationship. That was the only explanation for why he would say such a thing.</p><p>
  <em> “Honestly, I’m offended that you would even ask me that.” </em>
</p><p>That blow hurt even more than the first, but you forced yourself to remain calm. He probably meant he was offended to have been accused of doing something against the rules, something risky which could cause a scandal for BTS and Big Hit. Obviously, he <em> had </em> broken the rules and taken a risk by being with you, but he hadn’t done so lightly or thoughtlessly like whoever was on the phone might have implied. He had done it because he cared about you and legitimately wanted to be with you.</p><p>
  <em> “I would be embarrassed to call her my girlfriend.” </em>
</p><p>Upon hearing <em> those </em> words, though, you physically recoiled; no amount of reasoning could soften that blow. Even if he was just trying to convince someone he wasn’t seeing you, there was absolutely no good reason for him to have made that up as part of his defense.</p><p>Unless he wasn’t lying.</p><p>Suddenly, all the little doubts and worries that had threatened to invade your mind that day at the photoshoot were back and running rampant, but you used every single ounce of your willpower to keep them at bay.</p><p>If he truly thought so little of you, was so ashamed to be associated with you, why had he made you such a big part of his life? Why was he so affectionate and protective and generous? Why did he go out of his way to take care of you and make you happy? Why had he brought you into his home? Why had he done and said so many things that made it seem like he loved you?</p><p>It just didn’t make sense.</p><p>What he had said was crushing, literally your worst fear being realized, but you were still holding onto a tiny flicker of hope that he didn’t mean it or that it was a misunderstanding or that there was some other logical explanation.</p><p>But then he spoke again.</p><p>
  <em> “I put up with her because there is something that I want from her...” </em>
</p><p>An entire eternity came and went as you waited, in stunned disbelief and complete horror, for him to finish that sentence.</p><p>
  <em> “...and I will do and say whatever I need to in order to get it.” </em>
</p><p>You stood there motionless, absolutely paralyzed by the crushing weight of the devastation that was welling up inside you. This was why he didn’t want anyone to know what was happening between you two, why it was so easy for him to say that he wasn’t seeing someone, why he had pushed your relationship forward so quickly, why everything honestly just seemed too good to be true.</p><p>He was playing you.</p><p>He was <em> using </em> you.</p><p>And, there was no question in your mind as to what it was that he wanted. </p><p>You’d given it to him just last night.</p><p>Never in a million years would you have believed that he would do something like this, that he would even be <em> capable </em> of doing something like this, but you had heard him admit to it with your own ears. What hurt the most was realizing how long he must have been planning this. He had spent months, no years, gradually, almost imperceptibly reeling you in. Surely he knew all along how you felt about him and had just been waiting for you to finally let your guard down enough to let yourself believe he felt the same.</p><p>And, you did. Up until a minute ago you believed with all of your heart that Kim Taehyung truly loved you.</p><p>But he didn’t.</p><p>You felt your world collapsing around you and it took every bit of strength you had left not to physically collapse along with it right there in the hallway. Silently, you crept back to his bedroom, closing the door behind you without making a sound. As you stood there looking at the rumpled blankets on his bed, you recalled with disgust everything that had happened in it, the intimate ways you had let him touch you. </p><p>You realized at once that you were going to be sick. Rushing to the ensuite bathroom, you soon found yourself dry-heaving over the toilet. Nothing was coming out, yet your body kept trying to empty itself, rid itself of <em> him</em>. You suddenly felt dirty, absolutely <em> filthy</em>. Every single part of your body that he had touched felt contaminated. You needed to cleanse yourself. You needed to remove all traces of him, scrub off every single one of his kisses and caresses. </p><p>Struggling to your feet, you went to the shower and turned it on. You made the water uncomfortably hot, almost scalding, ripped off his shirt and threw it onto the floor, and then got in. It hurt, the heat was practically searing your skin, but the pain paled in comparison to the ache in your chest. Suddenly exhausted, you sat on the floor, curled up into a ball, and silently sobbed.</p><p>You don’t know how long you were in there like that. The concept of time became irrelevant when your sense of reality had been completely shattered. You honestly might have stayed in there all day, Tae’s words stuck on an endless, heart wrenching loop in your head, but the sound of the bathroom door opening pulled you from your thoughts. </p><p>“Jagi, do you want me to make you breakfast?” you heard him ask from the door, his voice sickly sweet.</p><p>
  <em> Jagi </em>
</p><p>Hearing him say that one word, knowing it was utterly meaningless other than to propagate his lie, was infinitely more painful than hearing all the other heartbreaking words he’d said combined. </p><p>“Jagi?” he called again when you didn’t respond.</p><p>You had to say something. If he said that word one more time you were going to shatter into a million pieces. </p><p>“I’m not hungry,” you called back, the shakiness in your voice masked by the sound of the pouring water.</p><p>You took a deep breath and tried to calm your heart and steady your breath. If you wanted to keep the last shred of your dignity intact, you couldn’t let him know you had heard him, couldn’t let him know how absolutely devastated you were right now. You just needed to keep it together long enough to get out of the apartment. Only once you had gotten away from him could you start trying to put the pieces of your life back together.</p><p>“I actually don’t feel well,” you then said, hoping that sounded believable.</p><p>“What’s wrong?” he asked, sounding all concerned like he actually cared.</p><p>“I don’t know,” you replied. “I just feel sick.”</p><p>“Look, I’ll be out in a minute, OK?” you added before he could say anything back. “We can talk then.”</p><p>“Ok,” he said hesitantly. “I’ll be out in the living room.”</p><p>Once you heard him close the bathroom door, you waited another minute and then finally turned off the water. You stepped out of the shower, dried off, and then went back into his bedroom. Still in a daze, you hastily got dressed and then stuffed your toiletries and whatever else you could easily find in his room into your day bag, not even bothering to take anything that was in the closet. After slipping on a facemask, you stepped out of the bedroom to find him waiting for you on the couch. He looked genuinely worried, but you forced yourself to remember that it was just an act.</p><p>“I-I’m going to go stay at my apartment,” you said, trying desperately to keep your voice from breaking.</p><p>He immediately stood up when you said that, now looking completely distraught.</p><p>“What?! Jagi, no. You can’t leave,” he said in alarm. “You need to stay here where I can take care of you.”</p><p>“I don’t want to get you sick,” you replied cautiously. “We leave for America in three days. If you got sick now it would be a disaster.”</p><p>“Whatever you have I probably already have it,” he argued, running his hand through his hair as he spoke. “I mean we...we spent all night together.”</p><p>You flinched at his words; the last thing you wanted was to be reminded of what you two had done last night.</p><p>“We don’t know that for sure,” you said evenly. “And you owe it to the guys not to take the risk.”</p><p>You could sense his resolve starting to falter ever so slightly when you said that. The fact of the matter was that it <em> would </em> be a disaster if he or any of the other guys got sick now. Getting sick or injured before concerts or shows was always one of their biggest concerns. Given that they were preparing for not just one event, but a whole month-long string of events, that concern was infinitely greater. </p><p>“I’ll just stay there for a day or so and sleep it off,” you continued. “I’m sure I’ll be fine after that.”</p><p>“Jagi,” he said, sounding so conflicted. “I don’t like the idea of you being alone when you’re sick.”</p><p>“Are you <em> sure </em> you don’t want to stay here?” he then asked pleadingly. “What if you sleep in our bedroom and I sleep in one of the guest bedrooms?”</p><p>Upon hearing him refer to it as ‘our bedroom’, you actually felt your heart ripping in half. There was truly no limit to his cruelty.</p><p>“No,” you said, your voice catching just a bit. “I want to go <em> home</em>.”</p><p>He did not miss you referring to your apartment as home and you did not miss the hurt that then flashed across his face.</p><p>“OK,” he finally said dejectedly as he started walking towards you. “I’ll walk you out.”</p><p>“Stay back,” you almost shouted as you put your hands up defensively, horrified at the idea of him being near you, let alone touching you. </p><p>Your reaction had clearly wounded him; the flash of hurt from a second ago was now an obvious pain etched deeply on his face.</p><p>“Jagi, is something else wrong?” he asked, his voice trembling. “Did I do something to upset you?”</p><p>Him having the audacity to ask you those questions, knowing full-well the terrible things he had said about you and admitted to less than an hour ago, literally made your stomach churn. He was, without a doubt, a truly incredible actor. He deserved a fucking Academy Award for this performance. </p><p>“No,” you lied. “I’m just tired and stressed.”</p><p>“But, why...why does it seem like you’re <em> afraid </em> of me,” he questioned, now looking to be on the verge of tears. </p><p>You <em> were </em> afraid of him, afraid of just how much more damage he could cause to your already bruised and bleeding heart. You had to get out of there. Every single second you spent with him made the pain in your chest exponentially worse.</p><p>“Baby, I’m just afraid of getting you sick,” you said in the sweetest, tenderest voice you could muster. “I would feel terrible if I got you sick right before the trip.”</p><p>It almost killed you to call him that, to speak to him so lovingly, but it was worth it because he finally seemed to buy your lie.</p><p>“OK,” he said quietly, looking down at the floor as he spoke.</p><p>For a moment you just stood there staring at him. He looked so miserable, so broken, and you instinctively felt the urge to go and comfort him. You almost did too, almost walked over and wrapped him in your arms, but then you remembered that the sight before you wasn't real, nothing he had ever said or done had been real, and your heart instantly hardened again. </p><p>“I’m going to go now” you said as you picked up your bag and started down the hallway. “I’ll talk to you later.”</p><p>“Bye, Jagi,” you heard him call out softly behind you. “I hope you feel better.”</p><p>You didn’t respond or even acknowledge him, you just kept walking towards the door, hoping and praying he wasn’t going to follow you. You got there, and were just about to leave, literally had your hand on the doorknob, when you heard the unmistakable sound of little paws clicking on hardwood. Turning around, you found <em> Tannie </em> had followed you to the door and was now looking up at you excitedly. </p><p>You had done so well, had held it together and been so strong, but for some reason looking down at his little adorably angry face was what finally broke the dam. </p><p>“Bye Tannie,” you whispered, choking back a sob as you reached down and gave him, for probably the last time, a gentle scratch behind the ears. “Take care of Tanju for me.”</p><p>You then placed the apartment key on the entryway table, opened the door, and walked out of Kim Taehyung’s apartment and his life.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please forgive me.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0033"><h2>33. Lost And Found</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After leaving Tae’s, you drove straight to your older sister Jia’s apartment, not even bothering to text or call her ahead of time. She lived in Gangneung, a city on the coast about two and half hours east of Seoul. When she opened the door to find you standing on her front step, tears streaming down your face, she didn’t even bat an eye. She just stepped forward, wrapped you in a hug, and told you ‘It’s going to be OK’. </p><p>Your first instinct had been to drive home to Busan, but at the last second you decided against it. If you showed up there randomly after having visited just two weeks ago, your Dad would have immediately known something was up. As much as you loved him, and as close as the two of you were, you weren’t sure you were ready to explain everything to him. </p><p>You had never specifically talked to your dad about your feelings for Tae, but you got the sense he might already know there was something going on between you two. The first time you visited him after coming home from your last trip to America, he had asked if you ever found out who sent you those dark chocolate-covered strawberries on Valentine’s Day. At first you deflected the question, and pretended like you had no idea, but eventually you told him that you thought it might have been Tae. You tried not to seem too hopeful or excited when you said it, but the knowing look your dad gave you made it pretty clear he saw right through your nonchalance. He didn’t call you out, though, he just smiled and said, ‘Whoever it was must care a lot about you’.</p><p>The memory of those dark chocolate-covered strawberries, and the ones Tae made himself just last weekend, were two in an infinite list of memories that began weighing heavily on your mind as you drove east: the song, him protecting you from Hyun, your night in the studio, the music box, him sticking up for you to Mrs. Choi, that evening on the beach, how respectful and generous he was when you were intimate, him giving you the bed the night of The Grammys, the Tatas, all the tender kisses he’d given you over the last month. </p><p>The more you thought about everything, the more unlikely it seemed that the kind, sweet man you had come to know and trust and love over the last three years was the fake Kim Taehyung and that the selfish, cruel one you thought you heard in the kitchen this morning was the real one. Things just didn’t add up, but the panic-stricken version of yourself from earlier in the day unfortunately hadn’t been able to see that.</p><p>About halfway through the drive you had a revelation so horrifying that you had to pull over to let yourself fully comprehend it:</p><p>
  <em> What if he was talking about someone else? </em>
</p><p>A half hour later, just as you were about to get off at your sister’s exit, another alarming thought entered your mind: </p><p>
  <em> I doubted him like this once before and was completely wrong </em>
</p><p>When you pulled into your sister’s driveway, and took out your phone to check the messages you had received while you were driving, your regret and guilt only grew.</p><p>[Taehyung 1:34 PM]<br/>Jagi, can I please come pick you up and take you home?</p><p>[Taehyung 1:36 PM]<br/>I never should have let you leave. If you’re sick I need to take care of you. I need to make you tea and feed you soup and bring you extra blankets and give you medicine so you can get better soon.</p><p>[Taehyung 1:40 PM]<br/>I know you’re worried about getting me sick, and I appreciate so much that you are so thoughtful and so selfless, but taking care of you and making sure you’re healthy and safe and happy is my priority.</p><p>[Taehyung 1:45 PM]<br/>I don’t want you to ever think that my job with BTS is more important than you. You will always come first, Jagi. </p><p>[Taehyung 2:03 PM]<br/>I realize you’re probably asleep right now, but please call me when you wake up so I can come get you.</p><p>As you sat there, reading and rereading his loving messages, you felt an awful, terrible sinking feeling in your stomach. What if you had gotten it wrong? What if he truly was talking about someone else and it was all just a big misunderstanding? </p><p>As soon as you got inside you spilled the whole story to Jia, right up to and including the awful events from earlier that day. When she, the same woman who had once called Tae ‘The biggest fucking idiot to walk the Earth’, said that you might have overreacted and jumped to conclusions, you knew you had just made the biggest mistake of your life. </p><p>You felt your heart shattering into a million pieces for the second time today, but this time the pain was infinitely worse. You had to tell him, had to come clean, but you didn't know what to say. You didn’t know how to even begin to apologize for the awful things you’d let yourself believe about him, for how terribly you’d treated him that morning. </p><p>Jia encouraged you to call him and just try to explain everything, but you honestly didn’t know if you could get the words out. This felt like a conversation you should have in person, but you were unfortunately now hours away from him. You knew you couldn’t ignore him forever, though, so you finally called him to at least apologize for lying and leaving.</p><p>“Hi, Jagi,” he said after answering right away.</p><p>“Hi, Tae,” you said, your voice immediately breaking when you said his name.</p><p>“Jagi, why are you crying?” he said in alarm. “Do you feel that sick?”</p><p>You took a couple deep breaths before you finally felt calm enough to speak.</p><p>“I-I’m not sick,” you replied shamefully. “I lied and said I was, but I’m not.”</p><p>“You were right. I was upset about something,” you said shakily. “But I was wrong about it and made a big mistake.”</p><p>“I just wanted to say I’m sorry for lying and leaving,” you said through a sob. “I’m so sorry for everything.”</p><p>“Jagi, it’s OK,” he said soothingly. “Whatever it is we can talk about it.”</p><p>“I don’t think I can talk about it now,” you said honestly as the shame continued to build inside you.</p><p>“I’ll come home tomorrow and we can talk then,” you added with a sniffle.</p><p>“I just needed you to know I’m so sorry and I appreciate everything you do for me,” you then added as more tears poured down your face. “You’re so good to me and I don’t deserve you.”</p><p>“Don’t say that, Jagi,” he said, sounding genuinely hurt that you would even say such a thing. </p><p>“Please let me come take you home now,” he then pleaded. “I hate that you’re so upset and I’m not with you.”</p><p>“I just...I can’t come home yet,” you said, feeling guiltier by the second with how kind and understanding he was being. </p><p>Every sweet, gentle word he said now only made it all the more obvious just how ridiculous it had been for you to think those terrible things about him. Overcome with a new wave of shame and regret, you began to cry even harder. </p><p>“I-I have to go now,” you said almost incoherently. “I promise we’ll talk tomorrow.”</p><p>“I’m sorry again, Tae,” you finally said before ending the call.</p><p>At that you turned off your phone, went into the guest bedroom, and cried yourself to sleep wondering how you were ever going to gather up the courage to go home and tell him the truth.</p><p>~~~</p><p>You woke sometime later to the sound of a soft knock on the bedroom door. Glancing at your phone on the nightstand, you saw it was almost 7:00 PM and realized you had been asleep for over three hours. Given the exhausting day you’d had, it honestly wasn’t all that surprising you’d slept so long. </p><p>“Come in,” you mumbled from beneath the blankets after you heard another knock.</p><p>“Someone is here to see you,” Jia said quietly. </p><p>Thinking there was only one person who she could possibly be referring to, you waited to hear the voice of your younger sister, Nari, but it surprisingly never came. </p><p>“Hi Jagi,” a familiar deep voice called out instead. </p><p>Your heart momentarily stopped. </p><p>“Tae?” you replied shakily as you lifted your head up to look at him, unwilling to let yourself believe he was actually there unless you saw him with your own two eyes. </p><p>“It’s me,” he said softly as he came and sat down on the edge of the bed.</p><p>It <em> was </em> him. He was really there. You were lost, but he had come and found you. You had no idea how, but you didn’t care. You were so happy and relieved to see him that tears welled up in your eyes.</p><p>“Can I lay down with you?” he asked gently.</p><p>“Of course,” you replied, hating that he felt like he had to ask because of how you had treated him this morning, how you had pushed him away.</p><p>He took off his jacket, lifted up the covers, and laid down next to you so he was facing you. He kept a bit of space between you two, but he reached out and took your hand. After bringing it to his lips and giving it a gentle kiss, he laid it back down on the bed. For a few minutes he didn’t say anything, he just rubbed your thumb with his and stared into your eyes longingly. </p><p>“Did you hear me talking on the phone this morning?” he asked quietly.</p><p>You nodded and there was another silence before he spoke again. </p><p>“Did you think I was talking about you?” he then asked in a softer, almost fearful voice. </p><p>You nodded your head again as a few tears finally escaped.</p><p>“Oh, Jagi,” he whispered as he squeezed your hand, the pain in his voice unmistakable. “I’m so sorry.”</p><p>“I was talking about <em> Jisoo, </em>” he admitted sorrowfully. “Jungkook called and asked if she was the woman I have been secretly dating.”</p><p>“I guess he has seen me talking to her recently around Big Hit which is why he thought she might be my new girlfriend,” he then added.</p><p>You did not realize Tae had been talking to Jisoo again and the confusion must have shown on your face because he immediately continued.</p><p>“I want to re-record ‘Sweet Night’ with someone else on backing vocals,” he explained. “I wrote that song for you and it just feels all wrong having her on it after everything she did and how awful she’s always been to you.”</p><p>“But, because she unfortunately <em> did </em> get credited, I need her permission to change it,” he went on frustratedly. “So I have been sucking up to her and jumping through all her hoops to get her to agree.”</p><p>“I didn’t say anything about it because I wanted it to be a surprise,” he then said. “You’ve never asked to listen to the actual song and I couldn’t help but wonder if it was because she is on it.”</p><p>He was right. You loved when he sang ‘Sweet Night’ for you, but you purposefully had never asked to hear the actual recorded version. Obviously, you would have listened to it once it was released, but you knew it would always be somewhat tainted because Jisoo was on it and therefore weren’t all that excited to hear it.</p><p>“Everything makes so much sense now,” you said quietly as a wave of embarrassment washed over you. </p><p>Someone asking about Jisoo was completely logical given how much time they had spent together and how hard she pushed their public image when they first recorded the song. You honestly could not believe that you hadn’t immediately thought of her as the person he was likely talking about.</p><p>“Jagi, I know what I said must have been really hurtful at the time, but why didn’t you just talk to me?” he asked a few moments later.</p><p>“I-I don’t know,” you replied, reaching up to wipe away a few more tears that had trickled out. “I just panicked.”</p><p>“I was just so overwhelmed it was hard to think straight,” you then admitted with a sniffle.</p><p>He was quiet then for a couple minutes and you could tell that he was thinking deeply about something. By the time he spoke again, he wore an extremely pained expression that made your heart absolutely ache. </p><p>“When I said I wanted something, and you thought I was talking about you, did you think…,” he started before his voice broke and he had to take a moment to collect himself. “Did you think I only wanted you for your body?”</p><p>You didn’t respond, but from the look on your face he must have known he guessed correctly. Upon realizing this, upon realizing you legitimately thought he was just using you for sexual pleasure, the first few tears began rolling down his face.</p><p>“Jagi, it breaks my heart that you thought I would do that to you,” he said in the saddest, smallest voice you’ve ever heard. “That I would disrespect you and hurt you like that.” </p><p>“I’m so sorry,” you whispered as tears started pouring down your cheeks.  </p><p>As you looked at him, and saw his beautiful features twisted into an expression of such agony, an overwhelming amount of shame and regret crashed down upon you. All you could think was that he’s never going to want to be with you now. Not after this. Not when he sees that you’re more trouble than you’re worth. He was nothing but wonderful to you, literally gave you everything, and you repaid him by jumping to conclusions and assuming the absolute worst of him. </p><p>“I’m sorry for everything,” you said before a great heaving sob finally left you.</p><p>Unable to face him any longer, unable to continue staring at the wreckage that you caused, you flipped over and turned away from him. You were sure that any second now he was going to get up and leave. He was going to tell you he wanted you out of his life for good and you wouldn’t even blame him for it. All of this was your fault. You ruined it. You had everything you ever wanted, but you ruined it with your insecurity. </p><p>You realized at once that the pain you felt this morning when your own heart was broken was nothing in comparison to the pain of knowing you had broken the heart of the person you loved most. Doubting him like this, and letting yourself believe he could be so cruel, was by far the worst thing you’d ever done in your entire life and you honestly didn’t know how you were ever going to recover from it. </p><p>You suddenly felt like you couldn’t breathe, like the room was spinning and you were falling and you couldn’t breathe, but then Tae’s arms were wrapping around you and pulling you close. Back in his warm embrace, where you had come to feel so safe and secure, you finally started to calm down. The weight on your chest lifted and you began breathing, slow, deep, steady breaths. </p><p>You were OK. He wasn't leaving. He hadn't given up on you.</p><p>“Jagi, it’s OK,” he said gently as he hugged you tighter. “I know you were just hurt and scared.”</p><p>“It was my fault to begin with,” he added guiltily. “I should have realized how that would have sounded to you and been more careful.”</p><p>“I’m sorry that this is all so hard,” he then said after a minute. “Having a secret relationship, all the hiding and the lying. I know it makes it so much harder to trust and feel OK about everything.”</p><p>“I know we can do it, though,” he went on hopefully. “We just need to always be honest with each other.”</p><p>“No more secrets, OK?” he added finally.</p><p>“No more secrets,” you repeated as you snuggled deeper into his embrace.</p><p>The two of you laid there like that for a while, both emotionally and physically exhausted after the incredibly trying day you’d had. After a bit Tae began humming softly in your ear, knowing it always helped calm you down, but eventually he stopped. You thought perhaps he might have fallen asleep, but then he stirred and broke the silence.</p><p>“I love you,” he said quietly as he pressed a gentle kiss to your shoulder.</p><p>
  <em> I love you </em>
</p><p>Of all the ways you imagined him saying those three words to you for the first time, you’d never imagined it would happen like this. You thought he would say it during a moment that was perfect and idyllic, not after this whole mess where you had made a huge mistake and deeply hurt him. You realized, though, that him choosing to say them now was so much more romantic and meaningful than what you had imagined. He was telling you that he loved you even at your worst, insecurities and imperfections and all.</p><p>You turned in his arms to face him and found him looking at you with a hesitant smile.</p><p>“I love you, too,” you told him before gently kissing the tip of his nose.</p><p>“I have loved you for three years,” you then admitted shyly.</p><p>“What a coincidence,” he said as his little smile grew into a big grin. “<em>I </em> have loved <em> you </em> for three years.”</p><p>When he kissed you then, slowly and tenderly, like he had done so many times before, you found yourself in a state of utter bliss knowing with absolute certainty what he was telling you every time his lips brushed yours.</p><p>
  <em> I love you. I love you. I love you. </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0034"><h2>34. No More Secrets</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Even if Tae hadn’t told you he loved you, you would have been certain he did anyway after he literally drove across the country to come be with you. After you had hung up and turned off your phone, he had driven straight to your apartment, convinced you were definitely not OK. Once he realized you weren’t there, he texted Jia, having still had her phone number from when he bought the Zico concert tickets for the three of you last year. She told him you were at her apartment, he immediately asked for the address, and then started driving east.</p><p>Just like you, he’d had a revelation mid-drive: that you had heard him talking in the kitchen that morning and thought he was talking about you. He said he felt sick to his stomach when he figured it out and you believed him. That’s exactly how you had felt. </p><p>After lying in bed snuggling for a little while longer, you two finally got up and emerged from the guest bedroom. Jia was sitting on the couch casually watching TV and when she looked over and saw you two holding hands, no doubt looking all sappy and lovey-dovey, her face broke out into a smug smile.</p><p>“I would just like to say that the two of you both owe me <em> big time</em>,” she said as she folded her arms across her chest. “<em>I </em> downloaded Tinder and got this train moving.”</p><p>“She’s not wrong,” Tae said with a laugh as he gave your hand a squeeze. </p><p>“That <em> was </em> the push I needed to realize I couldn’t live without you anymore,” he then said shyly before giving you a kiss on the cheek which tickled and made you scrunch up your face all cutely.</p><p>“Oh my god, you two are so adorable it’s disgusting,” she then said, though, the big smile on her face told you she was anything but appalled at the sight of you so happy.</p><p>“Kim Taehyung,” she then said sternly. “I respect you for coming all the way out here and can see that you truly do love my sister, but I just need you to know that, even though you are rich and famous, I will not hesitate to kick your ass if you hurt her.”</p><p>“Understood,” Tae replied seriously, giving her a respectful nod. </p><p>The three of you chatted for a little while longer and also Facetimed with Nari who was over the moon to hear that you and Tae were together, but devastated not to be there in person. You promised her the four of you would get together soon and Tae even offered to have them both stay at the apartment which literally made Nari squeal. Eventually, though, you and Tae needed to head out since it was getting late and you both had to be at Big Hit tomorrow morning.</p><p>The two of you had obviously driven there separately, but Tae was adamant that you drove home with him since it was dark and you were tired, saying he would pay to have someone drive your car back to Seoul tomorrow. Normally you would have gotten on your feminist horse and assured him that you were more than capable of driving yourself, but the truth was that you <em> were </em> exhausted and it actually might not be safe for you to drive. Also, as pathetic as it was, you just didn’t want to be away from him for two and half hours, not when you were still basking in his love for you. </p><p>During your talk, you two had agreed to ‘no more secrets’, so you decided to spend the drive back to Seoul asking some difficult, but important questions. The idea of being open and vulnerable, of revealing even more of your insecurities and fears, was slightly terrifying, but you knew this was something you needed to do. You guys couldn’t afford to have another incident like the one you did this morning. </p><p>The whole situation had been one big heartbreaking misunderstanding and Tae had been absolutely right when he said that all the secrecy surrounding your relationship had played a role. You’d only been together a month, but already it was starting to take its toll: he was stressed because people were asking questions, you were insecure because he had to lie about you. It just wasn’t healthy to have to keep everything hidden and bottled up, to be made to feel guilty simply because you loved each other and wanted to be together. If you were going to make it work, you needed to work together against the ever growing number of forces trying to keep you apart. To make sure you were on the same page, pushing forward in the same direction, you needed to be honest with each other, brutally so if that’s what it took.</p><p>After getting up onto the highway and settling in, Tae reached over and took your hand, carefully lacing his fingers with yours. He brought it to his lips and gave the back of it a tender kiss and then rested your joint hands on the center console. He said he loved you, that he would still love you when you got back to Seoul, and then said he’d like to go first.</p><p>“Why is it so easy for you to doubt my feelings for you?” he asked hesitantly.</p><p>You couldn’t deny that it hurt to hear him ask that question, but you knew after everything that had happened he had every right to be concerned about this. It took you a minute or so to think through how you were going to respond. You wanted to be honest, that was the whole point of doing this, but you didn’t want to hurt him in the process.</p><p>“You know how you said on Friday, ‘I must be dreaming’?” you asked, continuing after he gave you a little nod. “That’s how I feel all the time and I’m always just so scared of waking up.”</p><p>You let the weight of that statement sink in for a few moments before you continued.</p><p>“I spent so long feeling confused about what was happening between us, and wondering if everything was all just in my head, that it's hard to believe all of this is real sometimes,” you then admitted. </p><p>Again you paused, partly to let him think about what you’d just said, but also because you needed to collect yourself before you went on.</p><p>“There were times when you would be so affectionate and protective and flirty that I was <em> sure </em> you felt something for me,” you started tentatively. “But then other times you would treat me like just another friend or worse, be cold and actually push me away.”</p><p>His grip on your hand tightened as your words cut through him.</p><p>“It was such an emotional rollercoaster,” you said quietly. “I didn’t think you were purposefully trying to hurt me, but it <em> was </em> really hard to deal with that whiplash for three years.”</p><p>You looked over at him and saw that guilt was written all over his face upon realizing that he had been the one to plant all those seeds of doubt in your head.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, Jagi,” he said, gravely. “I never meant to give you mixed signals or make it seem like I was playing with you.”</p><p>He took a deep breath and gave your hand another squeeze before he spoke again.</p><p>“I just didn’t know what to do with my feelings for you,” he admitted. “I loved you so much and I was constantly torn between trying to hide it and wanting to tell you.”</p><p>“I wanted to be with you, but I was also so scared of losing you,” he went on quietly. “I knew we weren’t allowed to be together and that the second anyone found out how I felt you would be transferred to another group or fired altogether.”</p><p>“I tried to show you how much I cared about you, and tried so many times to subtly let you know I wanted to be more than friends, but you never gave me a clear sign that you wanted to be together,” he then added. “And, I didn’t want to push you or do anything to jeopardize your job if I wasn’t absolutely sure it’s what you wanted.”</p><p>You had been looking down at your lap, playing with a string on the hem of your sweater, but when he said those words your head instantly shot up. The idea that he had been waiting for some sort of sign from you had truly never occurred to you. To you, it always seemed like the decision to pursue something more needed to come from <em> him </em> because he was the idol, but to him the decision needed to come from <em> you </em>because it was your job at risk. </p><p>“I mean, I knew you were <em> attracted </em> to me,” he said, giving you a little sideways smirk. </p><p>You rolled your eyes at him, but blushed nonetheless.</p><p>“And, I was pretty sure that you <em> liked me liked me</em>,” he went on teasingly. </p><p>At his use of elementary school terminology you couldn’t help but laugh. </p><p>“But, I didn’t know if you wanted <em> this</em>,” he then said more seriously, lifting up your intertwined hands. “I didn’t know you if you actually wanted a <em> relationship </em> with me.”</p><p>You tried to respond to him, but your mouth was filled with cotton. This was like realizing he had planned on telling you how he felt the morning after The Grammys, only infinitely worse. It wasn’t just extra months you could have been together, it was extra <em> years</em>. Looking back now, you realized he had given you plenty of signs that he actually wanted to be with you, but you had been too hesitant and afraid to acknowledge them at the time. It was understandable given how much you had to lose if you were wrong or if things didn’t work out, but it was heartbreaking nonetheless to know how much time had been wasted.</p><p>“Honestly, I always thought that deep down you knew how I felt about you and realized that I was waiting until we could be together,” he then said somewhat shyly. “That’s why I never dated anyone else, Jagi. I was waiting for you.”</p><p>“But, then everything with Jisoo happened and Jia downloaded Tinder and you set up that date. I knew then that I couldn’t wait anymore, that I had to make it clear how I really felt about you. Even if it was risky to get involved while you were still working at Big Hit, the risk of losing you forever was so much worse,” he said sincerely. </p><p>You sat there for a few minutes as his words washed over you again and again like waves on the sand. A part of you was frustrated, mostly at the situation in general, but also at yourself. Your instinct was to beat yourself up for being so oblivious and scared, for not seeing what was right in front of you, but you fought against it. Dwelling on what you could have done or should have done wasn’t at all productive. You were together now and that was truly all that mattered.</p><p>“I love you,” he said, pulling you from your thoughts.</p><p>“And, I’m sorry again that I confused you and made you doubt things before,” he added somberly.</p><p>“I love you too,” you replied. “And, I promise to trust you, be upfront with my feelings, and not let what happened in the past come between us now.”</p><p>For the next few minutes neither of you spoke. You just sat there together in comfortable silence, Tae’s thumb gently thumbing yours. Eventually, though, you saw him look over at you expectantly and realized it was your turn to ask an important question.</p><p>“Why don’t you want to tell the rest of the guys about us?” you asked quietly. </p><p>“I know we need to keep our relationship a secret from virtually everyone, but they are your brothers. They are the people you’re closest with, the ones you trust most in the entire world. If anyone was going to be happy for us or supportive of our relationship, wouldn’t it be them?” you then questioned.</p><p>He went to start answering your question, but you had one more thing you needed to get off your chest so you continued before he could speak.</p><p>“It just...it hurts me that you don’t want them to know,” you said finally, your voice catching just a bit. “It makes me think that you really <em> are </em> ashamed to be with me.”</p><p>He looked so hurt when you said that, which made your heart absolutely ache, but you knew he needed to know the truth about how you felt. That was the only way the two of you were going to move forward and make this work.</p><p>“Jagi, I’m so sorry that I’ve made you feel that way,” he said sadly. “That was not at all my intention.”</p><p>“Please believe me when I say that I could never be ashamed to be with you,” he then added. </p><p>“I do want to tell them. I want to tell everyone. I want to post a picture of you on Twitter and tell the whole world ‘This is my beautiful, talented, amazing girlfriend who I have been in love with for three years and finally get to be with.’,” he said with a smile. </p><p>You felt all warm and fuzzy inside hearing him call you his girlfriend for the first time.</p><p>“But, I’m afraid that telling the guys will be like opening up the floodgates,” he went on. “If I know that they know about us, I’m going to want to talk about you all the time. I’m going to want to tell them all the cute things you do and say, brag about your cooking and how you take such good care of me, ask them for relationship advice when things inevitably get hard.”</p><p>“Only, it wouldn’t be like keeping Namjoon-hyung’s wife or Jimin’s girlfriend a secret from ARMY where we just have to be careful in public. We would have to be careful <em> all the time </em> and I just...I don’t trust myself not to say something in front of the wrong person,” he finally admitted with a sigh.</p><p>What he said made complete sense. The guys were constantly surrounded by staff members, were always in front of cameras or hooked up to microphones. If something ever slipped out, it’s not like it could just be edited out before ARMY saw the final product. By that point it would already be too late.</p><p>“I do want to tell them,” he reiterated, giving your hand a squeeze. “And, I promise we will soon. I just need to make sure I can handle it first, that I can contain all this love I have for you.”</p><p>“My parents are the only people I’ve told so far because I know all my conversations with them are private,” he then added.</p><p>You felt your heart do a little somersault. </p><p>“You told your parents?” you asked with a shy smile.</p><p>“Of course,” he replied immediately. “They’ve known all along how I felt about you.”</p><p>You sat there in stunned silence, a huge, silly grin on your face.</p><p>“I went to visit them about a month after you started at Big Hit,” he began bashfully. “It took my Mom all of five minutes to decide I had a crush on my new stylist and another hour to realize that I was legitimately in love with her.”</p><p>“They can’t wait to meet you,” he then said, turning and giving you a big smile. </p><p>And now your heart was doing a full Olympic gymnastics routine.</p><p>You guys spent the rest of the drive asking each other more questions that had been on your minds since you’d started dating. Tae asked if it made you upset that he was so flirty with ARMY on stage and on social media and you said honestly that it didn’t. You understood it was part of his job and had learned to be OK with it even before you were together. Now that you were sure he loved you, you knew it would bother you even less. You asked him if he would be upset if you told Eunji and Donghae you were casually dating on Tinder since they had already asked if you were seeing someone. He said that was fine, but that he would prefer you not download the app again, even if it was only for show, saying with an innocent smile that he just didn’t think it was fair to have the men of Tinder getting their hopes up that you might one day be theirs. </p><p>He asked if you wanted to officially move in once you got back from America and you couldn’t say yes fast enough. He offered to pay off the rest of your apartment lease so you could move out of it entirely, but you said you’d prefer to keep paying it yourself until it was up. That then led to a larger discussion about finances which was far less uncomfortable than you thought it would be. You explained that one of your worries was being accused of using him for his money as well as his fame. He assured you that he knew you absolutely were not and then said he would vehemently deny those accusations if they ever came about. You also told him it made you uncomfortable to be living at the apartment and not be contributing at all to living expenses so you guys agreed to split costs for everyday things like groceries or takeout or movie rentals.</p><p>All in all, it was a really productive conversation, one you probably should have had sooner, to be honest. Had you begun dating under normal circumstances like virtually everyone else on the planet, you probably would have gone over some of these things right from the start, but, alas, your situation was quite unique.</p><p>You were back within the Seoul city limits, and were only about fifteen minutes away from home, when something else popped into your head.</p><p>“Tae,” you began hesitantly. “What is your biggest fear when it comes to our relationship?”</p><p>He did not hesitate with his answer which told you this was something he had clearly already thought a lot about. </p><p>“Aside from someone finding out about us and you being taken away from me, my biggest fear is that someone will try to hurt you,” he said, bringing your hand into his lap protectively. “That they’ll threaten you or try to use you to get to me.”</p><p>You felt a little shiver go up your spine when he said that. The idea that you were now some kind of target wasn’t something you had really considered, but thinking back to everything that Namjoon’s wife, Aera, had gone through, you realized that you absolutely were. </p><p>“For obvious reasons we have to keep our relationship a secret from Big Hit, but because of that you don’t get the protection you <em> should </em> be getting as my girlfriend,” he continued solemnly. </p><p>“Everyone else’s partners have security teams that check in on them and make sure they aren’t being followed or their apartments aren’t being watched,” he went on. “If any of them ever feel unsafe for any reason, they can call Big Hit security directly and get help right away.”</p><p>“But, you can’t do that,” he then said quietly. “And that makes me feel incredibly nervous and also extremely guilty.”</p><p>“I don’t want you to be scared, though, Jagi,” he said after a moment, tightening his grip on your hand. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you. I promise I’ll always keep you safe and take care of you.”</p><p>You had been ever so slightly scared before he said that, but his reassurance was all the comfort you needed to relax; you knew with absolute certainty that he would do whatever it took to keep that promise. </p><p>“What about you?” he then asked. ”What is your biggest fear?”</p><p>Unlike him, you didn’t respond right away. It wasn’t because you didn’t already know what your biggest fear was, but because you were afraid of sharing it with him, even after everything you had just talked about.</p><p>“Jagi, you can tell me,” he said reassuringly, sensing your apprehension. “Whatever it is.”</p><p>You took a deep breath, hoping what you were about to say wouldn’t undo all the progress you had made over the last two plus hours.</p><p>“My biggest fear is that one day, once everything with BTS has settled down and you have more time and freedom to do things and go places and meet people, you will leave me because you realized that you never actually wanted to be with <em> me,</em> but that you just wanted to be with <em> someone </em>and I was the most convenient option,” you rushed out, not even realizing you had started to tear up while you were talking.</p><p>As the car came to a halt at a red light, Tae let go of your hand and instead brought it up to cup your cheek.</p><p>“Look at me, Jagi,” he said gently.</p><p>You turned to him and found him looking at you with the most tender, loving expression. </p><p>“You are not convenient,” he said, stroking your cheek and brushing away the one tear that had escaped. “You are perfect, truly the woman of my dreams. You are all I have ever wanted, all I will <em> ever </em> want.”</p><p>“I promise I’m never going to leave,” he then said softly before leaning over to give you a sweet kiss.</p><p>And in that moment you trusted, with all your heart, that he would keep that promise too.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Work is going to be CRAZY for the next week so it might be a little longer than usual until my next update. In the meantime, please continue to share alllllll your thoughts and predictions and feelings. It literally makes my day to hear from you all :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0035"><h2>35. Open The Door</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Three days later you were somewhere over the Pacific Ocean on a chartered flight to America. You were only halfway through the twelve hour trip and already your laptop had died, taking with it your one real form of entertainment. Tae had reminded you to put your charger in your carry on bag no less than ten times, but still you had forgotten, something he would no doubt tease you for once you landed. </p><p>You obviously weren’t sitting together; he was up in first class while you were back in coach. It was probably for the best, though, that you and Tae were physically separated right now. The sights and sounds and sensations from the previous night were too temptingly fresh on your mind. If he was sitting next to you, even with all of your coworkers around, you’re honestly not sure you would be able to keep your hands off of him.</p><p>Tae telling you he loved you had <em> done something </em> to you. The knowledge that he was completely and irrefutably yours somehow made him infinitely sexier, truly irresistible. From the moment he said those three special words, you felt an intense urge to physically express how much you loved him and last night you finally acted upon it.</p><p>You were in the bedroom packing your suitcase when Tae stepped out of the bathroom. He’d just taken a shower and was wearing nothing more than a towel wrapped loosely around his waist, the white of the fabric making his honey skin all the more radiant. His hair was wet and shaggy and dripping down onto his shoulders and chest. As you watched a single bead of water trail between his pecs and then down his stomach, you felt a desire for him like never before in your life. </p><p>Usually, he was the one who was in charge when you were intimate, a slightly aggressive and dominant side coming out a bit like it did when he was on stage. He always took care of you first and scolded you if you tried to touch him while he was pleasuring you. Only after you came would he let the focus shift to himself, and afterwards would usually insist on making you come again. Tonight, though, you wanted to be in charge.</p><p>He noticed you were staring at him, the smug smirk he wore telling you that he knew you were likely having some <em> unprofessional thoughts</em>, but before he could say anything, you suddenly strode over to him and captured his lips. As you deepened the kiss, he fought for control, but you didn’t let him have it. Instead, you gave his lower lip a teasing bite, broke the kiss, and then whispered in his ear that you wanted to <em> show </em> him how much you loved him. You then explained <em> how </em> you wanted to do it, gently sucking on his earlobe afterwards for emphasis. </p><p>He swore under his breath as his grip on your hips tightened, clearly both flustered and aroused by what you’d said. He hesitantly asked if you were sure, saying that he didn’t want you to do anything you weren’t comfortable with. You said you were absolutely positive, that you truly wanted to be with him like this, and asked if he wanted it too. He leaned his forehead against yours and said ‘Yes, Jagi. Please.’, the desire and desperation in his voice unmistakable.</p><p>As you began kissing down his neck, you unwrapped the towel, letting it fall to the floor as you took him in your hand. You continued down his chest while slowly backing him towards the bed. When you reached the trail of hair on his lower abdomen, you sat him down on the edge of the bed. He placed a pillow on the floor at his feet and you knelt down on it between his legs. </p><p>After teasing him for a minute with little kisses and swirls of your tongue, you finally took him in your mouth, drawing the most delicious groan from him. You wrapped your hand around what your mouth couldn’t reach and began showing him just how much you loved and desired him.</p><p>When you were with your college boyfriend, doing this had always felt a bit embarrassing and honestly somewhat degrading. He just wasn’t very encouraging, and didn’t really engage with you, so you never felt comfortable or appreciated when you did it. With Tae, though, you felt the complete opposite. With him you felt confident and sexy and like <em> you </em> were being worshipped even though you were the one on your knees. With him it just felt so much more meaningful and intimate, like you were doing it <em> with </em> him instead of just <em> to </em> him. </p><p>He touched you with reverence and adoration, softly stroking your cheek and gently running his hands through your hair. His praise was passionate and affectionate; he told you over and over again that you were beautiful and perfect and incredible, that it felt so good, that <em> you </em> felt so good. When the words ‘I love you so much’ fell from his lips in a deep, breathy voice, you knew without question that he said them not just because it was the heat of the moment, but because he truly meant them. </p><p>Not long after that he told you it just felt <em> too </em> good, that he couldn’t last any longer. When you didn’t stop or pull away, letting him know you wanted what he was about to give, he finally fell apart for you. Within seconds of you both recovering, he lifted you up and kissed you so fiercely that he literally stole your breath. When he released your lips a moment later, he <em> begged </em> for you to let him show you how much he loved you too, like he couldn’t bear the idea of not able to give you what you’d just given him. You said ‘Yes’ without hesitation and he then laid you down and covered your body with his. </p><p>After gently pulling your tank top up and over your head, he captured your lips in a hungry kiss before he began trailing his lips downwards. He kissed all the way down to your stomach, coming tantalizingly close to the top of your shorts, but then removed his lips from you at the last second. As he then began kissing up your inner thigh, he slowly pulled your shorts down until you were completely bare before him. He looked up at you once more to ensure you were still OK with what he was doing, gave a final teasing kiss to each inner thigh, and then brought his mouth where you wanted it most. </p><p>The few times you’d previously experienced this were honestly not that enjoyable, however, you realized at once how much of a difference it made to have a partner who was enthusiastic and committed to making you feel good. Within a minute, Tae had you gripping the sheets, an endless string of breathy curses falling from your lips. Overwhelmed by the pleasure, your legs instinctively began closing, but he held them open with his big hands, his thumbs rubbing your inner thighs in a gentle, soothing way that was in such stark contrast to how he was devouring you with his mouth.</p><p>You understood immediately that all the subtly seductive lip bites and licks he’d given the camera over the years, and all the more vulgar tongue gestures he’d teased you with lately, had not just been for show. They were <em>promises</em> that he was now delivering on. None of the fantasies you’d had which featured him using his pretty mouth like this had done justice to his true and apparently natural talents. When it crossed your mind that this was the first time he was doing this and that he would only get better at it, you shuddered; it was already almost too much to handle. </p><p>For obvious reasons, he wasn’t able to serenade you with the filth he had come to discover you absolutely loved hearing, but then you were loud and filthy enough for the two of you. You returned the praise and encouragement he’d given you, saying with utter sincerity that he was incredible. Over the past week you had decided that Tae most definitely had a name kink and you fed into that fiercely, not even on purpose, but because your mind was full of nothing but thoughts of him and the sinful things he was doing with his tongue. When one of your hands suddenly latched onto his golden brown locks, he let out a low groan that you <em> felt </em> as much as you heard. The sensation of that alone almost had you coming undone.</p><p>When he eventually let go of one of your legs, and instead used that hand to add to your pleasure, you <em> did </em> lose it, the combination of his fingers and his tongue sending you into complete ecstasy. Once you finally stopped writhing in pleasure, Tae gave one final, gentle kiss and then came to lay beside you. He nervously asked if that felt good, as if you moaning his name loud enough for his rich and famous neighbors to hear wasn’t evidence enough, to which you breathlessly replied that it was amazing, that <em> he </em> was amazing. He also then said that he loved doing that for you, that he loved making you feel so good, and that he simply loved you. </p><p>You cuddled in bed for a while, your limbs tangled, not a scrap of clothing between you, before finally getting up, at which point Tae led you by the hand to the bathroom. He brought you into the shower with him where he proceeded to clean you, make you dirty all over again, and then clean you once more. By the time you two finally stopped canoodling, finished packing, and crawled into bed, you were both utterly, but blissfully exhausted.</p><p>You had been tempted to jump him again this morning when you woke up, but you fought the urge knowing there truly wasn’t enough time for such shenanigans given how early your flight was. Even after being on your best behavior all morning, the two of you were scrambling to get out the door on time. He had just gone through a final mental checklist of everything you both needed, and was about to open the apartment door, when he turned to you with a soft, ever so slightly sad expression on his face. </p><p>“I love you,” he said before wrapping you up in a big hug.</p><p>“I love you, too,” you said back, nuzzling your face into the crook of his neck.</p><p>After a minute of holding you tightly, he let go and brought his hands up to cup your cheeks. He leaned in and gave you a sweet, lingering kiss, one that you truly never wanted to end. You loved all of your kisses with Tae, but you were cherishing this one in particular because you knew it unfortunately might be a while until you got another one.</p><p>Even though you’d shared your first kiss, and spent the night together for the first time, in a hotel while on a BTS trip, you realized the circumstances that brought those things to fruition were unique and couldn’t be expected every time. The truth was, your month-long stay in America was going to be very different from the long weekend trip you took to film the Dynamite music video.</p><p>For starters, Big Hit had not rented out the entire hotel in New York City, where you would be spending the first half of the trip, or in LA, where you would be spending the second half. That increased the odds of being randomly spotted by fans or the media or, even worse, having another fiasco like what happened the night of The Grammys. However, being stalked by creepy paparazzi guys with cameras was honestly not what you two were most afraid of on this trip. </p><p>Because the guys would be going out for public appearances almost daily, it made sense to do some basic hair and makeup at the hotel itself before they left. To facilitate this, Big Hit had roomed both the guys and their stylists on one floor and then booked a massive suite down the hall that would serve as a prep room. </p><p>You and Tae had been in bed snuggling when you first found out about these plans via email. Initially, you were elated knowing you would be so close to one another. However, your excitement was short-lived once you read that all the managers would also be roomed on that floor. If everyone’s rooms were all clustered together like that, it would make it virtually impossible for you and Tae to go into each other’s without someone seeing. </p><p>When it dawned on you that you might not be able to get much, if any, legitimate alone time with him, that you might have to go a whole month without him sleeping beside you, tears actually pooled in your eyes. You had only been together a month, and only been living together a little over a week, but already you two were so attached to one another. </p><p>When you were at the apartment together you were constantly touching, whether it was simply holding hands or cuddling on the couch or in bed. Tae was always wrapping his arms around your waist or planting random kisses on your forehead. You loved to gently comb your fingers through his hair and kiss the mole on the tip of his nose whenever he said something cute. The idea of going so long without being able to touch him in an affectionate or intimate way, or even just openly talk with him, made your heart hurt.</p><p>“Jagi, don’t cry,” he had said to you when he saw you were getting upset. “It will be OK.”</p><p>As he said that, though, he pulled you closer, up onto his chest, as if trying to get in all the physical contact he could before the long drought of it ahead.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Once the plane landed at JFK, it was a bit of a blur getting to the hotel. The airport was so big and so busy, as was the city itself. It was honestly overwhelming and you were extremely grateful to know that all the logistics had already been arranged by the management team.</p><p>Tae and the rest of the guys got off the plane first so they could be taken through customs privately like usual. After that, they would be transported to the hotel separately for security reasons. You two texted constantly while you were both waiting to leave the airport and then traveling to the hotel, twelve hours having honestly been the longest you’d gone without talking to each other since the weekend of your big fight.</p><p>It was late afternoon by the time you finally got into your hotel room. It was nice, a lot nicer than the ones you were used to being given on trips. It had a king size bed, a giant flat screen TV mounted on the wall, a see-through mini fridge in the corner that was stocked with alcohol, and appeared to be furnished with rather high-end furniture and decorations. It did still have one of those slightly creepy doors leading to the adjacent room, but there were plenty of locks on it so you felt safe. All in all, you were rather pleased that this was where you would be staying for the next two weeks.</p><p>Exhausted from the long day of travel, you plopped down on the bed which you immediately discovered was incredibly comfortable. You then pulled out your phone to update Tae who had gotten into his room almost an hour ago.</p><p>[3:40 PM]<br/>I finally made it to my room. </p><p>[3:40 PM]<br/>I am so tired.</p><p>[3:41 PM]<br/>Would you judge me if I went to bed now?</p><p>[Taehyung 3:41 PM]<br/>No...as long as you let me come cuddle with you.</p><p>[Taehyung 3:42 PM]<br/>What room are you in?</p><p>As you read his text you felt a pang in your chest. You had largely accepted that you and Tae would not be able to visit each other, that it would be reckless to even try, but you weren’t sure he had. Him saying with such sincerity that he didn't think he could go a whole month sleeping without you in his arms had you swooning, but it also made you incredibly nervous that he would risk things to still try and be with you. As if sensing you were thinking about this right now, and preparing to shut him down, he texted again.</p><p>[Taehyung 3:45 PM]<br/>Jagi, I know you’re worried, but can we at least look at where our two rooms are and see if it’s possible? </p><p>[Taehyung 3:46 PM]<br/>Maybe we’re just across the hall from each other. We could make that work.</p><p>You took a deep breath, trying not to get your hopes up.</p><p>[3:46 PM]<br/>Room #815</p><p>[Taehyung 3:46 PM]<br/>…</p><p>[Taehyung 3:46 PM]<br/>Was that supposed to be a joke?</p><p>[3:47 PM]<br/>…no?</p><p>[3:47 PM]<br/>Why?</p><p>[Taehyung 3:47 PM]<br/>Text me a picture of the little envelope your key card came in that shows your room number.</p><p>You’re not sure why he thought you’d be lying, but you indulged him and snapped a photo of the envelope lying on the nightstand.</p><p>[3:48 PM]<br/>OK…</p><p>[3:48 PM] Image Sent</p><p>[Taehyung 3:48 PM]<br/>😱</p><p>You were officially very confused, having absolutely no idea what that emoji was supposed to mean, but before you could text him back and ask, you heard a knock on your door. Getting up from the bed, you walked over to the door leading into the hallway, but when you opened it up no one was there. After closing it you walked back towards the bed, but stopped once you again heard knocking. This time, though, you realized the knocking wasn’t coming from the hallway door, it was coming from the door <em>connecting to the adjacent room</em>.</p><p>For a few moments you just stood there staring at it, your jaw nearly on the floor. The person knocking on that door couldn’t <em> possibly </em> be who you thought and hoped it was, but then you got another text proving otherwise. </p><p>[Taehyung 3:49 PM]<br/>It’s bad manners to keep a guest waiting at the door.</p><p>You called him immediately and he picked up before it could even ring once.</p><p>“Are you messing with me right now?” you demanded.</p><p>“Jagi, just open the door,” he said, barely containing the excitement in his voice.</p><p>With a shaky hand you undid the numerous locks, turned the doorknob, and slowly opened the door. There in front of you was Tae, still holding the phone up to his ear, the biggest, boxiest smile you’d ever seen him wearing in his entire life.</p><p>“Baby, how is this possible?” you whispered.</p><p>“I have no idea,” he replied, finally dropping his phone from his ear as he shook his head in disbelief.</p>
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<a name="section0036"><h2>36. Honeymoon Phase - Part 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>For the next minute, the two of you just stood there staring at each other, trying to comprehend what was happening. There were a million thoughts running through your head, but you’d be lying if you said they were all positive. As thrilled as you were to see him standing just a few feet away from you, the suspicion welled up inside you almost immediately. You briefly tried to calculate the actual odds of your two rooms being next to each other, let alone adjoined, but you quickly abandoned that pursuit: the odds were slim, <em> very </em> slim.</p><p>“This can’t be a coincidence,” you finally said, giving him a dubious look.</p><p>“Our rooms being next to each other would have been one thing, but them being adjoined?” you questioned incredulously. “There’s just no way.”</p><p>His eyes searched yours as he considered your words and the situation as a whole. You knew that the hopeless romantic in him wanted to believe that it had happened by accident, that it was truly just fate, but eventually he let out a long sigh in obvious acceptance. </p><p>“You’re right,” he admitted. “This had to have been done on purpose.”</p><p>Just then something seemed to occur to him because he brought his phone back up and quickly made a call. Whoever he called answered right away and once he began explaining things you knew it must be Jimin on the line. He asked point blank if the other man had anything to do with your rooms, but it was clear from Tae’s expression that the answer was no. He thanked Jimin, said he’d let him know if we figured anything out, and then hung up shortly after. </p><p>“If it wasn’t Jimin then I honestly have no idea who else it could have been,” he said warily. </p><p>He took a step towards you as he spoke, but you instantly put up your hands and cautioned him to stop.</p><p>“What if this is some kind of trap?” you asked nervously.</p><p>“What if there are cameras in here?” you then added as the hairs on the back of your neck shot up.</p><p>“Jagi, I’m sure there aren’t any cameras,” he replied, however, even as he spoke his eyes did a quick scan of the room. </p><p>The idea that there were cameras in there was probably a bit ridiculous, but the whole situation had your anxiety through the roof and you weren’t thinking straight.</p><p>“Tae, someone <em> knows</em>,” you said in a hushed, shaky voice.</p><p>He knew you were right, you could see the acknowledgement of this fact written on his face clear as day. However, unlike you, he wasn’t freaking out about it. On the contrary, with each passing second he seemed to grow calmer.</p><p>“I think whoever knows is on our side,” he eventually said, giving you the smallest of smiles. </p><p>“I don’t think they’re trying to trick us,” he went on optimistically. “I think they’re trying to help us.”</p><p>As he said this he stepped forward again and this time you didn't stop him. You let him gather you in his arms, relaxing into his embrace and resting your head on his chest. What he said did make sense. If the wrong person knew about you two, they would have had you fired, not done something that would allow you to keep seeing each other and continuing hiding your relationship. It still made you feel incredibly uneasy to not know who exactly it was who knew, but you took a small amount of comfort knowing they had chosen to keep your secret.</p><p>“So, what do we do now?” you hesitantly asked after a few moments. </p><p>“I think we just make the most of it,” he replied, placing a kiss on the top of your head. “We accept their help and be happy that we can be together.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>At first you were still very much on edge, not entirely convinced that it wasn’t some kind of trap or that things weren’t going to go horribly wrong. Anytime you went into each other’s rooms, you kept waiting for someone to barge in and catch you. It took you forever to fall asleep each night because you kept imagining that you would wake up to someone looking down on the two of you snuggled together. Whenever you guys left for the day, you double and triple checked that the connecting doors were both fully locked, making Tae text you a picture of his. You even went so far as to move a chair in front of yours to make it abundantly clear that you weren’t opening it. That was probably overkill, it was rare that anyone ever came into your room on trips, but you still just didn’t want to take any chances.</p><p>After a few days, though, once nothing bad had happened and no one said anything or acted strangely towards you two, you slowly began to relax. You stopped jumping every time you heard voices in the hall and being paranoid every time someone casually asked how you slept last night. By the time you left New York halfway through the trip, you had fully accepted that whoever did this <em> was</em>, in fact, on your side. There was just no other explanation for why they would help you other than that they supported your relationship. And, when you two once again found yourselves in adjoining rooms in your hotel in LA, the only emotion you felt was gratitude for who Tae lovingly referred to as your guardian angel.</p><p>You were convinced it was another one of the guys, but both Tae and Jimin weren’t sure about that. They didn’t think one of them would be able to hide something like this so well or even know how to pull it off for that matter. If it wasn’t one of them, though, that meant it was another member of the staff which seemed even more unlikely. Why anyone who was subjected to the same rules as you would willingly help you break them was beyond you. You desperately wanted to know who it was, but Tae felt sure that this person would eventually reveal themselves to you and thought that, until then, you two should just play it cool.</p><p>So, that’s what you did. You played it cool, tried to relax, and let yourself be happy.</p><p>Every day there was usually only one event which took up either the morning or the evening. That left a good portion of the day free, far more time than you’d actually gotten back home. Occasionally, Tae did stuff with the guys and you went out with the other stylists so as not to draw too much attention, but mostly you hung out together in your rooms. If you had been cooped up with anyone else like that you had no doubt you would have gotten bored, bitten their head off, or lost your mind entirely, but with Tae there was never a dull moment and you truly enjoyed every second you spent with him.</p><p>You ordered room service and had yourselves little ‘dates’. Usually you were super casual and lazy and just wore pajamas, but one night you dressed up in real people clothes which was fun. Several times Tae tried to be adventurous and ordered one of the funky menu items he’d never heard of before, but each time he ended up deeming the food inedible and eating half of your meal. One morning you had breakfast in bed which was very relaxing and quite romantic until he spilled maple syrup all over the comforter. In the process of scolding him for not being more careful, <em> you </em> smeared strawberry jam on your favorite oversized sleep shirt. Tae keeled over with laughter, calling it poetic justice, and after that you decided strawberry jam was the devil and breakfast was probably best eaten at the table. </p><p>You read through Twitter and Weverse together to see what everyone thought of the performances they gave on all the different American TV shows. The feedback was overwhelmingly positive, especially for Tae which made you so proud. ARMY absolutely <em> loved </em> his performances in ‘Dynamite’. Everything about the disco pop track just suited him so well - the funky dance moves, the retro outfits, even the hilariously nonsensical, but undeniably catchy lyrics. They loved his ad libs and the unique flare he gave to each performance and also thought he was the perfect ending fairy. In ‘Life Goes On’, they praised him for his soothing, angelic voice and decided that, with each new performance, he looked more and more like a real life prince charming. The fact that he always got so shy when he saw people complimenting him was so endearing and only made you love him more. </p><p>You started binge watching K-Dramas on Netflix, your favorite one being ‘Crash Landing on You’. The storyline was simply too apropos for you not to love: a man and a woman from very different backgrounds who were not, under any circumstances, supposed to have fallen in love, but did anyway and, despite enduring many hardships, wound up together in the end. Once you finished watching the last episode, Tae declared that one day, once neither of you were under contract with Big Hit, he would write a K-Drama depicting your love story. You casually, though somewhat nervously, asked him how he thought your story would end, but he replied right away with confidence that your story would end happily ever after which brought the biggest smile to your face.</p><p>One night, while you two were in bed watching one of the episodes, you were sitting between his legs with your back resting against his chest when you felt him start softly running his hands through your hair. He did this all the time, so at first you thought nothing of it, but then his movements began to feel a little less random and a bit more intentional. </p><p>“What are you doing back there?” you asked curiously.</p><p>“Nothing,” he said all innocently. “Just watch the show, Jagi.”</p><p>You turned your attention back to the TV, but a small smile crept onto your face a minute later when you realized what he was doing.</p><p>“Tae,” you started with a laugh. “Are you doing my hair?”</p><p>“Tonight I will be the stylist noona,” he said in the most adorable voice you’d ever heard.</p><p>An enormous laugh escaped you at him referring to himself as a noona, but you settled down a moment later to let him continue working. You knew at once how he was styling your hair, the way he first parted it down the middle and then casually asked if he could borrow your two hair ties being a dead giveaway. As he was gathering up the first side, and failing miserably at getting all the strands evenly, you were trying so hard to keep it together. The other side seemed to go a bit more smoothly, though, you could instantly feel the obvious asymmetry. </p><p>Once he was finished he turned you around to admire his handiwork. He seemed rather pleased with himself, a small giggle escaping him before a massive smile spread across his face.</p><p>“Do I get to see now?” you asked with a hesitant laugh.</p><p>“Yes, my work here is complete,” he replied smugly.</p><p>You moved to get up from the bed and go to the mirror, but he snuck his arms around your waist and whined that you weren’t allowed to leave him. He then pulled out his phone, opened up the front-facing camera, and held it out in front of you both. The moment you saw yourself pop up on the screen you nearly died of laughter. The pigtails looked <em> ridiculous</em>. They were uneven, both in size and location; the larger one sat just above your ear and was very droopy while the smaller one was much higher up and sticking straight out. The idea of being photographed like this was mortifying, but before you could even protest he had snapped a picture. In it, you were looking forward at the camera, your eyes squinty and mouth open mid-laugh, while Tae was turned sideways, pretending to chomp on one of the pigtails. </p><p>The photo was silly and adorable and totally chaotic, the perfect encapsulation of your relationship. You loved it, absolutely loved it, especially once a certain realization hit you.</p><p>“This is the first photo we’ve ever taken together,” you said shyly.</p><p>“You’re right, it is,” he said thoughtfully as he saved the photo and put down his phone.</p><p>“I wish I could make it my background,” he then added as he began twirling your pigtails between his fingers. “Then I could look at how cute you are all the time.”</p><p>You let out a long sigh. For some reason it was things like this, the tiny gestures of affection you were denied from giving each other, that always seemed to get to you the most. </p><p>“One day, Jagi,” he promised, knowing exactly what you were feeling at that moment. “One day we won’t have to hide.”</p><p>In addition to sharing little tender moments like that, you also had your fair share of steamy ones. The very first day, once you had finally caved and let Tae come cuddle with you in your room, he had reminded you of the last time you two were together in a hotel bed. He insisted that he needed to finish what he started that day and before you knew it he rolled over on top of you, brought his thigh between your legs, and started grinding into you. This time around, he knew exactly what you liked, how fast to go, what dirty things to whisper in your ear, and it wasn’t long before he had you coming undone. You might have been embarrassed at how easily he got you off like that were it not for the fact that, when you flipped over, straddled him, and began rolling your hips, he hadn’t lasted much longer. </p><p>You two had showered together after that, having loved doing it the night before, and proceeded to do so almost every day for the rest of the trip. Sometimes you truly just cleaned each other, simply enjoying the feeling of being so close, but more often than not you ended up touching each other more intimately. The shower surprisingly brought out Tae’s duality to an extent which you had not previously seen. One second he would have you laughing hysterically after shampooing his hair and spiking it up into horns, but the next second he would have you biting back a moan after pressing you up against the wall and caressing your body with his hands and lips.</p><p>One evening as he was gently washing you, he wrapped his arms around you from behind and pulled you flush against him. You could feel every inch of him burning with desire and you had half a mind to ask him to take you right then and there. Thankfully you didn't; for starters you had no protection and also, as hot as it might be to do it in the shower, you wanted your first time together to be more special than that. </p><p>You did, however, begin slowly grinding against him, the body wash he’d just lathered you up with making your movements smooth as you slid over him. He started moving in sync with you, holding you tightly to him with one hand as he gently thrust his hips, and lowered his other hand to begin pleasuring you with the same rhythm. It was by far the most intimate experience you’d ever shared, your bodies moving together like that so sensually, and when you came together for the first time not long after, you knew with absolute certainty you were ready to give yourself to him entirely. </p><p>What you felt in the shower he must have felt too because later that night, as you were cuddling before falling asleep, he told you that he wanted to make love to you. Turning in his arms to face him, you told him you wanted that too, more than anything. He kissed you then, slow and deep, and for a moment you thought it was going to happen right there, but then he broke the kiss and told you he wanted to wait until you got back from the trip. He said he wanted your first time together to be at home in your shared bed where he could make it romantic and memorable and not in a random hotel room on the other side of the world that you would never visit again. You couldn’t help but swoon; the fact that he also wanted your first time together to be special made you feel more ready than ever to take that step with him. You easily agreed to wait, though, the many other ways you could pleasure each other and express your love being more than enough to keep you satiated in the meantime. </p><p>The entire trip honestly felt like a vacation of sorts to commemorate what was clearly the honeymoon phase of your relationship. The fact that you weren’t able to interact as a couple outside of the two pairs of hotel rooms you stayed in didn’t matter in the slightest. You were spending time together, getting closer, and making memories, all while continuing to successfully do your respective jobs and hide your relationship. It was obviously still less than an ideal situation, but it was infinitely more than you thought you were going to get which you were extremely grateful for. </p><p>Near the end of your second week in LA, you and Tae were both feeling significantly more optimistic about the future of your relationship and, more importantly, your ability to keep it secret. If things just stayed like this, if you two kept being careful and your guardian angel kept helping out, you were confident that you could make it work. </p><p>~~~</p><p>It was the night of the last event of the tour, and the second to last night of your trip, and you were with Tae backstage on the set of The Late Late Show with James Corden. The guys had just performed ‘Dynamite’ and ‘Life Goes On’ and were getting ready to go back out for the interview portion of the show. Tae was already changed and you were just doing a few last minute touch ups before it was time to go.</p><p>In preparation for the interview, he had memorized a bunch of things to say in English and he was practicing them in front of the mirror. You had no idea what he was saying, or if he was even saying it correctly, but every now and then he would get a little tongue-tied, his face twisting up into an adorable pout before he started over. You could tell he was nervous; he always was whenever he was about to speak English, especially if he was going to be doing it live like tonight. As you stood there watching him, mindlessly giving his hair a few last minute fluffs, you could not help but break out into a little smile.</p><p>“What?” he asked a few moments later when he finally noticed you had been watching him.</p><p>“Nothing,” you replied casually, meeting his gaze through the mirror.</p><p>“Tell me,” he said with a little whine, the pout back, this time accompanied by his puppy dog eyes.</p><p>“It’s just...you’re so cute when you’re nervous,” you said quietly, only loud enough for him to hear.</p><p>At that his face broke out into a big, silly grin. He was about to say something back when suddenly the show’s production manager entered the room and announced that it was time to head onto the set. You wished him luck and said a quick goodbye as he started walking out the door with the other guys. Just as he was out of sight, and you began packing up your things, you felt a buzz in your pocket. Pulling out your phone, you were met with a short, but sweet message.</p><p>[Taehyung 9:55 PM]<br/>You’re always cute, Jagi. </p><p>The first part of the interview went great. Namjoon did a fair amount of the talking, as expected, but James made sure to direct questions to the other guys too. They seemed to understand most of what he asked and when they didn’t Namjoon quickly translated. Tae got to speak a couple times and you instantly recognized the phrases you had heard him practicing. You couldn’t tell if he said them perfectly or not, but he said them without stumbling and gave a big smile afterwards which you took as a good sign. </p><p>The second part of the interview was a game of sorts where James would go around holding up a letter to each member and they had to say the first word that came to mind that started with it. Feeling confident enough in their English vocabulary, and knowing the romanization of many Korean words, the guys had agreed ahead of time to play with the English alphabet. </p><p>During the first round everyone got letters with pretty obvious English answers, ones that even you could give: Hobi said ‘Dynamite’ for ‘D’, Jin shouted ‘Fighting’ for ‘F’, Namjoon said ‘ARMY’ for ‘A’, Jimin said ‘Papa Mochi’ for ‘P’, Jungkook yelled ‘Rrrrrrrrap Monster’, for ‘R’, and Yoongi said ‘Grammy for ‘G’. The first letter Tae got was ‘Y’, which you decided simply couldn’t be a coincidence; he said ‘Yeontan’ right away with a shy smile and the whole audience cooed. </p><p>They went around the circle twice more shouting things out, the answers becoming a mixture of English and Korean words, most of which were BTS-related like ‘maknae’ for ‘M’, ‘EatJin’ for ‘E’ and ‘borahae’ or ‘B’. You were smiling from ear to ear by the time it was Tae’s turn for the third time, loving to see them all looking so comfortable and having fun, but the moment you saw his letter you immediately felt your heart seize and saw the last four blissful weeks flash before your eyes.</p><p>
  <em> J </em>
</p><p>You recognized that letter right away and knew the exact sound it made: four of the guy’s stage names started with it. Tae could have said Jimin or Jungkook or Jin or J-Hope. He could have said James Corden or have been cheeky and said Jimmy Fallon, who’s show they had been on just two weeks prior. He also could have said any number of other things which you knew started with this letter like their songs ‘Jump’ or ‘Jamais Vu’ or his favorite food, japchae. But, he didn’t say any of those words. Instead, he said the one word he most definitely should <em> not </em> have said.</p><p>
  <em> Jagi </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>My apologies for not explaining this the first time Tae called her jagi, but in case anyone doesn't already know, jagi is a term of endearment in Korean, like 'darling' or 'honey', that is only used between couples.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0037"><h2>37. Honeymoon Phase - Part 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tae knew he’d made a mistake almost instantly, his smile faltering and his eyes going slightly wide as the realization hit him that he had just accidentally uttered, on live TV, a word only meant to be spoken between lovers. The other guys were clearly taken aback, some simply raising their eyebrows questioningly while others wore expressions of legitimate surprise. The few people in the audience who knew what the word meant let out a mixture of ‘awwws’ and squeals and gasps. Backstage, where you were watching along on the monitors with some of the other staff members, a wave of murmurs rippled through the group.</p><p>You stood there in stunned silence, your eyes glued to the screen as you waited with baited breath to see what happened next. For a heart stopping moment, no one said or did anything, but then suddenly Namjoon smiled and started to laugh. </p><p>“You’re not going to let me live that down, are you?” he said jokingly as he turned in his seat to face Tae.</p><p>At first, Tae just stared back at the older man blankly, but then his face broke out into a hesitant grin once he realized what Namjoon was doing.</p><p>“The other day my phone autocorrected something and I accidentally called him ‘Jagi’,” Namjoon went on embarrassedly, glancing around at the other guys as he spoke. “He swore he would never bring it up ever again, but apparently he lied.”</p><p>Whether they bought the lie or knew enough to just go along with whatever Namjoon said, you didn’t know, but the rest of the guys immediately broke out into what sounded like genuine laughter.</p><p>“I’ve been telling you guys for years that I’m hyung’s favorite,” Tae said with a smirk, now fully on board with Namjoon’s cover up. </p><p>“I thought <em> I </em> was hyung’s favorite,” Jungkook suddenly whined from the corner of the couch they were all sitting on.</p><p>“You’ve been replaced,” Tae said teasingly, batting his eyelashes and pouring on the charm. </p><p>“You too, Jimin,” he then added, turning to the man next to him with an adorable pout. “I apparently have a new soulmate.”</p><p>As another round of laughter broke out amongst the guys, everyone backstage joined in as well, people now fondly saying things like ‘I can’t with these boys’ and ‘Classic Bangtan’. Namjoon then turned back to James and started talking in English, no doubt to explain the situation. James immediately started laughing, as did the audience. </p><p>You, however, were not laughing. You were slowly releasing the breath you had been holding and trying not to let your heart thump right out of your chest. </p><p>
  <em> Fuck we just dodged a bullet </em>
</p><p>You shuddered to think what would have happened had Namjoon not been able to think on his feet so quickly. As the leader of BTS, he was always on alert for situations like this and had, on more than one occasion, bailed Tae and the other guys out after they let something slip. The fact that he reacted immediately, and didn’t seem nearly as surprised as the other guys by what Tae had said, made sense given that he had recently asked Jimin if Tae was dating someone. The question now, though, was whether or not he knew that someone was <em> you </em>. </p><p>The game ended shortly thereafter which concluded their whole segment on the show. Once they said their goodbyes and the cameras stopped filming, the guys left the stage and began filing back into the prep room. They were all talking amongst themselves, Jin and Hobi still laughing about the ‘Jagi’ autocorrect incident which made you think they believed it had actually happened. </p><p>Tae came in last, a mixture of guilt and relief clearly written on his face. As he began walking over to you just like he always did after shows, you felt an unbelievable urge to throw your arms around him, to hold him tight and never let go. You almost did, almost couldn’t physically restrain yourself, but just as he was about to reach you someone suddenly spoke up behind you. </p><p>“Taehyung,” you heard Manager Sejin say sternly. “A word please.”</p><p>You felt your blood run cold as Tae walked by you, shooting you the briefest sideways glance before he followed Manager Sejin into the guys dressing room. As you watched the door close behind him you got a terrible sinking feeling in your stomach.</p><p>
  <em> Maybe I spoke too soon </em>
</p><p>~~~</p><p>It was well after midnight when you finally got into your room and you still had not talked to Tae. He hadn’t come back out of the guy’s dressing room before you and the rest of the staff were told to get on the bus to head back to the hotel. You had been dying to text him all evening, but you were afraid he might still be with Manager Sejin so you hadn’t sent any messages. Hoping he would say something soon, you changed into your pajamas, got into bed, and waited. </p><p>To distract yourself from your ever growing anxiety, you opened up Twitter. There on your feed was clip after clip after clip of Tae and Namjoon’s exchange from the show along with cheeky captions such as ‘Autocorrect my ass. Namjoon is swooning like the rest of us’ and ‘Taehyung is a tease and flirt. What else is new’. ‘Jagi’ was also trending as was ‘TaeJoon’ and ‘Hyung’s Favorite’. You allowed yourself to relax ever so slightly; if ARMY, who saw and knew <em> everything </em>, bought Namjoon’s cover story that was definitely a good sign.</p><p>Just then, you heard a knock on the door leading to Tae’s room. Ecstatic to finally hear from him, you leapt out of bed, rushed to the door, undid it’s numerous locks, and yanked it open. In front of you stood a tall, handsome man...who was not Kim Taehyung. </p><p>“Taehyung sent me to talk to you,” Namjoon said calmly. “He’s still with Sejin and the other managers, but his phone is dead and he didn’t want you to worry.”</p><p>You stood there frozen, eyes wide, unable to form a coherent thought. Despite what he had just said, your first instinct was to shut the door and hide. You subconsciously began closing it, but Namjoon reached out and gently stopped you.</p><p>“Y/N, it’s OK,” he said, giving you a warm smile. “I <em> know.” </em></p><p>There were a million questions you wanted to ask him about how and when he found out and what he planned to do about it, but right now there was only one thing that truly mattered.</p><p>“Do <em> they </em> know?” you asked, your voice trembling. </p><p>“No, they don’t,” Namjoon replied reassuringly.</p><p>Upon hearing his words, the vice that had been squeezing your lungs since the moment Manager Sejin called Taehyung’s name finally loosened. </p><p>“They don’t suspect he is dating you or anyone else,” he went on. “But, they are extremely upset with him for making what they think was a very reckless and inappropriate joke.”</p><p>“As I am sure you realized, ‘Jagi’ being the first word that came to mind for him is problematic if people think it's because he’s used to saying it and is therefore in a relationship,” he then continued. “The managers think it was careless and disrespectful of him to even jokingly mention it knowing how it could be taken and that it could cause a scandal for BTS and put people’s actual relationships in jeopardy.”</p><p>“They are accusing him of doing it just for attention,” he added with a grimace. “They think he did it knowing it will get ARMY riled up and talking about him.”</p><p>It made your heart hurt to think of Tae sitting in a room right now getting yelled at for something he didn’t even do, to have people that he deeply respects honestly thinking he would be so selfish. </p><p>“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make him look bad,” Namjoon then said sheepishly as if reading your thoughts. “It was just the first thing that I thought of and I knew I couldn’t afford to hesitate.”</p><p>“Please don’t apologize,” you said quickly. “I’m so grateful that you were there to help us.”</p><p>As you said those words, a realization suddenly washed over you and what had once just been a hunch now seemed so abundantly clear. </p><p>“I’m grateful for <em> all </em> of your help,” you then added quietly, gesturing around the room.</p><p>The bashful smile he now wore was all the confirmation you needed to know you were right: Namjoon was yours and Tae’s guardian angel, in more ways than one you realized. </p><p>“How did you do it?” you asked in bewilderment. </p><p>He hesitated for a moment, a tiny, mischievous smirk spreading across his face.</p><p>“Whenever we travel anywhere my room always has an adjoining one,” he admitted slowly. “So that Aera can secretly stay with me.”</p><p>Your mouth dropped open at his admission. Bringing a significant other on official BTS trips was absolutely against the rules. The fact that Namjoon, the group’s leader, was so boldly breaking them was shocking, but somehow also completely unsurprising.</p><p>“She usually doesn’t stay the whole time,” he explained. “But, she will come and visit for a few weeks at a time depending on how long we’re there.”</p><p>“She works remotely so she stays busy during the day and then we spend the evenings together,” he went on. “It’s obviously less than ideal, but it’s better than being away from each other for months at a time.”</p><p>“No one else knows about this,” he then added. “And, I mean <em> no one</em>.”</p><p>“How,” you began, looking at him in astonishment. “How have you managed to do this?”</p><p>“A good magician never reveals his secrets,” he said with a laugh before adding more seriously. “But, let’s just say it’s not as difficult as you think to hack into Big Hit’s management software.”</p><p>Hacking into the system of a multi-billion dollar company certainly sounded difficult, if not impossible, but, then again, Namjoon <em> was </em> a legitimate genius.</p><p>“Aera unfortunately wasn’t able to come this time, so I made a quick change and gave you two our rooms instead,” he then added. </p><p>For a couple seconds you just stood there looking at him, trying to summon the courage to ask <em> the </em> burning question.</p><p>“Why?” you then questioned hesitantly.</p><p>You got the sense that he understood the greater implication of your question. You weren’t just asking why he had given you two the adjoined rooms. You were asking why he was supporting your complicated, illegal relationship, why he thought it was worth breaking the rules and risking a scandal to help you two to be together. He was quiet for several moments, a thoughtful expression on his face as he studied you with a soft gaze, before finally giving a surprising reply.</p><p>“Aera is my rock,” he said with a tenderness that instantly melted your heart. “She is my calm in the eye of the storm and my solid ground when I’m drowning.”</p><p>“She is the reason I have made it this far with my health and sanity intact,” he added with a small laugh. “Why I didn’t give up years ago.”</p><p>“She is the inspiration for so many of the lyrics I write,” he continued, smiling fondly.</p><p>“But, most importantly, she is the reason why anything I do has any meaning at all,” he said softly, a light blush dusting his cheeks. “She is my everything.”</p><p>His words were so beautiful and moving that by the time he had finished speaking tears had pooled in your eyes. When he said his next words, though, those tears finally began to slide down your cheeks. </p><p>“You are Taehyung’s everything,” he said gently, giving you another warm smile.  </p><p>“That much has always been clear to me,” he went on. “Not just from the way he looks at you, but the way he looks <em> for </em> you in every crowded room. The way he talks to you and, even more so, the way he talks <em> about </em> you. They way he’s drawn to you and how he grows calmer and more confident in your presence. The fact that he’s truly become a better man since he met you.”</p><p>“Y/N, I have known Taehyung for almost 10 years and I have never seen him happier than he has been these last few months,” he continued, his smile growing wider as he spoke. </p><p>“I know the situation is challenging and stressful, and I’m not going to pretend like I have all the answers or know how everything will end up, but you have my word that I will do everything I can to support you two right now,” he then said finally. </p><p>You were so unbelievably touched by everything he had said that for a moment you were rendered speechless. The kindness and generosity he had shown both you and Tae was truly remarkable; you felt so honored to call such a wonderful person your friend.</p><p>“Thank you,” you finally managed to say. “From the bottom of my heart, thank you.”</p><p>“It’s my pleasure,” he replied kindly.</p><p>For the first time all night, you found yourself honestly believing that everything was going to be OK. Knowing that you and Tae had someone like this in your corner made the burden you’d been carrying for months feel so much lighter. It wasn’t easy, trying to build a life together like this, but with real support you felt like you could do it.</p><p>After taking a moment to compose yourself, you cleared your throat and spoke up again.</p><p>“Do you have any idea when Tae might be back?” you asked somewhat anxiously. </p><p>“I imagine soon,” he replied. “They were just waiting to hear back from Bang PD when I left. There was some important Big Hit meeting going on back in Seoul so he couldn’t be reached when they first called.”</p><p>As if by fate, you heard the door to Tae’s room open at that exact moment. You stepped past Namjoon into the room and the instant the door was closed, you <em> ran </em> to Tae, launching yourself into his open arms. Suddenly, he was hugging you so tightly you could hardly breathe, but you didn’t care. He was all you needed; he was your air. </p><p>It was only now that you were back safely in his arms that you realized just how terrified you’d been of losing him. The tears came immediately and before you knew it you were sobbing into his chest, clutching his shirt and trying to pull him impossibly close. He was crying too, just as hard as you, if not harder, as he slowly rocked you back and forth in his arms.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Jagi,” he said between muffled sobs. “I’m so sorry.”</p><p>“Baby, it’s OK,” you cried back. “It was just an accident.”</p><p>“But, everything is going to be OK,” you added gently.</p><p>When you said that, though, he only seemed to cry harder, his whole body shaking as sob after sob tore through him.</p><p>“N-No it’s not,” he said almost incoherently.</p><p>“It is,” you assured him soothingly. “We’ll be OK.”</p><p>He tried to say something else, but it was swallowed by another heartbreaking sob. It was starting to frighten you now, how inconsolable he was. You understood he felt guilty for the slip up, and was probably upset after being yelled at for several hours, but you couldn’t help worry that something else was wrong. </p><p>“Tae, what happened?” you asked shakily, pulling back to look at him. </p><p>You reached up and took his face in your hands, trying to get him to look you in the eyes, but he kept his eyes trained down on the floor.</p><p>“Tae,” you whispered, rubbing away his tears with your thumbs as the fear inside you grew. “Please talk to me.”</p><p>It took him several minutes to calm down enough so that he could speak and even then his voice still wavered and broke over every other word.</p><p>“Bang PD finally called,” he breathed out.</p><p>You felt your stomach drop at how scared he looked and sounded right now.</p><p>“He wants to meet as soon as we get back,” he then said quietly, his voice catching. </p><p>Your heart was breaking, absolutely shattering, as you waited for him to continue.</p><p>“So we can discuss the relationship I’ve clearly been hiding,” he finally whispered before another great heaving sob left him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0038"><h2>38. Live In The Moment</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> The relationship I’ve clearly been hiding  </em>
</p><p>Tae said those words and your heart stopped. You two were so close to getting out of this mess unscathed, <em>so close</em>, but now here you were at the very last second getting the rug pulled out from under you. And it was <em>devastating</em>, the fact that you’d allowed yourself to truly believe everything would be OK making the pain infinitely worse.</p><p>Of course Bang PD had seen the truth. He was practically a second father to the guys and had probably spent more time with them than their own fathers during the last seven years. Knowing them all like the back of his hand, he told Tae that he instantly knew both he and Namjoon were lying when he watched the video. He didn't believe for a second that Tae would be selfish enough to make such a joke and recognized Namjoon’s cover up right away, having been the one to personally coach the group’s leader on how to handle those exact types of situations.</p><p>Turns out he had also noted Tae’s recent change in demeanor, suspecting a relationship might be the cause, and the ‘Jagi’ slip-up was what finally convinced him that he was right. Bang PD had thankfully given no indication that he knew <em> who </em> Tae was dating, but surely that would be the first question he asked when they met.</p><p>Namjoon excused himself shortly after Tae finished recounting his call with Bang PD, promising to talk through things with you two and try to come up with a plan in the morning. You had pulled yourselves together long enough to say goodbye to him, and also thank him once more for all of his generosity and support, but the moment the door closed behind him you both broke down again, even worse than before. Laying down together on Tae’s bed, you held each other and cried until there were no more tears left to cry.</p><p>Through your sobs, you tried to comfort Tae, who was beside himself with guilt over what he had done. He kept apologizing over and over again, saying he was sorry for letting you down and ruining everything and being the reason you were crying right now. Seeing him beat himself up like that broke your heart and only made you cry harder. It was just an accident, an innocent mistake, and you hated that he was blaming himself like he’d purposefully done something to hurt you.</p><p>You tried your best to convince him that it would be OK, that you could figure out a way forward, but in your heart you didn’t even believe the words you were saying. Tae was contractually obligated to disclose to Big Hit any relationships he was in for legal and security purposes. If he went into that meeting and refused to give any information about his relationship, Bang PD and the other managers would immediately start asking even more questions and looking into things more closely. After that, it would only be a matter of time before someone figured it out. </p><p>As you laid in each other’s arms that night, sleep finding neither of you, the heartbreaking truth hung between you like smog: there really was no way out of this; you were trapped and everything was surely about to come crashing down.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Two days later you found yourself back at home, laying in bed, trying to calm your racing heart. During the plane ride home you had thought long and hard about everything and had come to an incredibly difficult decision about what needed to be done to salvage yours and Tae’s relationship and careers. Tonight, the night before his meeting with Bang PD, you were going to tell him.</p><p>You two had talked with Namjoon the day after the show back in LA, but the older man unfortunately did not have good news. Bang PD had called him earlier that morning asking what he knew and when he knew it and why he hadn’t come forward with this important information. Not wanting to say anything before speaking with you and Tae, he had simply responded by saying it was not his place to discuss Tae’s private life. The Big Hit CEO had not been happy with that response, stating it was Namjoon’s responsibility as the group’s leader to help keep everyone in line, but he eventually stopped pushing once he realized Namjoon wasn’t going to talk.</p><p>Ultimately, the best option you three came up with was for Tae to say he had ended his relationship following the incident on the show. He would claim that things had been rocky beforehand and that the stress of what had happened was just too much. In all honesty, the likelihood that they believed the relationship to truly be over was slim and, even if they did, they might still want information for legal reasons. You all knew it was a shaky plan at best, but your options were few and far between.</p><p>Later that night, as you began the long journey home, a sobering realization hit you: it wasn’t just <em> your </em> career that was in jeopardy anymore, Tae’s was as well now. You two had been so focused on the idea of you getting fired that you hadn’t stopped to really consider the consequences for Tae. It was unlikely he would ever get fired, he was too valuable to BTS and Big Hit for that to happen, but he could be legitimately disciplined and his reputation could be tarnished. The fact was he had broken numerous rules in his own contract over the last few months by secretly being with you and had made many people who once trusted and respected him start to question him and his morals.</p><p>As the plane hurtled through the night sky, you couldn’t stop the guilt from welling up inside you. He was breaking his contract because of you. He was in trouble with Bang PD and the other managers because of you. The whole incident on the show was your fault. You’d been flirting with him moments before he went out on stage, acting like his girlfriend instead of like his stylist. You were the reason he was distracted heading into the interview, the reason why he slipped up and said what he said in the first place. </p><p>The harsh truth that you finally came to accept somewhere over the Pacific Ocean was that what happened was precisely why the rules forbidding relationships between staff and the guys existed. Your relationship was compromising your ability to successfully do your job. Your very presence on set was a liability for Tae and BTS and Big Hit. </p><p>By the time the plane landed back in Seoul it was clear to you what needed to be done. You did your best to act normal throughout the day, citing jet lag for the quietness Tae noted, but now, on the eve of his meeting with Bang PD, you knew it was time to tell him your decision. </p><p>When he climbed into bed and settled behind you a little while later, you felt your heart constrict; the conversation you were about to have was going to be devastating for him. He wrapped his arm around you and pulled you to his chest, his warm hand resting on your waist. For a few minutes neither of you spoke. You just laid there trying to gather your thoughts and your courage while he placed light kisses from your shoulder to your neck. </p><p>“Talk to me, Jagi,” he said softly. “You’ve been so quiet since we got home.”</p><p>“Please tell me what you’re thinking about,” he continued, hugging you to him more tightly.</p><p>You closed your eyes and took a deep, steadying breath before responding.</p><p>“I think I should leave Big Hit,” you said quietly. </p><p>“What?” he breathed out, his body going rigid. </p><p>“I think you should tell Bang PD the truth and I should leave and go work somewhere else,” you continued shakily. “You’re in enough trouble as it is and if you go in there and lie tomorrow things are only going to get worse for you.”</p><p>“Jagi, <em> no</em>. You can’t give up your job,” he said firmly. “You love what you do and you’ve worked so hard to get where you are.”</p><p>“And, if you left,” he then added, his voice now thick with emotion. “We would hardly ever see each other.”</p><p>You couldn’t stop tears from filling your eyes as he said those words because you knew he was right. Over the last month you had spent more time with him than ever before, which was amazing, but if you didn't work at Big Hit all that time spent together would have been time spent apart.</p><p>“We would still live together,” you replied, trying to convince yourself that it would be enough. “We’d still see each other at night and on the weekends.”</p><p>“What about when it gets busy and I’m not home until really late? Or when we are required to stay at the dorms for weeks at a time? What about all the weekends I’ll be away for shoots and shows?” he questioned, his voice wavering. “What about when we go on tour and I’m gone for three or four <em> months</em>?”</p><p>To that you had no response. You would be heartbroken to be away from him so much, to be left behind in your empty home that wouldn’t truly be home without him in it.</p><p>“Jagi, I can’t be away from you for that long,” he then said sadly. “I missed you on the plane ride home and that was only 12 hours.”</p><p>“I could try to visit you like Aera visits Namjoon,” you said weakly, knowing that likely wouldn’t even be an option for you given your career.</p><p>“But you can’t work remotely like she does,” he countered, reading your mind. “And, if you got a job with another group at one of the other management companies you would be just as busy as me.”</p><p>Again, you had no reply. Everything he said was absolutely right.</p><p>“Namjoon-hyung and Aera are somehow making it work, but for everyone else it’s a constant struggle being away from their partners,” he then said solemnly. “Jimin is a wreck every time he leaves his girlfriend. Jungkook has been broken up with more times than I can count because they can’t take the schedule. Jin-hyung and his fiancée almost called off their engagement after our last tour. Yoongi-hyung has given up on dating entirely.”</p><p>Upon hearing those words, the first few tears trickled down your cheeks. You knew things were tough for the guys, but you didn’t know they were <em> that </em> tough. Hearing about their struggles broke your heart and made you realize just how lucky you and Tae were to have been able to spend so much time together over the last few years, first as friends and now as lovers. It truly was the perfect situation, if only you could have kept it hidden. </p><p>“I want to be with you always, Jagi,” he then said softly before pressing a tender kiss to your shoulder. “I want to spend time with you every day at work, talking and laughing and driving Mrs. Choi crazy. I want to have you with me when we’re away for shoots and shows and tours, to travel the world with you and share all those experiences together. I want to fall asleep with you in my arms every night and have you be the first thing I see every morning. I want to kiss you and be close to you and show you how much I love you every day. I want to take care of you and make sure you’re safe and healthy and happy, but I can’t do any of those things if I’m not with you.”</p><p>You turned in his arms to face him, your heart so unbelievably full after hearing his beautiful words. You wanted all those things too, more than anything. </p><p>“Please don’t leave me, Jagi,” he whispered. “I can’t lose you now.”</p><p>“I promise I’ll do whatever it takes to keep us together,” he added as he brought a hand up to cup your cheek. </p><p>You knew without question that he meant those words with all his heart. It scared you a little, the idea that he might do something risky, something that would get him in even more trouble, to keep that promise, but mostly it made you love him, more deeply than ever before in your entire life. </p><p>You had thought that by leaving Big Hit you could protect him and save him from more future heartbreak, but you realized now you would only be hurting both him and yourself. There was still a small chance that things could work out and if he was brave enough to take the risk then you would be too. You knew things were likely going to come crashing down eventually anyway, whether it was tomorrow, next month, or next year, but until they did you were going to live in the moment and cherish every second you got to spend with him. </p><p>“I’m not going anywhere, baby” you promised, turning your head to gently kiss the palm of his hand. “After waiting three years to be with you I don’t want to be without you ever again.”</p><p>“You are my everything,” you then confessed. “You are the most important thing in the world to me, what I think about every morning when I wake up and every night when I fall asleep. You are truly the most wonderful person I’ve ever met in my entire life and I am grateful every day that I get to be with you and have your love. No matter what happens tomorrow, no matter how complicated or difficult things get, I’m never going to leave you.”</p><p>The second you stopped speaking, he crashed his lips onto yours as he pulled you flush against him, instantly molding his body into yours. So much was said in the passionate kiss you shared, a declaration of love, a promise to fight for your relationship and not to give up on each other, and you suddenly felt yourself overcome with both affection and desire. As he released your lips, and instead began trailing kisses down your neck, you knew without question what you wanted in that moment. You wanted him, all of him, and you wanted him to have all of you in return.</p><p>“Make love to me,” you whispered in his ear.</p><p>He immediately pulled back to look at you, a look of surprise, but unmistakable desire, written on his face.</p><p>“Right now, Jagi?” he asked breathlessly, his eyes searching yours for any sign of hesitation.</p><p>You knew at once the greater meaning of his question: right now, when everything is uncertain and possibly falling apart, when our secret and the future of our relationship hangs by a thread?</p><p>“Right now,” you replied softly as you cupped his face with your hands. “I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow, but I know that I love you and I don’t want to wait any longer to be with you.”</p><p>He leaned over and gave you a slow, sweet kiss before breaking away and leaning his forehead against yours. </p><p>“I don’t want to wait anymore either,” he then said tenderly as he reached up and took both your hands in his. “I love you so much, Jagi. More than I can put into words.”</p><p>“Then don’t use words,” you said before placing a light kiss on his cheek. “Show me.”</p><p>And so he did. You went slowly, savoring every moment as you bared yourselves and explored each other, as if for the very first time, with your hands and your lips. He pleasured you first with his fingers, the promises he whispered in your ear having you falling apart faster than ever before knowing that he was finally going to deliver on them. Moments later his head was between your legs and, despite your whimpers that it was too soon, within minutes he had you coming undone on his tongue too. You tried to reciprocate, but he gently stopped you, saying with utter sincerity that he couldn’t wait any longer to be with you.</p><p>Before you knew it, he was above you, settled between your legs, the ripped foil packet haphazardly discarded on the floor. He supported his weight on one elbow, his hand coming up to cradle your head as you wrapped an arm around his back. He took your other hand in his, carefully intertwining your fingers before resting them against the bed next to you. He asked if you were ready and when you said you were, and that you loved him, he said he loved you too and then connected your bodies in the most intimate of ways.</p><p>He entered you slowly, his eyes never once leaving yours as you both cherished the moment you gave yourselves to each other fully. The mixture of pleasure and slight discomfort had you gasping as your grip on his hand tightened. He caressed your cheek in response and whispered soothing, loving words to you. Once he was deep inside you, he stopped to make sure you were OK, the adoration and concern that colored his face melting your heart. You said you were, connecting your lips with his in a deep, sensual kiss to let him know you meant it, and a moment later he began making love to you.</p><p>The room was soon filled with the sounds of your joint pleasure: breathy curses, moans of his name and groans of yours, the erotic sound of your bodies colliding. He was slow and gentle at first, but you soon begged for more and he gave it to you. Over and over, he gave it to you, faster and harder as the last ounce of his restraint dissolved. With every thrust, the words that tumbled from his lips grew more passionate as he began losing himself: you felt so incredible, so tight and wet and soft; you were <em> his, </em> his perfect, beautiful Jagi, and you always would be; but, above all else, he loved you, he loved you <em> so </em>much.</p><p>The pleasure was overwhelming, far more intense than you had ever experienced before, and you knew it was because this was truly the first time you were making love rather than just having sex. Every snap of his hips had you in ecstasy and before long you were on the edge, desperate for release. When he reached down between your bodies to use his long, sinful fingers and told you to come for him, you did, writhing beneath him for the third time that evening. Overcome by the feeling of you coming undone around him, he reached his own peak seconds later, his deep groans and curses mingling with the cries that left your lips. He slowed his pace and gently worked you both through it, prolonging the pleasure of your first blissful experience together.</p><p>After removing himself, he collapsed beside you, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into his chest. For a few minutes you both just laid there panting, slowly coming down from your highs. Once you’d caught your breath, he leaned over and gave you the sweetest kiss, one you couldn’t help but smile into. When he pulled back, he told you that he wanted to spend the rest of his life loving you and making love to you. Blushing wildly, your heart beating erratically with unbridled joy, you told him nothing would make you happier.</p><p>Later on, as you were drifting off to sleep, his arms holding you to him tightly and protectively, you felt safe and loved and content, ready to face whatever tomorrow might bring.</p>
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